*gives up on plot and logic* *opens a bottle of soju* *spends the next hour trying to come up with a title*

Luhan is totally not into boys.

Maybe.

Alright, perhaps not in that sweet sugary way that’s depicted in the dramas that he watches (he follows them religiously, of course, not that he’d ever admit it), but he just doesn’t like them that way. Period. He likes his friends, of course; his dude pals that he plays football with and hangs out occasionally with, but he’s never once thought of making out with them.

(There was that one time when he had seen Jung Yunho shirtless in the locker room and had felt lightheaded instantly, but that could be blamed on the fact that Luhan had missed breakfast and lunch and had gone straight to football practice after class – and not because Yunho had looked like he could kiss very well, among other things.)

Luhan likes girls (he thinks). He likes the pretty ones with sweet faces and long hair and porcelain skin who look at him with big eyes and tell him nice things about how he plays football so well, oppa--

“You were really amazing out there, Luhan,” a voice interrupts his thoughts, as big eyes and a sweet face fill his vision - followed by a merry laugh that most certainly does >not belong to a girl.

“Uh, yeah,” Luhan stutters. “Yeah, you too, uh, Minseok.”

Minseok huffs and flops back down onto the grass, still breathing heavily from the match earlier. “Well. I wouldn’t say I was that amazing since our side lost - although we did put up a good fight during the last couple of minutes.” He lifts his face, the lines around his eyes crinkling prettily as he grins at Luhan, making it hard for him to focus on anything else but the gummy smile on Minseok’s face and the way he makes Luhan’s heart beat faster and his brain sort of turn into mush.

Which might, of course, explain why the ball he’s tossed aside onto the grass begins to float up, before smacking his coach on the nose.

*

“So what you’re saying is,” Jongdae begins, “What you’re saying, is that you have a crush on Kim Minseok.”

“I do not have a crush,” Luhan denies it, vehemently because he’s straight, dàmn it. And manly. He clears his throat and straightens his back, trying to look less like a stick next to Jongin, who’s busy stuffing his face with fried chicken and ignoring the ongoing conversation. “I just like looking at him.” The skeptical look in Jongdae’s eyes is a clear indication that he doesn’t believe Luhan. Not one bit. “He’s very. Lookable. Pretty. Distracting.”

“You mean his àss is distracting,” Jongdae points out, snickering. “That’s all you’ve been talking about since you brought his name up.” Luhan tries to reach out with his hands to clamp his mouth shut, but there’s a warning spark in Jongdae’s eyes and Luhan backs off, glaring. He doesn’t feel like getting electrocuted today.

“I mentioned his eyes too! And his face! And his--”

“—really mind-blowing football skills, we get that.” his roommate teases. “Not that I wouldn’t talk about his àss, too, if I wanted to bone him like you do,” he adds shamelessly.

Luhan really needs new friends.

He does admit, however, that Kim Minseok has a very nice posterior - the kind that makes Luhan want to run his hands along and and squeeze and maybe bite it, just a little. (He denies all of this, of course). “He’s just so—so—“ Luhan waves his hands in despair, unable to articulate his emotions. “FSdjhdsjdK.” He thumps his head onto the table, sobbing a little.

“I’m going to pretend I understood that,” Jongdae says, petting his back unsympathetically. “Have fun at the dean’s office later, by the way.”

Luhan sniffs onto the cold (and possibly dirty) surface sadly.

Jongin continues to eat his fried chicken.

*

It’s hard to avoid Minseok, especially when Luhan sees him at football practice every week. He tries, however, to control his sense of panic and flurry of emotions whenever he comes close to the other guy.

Like right now, when they’re warming up at the edge of the field and Luhan tries very hard to ignore the fact that Minseok doing some very very obscene-looking stretches and forces himself to face the other way, cheeks blazing.

“So, should we start with a few laps?” Minseok asks, startling Luhan, and he turns back to find Minseok bending over to tie his shoelaces, and his brain short-circuits.

Across the field, another ball flies out of nowhere and hits his coach again.

*

The next several days turn out like this:

Luhan sees Minseok.

Minseok’s face lights up and he smiles at Luhan.

Luhan panics.

Objects around him begin to float, hitting something or someone.

Luhan ends up getting called into the dean’s office again.

“I’m pretty sure you’re tired of seeing my face,” the dean tells him dryly, as Luhan slumps into the chair after sitting through a twenty minute lecture on the hazards of unsupervised levitation. The dean is a sharp-eyed, seven-foot tall shapeshifter who peers over his glasses to stare at Luhan . (There are also rumors that he also likes dressing up as a Lady Gaga on Tuesdays, but Luhan has yet to confirm that as fact.) “Try to keep the hormones down to a minimum, alright?”

Luhan leaves the office as fast as he can after that, blaming Minseok for the way his face is aflame with embarrassment.

*

His emotions and apparent crush on Minseok gets bad enough that it begins to affect his friends, who drift away from him for fear of getting hit in the face by some flying object whenever anyone mentions Minseok’s name. Jongdae puts up with it, because they’re roommates and because Luhan still has his copy of Celine Dion’s Greatest Hits, but pretty soon it’s clear that his patience is wearing thin.

Sure enough, just a day before Valentine’s Day, Jongdae bangs on his bedroom door and ends up startling Luhan, who had been trying to hack into the academy’s security system (and failing) so he could check up on where Minseok was.

“Luhan!” Jongdae’s voice is agitated. “Would you please, for the love of all the gods, deal with your stupid crush? The damn toaster just attacked me a few seconds ago!”

“It’s not a crush!” Luhan yells, yanking the door open to find Jongdae standing in front of him, with crumbs all over his hair. The toaster is on the floor, in a burnt, crispy heap, and sparks are still crackling off the tips of Jongdae’s fingers. “Oh.”

“Would you just fùcking man up and just ask Minseok out on a date already,” Jongdae growls out.

“But what if he says no?” Luhan replies in a choked-off, anguish sort of voice.

Jongdae throws his hands up in the air, looking exasperated. “How would you know that if you don’t ask him? Luhan, have you even seen the way he looks at you?”

Luhan blinks. “He--- he does?”

“Oh, for f—“ Jongdae begins to swear impressively. Luhan is impressed. His vocabulary doesn’t include some of the more colorful phrases that Jongdae is spouting now.

The doorbell rings, interrupting his tirade.

Relieved for an excuse to escape, Luhan sidesteps Jongdae — and the toaster on the floor - and yanks opens the door to discover a shivering Kyungsoo, his hair covered with snow, looking really pissed off in every way possible.

Jongdae peeks over Luhan’s shoulder and snorts. “Well, at least we know you’re not the only one who has problems dealing with a crush,” he tells him tartly.

Partly hidden behind his half-frozen roommate, Minseok blushes, the frost fading from his neck and arms swiftly.

*

Jongdae ends up shoving Minseok into the room with Luhan and Kyungsoo blocks the door by shoving a cupboard and a couch effortlessly.

“I will kill you, Kim Jongdae!” Luhan yells through the door.

Jongdae’s “Sorry, hyung, I’m too pretty to die” and “remember to use protection” are the only response he hears, before the sound of the front door slamming shut echoes through the flat.

Awkwardly, Luhan turns around, and glances at Minseok, who’s standing in the middle of his room. He’s looking everywhere but at Luhan, as if he’s trying to find some way to escape the place.

“Uh,” Luhan begins, intelligently.

“Er,” Minseok says at the same time, just as stupidly (but still so very pretty).

“Uh,” Luhan repeats, feeling less brainy than he was five minutes ago.

“I think you’ve said that already,” Minseok tells him, gently.

“Do you,” Luhan blurts out, “want to go out for dinner. Tomorrow. With me. On a --” he falters here, because there’s still a possible chance that Minseok could very well reject him,”-- date.”

Minseok’s eyes widen, and he lets out a startled squeak, accidentally freezing Luhan’s shoes.

Luhan forgives him with a kiss, anyway.

*

“You know, you should thank me,” Jongdae informs Luhan smugly, a week later when they’re having lunch in the cafeteria between classes and Luhan is making faces at his salad and trying to steal Jongdae’s burger. “If it weren’t for me, you’d still be pining after Minseok’s àss.”

Luhan flings a lettuce leaf at him. “Have some respect for your seniors,” he retorts, just as Minseok slides into the seat next to him, placing his food tray onto the table.

“What are we talking about?” Minseok asks curiously, and Luhan leans over to peck him on the cheek.

“Nothing,” he says, just as Jongdae mouths the word ‘bùtts’ at Luhan. Minseok, thankfully, doesn’t see it, turning around to smile affectionately at Luhan.

“Something rude, more likely,” Kyungsoo comments as he joins them, plonking himself onto the very seat where Jongin usually ends up in. Luhan and Jongdae both freeze.

“Uh, Kyungsoo, you might want to move--” Luhan begins, but then there’s a swirl of smoke and Jongin appears suddenly, teleporting right onto Kyungsoo’s lap.

The two of them stare at each other, and Kyungsoo turns bright red, just as Jongin’s eyes widen.

Jongdae’s burger vanishes and appears in front of Luhan, who snatches at it in delight.

“Dàmn it, not again!”

~fin~