The silent rustle, the deafening silence inside the room, and the ray of sunlight escaping from the window blinds welcomed me back to reality- a sad and bitter reality.

 

I don’t know how I should feel. Should I be happy? Or feel cursed instead. I wanted to die, but why wouldn’t God let me?!

 

My resent fueled up as a nurse came in and approached me. But something in my chest felt another feeling apart from that resent and anger.

 

“Good morning, how are you feeling?” the nurse said, smiling.

 

“Pissed.” That one word took away the nurse’s ready smile and in turn, looked at me with those sympathetic eyes.

 

“You should be happy, Mr. Cho. You’re so lucky you’re alive after what happened.” He said softly, adding, “Not many get saved in those events…”

 

“I never asked to be lucky!” I shouted, unable to keep whatever control I have, not giving a mind on anything.

 

The nurse took a step back, startled by the sudden outburst. He looked at me with those eyes, fox-like and mysterious looking dark eyes, all the while having this sadness and sympathy in it.

 

I felt something cringe in my chest, like feeling something I didn’t know I’d feel, not in a situation like this; not in this moment.

 

I turned my eyes away from the nurse’s and looked at the sky peering over the blinds in the suffocating room.

 

“You should treasure your life. Not everyone’s blessed like you, Mr. Cho.” The nurse said in a low and trembling voice, making my chest cringe at the feeling his words are giving me.

 

“Press the button if you need anything.”

 

I kept my gaze outside as I heard the room’s door open and close and his footsteps walking away from me.

 

“Damn life.”

 

I shouldn’t be affected by anything, or anyone. I hate this life, I hate living, especially a miserable one like mine.

 

I took a deep breath and went back to sleep just as the day was starting.

 

 

 

 

It’s been 3 days since I first woke up in this room.

 

Three days of living a dead life.

 

I wanted to leave but I can’t, seeing as my right leg’s wrapped with bandage, inside it a cemented layer to help me recover the broken bone inside.

 

Suddenly, the event from three nights ago came into my mind. Feeling the same emotions I felt the very same night I thought my life was nothing but a lie. Damned, and cursed.

 

I was walking along the familiar street, the one I always walk in to whenever I come over to visit that special person in my life. I smiled as the thought of her came into my mind, imagining the surprised reaction she’ll have on that beautifully shaped face of hers once she ses me on her apartment’s front door that night.

 

Earlier that day, I finally was able to buy that ring I’ve always wanted for her. The ring that symbolizes just how serious I am, how I finally made up y mind that it is time for us to settle things and have a life together. It has been four years since we officially became together. Four years of wonderfully spent time together and apart. And at that time, I realized I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her by my side.

 

I walked from my apartment to her’s, a fifteen minute trip I didn’t seem to mind as I feel myself float with those feathery steps I’m feeling on my feet. I smiled inwardly, figuring my words, thinking how to make the best out of that moment that’s coming in a few minutes once I get there, our fingers interlaced with each other as we sat on the loveseat in her living room, our eyes locking gaze with each other.

 

Reaching the corner just before crossing the street across her apartment, I saw her standing there, but instead of smiling even more, I felt my heart get crushed as I watch her, arms around the neck of someone else’s, eyes closed, lips kissing fiercely the other’s. I felt y heart being crushed even more as I look at the other person with her, his right hand caressing the girl’s cheek, his left hand on the other’s hips, his eyes closed and lips kissing back and answering the other’s lips.

 

It felt like my heart stopped after being crushed violently inside my chest, my body felt like it was poured by ice cold water, my feet glued on the asphalt road across the street, a few steps away from two of the very few people I care and love in my life.

 

The girl, the only person I’ve ever loved since I was a mere eleven-year old boy, and the guy, the person who I never thought even in my wildest dreams to ever betray me like that. The one who knows my feelings for the girl he’s kissing right now, the most. That guy is my best friend-no, my EX best friend.

 

Feeling my anger and betrayal overcoming all the hurt and pain I’m feeling at the moment, I rashly take the steps and crossed the street so fast I didn’t realize I was already facing the two in less than a minute when they both stopped, shock drawn clearly on their faces, both cheeks printed with a hint of pink after sharing the obviously fierce kiss.

 

“K-kyu…” The voice sounded so sweet, almost making my heart melt, if it still hasn’t. But the shock and slight scare in it making me remember the event that obviously took place just a handful of moments ago.

 

“K-kyu… It’s not what it seems…” She started again, her effort of making her voice as sweet as possible so evident; it made my anger grow even more.

 

“Isn’t it? Then I wonder what it really was just now…” I said coldly, shocking myself that I was still able to talk so calm knowing I was crushed, and totally torn inside. I praised myself in my mind, looking at the girl’s eyes. The girl I’ve loved, the person who’s been so special to me, the one who gave color to everything around me. But now, I don’t see any of that, suddenly realizing to myself how blindly in love I was yet again.

 

I looked away, suddenly feeling disgusted, and turned to face the other person-my best friend.

 

“I can’t believe I trusted you so much…” Regret, pain, and anger all evident in my voice as I spat those words out, looking directly in his eyes.

 

“Kyu…” He said softly, looking down as he added, “I’m sorry… I really am…”

 

“I am too, Yonghwa. But I feel more sorry to myself, having been friends to a traitor.”

 

“Kyu, it’s my fault… I …” The girl said looking at me with those eyes I’ve always loved; but not anymore.

 

I took a step back, seeing as she try reaching my arm.

 

“Don’t.” I said. “It’s over, Seohyun…”

 

I turned and walked away just as my tears started to roll down my cheeks. I rushed them harshly with the back of my hand as I try to walk as far as I can, almost running, far away from that apartment, away from the ones who just took and throw my heart away.

 

A cold, soft hand brushed over my left cheek, the touch pulling me back to reality. It shocked me, probably making me jump out of the bed if that was possible at the moment.

 

I look up, meeting the gaze of the owner of that hand. He was wearing an all-white uniform, that of a nurse’s. His fox-like eyes dark and full of overflowing emotions.

 

We stayed like that, eyes on each other, his hand on my left cheek. The room was filled with nothing but silence. The soft footsteps outside barely heard.

 

As if suddenly realizing the situation, I broke the gaze as he removed his hand.

 

“I … Dr. Kim will come see you later today.” The nurse said, looking away. “Just press the button if you need anything.”

 

“O-okay…”

 

I look out of the window as I wait for him to leave. I let out a deep breath when he did, not realizing I was holding it in. my heart beating so fast for a reason I didn’t know.

 

I shook my head. I shouldn’t be feeling this way.

 

I clamped my hand on my chest, gripping the thin cloth of the hospital gown I’, feeling.

 

I’ll be doomed if it is what I think it is.

 

 

“You can go home tomorrow, Mr. Cho. Just make sure you drink your medicine in case your injury hurts. And of course, I hope you learned your lesson now.” Dr. Kim told me that morning.

 

That news should make me happy, knowing I’ve been dying to do just that since I was first brought here; but it made me sad instead.

 

It’s been five days since I first woke up in that hospital room. Five days of nothing but silence. Five days of nothing but sadness in the first three days but somehow, it changed. The sadness turned into anticipation and excitement. Excitement over seeing that one guy who never fails to visit me, twice a day.

 

That guy, that person who can actually pass as a girl because of his beautiful face, those eyes of his, that sweet, melodic sound of his voice. I didn’t expect this feeling, atleast not in this moment.

 

It’s been more or less an hour since Dr. Kim left when the door opened once again, and there he is, that guy. My heart skipped a beat as my eyes looked at the other’s, emotions rambling inside my chest.

 

I bit my bottom lip and turned to look at the sky through the closed blinds on the window of my hospital room.

 

The short-lived happiness faded as I remembered I may not be able to see those eyes again once I get discharged next morning.

 

I took a deep breath, letting it out with a long frowned sigh.

 

“Are you okay?” The nurse asked worriedly, sprinting to my side within seconds.

 

I kept my gaze outside, trying to remember his voice inside my head. That sound, his voice, I want to hear it still just like before. I let out another sigh.

 

“Are you hurting somewhere?” He asked again.

 

“Yes…”

 

I knew his face only looked the more beautiful when he worries like that.

 

“I’ll go call the doctor.” He turned to leave as I look up to him, instinctively grabbing his wrist.

 

The sudden contact brought shivers to my spine, sending butterflies in my stomach. I pulled my hand away, putting my gaze back on those blinds.

 

“No, I’m okay.”

 

“But you said-“

 

“I’m okay.” I repeated with more emphasis.

 

He sighed, and my heart cringed at that, thinking I might have upset him. I fight the urge to look at him, thinking of what to say.

 

“How long has it been?” I asked, not even realizing it came out as more than just a voice in my head. I wanted to eat back that question; nervous he might not remember or understand what it means.

 

I look up to him once again, staring at his face, but tried to stay away from those eyes, scared once again to see a blank expression and ignorance of what to answer.

 

I saw the knot on his forehead just as it loosens, finally understanding what the question really mean.

 

“Three years.” He answered. And yes, it’s really been three-three long years.

 

“Wow… it’s been so long…”

 

He sighed. “What happened to you?”

 

That question was more than enough to bring back all those pain and anger I felt a few days back. But today, it felt somehow different. It didn’t hurt as much as it did at first, but enough to make those tears roll down my eyes again.

 

“Kyu…”

 

I closed my eyes trying to stop the tears from escaping. I felt that soft touch on my cheeks again, his thumb brushing the fallen tears away.

 

I closed my eyes tighter, biting my bottom lip, letting out stifled sobs.

 

I was betrayed, hurt, angry. I was crying because of those emotions, but most of all, of regret.

 

“Seohyun… she… she cheated on me… she… and my bestfriend… they… both of them…” I cried.

 

“I never…. I should’ve… I should’ve listened to you before, Ming… I should’ve…”

 

The words I’ve been keeping as I realized them all to myself finally letting it out and acknowledging them.

 

All this time, I was too blind. All this time I thought the words from the person right beside me three years ago were nothing but lies…

 

“Kyu… Seohyun’s cheating on you.” He told me that day while we were eating ice cream, sitting beside each other at the park bench.

 

“How dare you say that!” I stood up, throwing the ice crem off my hand, looking down at him, eyes narrowing.

 

“Seohyun will never cheat on me!” I shouted once again, my voice resounding throughout the silent park practically deserted but the two of us.

 

“But she does! She always have since the start! You just… you just choose not to see, Kyu. But it’s true!” The shorter man shouted back at me, standing up and facing me as well.

 

“You’re… you’re lying, Min… I can’t believe you’re saying that…” My voice was trembling, both from disappointment and sadness I was feeling that moment. That guy, the one standing right infront of me, my childhood friend, was telling me that the only girl I ever loved is cheating on me.

 

“Kyu… Open your eyes… Please… Don’t be too blind…”

 

“No! Seohyun will never do that to me, Min! I thought you care for me… Why are you saying those things…” Tears started rolling down my cheeks, the pain and anger rushing throughout my body. My fists clenched on the sides.

 

“Kyu, I care for you…”

 

“No, you don’t!” If there was ever a possibility of ripping my chest open, I would’ve done so if that means getting away from the pain I was feeling at that moment.

 

“Damn it, Kyuhyun! I do! I even love you! You’re so stupid! I ing love you! Just…” He shouted and sighed, frustrated.

 

“W-what?”

 

I could’ve heard him wrong. There’s no way…

 

“I love you, Kyuhyun… But you’re too stupid; too blind. Too blind to notice. Too blind to see that girl you’re hopelessly inlove with is cheating on you.” He shook his head slowly, tears now rolling down that perfect skin of his. His eyes, those fox-like eyes of his that’s usually filled with glow and happiness, now dark and filled with nothing but pain.

 

“Just… don’t forget I told you, Kyuhyun. I tried…” He said, before running away, leaving me alone in that park. And in that moment, I knew something and someone special in my life was lost

 

“I should’ve listened to you then. I should’ve known. I shouldn’t have lost you…” Tears continuously flowed through my cheeks, my fists clenched on my lap, gripping the poor blanket wrapped carelessly on my torso.

 

I continued talking, letting my emotions take over my mind for once.

 

“If I had known then, things could’ve been different. I was so stupid. You were right, I was so blind… I didn’t see what was right infront of me…”

 

Strong arms wrapped around me, making me feel so secured than I ever felt before as I continue crying my heart out, knowing that once I stop, I won’t cry for the same reason again; not for the same person.

 

 

 

The next day, I was sitting at the edge of that hospital bed that’s been cradling me for the past six days since I’ve been so stupid to actually want to end my life.

 

The blinds now fully opened, letting the bright light from the sun on that beautiful autumn day light up the entire room.

 

I’m getting discharged today, letting me heal my injuries back at my own place.

 

I breathe in deeply and let out a relaxed sigh. My chest felt lighter than it ever felt before.

 

Yesterday’s event-me, breaking down in Sungmin’s arms-brought me the new feeling I know will help me so much.

 

I smiled, remembering about the said guy. After everything that happened, after all this years, he’s still the childhood friend I once knew. The one I unconsciously fell inlove with.

 

The memories of us together, back when we were just kids; new neighbors, new classmates, acquaintances, and eventually buddies. Until that day at the park, how lonely those three years apart felt, and then the bitter reunion six days ago in that hospital room, as well as the thing that happened yesterday in that very same room-all of them flashing back in my mind right now; mixed emotions all flowing through me right now.

 

The door opened and in went the guy, looking as darling as ever, his features strikingly beautiful. I turned to meet him, our eyes locking with each other’s gaze. I smiled and so did he.

 

At that moment, I wanted nothing more but for time to stop. Me and him just looking at each other’s smiling faces.

 

My eyes peering deep in his soul as I look in those eyes. I wanted nothing more but to feel him in my arms, our bodies pressed against each other as we hug for the longest possible time.

 

He coughed, grabbing my attention. He smiled at me tentatively, before saying, “You’re allowed to go home now, Kyu. I hope you don’t do anything reckless and stupid again.”

 

I saw the worried look in his eyes even when he gave me that ready smile he always have.

 

“Only if you stay with me.” I said, looking at him straight in this eye, hoping he’ll see the sincerity in those words, my heart silently hoping he still felt the same way about me as he did three years ago.

 

His eyes widened, taken aback by my sudden demand.

 

I turned my gaze on the floor as I try to hide the blush burning on my cheeks.

 

I heard him walk closer until he’s right infront of me. I kept my gaze on the floor, afraid of meeting his.

 

My heart skipped a bit as he called my name the sweetest way I’ve ever heard.

 

“Kyuhyun…”

 

“Y-yeah?” I answered, my voice trembling.

 

He chuckled; making my heart beat faster than it already was.

 

“Look at me.” He demanded, putting his thumb and forefinger on my chin, lifting it up, our eyes meeting each other’s again. His lips curved into a smile, making my heart skip once more.

 

He slowly leans towards me until I can feel his breath brushing along my lips, sending weird feelings in my body.

 

“I’m not going anywhere else, Kyu…” With those words, I wrapped my arms around his neck as our lips meet in a sweet, tender kiss full of hopes and promises.

 

END