What he was seeing made absolutely no sense. No sense at all. But it was all there: the onslaught of articles, the statements, the pictures, and his eyes were watching it all, reading it all. This was a reality.

Jaerim's mind did not know how to process any of it. He was beyond shocked, feeling a mental breakdown coming, but mostly, he felt numb. The numb feeling suppressed him from losing whatever patience and control he had, from anger, from tears. He knew himself too well. He was jealous just looking at her with another guy, but all those written statements on top of that, made it hard for him to swallow.

Did she really go behind his back and do this? Had her feelings for him been insincere? Was she really dating another man?

Of course, he knew she was no way bound to him. He wasn't really her man, nor was she his woman. It was merely a virtual marriage, for entertainment purposes, for the viewers, for their popularity, and everyone knew that. They only met once every two weeks, and that was it. They had to abide by the contract and could not freely see each other outside of the show, so they weren't allowed to date each other while being on the show.

It wasn't like the producers did not want for their relationship to progress outside of the program, but these rules were set for a purpose. The virtual marriage that he and Soeun had portrayed only showed the good, happy parts of both of them, of being married. If they were in a real relationship, the negative aspects would be inevitable and nobody wanted to see that. It wasn't reality, it was a fantasy marriage. 

He knew all of that, that they couldn't date, that they had to keep their feelings in check, and despite all of that, he wasn't able to. Liking her was an understatement. He was deeply in love with her. The walls that he had put up because of his insecurities, which had prevented him from dating these past 4 years, she had broken them down in an instant. He didn't even know when it started happening but he knew that amongst all the girls he had met, Soeun clicked wit him, understood him and his loneliness, and before he knew it, everything for him, was all about her.

He spent at least half an hour a day thinking about her. His mind was filled with her baby smile, her sparkling eyes, her wavy hair. He wanted to kiss her pink lips so badly and hoped that one day, he could also have the pleasure of touching her anywhere he pleased, being inside her petite yet curvy body.

He could imagine her being a housewife who would greet him with kisses after he came back from a long, tiring day of work. She would carry all his children and would be an excellent mother to them, and even if her cooking didn’t satisfy his taste, he would eat deliciously anyways. He had played out so many fantasies in his head, he could write a book about it.

Jaerim sat on his bed, letting go of his phone, and sighing deeply into his hands. He rubbed his temples. His stress level was increasing rapidly.

It was moments later that he felt two hands holding his shoulders, shaking him slightly.

"Jaerim-ssi, it's for you," his manager said, handing him a phone.

"Hyung?" Jaerim looked up, tears in his eyes. The manager watched Jaerim with sympathy and worry. He knew Jaerim better than anyone, the real him, the part of him that was shy and couldn't open up to people.

He was so surprised when Jaerim came back from his first meeting with Soeun, his smile giving away how happy and satisfied he was with his virtual marriage partner. Jaerim had talked about her endlessly, and though it had gotten very tiring, his manager couldn't deny how happy he was for Jaerim. After finally finding someone he liked, the manager knew that the current news had hurt Jaerim deeply.

"Hello," Jaerim said, putting up the phone to his mouth.

There was a long pause followed by Jaerim saying, "I understand. Okay, I'll clear up my schedule."

He turned the phone off and announced exhaustedly: "The PD wants us to meet today."

There was another pause.

"I don't want to see her."

His manager's heart fell to the floor. Never did he think the day would come when Jaerim would say he was fed up with Soeun.

He sighed and patted Jaerim's shoulder, trying to be as comforting as he could be.

"Come on, Jaerim. Even if you're hurt, it's still work. You've got to finish what you started."

Jaerim nodded very slowly, unconvincingly, but he got up nonetheless. He was about to go meet with Soeun, and for the first time, he was not excited.

⊱✿ ✿⊰

Soeun rushed to their meeting spot, after getting her couple ring and her bracelet from her home. Her phone battery had died, after getting incessant texts and phone calls all day. Her draining battery didn't stop her form reading all the comments: the comments that were on the verge of destroying her 10-year long, clean and unblemished career.

As if she thought that the Sina Interview's backlash wasn't bad enough, she was now fully aware of how much people despised her, how their faith in her was so weak, and how quick people were to judge someone they didn't even know.

It had been a very depressing day but she hadn't been able to cry at all. She had a photoshoot earlier and never let her smile falter, despite the atmosphere being nothing but grim. She hadn't had time to sit down by herself and wrap her head around her collapsing world.

All she knew was that she was sad. Just really sad. 

When she walked through the doors of the meeting room and saw Jaerim for the first time, she realized why indeed she was so sad.

He sat in a chair on the stage, wearing all black, as if he was mourning.

She wanted to run to him, but her pace did not quicken.

She wanted to hug him, but her hands did not manage to reach for his.

She wanted to cry, but she forced a smile.

She felt dejected just by looking at him, reduced into someone she had never seen before. He was normally so cheerful, so bright, so fun, but today, there was no spark of happiness in his being. There was no life in his eyes.

"Okay, we'll start filming," one of the members of the filming team announced.

Soeun nodded but she internally scoffed at how ridiculous this was. Because she was doing this show, she had to explain everything to Jaerim, in public, instead of privately. They had fans to satisfy; she had fans, he had his, and they hated her for hurting him. This was the cruel consequence of being a celebrity, and she now had to face it because of one shift in her dichotomous world.

She didn't know where to start, or how to start. Luckily, as soon as the cameras started rolling, he started making jokes about his skin breaking out and she played along. It was awkward. They were both hiding their pain and distress behind forged laughter and humour, but it helped her breathe a little better. Jaerim did that to her. He made her comfortable.

Eventually, it got serious. She told him it wasn't true, that Hojun only saw her as a younger sister, that they were meeting at his house with others too, but they never came, so she eventually left. She wanted to tell Jaerim her side of the story first, but he had heard it from the newspapers who didn't even know her, her life, or her heart.

Though he was nodding and trying to listen attentively, she could see that he wasn't convinced. He was trying to believe her, he really was, but it was such a struggle after hearing everything first-hand from a third source and not her. He didn't even know her mom was in the hospital and that everyone close to her knew, but him. That had hurt him more than anything.

After Soeun heard him ask about her mother, her heart fell. She hadn't told him about her mom because of his busy schedule.  She had contemplated telling him, but when he was already so stressed about his career and trying to make it big, she didn't think he needed more burdens. If everybody else was pulling him from the sides, she wanted to make him feel at ease, help him relax. She wanted to be his stress-reliever, his energy pill.

Watching his eyes glisten, however; made her regret thinking so rationally. She should've just told him, but now it was too late and it made her look like such an inconsiderate person. He was biting his thumb, suppressing his tears, and she really wanted to reach out and hug him, but then she was reminded that they were still filming. She had to stay strong and did not want to look pitiful, guilty or desperate, in front of the viewers, who would judge her nonetheless. 

When she told him for the nth time that she wasn’t dating anybody and invited him to come see her mom, a smile started etching on his features. He started joking again, his jealousy on full-display, but under the cover of stale laughter.

"You like his car better than my motorcycle, don't you?"

It hurt when he said that. Why did he have to say that? She knew he had come from a humble background but so had Hojun. She wasn't after money. She got along well with Hojun, just like she got along well with Jaerim. That was it.

"You're getting tired of marriage life, aren't you?"

No, no! She wanted to scream. This was so frustrating for her. He really didn’t believe anything she was saying. 

They joked about doing the show for 50 years and when he asked her if anything like this would happen again in the next 50 years, and she replied it wouldn't, he said "Whatever."

He said it in English, without any hesitation and Soeun witnessed another emotion in his eyes: anger. All these new sides he was revealing to her, felt so odd. In a crazy way, she thought that seeing him serious and angry for once was kind of a cool, but maybe it would've looked even cooler if she wasn't the one he was angry at.

It was a few moments later that his voice suddenly became soft and he confessed: "Even though I'm having a mental breakdown, wouldn't you be the one hurting the most?"

For Soeun, that was enough: enough to let her tears spill and unburden herself from all that built up stress and pain she had dealt with all day. He could tell she wanted to cry, but she didn't; only slightly dabbing her fingers near her eyes.

He reached out for her hand, patting it and then the side with his thumb. Soeun was his utmost concern at the moment. No matter what she did, no matter the mistakes she made, he loved her unconditionally. She was the one that had been inflicted with the most pain, and he hoped that she could at least feel comfort in knowing that she didn't have to feel sorry for him.

"Don't feel apologetic to me. Just pull yourself together and if you're fine, I'm fine too."

Soeun couldn't say anything, only wonder how this man in front of her, who clearly liked her, could harbour so much love for her in his own time of pain.

She knew that despite what everyone said, Jaerim's opinion, his support, mattered the most. No one else.

With his soothing words, they ended the broadcast and went to eat fried chicken, which was going to be her treat. She held onto his arm as they went off the stage. He was a bit hesitant about holding her hand so she made sure to let him know that it was okay to touch her like he used to.

Their conversation at dinner was casual, as if nothing had happened. It was when they both starting to get a little tipsy, that their true thoughts started to come out.

"I can't believe this," Jaerim said, keeping his head down as he let the alcohol's bitter taste subside. “Going to a guy’s house after midnight just doesn’t look good.”

"But celebrities can only meet after dark. It’s the safest time to avoid paparazzi…or so I thought. You know me oppa. I’m a responsible person and I’m honest. I wouldn’t lie to you," Soeun answered firmly but was also slightly affected by the liquor.

"I know, I know, but you can’t deny both of you are close. You share your problems with him. You both are emotionally connected.”

Soeun shook her head vigorously.

"We're close colleagues and we like each other as brother and sister but I don't like him in an amorous way."

"Don't lie to yourself Soeun-ah."

"But I'm not. Believe me, oppa."

She would never lie to him, and definitely not to herself. Her honesty was one of the biggest reasons she got along well with people, male and female. Although sometimes her truthful words would get her into predicaments, she never changed her ways. In an industry that ran on lies and lacked morals, her honesty kept her grounded as a human being. It was her redeeming quality and she was proud of the fact that in despite all the gossip and scandals, she was still herself. She was still Kim Soeun.

Soeun placed her hand over his, her orbs glistening, while he gazed into hers.

"Please oppa, I only have you."

"Then kiss me."

Time stopped for a second and both Jaerim and Soeun were shocked, by what he had just uttered.

"Wait, but..." Soeun felt that she was becoming conscious and aware again, no longer feeling tipsy. "How would that prove anything?"

"If you don't have feelings for him, then kissing me shouldn't be a problem."

Jaerim turned to her on his seat, and strongly held her shoulders. He stared at her profoundly before he started leaning in and pulling her closer. Soeun felt the tears coming and tightly shut her eyes as a defence reflex. This wasn't how she expected her first kiss with Jaerim would go. She wasn't mentally prepared, and there was nothing romantic about this situation.

She waited in suspense. She was sure this time he wasn't going to leave her lips without leaving a trace of his, but surprisingly, she felt nothing.

"You're still tense, like at the wedding, like at the basketball game," Jaerim declared, his hot breath grazing her lips, sending chills down her spine.

Soeun opened her eyes, surprised to see that him leaning back again.

"Admit it, Soeun, you don't want me."

"What?" Soeun couldn't utter anything. Her brain was a mess. She couldn't think of anything coherent to say.

"Stop trying to convince yourself otherwise. If it's like this, then I don’t think I can do it anymore. We should just end this and leave the show."

"Why..but..wait.."

He was angry and Soeun was scared. She never thought this day would come, when Jaerim would be looking at her in betrayal, in so much anger.

"I didn't want this to happen you know. I didn't think it would turn out this way. My career is my main focus and taking up We Got Married was no different. But fate lead me into meeting you. You are like a gift from God."

Hearing a compliment like that always made her happy, but today it only made Soeun's heart feel unimaginable pain. His eyes were full of raw and heartfelt emotions, and Soeun could see traces of betrayal, rejection, sadness and anger.

"We clicked from the beginning, and you understood me and accepted my personality. I hide my insecurities behind my cheesy jokes, because in truth, I'm really shy in front of others. In the past four years, I found no one who had the same flow as me, who matched me, but you did." He looks at her with a sad smile, almost hopeful. "I thought this was fate, that I had found the one, that I would really marry you someday...but from the beginning, you've really only seen this as a virtual marriage, haven't you?"

Soeun was shaking her head and her tears were falling. She didn't understand why he was saying all this.

"I know it's virtual but I was going to ask you out after the show ended. I am serious when I say I like you. That's why I've been preparing the entire country by calling you my woman and confessing to you on television. I thought you were just shy, that you would reach my feelings one day but now I know," his voice cracked, "it was because you never loved me in the first place."

Jaerim's tears had also accumulated and were now plunging onto the table.

"Why can’t it be me?" He was staring right at her, into her, and she was scared he would be able to see past her guarded feelings for him.

"I promised myself not to date while I was focused on building my career. My last relationship got ruined because of it, but you made me want to fall in love again, to date again and I wanted to give it all to you. I wanted to be the one oppa you would rely on, but I failed to do that. You depend on everyone but me."

Soeun could feel her whole body shaking as she cried silently, watching him while he revealed the most raw parts of himself to her.

Minutes later, Jaerim had calmed himself down and exhaled a long sigh. He looked to her again and smiled, a sad smile.

"I wanted you to love me the way I loved you. I'm tired, Eun-ah. I want happiness. I want love."

His hand came up to her cheek and he wiped the side of her face with this thumb.

"In the end, I hurt you instead of loving you. I wasn't good for you."

She was reaching out for his unused hand but he stopped her with his next words.

"Let's end this. I'll tell the PD that it's my fault, not yours. Okay?"

He was gentle as he caressed her cheek and smiled the biggest smile for her. Soeun knew it was also the most fake smile she'd ever seen on him.

"Don't hate me for doing this."

With that, he leaned in and kissed her gently on the lips. His warm lips on hers felt so right and so good that Soeun couldn't help but close her eyes in pleasure.

When she opened them, he was gone.

He was gone and she was crying.

Not for herself, but for him.

⊱✿ ✿⊰

Soeun's drive to the hospital had been the quickest one yet. She was beyond hurt with the way Jaerim had responded to her scandal. She expected him to have more faith in her, but she realized that he probably would have if she had taken the initiative to contact him outside of the show more frequently. But the truth was, he hadn't contacted her either. She hardly knew anything about him, less than what he knew about her, and it had hurt her that he wasn't taking an interest in her outside of the show. When he mentioned that their relationship was business as a joke on a TV show, she had taken it to heart and decided that maybe it was best to keep their relationship neutral, to avoid getting hurt while doing We Got Married.

But now both of them were hurting. He saved her face on television, but inside his heart, he was conflicted. He couldn't see past the first things he had read. He couldn't see past his first assumptions that he had gathered. If only she had known this was going to happen, if only she hadn't had a photoshoot at the time with so many incoming calls, she would've eased his doubts much earlier. Then there was the show, the "business relationship" they had to uphold, that started all of this in the first place, that wanted Jaerim and Soeun to react to the news on TV, rather than in private.

She pulled her hair and slammed herself against the car seat. Everything had been so perfect. Everything had been going so well, and now everything was a huge mess, and she was about to lose it all: her scandal-free career, We Got Married, and especially Jaerim.

She also had to mend her relationship with Hojun, who was probably deeply affected by this too. She was surprised when his company stated that there were good feelings, almost felt cheated that someone would dig so low to use her good name. However, after having a quick chat with him, she came to realize that Hojun hadn't even been contacted when his company had released the statement.

Hojun's career was still unstable as well. He wasn't very well known and only had gotten his big break through Reply 1994. He was very open and didn't mind admitting things, but even he knew how damaging it would be to both their careers to say that there were good feelings, especially when there was nothing. Thankfully, he told the company that they were only like brother and sister, that they were indeed very close, but right now, even if he wanted to, there was no time to develop feelings for her. Soeun was very popular among her male friends, so she always had to make it clear to them from the beginning, that they had been friend-zoned. That was the only way she was able to maintain her pure image up until now, by telling males to only see her as a friend, which included Hojun.

Jaerim was a different case, because she was meant to see him romantically for the purpose of the show. At first, she really had the notion that he was a player. The way he swooped in on her and was so natural with his skinship, she thought he was only playing with her heart. The meetings went by, and soon she started to piece together that he really wasn't a player, just shy and insecure about his feelings, so it was easier for him to hide that part of himself with his bold and cheesy character. 

She realized he liked her to a certain extent in Turkey but because he didn't contact her outside of the show, Soeun was confused about whether he truly wanted to be with her. After winning Best Couple, the expectations for them went through the roof. Everybody wanted them together, and it frustrated Soeun because she hadn't reached his level of feelings yet. She wanted to follow her own pace, like she always had, but her relationship with him being the topic of the media and the public, was making it very difficult.  

After today, after seeing his selfless heart, his unconditional love for her, his raw vulnerabilities and after kissing him, Soeun was sure that she had feelings for him. She was not yet at his pace, but she knew that the moment he said to end everything, she felt like she had lost her whole world. She was always looking forward to meeting him, laughing with him, being lovey-dovey with him and inevitably, falling for him. She wanted to learn more about him, she wanted to depend on him and open up her complete heart to him; but this was all just a wish for the past now.

Soeun walked down the hallway to her mother's hospital room. Being the eldest, she had always been the strong and responsible one, and never showed her struggles to her family. Thus, Mrs. Kim was very surprised to see her daughter with tears streaming down her face, the moment she entered the room.

"Eommmaa," Soeun cried her way into the room, dropping her handbag and running to her mother's bedside.

"I ruined everything," she was sobbing uncontrollably into the white sheets.

Mrs. Kim consoled her daughter, even though she had no clue what was happening. It would be hours later, after Soeun felt like she was okay to talk, that she told her mother everything: the articles, the comments, Jaerim, Hojun, the show, the fans, her career, her feelings, everything.

Even though she was told not to stress while she was recovering from her surgery, Mrs. Kim couldn't help it now. She was worried for Soeun, because her daughter always had everything under control. That's why she and Soeun's father had let her become an actress, even though they were against it at first. Her daughter was stubborn, but this time, Mrs. Kim hoped Soeun would listen to her.

"Soeun-ah," she started. "You're not going to like this but it's the only way."

Soeun lifted up her head. She was willing to do anything.

"Your feelings are still fresh and you may not be ready, but if you like Song Jaerim-ssi, then you should trust your heart.”

Her tears were drying with her mother's comforting advice.

"You don't know where this will lead you. It might make you happier or even sadder, but sometimes in life, you can't plan things. You can’t you protect your heart all the time either. Trust someone else for once, and let them guide you and lead you.  Do you understand?"

Soeun nodded.

"Then go. Go before it's too late."

After thanking her mom with a kiss on the cheek, Soeun ran out of the hospital, into the quiet parking lot at night. She was opening her car door when she heard footsteps stop in front of her.

The pattern of breathing gave him away. It was Jaerim. Looking up, she noticed he was holding flowers and a basket full of fruits. It was midnight, yet he had come anyways, to keep his promise and give his good wishes to her mom.

One second she was near the car, the next she was in his arms, with his basket now on the pavement. He could hear her sobs muffled by his coat.

"Don't cry,  please. It's okay. I'm fine," he comforted her.

"No, no," she backed up. "I'm not. Not yet."

She sighed. This confession was going to change her entire life. She knew that, but she also knew that the genuine, kind-hearted, loving, cheesy dork who was giving her a perplexed look, would never come again in her life. For him, an unpredictable future was a risk she was willing to take.

"I like you. I really like you. I almost love you. Not only as a friend, a brother and a father, but as a man."

Jaerim felt his nerves collapsing again, but this time it was because what he had heard, was too good to be true. In shock, he did the first thing that came to his mind. Wrapping his arms tightly around Soeun, he spun her around, underneath the shining moon that beamed brightly on the two of them.

A couple of moments later, he gently placed her on the ground and nodded confidently. Soeun was so happy to see that cheerful and loving smile on his face again. She never thought it would feel this good to be the source of Song Jaerim’s happiness.

"Let's go see mom," she nodded back, intertwining her fingers with his as she lead the way.

Love isn't complicated. Life is.

But people always deserve second chances.

A chance to be forgiven and a chance to love.

Nothing is certain. Nothing at all.

The future is unpredictable.

But they can hold onto something.

Trust & Faith.

That's their strength.

⊱✿ ✿⊰

A/N: I wrote another oneshot in one sitting. I admit that at first, I was confused, angry and felt betrayed after the dating scandal came out. My shipper heart suffered the whole week, because I shipped Solim so much. But thankfully, I have regained my senses and have decided that I will continue watching and supporting them, individually and as a couple, and I will ship them but without expectations this time. I will let God do His work. If they are meant to be, then it'll happen.

I hope all of you who have been hurt by this can also find it in your heart to give Soeun a second chance. She is human too. She can make mistakes too. And she is hurting the most. So instead of hating her, please try to forgive her, believe in her and give her another chance.  

#BelieveinSolim