“Let’s give it a try Yixing. I want to give us a chance.”

“I don’t want you to accept me out of pity Junmyeon. I don’t want you to accept this my feeling  just because I’ve been holding it for years.”

“It’s not that I pity you or anything Yixing. I do feel something for you. Deep down in my heart, I know there’s a space for you to fill in.”

“Are you sure? Is this what you really want?”

“Yes I am.”

The confidence in Junmyeon’s voice and his unwavering look is enough to make Yixing’s smile to bloom beautifully. And that smile in that particular moment is something that Junmyeon will never forget.


 

Yixing confessed to him after the promotional activities for their second full album ended. And it took Junmyeon few more months to finally accept him.

It’s hard for Junmyeon to accept Yixing’s confession, not when he knows that he still love Yifan. It gets even harder when he’s actually started to confuse with his own feelings for Yixing. Deep down inside, he feels something for the man. He felt really terrible, it’s like he’s cheating on Yifan but is he really a cheater? Yifan is practically put a full stop in their relationship when he left, unnoticed and remain quiet. In the end, he decided to call Luhan, his so-called first love.

“I know it is hard Junmyeon. But you need to follow your heart. What does your heart says?”

“I still love Yifan, but…” Junmyeon hesitates.

“But you start to feel something for Yixing too,” Luhan finished the sentence for him.

Junmyeon stayed quiet after that.

“Whatever your decision is Junmyeon, I’m always on your side. You know that right? And I know the rest of the kids would support you too.”

Junmyeon chuckles when Luhan refers the rest of EXO as the kids before he asks, “Should I give my heart more time Luhan?”
 

Luhan smiles despite the fact that Junmyeon can’t see him before he replies “Take as much time as you want Junmyeon. I’m sure Yixing will wait for you even if it takes him forever to do that. He waited for years, he wouldn’t mind wait for some more time.”

“What do you mean Luhan? Years? I don’t understand.” asked Junmyeon, a hint of confusion can be heard from his voice.

“What?” Luhan asked again before let out a soft chuckle. “Of course Yixing didn't tell you about it. He’s been in love with you Junmyeon. Even before you and Yifan became a thing. But that kid is just too afraid to tell you his feelings. And before he knew it, it’s too late for him to confess to you. He came to me and cried for hours after he found out you and Yifan started dating. Remember that one time he’s gone for few hours and you were worried sick? Then you found him in my room?”

“Yeah, that was after Yifan and I confessed our feelings for each other.”

“Yixing was devastated at that time Junmyeon. Just when he thought that you had feelings for him and he had enough courage to confess, he saw you and Yifan kissed each other. He said he misread all your actions with him and he blamed himself for having feelings for you,” said Luhan.

Junmyeon went silent after that. He’s really speechless. How could he be so blind and ignored Yixing’s feeling all this while?

Knowing Junmyeon, Luhan speaks again “I know you Junmyeon. Please don’t blame yourself for not knowing Yixing’s feeling. That kid did a great job in hiding it. Even Minseok and Tao took years to find out his true feeling for you.”

“Minseok and Tao knew?”

“Yes they are, since the beginning of last year.” Luhan could hear a soft sniff at the other end. Then he decided to add “It’s okay Junmyeon. He didn't blame you for it. Just take your time alright? Look, I have to go now. We'll talk again some other time. Say hi to the kids and tell them that I miss them.”

“Thanks Luhan. I don’t know what I would do without you. And yes, I will convey your message to them.” Junmyeon says. After bidding their goodbyes, Junmyeon threw his phone to his pillow and flopped down on the bed, trying to digest everything he heard from Luhan just now.

Junmyeon recalls the first few months after Yifan left. Yixing will always there for him. When he’s at the verge of breaking down, Yixing is there to offer him soothing words and encouragement. He was there when Junmyeon finally cried.

Yifan is like Junmyeon’s pillar. When he left, Junmyeon felt like half of him was taken away. His other part left with no words. He tried contacting Yifan. He called him for hundreds time and he lost count of how many messages he had sent to the other man.

All the latest updates about Yifan; his movie, his new song, his birthday party and everything, killed him on the inside. And then there’s Yixing, convincing him that Yifan will eventually come back to him because Yixing knows that Yifan loves Junmyeon so much.

Yixing never left his side. After Baekhyun’s dating news was revealed, he and Baekhyun had a little argument. Yixing was there and told him to calm down and that everything will be fine.

When Luhan first broke the news that he wanted out, Junmyeon’s world was crashing down. He cannot afford to lose another member in a span of five months. Their fans will definitely question his ability as a leader. Three scandalous news in less than six months is not something that he should be proud of. He felt helpless. He tried to stop Luhan but he knows better than to let Luhan stays. He’s sick and their tight schedule doesn’t help at all. Again, there’s Yixing by his side, telling him not to worry about his leadership skills or that fans will question his ability. He just need to do what he had to do and Yixing told him that whatever controversies they are facing at the moment, will only make him a better leader in the future.

It was Yixing all this time.

He’s not so dense or an oblivious person. He noticed how Yixing pays extra attention to him, especially after Yifan left. He noticed the longing look that plastered on Yixing’s face but he brushed it all off. How can he be so stupid? And with that, he calls Yixing.







‘You left me Yifan, with no words. You put me in the darkness. I know nothing about you except the news I read on the internet. Please don’t blame me because I found someone else to replace you in my heart. I need Yixing and he needs me too. Just to let you know, it’s hard for me to accept his feeling. They say ‘love someone who loves you’. And I’m not sure if you still love me. Therefore I’m giving Yixing and myself a chance. I love you, Wu Yifan. I always will. But I will let you go, for you to reach your dream and for me to love Yixing freely. He deserves my love after everything he had done for my – our happiness’


The text message was left unsent in Junmyeon’s draft folder.