8. Pain

                                                            ''I can’t erase you, this is the trauma in me''

Your alarm clangs in your ears painfully. You reach out to grab your phone and put the alarm on sleep mode for the 3^rd time that morning. You don’t want to get up or leave your bed for a very long time, let alone go into college. You open your eyes which are swollen from having cried yourself to sleep. When your alarm goes off again you groan and turn it off. You have no choice but to go. Not only do you have to go to class but you have to offer your friends an explanation for why you’ve avoided all their calls. If they’re even your friends anymore.

You get up and pull on a pair of sweats and a soft jumper and pull your hair into a messy up do. You shove your books into your bag and turn to go. You see Seunghyun’s things on the floor again. You guess you really won’t ever have the chance to return them.

You sigh and leave, forcing thoughts of Seunghyun out of your mind. He did try ringing you a few times but there was no way you were going to pick up. You have to end things now, before it becomes too painful.

You walk to college in a complete daze, unable to pay attention to anything around you. The world that had been so exciting only a week ago has become dark and bland again.

You walk up to your classroom which hasn’t opened yet, so students are waiting impatiently outside. That’s when you see Minho and Minji conversing with a few others. You try to turn around but Minji catches your eye and she doesn’t look happy.

She storms over with Minho in tow.

‘’Where the hell have you been?’’ she asks ‘’Why do you worry me so much?’’

‘’I’m sorry…I’ve been a bit out of it.’’

She frowns at you ‘’It doesn’t take much to pick up the phone. I even went around to your place but you weren’t there, I was so freaked out.’’

Minho says nothing and stares at you, as if he’s trying to read you.

You try to explain yourself until you’re cut off by a voice coming from behind you.

‘’Hello _______.’’

You blanch when you recognise the voice. The voice that had taunted you and berated you until you felt worth less than dirt.

You turn and one of the girls from the park is standing there. Park Nari.

Nari is looking at you with a smirk on her face. As always, her red hair is curled in perfect ringlets around her petite yet vicious face. She towers over you in her thick heeled boots and you feel so very small.

‘’Nari…’’ you mumble ‘’Why are you here?’’

‘’We’re in the same college sweetie, I guess these halls aren’t so big after all.’’

She glances at Minho and Minji.

‘’Are these your friends? I’m shocked you’ve managed to make any, good for you.’’

‘’Oi’’ Minji says and she sounds annoyed ‘’There’s no need to be rude, who even are you?’’

She smiles ‘’I’m Park Nari, little ______ and I went to school together. We have quite a history, don’t we?’’

You don’t respond, her gaze burns into you and leaves you speechless.

Minji places a hand on your shoulder.

‘’Well it was nice meeting you Park Nari, but we have class so maybe you should go.’’

Nari raises her eyebrows at Minji and you’re terrified she will start something. She moves in close to you , but instead of hurting you like you’d expect, she just pats your back lightly and whispers,

‘’We’ll talk later.’’

She walks away with her heels clicking and you start shaking. It’s like a nightmare come to life. Is this really happening?

‘’Hey, are you okay?’’

You look at Minji and Minho, who have very concerned expressions on their faces.

‘’I’m fine, don’t worry.’’

At that moment the doors to the classroom open and the students start piling inside.

‘’We better go in there’’ you force a smile on your face ‘’It’s okay, seriously.’’

Neither look convinced but they don’t say anything else and Minji no longer questions you on why you didn’t answer her calls.

The day goes by relatively quietly. The three of you float from class to class until break time when you all head to the one of the campus café’s for coffee.

You’re all lining up to pay and you can’t recall bringing your purse. You check your bag, its not there. Then you check all your pockets for spare change. You feel paper in your jacket pocket and pull it out in relief, but its not money, it’s a note.

A note? You don’t recall putting it there.

You open it and there’s some neatly written words on it.

Meet us at the secret campus lake around 3. We have a lot to discuss. X

Your stomach sinks, Nari must have slipped this in your pocket, but you can’t let on that anything’s wrong to Minho or Minji.

‘’Is everything okay?’’ Minji asks ‘’I can pay for yours if you want?’’

‘’I forgot my purse I’m sorry.’’

She waves a hand at you and takes your coffee from your hands.

‘’I got this.’’

She pays and the three of you sit down. You check your watch, its almost three. But you don’t even know what the secret lake is let alone where it is.

‘’Hey’’ you say ‘’Do either of you know where the secret campus lake is?’’

‘’Why’’ Minho asks, directly speaking to you for the first time that day ‘’Do you have to go there?’’

You shrug ‘’I’m just curious, I heard people talk about it.’’

‘’Its around the campus entrance, to the left there’s a path surrounded by a bunch of trees. If you walk down there you’ll come out at it. But not many people go there.’’

You almost laugh, no wonder they picked that location.

Minho is staring at you again and you remember what happened between you both. He probably feels really embarrassed but you just don’t have time right now to sort things out with him. You can't help but admire how he looks today however. His black hair is a fluffy mess on his head and he's wearing a black tight fitted sweater. He is so beautiful and he is closer in age to you than Seunghyun, but you just can't change how you feel. Every inch of you craves Seunghyun and you hate it.

‘’Okay well, I have to go, I forgot that the professor wanted to see me about something.’’

You grab your bag and stand to go.

‘’But, your coffee?’’ Minji says ‘’You barely drank it.’’

‘’Its okay you have it, I’ll pay you back later.’’

You leave before they can reply and rush to the college’s entrance. Despite the risks, you have to go see them. Obviously Park Nari and the other girl you had seen at the park yesterday had stuff to say and you can't ignore them. Maybe they’ll resolve things with you and agree to stay out of your way but you aren’t very hopeful that they’ll be pleasant.

You find the path Minho described and head down it until you come out into an open area with a small pond in the middle of it.

‘’A pond?’’ you murmur ‘’I thought it was a lake…’’

‘’So did we.’’

You turn to the side and find the two girls standing, waiting for you.

Jung Hyeyoung looks as beautiful as ever, only now her black hair has been cut into a bob, which makes her look even scarier to you.

You walk over to them cautiously.

‘’Why did you want to see me?’’

‘’Do you think dirt like you is allowed to ask questions?’’ Nari sneers ‘’We will talk you will listen.’’

You swallow and try to not be afraid. You’ve fought for yourself plenty in the past, this time won’t be any different.

‘’I didn’t expect to ever see your face again. ‘’ Hyeyoung speaks now ‘’You traitorous .’’

‘’Hyeyoung I-‘’

‘’DON’T talk’’ she hisses and gives your shoulder a shove ‘’Don’t you ing talk.’’

‘’I know what you are. I know that you take things that aren’t yours.’’ Hyeyoung laughs ‘’You’re even in my college. You just can’t stop wanting to be me can you?’’

Nari continues ‘’Hyeyoung has finally managed to move on with her life. She and Eric have even managed to reconcile despite what you did. So you’re not going to ruin things for her.’’

The mention of his name devestates you and fills you with dread. 

''Eric will be coming to visit me, so I want to make sure you don't get in our way.''

Nari walks right up to you.

‘’Consider this our warning to you. Cross us again and the next punishment will be ten times worse.’’

She turns and grabs you from behind, holding your arms painfully behind your back.

‘’Let go’’ you grunt as you struggle against her ‘’Stop.’’

You almost manage to escape her grasp till you feel a fist connect with your face and all you can see are stars as your vision distorts.

Another flies into your stomach and you double over. Then you’re thrown onto the ground where you’re kicked multiple times and all you can do is cover your head with your arms.

‘’HEY’’ a guy’s deep voice shouts out ‘’Get away from her!’’

‘’We’re done here anyway’’ Nari says ‘’Hyeyoung got her good.’’

You just lay there as they walk away, too scared and in pain to move.

‘’What the hell happened?’’

Two hands go beneath your armpits to hoist you into a sitting position and you groan.

You open your eyes and find Minho is the one holding you. You can’t help but feel disappointed. A small part of you wondered if by some chance Seunghyun had found you and come to your rescue, as ridiculous as it sounds.

‘’Jesus, you’re bleeding’’ he says and reaches into his pocket to pull out a tissue ‘’Why did they do this to you?’’

You just look at his worried face as his dabs at the blood falling from your cut lip. How could you explain?

‘’I just want to go home.’’

You go to stand up, but you’re still really dizzy and stagger sideways. Minho grabs you before you fall and wraps an arm around you.

‘’Okay, but I’ll go with you.’’

You’d rather go alone, but you know you need his help. So you lean your weight on him and you both start walking slowly.

You try to look on the  bright side of your situation. Your apartment is only a short walk away so soon you’ll be able to pity yourself alone in your room.

Minho’s hold on you is strong and steady. You just focus on him and on walking rather than the fact that you look a complete mess and that people, including other students, are witness to this.

''How did you find me?'' you ask tiredly ''I would have been okay, you didn't have to help me.''

He snorts ''They were beating you to a pulp, you weren't even trying to fight back. It was lucky I decided to follow you.''

'Why did you follow me?''

''You're a terrible liar you know? Me and Minji knew something was up. She's really worried about you.''

''I'm sorry.''

''Don't be, just stop being so secretive alright?''

You nod and he gives you a light squeeze, which makes you wince.

''Jeez, they really did get you good.''

When you finally get to your apartment block, the dizziness and pain finally overcome you and you feel your legs starting to give out.

‘’Minho’’ you whimper ‘’I need to sit down.’’

He eases you onto the pavement but doesn’t let go of you. He keeps an arm wrapped around you, just like Seunghyun did the day before and you suddenly miss him so much that it hurts inside as well as out.

‘’Do you want to talk about it?’’ he asks as he rubs your arm ‘’I won’t judge.’’

You swallow and wipe away the tears that start to fall from your eyes. Your hands are covered in dirt and even your sweatpants have been torn at the knees. It’s so embarrassing that you could scream.

‘’I hate those girls.’’

‘’Tell me about them, why have they got it in for you?’’

‘’I know them from high school. We used to be friends believe it or not, until something very bad happened and of course everyone me.’’

He pats your arm supportively, encouraging you to continue.

‘’I got blamed for everything. Even though I didn’t ask for it.’’ You start blubbering up ‘’ But you know, I obviously brought it on myself. That’s what they said, they said I was the provoker and it was my own fault.’’

‘’What happened to you?’’ Minho sounds worried now ‘’Please tell me, so I can understand.’’

You put your face into your hands, unable to go on.

‘’Hey’’ he grabs your hands and pulls them from your eyes to look at you ‘’You have to tell me.’’

‘’I can’t ‘’ you bawl ‘’It’s too hard.’’

''You know I like you right?''

You frown ''What?''

''I like you and I'm here for you, so just trust me, please trust me.''

He holds your tightened fists in his hands and starts inching his face closer to yours.

''Minho'' you whisper ''Minho wait.''

‘’Oi, let go of her.’’

You look around and Seunghyun is standing in front of you with his arms crossed. While giving Minho a look of death. 

Minho drops your arms and stands up.

‘’We’re fine here, you don’t need to get involved.’’

Seunghyun regards him with an annoyed look and smirks.

‘’Clearly you haven’t realised it yet, but I am her man, so it is my job to take care of her not yours.’’

Minho glares at him then looks at you.

‘’Will you really be okay with him if I go?’’

You nod but you can’t speak as you struggle to contain your sobs.

''Alright.''

He looks angrily from you to Seunghyun once more.

''When everything fails between the pair of you, I'll make sure to be here for her. This isn't over.''

Seunghyun just stares at him and finally Minho turns and leaves.

‘’Come on’’ Seunghyun says ‘’Let’s get you cleaned up inside.’’

He walks over and bends to scoop you up in his arms.

‘’You told me to never let you walk away and I promise now that I never will.’’

He presses his forehead to yours and you cry even harder. 

You never thought it was possible to feel so utterly miserable but so happy all at the same time.