Hongbin almost wishes he hadn’t walked in on Wonsik crying in the kitchen. It’s not stubbed-toe tears of pain that he can soothe with some ice and a joke, or even sentimental blubbing because of a terrible makjang drama he can laugh at and tease mercilessly until the owner of the tears starts laughing too; this is the awful kind of heart-strung-out crying that he doesn’t know what to do anything about, Wonsik trying hard not to let anyone else hear and taking gulps of air in order to calm himself, hands still wet in the sink halfway doing the dishes.

It’s Wonsik – and Wonsik cries easily, they all know that, just as they all know that Hongbin doesn’t. Wonsik always knows what to say when one of them starts getting discouraged or misses home too much, just like Taekwoon hyung, just like Hakyeon hyung, even though Hakyeon hyung needs Wonsik’s advice and comfort sometimes just as much as Wonsik needs his. And Hongbin… is just there, the awkward one in the room standing awkwardly in his awkward corner as the others comfort whoever’s in need of it. He doesn’t know what to say, what to do with his hands – like, do you pat their back? their hair? Put it over one of their hands? For how long? What if your hand gets sweaty? Even Jaehwan hyung knows exactly when to crack one of his godawful jokes that somehow manages to break the tension and make everyone feel lighter. Him and Sanghyuk stay on the fringes, but he suspects it’s more because Hyuk would rather give quiet support with his solid presence than because he has no bloody idea what to do. Unlike Hongbin.

So Hongbin’s breath catches and he half-turns around before stopping himself, feeling like an idiot, because it’s nervewracking. It’s not like he can simply walk away and pretend he hasn’t seen anything because that’s just low, and this is Wonsik, but the anxiety rising in his throat as he takes one step and then another towards Wonsik is making his hands go slightly cold. He’s going to make things worse, he can feel it.

“Hey,” he tries, tentatively putting a hand on Wonsik’s back and settling for a compromise between patting and resting it there – patting once and then stopping. He wants to kick himself.

Wonsik lets out an embarrassed half-laugh, sounding thick through his tears, and hangs his head as he braces his hands against the counter. He takes another few deep breaths, turning his face to his shoulder to wipe away his tears on his sleeve, but the sobs won’t stop coming. Hongbin can feel his face start to heat up, wondering if all he’s doing is embarrassing Wonsik further by witnessing something he’d rather no one see, because if Hongbin had something that was making him cry like this he’d want to be absolutely alone to get it out of his system and get a hold of himself privately.

But Wonsik does something completely unexpected – he abruptly turns to Hongbin and walks into his arms, burying his face in Hongbin’s shoulder and clutching his back. Hongbin’s first thought – which he aggressively rolls his eyes at himself for – is that Wonsik’s hands are still wet and he’s going to leave two wet handprints on Hongbin’s shirt, but then Wonsik starts crying again in earnest and Hongbin is at a total loss. Somehow he doesn’t think saying ‘there, there’ is going to cut it.

So Hongbin wraps his arms around Wonsik, there in the middle of the kitchen, and wonders what would happen if Hakyeon hyung chooses that moment to wake up from his nap and come to get something to eat. Or if Jaehwan hyung comes back from vocal practice with Taekwoon hyung and sees them both standing there holding each other. Why? What would it matter? It matters, Hongbin thinks, because – well, because – you know damn well why it matters, a small annoyed voice at the back of his mind tells him, and Hongbin has to agree wearily no matter how much he doesn’t want to admit it. Yes, he knows damn well why, indeed, though he still doesn’t fully understand his feelings nor particularly wants to face them just yet.

Wonsik smells good like he always does, and his back is warm and solid under Hongbin’s hands even as it shudders from his crying. If he knows Wonsik, and Hongbin thinks he knows Wonsik pretty well, this kind of crying can only be from terrible homesickness.

“Did your sister call?” he asks softly into Wonsik’s hair – finally growing out now – and the blonde strands tickle his nose. Wonsik nods, snuffling, and Hongbin thinks that of all the things Wonsik is, a pretty cry-er is not one of them. He doesn’t have to see Wonsik’s face to know that Wonsik’s nose is completely red and running – which means Hongbin’s got snot on his shirt now, too – and his eyes are puffy.

Hongbin rests his cheek against the top of Wonsik’s head, swaying them a little from side to side because he’d seen Hakyeon hyung do that once to Wonsik and it looked comforting, somehow, and feels Wonsik tighten his arms around Hongbin’s waist. Good call, Hongbin thinks to himself, pleased. Wonsik starts to tell Hongbin about his sister’s phonecall in between sobs, and Hongbin really thinks he shouldn’t bother because Hongbin can hardly make out what he’s saying through his tears and hiccups, but Hongbin starts to Wonsik’s hair – he can’t help himself – and Wonsik raises his face to Hongbin’s. He’s red and puffy and tear-streaked as expected, and Hongbin almost wants to laugh because Wonsik looks like a crying pufferfish in waterproof eyeliner – honestly, why hasn’t he taken off his makeup from the fansign this morning – and it is the most pitiful sight ever. He bends his head to headbutt Wonsik, thinking it could maybe make him laugh and cheer him up a bit, and truth be told also make him stop looking at Hongbin like that because that is making Hongbin panic a little, but Wonsik leans up the rest of the way and instead of headbutting Wonsik Hongbin finds himself in a very unexpected – but not unhoped for, not unimagined, not by a long shot – kiss.

Hongbin blinks once, twice before closing his eyes in disbelief, Wonsik’s hands moving higher up his back tentatively. This is – well. Well. My god, it’s really happening, Hongbin thinks over and over as his mouth moves on autopilot and opens under Wonsik’s, Wonsik kissing him softly and breathing slowly. Hongbin’s heart is well near beating right out of his chest, and he thinks it’s rather unfair that Wonsik is still snuffling away the last of his tears as if he isn’t as bowled over as Hongbin is right now because – because – what? Hongbin can’t remember what his original thought was.

Wonsik pulls back all too soon and smiles at Hongbin before leaning their foreheads together, trying to even out his breathing so he stops hiccuping. Hongbin can’t even feel his hands anymore. Does he own hands? Did he ever own hands?

“Thanks, Bin,” Wonsik breathes, and his voice is crackly and low, something about it doing things to Hongbin’s insides. “I should go wash my face. I feel gross.” Hongbin thinks there must be something diabolical about a person who can casually talk about washing faces like kissing didn’t just take place, and not just any kissing, but first-time kissing, first-time kissing that wasn’t even supposed to be first-time kissing but headbutting and half of Hongbin still hasn’t even caught up to current events yet and the first-time kissing is already over?? And Wonsik is acting like this is something that happens every day?? No big deal??

Wonsik untangles himself from Hongbin and makes it a step before he turns back again like he can’t help himself and presses another kiss to Hongbin’s mouth, harder this time and followed by a full grin, the happiness on his face breaking through a little bit like sunshine, Hongbin thinks, and immediately wants to gag himself. Hongbin has to grab on to Wonsik’s arms to steady himself, he’s so dumbfounded.

“I’ve been waiting forever for you to do that,” Wonsik admits, still beaming, and Hongbin finds that the power of speech has deserted him. I was going to headbutt you, not kiss you! he screams in his head.

“Me – me too,” Hongbin finally manages to say, because it’s the sad truth. Wonsik grabs Hongbin’s hand and pulls him along to the bathroom, Wonsik still hiccupping and grinning like an idiot. Well, at least now he knows a way to comfort Wonsik when he’s crying, Hongbin thinks inconsequentially. Yay, Hongbin.

“I kinda knew – I mean I suspected, but I didn’t think it was a sure thing you felt the same,” Wonsik is saying as he washes the tears off his face and pats cold water against his eyes, and Hongbin forces his brain to engage itself. “I mean, you do feel the same, right? That was – just now-”

Wonsik straightens, anxious gleam in his eyes now, water still running down his face.

Hongbin nods the most emphatic nod he’s ever nodded in his life.