Dear diary,

          It has been a while since I updated you. You might have thought that I was busy. Yeah I was bit busy completing my piled up work but that was only half truth. Actually I was getting treatment in hospital. I really don’t remember much about how and why that happened but I do remember few things.

          First my car accident, I really don’t know how my car collides with that motorbike and drown into the Han River. I was neither drunk nor it was late at night. I really don’t know what possessed me that night to cause an accident? But when I try to remember it I see a woman in a silver gown with hot red lips and dark shadowed eyes in that charitable party, who offered me a drink and asked for my autograph. After that I don’t remember anything.

          Second, when I opened my eyes I was in a white room with green curtain on my right side of window and lots of wire attached to my body. Later I learned that I was in hospital recovering from that lethal accident. My manager told me I was lost for couple of days after that party. No one saw me leaving that night and it seems like I was disappeared from this earth. They searched for me in all the possible places but they didn’t find me. They thought I was kidnapped and waited for a phone call from kidnapper for some ransom money but they didn’t get any call; rather after one week they got a call from one old fisherman and told them I was lying unconscious near a river bank in a country side that is quite far from Seoul. By the way I still couldn’t find my car. Oh my precious Bentley.

           I was told that I woke up after few month of comatose. I felt like I woke up from a long slumber with lots of dream but I don’t remember any of it. I feel like it was indeed a beautiful dream because when I try to remember it, my head hurts but it gives me warm feeling. I was in hospital for few more months after that, completing my medication. I discharged couple of months ago. Since then I have been busy completing my piled up work. Oh… it was really hectic from the last few months.

          What made me write you today besides my lack of sleeping and hectic schedule is that, something strange has happened in my life. Like a movie.

           During one fine day after I discharged from the hospital, I saw someone at my CF shooting. He seems awfully familiar like I know him but I have no idea where I have seen him before. The way he talks I swear I heard his melodious voice before but I don’t remember. My mind is not working. Whenever he was near me I feel strange like something is there between us. I saw him looking at me few times but didn’t come forward to talk to me rather he talked with my manager about all the details.

           He is Representative of that company for whom I was shooting the CF. I only met him during my CF shooting. I don’t know why I was feeling like that but ever since I saw him on my 1^st day of shooting, I wanted to know him and get close to him. I couldn’t talk to him during that time and couldn’t get chance to ask his name directly. But I heard one staff calling his name “Seungri”. Why does his name feel so familiar despite how unique his name is? My two days of shooting went real fast without getting chance to interact with him.

          But I saw him again. This time not at any shooting location rather in a cozy café where I frequently go when I feel like consuming some caffeine. I saw him in an instant when I entered the café even though he was sitting quite far at the corner table near glass wall from where we could get a glimpse of beautiful central park.  He didn’t see me so I took my order and went to sit at his table. He was surprised to see me there and more surprised to see me settling my orders at his table.

           “I apologized for my intrusion in your peaceful moment” I said. “It’s totally fine. Have a seat.” He said with a wide smile. How innocent he looks in that white plain t-shirt and beautiful smile.

           It was a wonderful time. We introduced our self even though we both know who we are. He was quite a talker that didn’t really match his handsome face. He‘d rather seems reserved and man with a little word but on the contrary he talks so fast and could easily finished one sentence in one breath. We stayed for long in that café talking and eating. When he told me about his childhood, I felt like I already know those things. I felt really weird. It was like reading a story book which you had read long back for the second time.  We exchanged our phone number and promised to keep in touch.

          Since then my phone became my most precious possession. Yeah… we talk a lot in phone. Due to my busy schedule I couldn’t get time to meet him. But he never failed to send me good morning message with lots of cute emoticon and in reply I would call him instead. To hear his voice first thing in the morning is real refreshment. I haven’t told to anyone about him even to my manager who is my closest friend beside my childhood friend who is overseas due to his business.

          People started wondering about my behavior and I heard commotion like “seems like he got a new girl friend” or “seems like he is in love” blah blah blah … My manager asked me what is happening in my life recently. Because I was always happy since I met him. I smiled my infamous gummy smile which makes my eyes like crescent moon. But I really don’t care about what people think because I was never happy like this before. I swear I was not gay but with him I feel otherwise. He made me feel entire different person. I feel complete. It feels like I met my other half but it would be impossible right? It has only been two month since I met him to reach for a conclusion.

          During these last two months I learned a lot about him. He is witty and very intelligent. No wonder he is the vice president of his company beside his young age. Yes he owns a company rather his family owns a company. I didn’t know that he is the owner of the product which I have been promoting recently. He told me that he never heard of me until he saw me at Music Mega festival at Tokyo, which was two year back. I was surprised because who the hell don’t know THE FAMOUS G DRAGON…jokes apart… I was surprised because I’m in this industry since from last ten years and I have been popular among people not only in my country but also in other country. I started thinking that maybe I’m not good enough to make significance in his eyes. But he told me that he used to always stick in library and had very little knowledge about my world I mean entertainment world. He doesn’t look like a nerd with that handsome face but he sometimes act like a walking encyclopedia knowing what, where, when and how about almost everything.     

          Two week ago he asked me out for a dinner knowing I would be at oversea for the next few days. Yes… he knows my entire schedule because I tell him everything apart from my confused ecstatic feeling for him. I was sure that if I tell him about my feeling then I will lose him entirely and I never wanted that. He had become such an important part of my life in this short period of time. He told me he will come to pick me up from my studio after my work, but I refused. I’d rather like to be the one who court. I asked him where I have to come to pick him up and he said he will be at his home. Oh I forgot; it was weekend so he wouldn’t be at his office. He sent me his address, and I was not surprised that he lives in posh area of this city.

           It was 7:00pm when I reached his apartment. I was nervous because it felt like I was going on a date with him. I tried my best to look casual with blue faded jeans and white t-shirt with charcoal gray cardigan and my favorite Lavin shoe. I knocked on his door and he opened his door after few minutes that I felt like ages due to my nervousness. He was still in his pajama.

              “Hi, I didn’t know that you would come this early. I’m not yet ready.” He said. I totally forgot to inform him about my arrival. I was never like this clumsy before. “Hi, I got free early so I came here directly from my studio.” I said with shy smile. I didn’t tell him that I went home after receiving his invitation and directly came from my home after three hours of battling with my cloths in my walked-in closet.

              “Come inside. Don’t expect too much from a single guy living alone.” He said while welcoming me in his lavish apartment. We have almost same type of home with less furniture and less decorative pieces. The only difference was that his one side wall was filled with books and mine with DVD case and awards that I received in multiple award function.

            “You have got a nice home” I said after taking a seat at his kitchen dining table. “I m sure your home is much better than mine.” he said while taking out juice from the fridge. He served me orange juice and asked me to wait while he went to get dress.

             I went to his living room and look at those random photo frames that was attached at his hallway. Most of them are from his school life and college life. What disturbed me by looking at those photos was that; I felt like I saw that small kid before. That smile in all those photos, I feel like I witness all those things. It gave me weird feeling like it all happened before my eyes. When I was battling with my mind, he came out from his bedroom and my jaw dropped. He was looking so handsome in those casual yet elegant cloths. When he saw me drooling over him, he blushed. So cute I thought. Behave I scold myself. I don’t want to embarrass myself.

          He took me to very small yet amazing restaurant which was located on the outskirt of Seoul. I have never been here. The food was awesome and the view from that balcony was so beautiful. He told me it was one of his favorite places. Indeed, that place was amazing and I would love to go there again with him. After our dinner I dropped him at his place and I went to my own. We couldn’t spend much time together as I had a flight to catch an early morning to USA. I would be out of country for one week and for the first time in my life I was hesitate to go because he won’t be there.

          Then this morning I had a bizarre dream with crystal clear memory. It was about my accident. In that dream, I was at a party (that charitable party) and people were having fun. There were different types of people and I was one of them. In that crowd I saw a lady who keeps on looking at me then after a while she came forward to talk to me. She said she was a fan of mine and wanted my autograph. She also offered me a drink and after drinking that I felt suffocated and uneasy. I left that party without telling to anyone as I was in a rush to reach my safe heaven (my home). I took the short cut route to reach faster. I didn’t know what possessed me; my vision was also not clear and felt like I was having a heart attack. I was scared and I speed up my car. The next moment my car collides with a motorbike that was parked at the roadside and my car directly went into the Han River.

            When I gained my conscious I was floating in water. I tried to reach the River bank but I feel so weak. I couldn’t see the River bank because it was still night. I was too tired from swimming and I faint.

           I found myself in a small park with few swings at the corner and few benches painted in yellow scattered around the park. Then I saw a boy about 5 or 6 years old crying so sad. I don’t know what to do as he was alone and so was I. I tried to console that child and I succeed. He stopped crying and started laughing. It felt nice to be with that child and his carefree laughing makes me feel warm. Strangely my clothes were not wet despite drowning in that River but my body was very cold. I don’t know what made me do that but I gave him my lucky chain.

            When he was ready to go back home, I found myself back in the river fighting to reach at the edge. I don’t know what was that? It felt like I was having a dream but it seems too real to be a dream. I kept on swimming and again I was losing my consciousness.

          Then I found myself in a place that looks too old like a decade back. Most of the buildings look old and there people also dressed in an old fashion. It was really strange. I wandered around feeling confused and also excited. I walked for a while till I saw a couple of kids playing. There was a kid, who looks so familiar. When he saw me he ran towards me and hugged me. He was that crying child in park but he looks bigger. He asked me where was I in the last two years? Two years? I just saw him crying in a park little while ago and it has already been two years. Am I messing with time zone? I realized we were near his school so he took me to show his school. It was not that big but the surrounding was very calm and so peaceful.

          I felt like I stayed there lesser than last time. Once again I found myself in the river. I felt like I woke up from a sleep. It was still a night time so I don’t see anything. I was praying to reach the edge fast. I kept on swimming tired as hell. All of a sudden, I feel sleepy. How could this possible? I’m literally in water, but I did fell asleep after a while.

          When I woke up, I was at his school. I noticed the school has recently been painted and extended the garden area till back block. I wondered where he would be and which time zone I would be in this time. I saw him lingering around the corner. When he saw me coming towards him, he ran forward and hugged me so tight. Oh... He had grown up; probably 10 or 11 year. He was talkative. He told me about everything he did and happened in the last three years. It really felt strange. I saw him few hours ago and when I saw him again, he was bigger and older. Even though I met him for twice I felt like watching over younger brother to grow up. There was something in him that makes me care and protect him and his carefree laughter eases my heart.

           I was still in that river with no trace of reaching to the edge. This dream like journey distracts me a little like I wanted to go back to meet him, to see how he grew up but I have to reach the edge before I die. I never knew that our country has this big river. I felt like I have been swimming from ages with no proper destination.  When it seems like it was about to dawn because darkness was fading away, I lost my conscious again.

          I was in a new place which I never saw before. Where was I? Where did I end up this time? This was really not the place I have been before with him. I panicked because I wanted to see him and I was sure he wouldn’t be in this new place. Then someone hugged me so tight and it reminds of him. When he freed me from his embraced I saw his face. He was taller and he was a very handsome teenager. Oh I was jealous. He was more handsome than me even in his teen. I wonder how do he look when he grow up to an adult. My ego hurts. But I was happy; very happy despite being stuck in this very strange situation.

          There are few things that I hate very much and one of them tears of my beloved one. He cried when we parted from our embrace. I don’t know why he was crying but I don’t want to see him in tears. Later he told me he was too happy to see me so he cried. How cute. He asked my name and I did the same. “Seungri” was his name. What an odd name but it surely suits him. He took me to nearby restaurant and we had meal. I guess it was afternoon because he said “lunch”. He didn’t change at all. He still talks a lot. He told me everything. I was amazed; he seems like doing well in this new place by himself

               I thought it was my last time with him because it was almost dawn when I  was conscious in that water and I was sure when I go back it will be day time and I will be safe and  I won’t see him again. The thought of not seeing him again makes me wants to stay here more but I can’t do that. He showed me his new school and his dorm. It seems like he studies in one of the best school because the school building and compound looks like it was only made for rich kids. However I ignore my curiosity about his school because at the very moment he was the one most important to me. When it was about to twilight I realized I stayed here too long with him. I don’t know when the time makes me disappear and send me back to the water so I properly greets him goodbye. He cried a lot. He begged me not to leave. I wish if I could help.

             When I looked around I was still surrounded by water, very deep blue water. It seems like I was in an isolated island with no one around. It was creepy but the view was breathtaking. I could see the edge which was covered in white sand and rocks. I tried to reach the edge but it seems like it was going further away which makes me still floating in the middle of the sea. What was really happening to me? I was scared. I thought when the day comes, people will save me but here not a single living being seems to be living in this beautiful island. I really don’t know what should I do to get out from this sea? My limps are all sour due to swimming too much and I could feel my body as ice cold. I thought my day has come. It was my day to leave this world. I felt my tears were running down from my eyes but before it reached my month it was washed away by the water. All of a sudden I missed him. What was all that meeting about? I will surely never see him again and I really don’t know whether he is still alive in this world. When I was thinking about him I felt like I was drowning into the sea.

              I was in a middle of crowd. People are looking at me strangely. I realized I was in a school and saw lots of student wearing navy blue uniform. It seems like some function was going on. Then I saw the banner at the top, where it was written “HAPPY 54^th GRADUATION DAY”. Where was I? This school was new to me, so do the place. Was he somewhere here? I seared for him and there he was at front row chair talking happily with one girl. Why do I feel bad when I see him smiling at that girl? He looks more handsome than the last time and the tux he put; OMG I felt myself blush. I never saw someone so handsome in my life. He saw me and ran towards me in that crowd. As usual I was greeted by his bone crushing hug. After a while he took me a corner where we can talk.

            “You look so handsome”. Oops it slipped from my tongue. I shouldn’t act like teenage girl. He was shy by my complement and he looks adorable when he blush. He said he was graduating from high school. The little kid who I met few hours ago was now celebrating his graduation day. The kid who’s nonstop talking and carefree laughing makes me think about him even in deadly situation and convert me into something else which I was not. The kid who unconsciously made me falls for him was graduating from his high school. I feel so proud. I sit at the back chair among other guest at the function and my only focus was him. He once in a while looked at me and I smile when ever our eyes met.

          I found myself on a busy road. What the hell? I was enjoying his function and I was teleported here on this busy road without even getting a chance to say goodbye. Ohh I know this place. I was in choengdamdong and I could see few shops down there and that café. Huh? There was café but there it was written bookstore. Was I still in time zone? It doesn’t seem decade old but few years old. I was in deep thought when someone bumps into me. Why couldn’t people see where they were going? Then I was hugged by that person. Oh that was familiar. Only one person hug me like that and I was sure it was him. So I hugged him back. I missed him even though I was literally with him few minutes ago.

          His hair style changed and he look more mature. How many years would have been passed since the graduation day I wonder? But the smile and the way he look at me hasn’t been changed. Even though he didn’t said anything but I could see longing and admiration in his eyes. And I m sure my eye looks the same. We hung around the city hand in hand. It felt nice to hold his hand. His hand was so warm. This time we were in my place, my city so I know where we were going. I took him to those entire places I used to go when I was trainee. I was worried because he was living alone in this big city but he said he was with his high school friend which made me remind of that girl on his graduation day. No, he wouldn’t rush into things like that. Probably he was staying with one of his male friend then again I was afraid. Why was I feeling insecure when he was not even mine? This time zone was making me crazy.

          I had to go when the time comes. This time he cried infront of me and begged me not to leave him. I could feel how much I meant to him and he does the same to me. I decided I would look for him when I get out from this time zone. Now I was sure that I would find him in this city. So I kissed his forehead and said “wait for me”. Because I don’t know how much time I would take to get out from this time zone and I also really don’t want to lose him. 

          I was lying on the sand when I woke up. I felt too weak to even turn head to look where was I? But one thing I was sure that I reached the edge. I was too happy but at the same time my head hurts like hell. When my eyes was about to close I saw that lady again but she just smiled at me and disappeared in thin air as if she was not there in the first place. Then darkness consumed me.

          I woke up in my bed covered in sweat all over my body and I panicked after realizing what I had dreamed about. I put on my cloths in haze and left my home in a rush. I remembered everything. I wanted to see his face so desperately. It was still early morning so I was able to reach his place in ten minute without any trouble from traffic. I didn’t take the elevator because I didn’t have patience to wait for elevator to reach the ground floor. I climbed the stairs without resting. I reached his floor and I was panting with lack of oxygen in my lung. I knocked on his door like a mad man. It seems like he was in a deep sleep because he took time to open his door. When he saw me at his door step he was surprised.

          “Jiyong what...” he was about to say something but I interrupted him with kissing him on his lips. He froze for a few second then he respond. He kissed me back and I was in cloud nine. He kept my word. He was waiting for me till now. I regret that I didn’t tell him how I feel when I felt something was there between us from the very beginning. Indeed it was there; our love.

          “Thanks for still waiting for me” I said when we parted from our first kiss. He looked confused and I chuckled. He hasn’t changed a bit. “I remembered” I said. “Remembered?” he was still confused. May be he was still in his sleep or maybe he thought he was dreaming. “I remembered out time since from your childhood.”  I said while holding his face in my palm and pressing my forehead to his. He looked at me like he was seeing me for the first time then he hugged me. How I missed his hug but he hugged me too tired that I was feeling difficult to breath. “I can’t breathe” I said. He loosened his hug but I was still in his embrace. I could hear his sobbing. He was still a cry baby; my cry baby.

          After I don’t know how much time has passed since we stayed in each other embrace I realized we were still on his doorstep. “Let’s get inside” I said. He just nodded and we went inside. He was still sobbing. Even though he was crying because of happiness I hate to see him in tears. I let him sit in couch in his living room and about to go to get water for him but he caught my hand and stopped me. “I’m going to get you water”. I said. I knew he was scared that I will disappear again like before but this time I was not. This time we were not in some crazy time zone. “I don’t want water” he said with his husky voice. Sure he does. I took his hand and lead us to kitchen. I gave him a glass of water and he drank that in one go. Sure he doesn’t want water. I chuckled.

           He took a sit at one of his dining chair and let me sit beside him still holding my hand. He was looking at me with so much love in his eyes without saying anything. It seems like he was still in trance. I couldn’t resist the adorable look on his face and his pink lips looks so tempting that I couldn’t hold myself from kissing his lips again. This time with more passion and more desire, he kissed me back with the same intimacy. If breathing was not necessary then we would never have parted to take breathe. “I love you so much” I said. He smiled and said “I love you more”. And kissed me one more time but it was just a pecked on my lips.

          Words weren’t needed between us. I didn’t apologize nor, he asks for any explanation. We didn’t express how we feel because it was clearly showing in our eyes. I never believed about destiny and soul mate before but now I do. It was destiny that I met him even after I have forgotten about him and fall in love with him again. He is indeed my soul mate. Ever since he came into my life, I feel complete. I feel like I can conquer the world with him; only with him. 

               He cooked us breakfast; he is such an amazing cook. It seems like I need to learn a lot from him because besides music I really don’t know anything. I stayed with him till afternoon at his apartment, playing around. I felt like I m in my teen again experiencing my first love. Then we came to my apartment. He was excited to see my CD collection and played one song which I least listen. Ironically it was his favorite song. But today that song seems more melodious and feels awfully nice. I never thought that my life will turn out like this which looks like a fairy tales but I still don’t know who was that angel who let me meet him? If I ever meet her again, I will sincerely thank her for sending him in my life.

              I can feel that now my life will change to a better one. Even if unpleasant things happen in future, I will endure it. I will do it for him. I will make him the happiest person in this world because he does the same to me. I can’t even measure how happy I am right now. All thanks to this sleeping figure on my bed. How cute he looks while sleeping. Apparently I stopped him from going back to his home. And I won’t hesitate to do that again.

          I will write you a lot later on but right now I’m going to cuddle with my cutie pie.  

With lots of love

JiJi (seungri  wants to call me this name)