What is this?: EXO hunhan fanfiction written for the EXOplosion writing contest Prompt 8:"You'll never know the endless nights, the rhyming of the rain, or how it feels to fall behind and watch you call his name."

Author's Note: This story, is written in journal entries, starting on April 12th, 2012 and ending on May 1st, 2012. The main character, Luhan, own’s the journal, and while he doesn’t say it until the last entry, the entire time he is planning on committing suicide. He has severe depression for various reasons, Sehun being one of them. Lu calls Sehun an through almost the entire story, and there’s hints at their previous relationship throughout all the entries. What happened to make Luhan hate Sehun is completely up to you.
If you noticed, until the last rewritten journal entry, Luhan writes completely in lowercase. This is because, despite having major depression, Luhan has a very strong personality, and writing in all lowercase, is kind of a rebellion, and makes him feel more in control of his life. The last entry is written grammatically correct because Luhan has realized that he doesn’t feel a need to have to write in all lowercase anymore, since he see’s how many people care for him after he tried to kill himself.
Although he is not obviously the main character, Sehun is really the force for the entire story. He is one of the reasons Luhan is going to commit suicide in the first place, he’s the one who asks Luhan out, he’s the person who Luhan finds very annoying. He is also why Luhan reads Edgar Allen Poe and Dante, and why Luhan is alive. In a way, Sehun ‘created’ Luhan, and Luhan’s character. Sehun cares for Luhan greatly, and does everything in his power to get Luhan to forgive him. I just wanted to point this out.
A Dream, To___,”Deep in Earth”, To Miss Louise Olivia Hunter, and To___ are all actual poems by Edgar Allen Poe. I got them from The Complete Works of Edgar Allen Poe, which I own. I’m sorry if I made a typo in any or all of the poems. Also, I do not claim ownership of them.
The Tree of Life, is the opening narration from MAMA, and I do not claim ownership of that either.
The unfinished poem written in rainbow colors, is the first thirty-one lines in Dante’s The Divine Comedy: Inferno, Canto 1. The Divine Comedy is an epic poem, split up into three different parts: The Inferno, Purgatorio, and Paradiso. Luhan read all of Inferno and part of Purgatorio before his trip to the hospital. It gives a little more insight on his character, because The Divine Comedy is a classic, and has many levels of understanding. Luhan just read this for fun, and because he was bored, so you can imagine, he is a very deep thinker.
The drawings are my own lol
One of the main goals of this story, is for the readers to understand somewhat what depression is. Too few people understand depression enough to see what a big deal it is, and I wanted to bring attention to the matter. When one is depressed, their brain is literally lying to them, filling their head with horrible thoughts about themselves and the world. The person cannot see anything good about their life, and their reality is warped. This is not their fault. Another thing to understand about depression, is that while you can offer the person help, they decide their own fate, and if they decide they are going to kill themselves, they will. The best you can do is be there for them. If you would like more information, you can visit this link and get a much more in depth and medical explanation.
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/depression/index.shtml
This topic is very important to me. I have several family members and friends with depression, I know multiple people who have been hospitalized, I knew people who committed suicide, and I have depression as well. Through this all, I realized so many people do not understand depression at all, and I truly hope this story helped give a better understanding, at least a little bit.
Finally thank you for reading my story. It means a lot to me just that you have read it.
Special thanks to Odin, for helping me see what the reader experiences and giving insightful and thoughtful advice.
Special thanks to Sora, for always believing in me and helping me through all of my stories.
And special thanks to Olive, for giving me tons of encouragement and being amazing to me, despite my craziness. I love you guys so much❤︎