Dear diary

 To whom have you been waiting for? This question has been asked to me lately by my friend. He knows me too well. He noticed that I’ve been waiting for someone from last few years. Yes I’m indeed waiting for someone who is very far from me and who is not aware that someone is waiting for him in this world because he doesn’t know me yet. The time didn’t come yet but I feel that the time is in the corner even though I know him from since I was six year old. Strange huh…!!! Yeah it feels strange. At first I also felt like that but now I understood all the things that happened after I saw him few months back.

          I was six year old when I first met him. I was crying due to some small fight in school. I was taken aback when someone comfort me. I thought I was alone in that small park but he was there sitting beside me in that park bench. He was not there when I first came by and I didn’t see someone coming. I was not afraid to see him rather I was amazed to see such a beauty infront of me. He was smiling and petting me like I’m made of some delicate element. He was a strange man. Yes man; He was near twenty or little more at that time. He talked so nice with me and entertained me with his amusing jokes. I laughed so much and I forgot that I was crying at the first place. He made me happy. “Hey, take this. It will give you strength and make you strong” he said while giving me a small golden chain. We stayed in that park for a while and when it was about to get dark, I decided to go back home. When I turned around he was not there anymore. I searched for him around the park but I couldn’t find him as if he disappeared in thin air. I thought he was new in my place and will definitely see him next day but I didn’t see him.

          After two years from that small moment I saw him again. He appeared infront of me with that same charming smile and same beauty. I was eight year old that time. I was too happy to see him that I hugged him instantly. I ‘m sure he was taken aback by my sudden gesture. During first few minutes I didn’t realized that something was strange about him then I realized he was as same as two year ago. He didn’t age and he was in that same outfit. Since I was still a kid that time I didn’t bother to ask about those things. I was just too happy to see him again. When he disappeared two year ago, and I did not found him after that, I thought god has sent me an angle to take care of this crying child. Although I don’t believe in such thing now but I was only a kid back then and you know kid has all sort of imagination from all those fairy tales. This time I was playing nearby my school when he showed up. I toured him around my school and showed him my classroom. He disappeared after a while like before without any word. I was sad when he was gone. Even though we met for only two times but I felt attached to him. There was something in him that pulls me towards him.

          After that he took three years to come back. I was starting to lose my hope to see him appear from nowhere but he came. I was eleven that time. He was as same as before; nothing has change about him. We talk a lot that time. I told him what I did during the last three years. He encouraged me and congrats me when I told him that I got first rank in my class (I was always a topper in my class.). He was happy that I was doing well in my school. I was so happy with him and do not wanted him to leave me but time is inevitable. When he was near me I feel protected and confident. He was gone when the time came and left me in tears.

          I was sent to a boarding school when I reached 13 year old. That was my family norm to send their children to boarding school to make them learn how to be independent from very young age. And I was sent to a place which was quite far from my hometown.

 I was sure that he will come back but this time he took little longer to come. Since from that time my eyes always used to search for him and expecting him to appear from thin air. Even after enrolling in boarding school in other place, my eyes never felt tired to search for him. Then one day he came and I was fifteen year old that time. I never felt so much happiness in my life like that.

“Hey what happen?” he asked when he saw me crying and he was confused to see me in tears. “Why did you take so much time to come?” I asked him. “Sorry, I was bit busy” He said while caressing my face with his ice cold hand but it makes me so warm from inside. His smile hasn’t been change and his beauty was beyond my imagination. Although I was fifteen but I was also a growing teenage and for the first time I felt something in my heart for him. It was different from what I was feeling for him from the last few years. I asked his name for the first time. “Kwon jiyong” was his name. I would never forget that name.  

 Since I was in boarding school I cannot go around showing him this new place. I just took him to nearby restaurant and had a great lunch. I told him about my new school, my new friends, those teachers who praised me and those whom I don’t like.

“I’m very happy that you are doing very well in this new place” he said. I always feel ecstatic when he praises me. That day he was not in a hurry and spent all afternoon talking and laughing. I showed him my new school and my hostel. Actually it was a holiday so I could easily run around my school compound. At around evening he told me that he has to go and greets me proper goodbye. It was a first time since we met that he said goodbye. I hugged him and begged him not to go but without even noticing he was gone.

 I cried so much that night. The way he said goodbye I was sure that it was our last meeting and I don’t want that. I wanted to see his warm smile again. I wanted to hear his encouraging and comforting word again. I wanted to see his angel like face again. I wanted to feel his warm hug again. I was so sad for a few days but after that I was so caught up with my upcoming exam and projects that I forgot about my sadness. Then I joined my high school in other place which was very different from my previous school. I made new friends and during that time I stopped searching for him. May be because I stopped expecting him to show up from thin air but I never forget about him. The chain he gave me was still on my neck and that makes me believe that he was real. It was not my illusion.

                  I was in my final year of my high school and I was having my best year of my school life. It was on our graduation day when I caught someone looking at me from far away. My breath stopped for a while. He came back. I was seventeen year old that time but he was as same as before. Nothing has changed. I rushed to him and hugged him. I forgot that we were in the middle of crowd. Students were looking at us and making commotion. Not because we hugged in public place. It was because of his weird hair color. His hair was platinum blonde with little bit pinkish shade. Not a normal hair color for sure. That was the one reason I thought he was an angel when I first met him. We went to talk around the corner. For the first time he said I look handsome (Ofcourse I was in a black tux) but somehow I felt shy by his compliment. Although he was as same as before, but there was something changed. The way he looked at me with longing and admiration. The glitter in his eyes when he looked at me made my heart skipped its beat. I felt something between us but I didn’t say anything to him. Since it was my graduation day we didn’t get much time to spend together. We the final year students were called to sit in front row so that we would get special treatment. From time to time I was checking on him. He was sitting at the back seat and constantly looking at me with a shy smile. When the program was over I rushed back to join him but to my disappointment he was already gone. Once again I was left with feeling empty inside my chest. I was sad but not like before because I was sure that he will come back.

          I was eighteen year old when I joined my college. I was attending a college in Seoul. I was excited of this new freedom and ready to explore this new place. It was during my freshmen year, when one day I was coming back from college due to cancellation of my class, I bump into someone on road. Yes it was him. I hugged him in an instance. It has become my natural instinct to hug him and he also respond me the same.

          “Hey look at you; you seem like having a blasting time in college.” He said. “Yeah college is cool but I missed you though.” I said. “I missed you too even though it was such a short time” he said. Short time!!! This past one year felt like one life time for me. We hung around the city whole day. We talk, we laughed, we hugged and our hand was interlocked the whole time. I felt so happy. My stomach was full of butterflies and I kept on blushing all the time. He asked about my college life and asked about my new friends.

                “I’m worried about you. Living alone in this big city...”    “Don’t worry. I’m staying with one of my friend from my high school.” I cut him off before letting him finish his sentence. “Even though I don’t feel good to know you are alone in this city. Promise me; you will take care and please don’t linger around the city at night. Hmm?” he asked. I just nodded. He was worried about me for being alone in this big city. I felt good. I thought there was someone who really cares about me besides my family. I felt touched. I felt loved.  

                      From the very beginning I knew that he was special but now I’m sure that he is indeed very special person in my life that I never wanted to lose. I didn’t want our time to finish that day but no one can stop the time. He has to leave at the end of the day and I was so fed up of his disappearance. This time I cried in front of him and his face frowned to see me sobbing. I started to feel scare that what will happen if he don’t come back. I was being paranoid. Eventually he left but before that he embraced me in his tight hug and kissed my forehead. When I closed my eyes he whispered three words in my ear “wait for me”. When I opened my eyes again he was not there.

                          Since then I was waiting for him. It has been five years and until now he didn’t show up. I started to feel like dream but this damn gold chain on my neck didn’t let me. When I see this chain, it gives me hope. I started questioning myself whether he was real or it was actually all my illusion?  Now I’m grown up and mature enough to think logical. I started wondering about all those meetings with him ever since my childhood. Ample of question keeps on piling in my conscious mind about all those things that I didn’t bother to ask him. Why he looks same all the time? How does he always know where about me? All these questions are making me crazy. I started thinking; is it worth to wait for someone who is like a dream?  But my heart doesn’t follow my mind. Deep down inside my heart I still believe that he is real and he will definitely come to me because I couldn’t forget his last word to me.

                          When I started thinking that my life has become like a puzzle something unexpected happened. Before two month I went on tour to Japan with some of my college friends to have fun. Tokyo was a very vibrant city with so much life and happenings. It was that season of the month when singers around the world come there to perform at Music Mega Festival. We were hanging around the market, and there crowd was phenomenal. In that crowd I saw someone familiar who I never expect to see. He was there with bunch of other celebrities giving an autograph to fans. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. He was infront of me with the same smile but his eyes were cold. My friends got excited when they saw beautiful female actress and rushed to get an autograph and I was also dragged by them to the crowed area. I was awestruck to look at him and my heart was beating 120 miles per second. When he looked at me our eyes met and we stared at each other for a few second but he ignored me as if I’m just a mere stranger. If I say I was not hurt it would be a terrible lie. I was crushing inside but I don’t know what to do. I never expect that I will meet him under such circumstances and the most shocking I never expect he will turn out to be some well known celebrity.

                   That night I searched about him in an internet. Kwon jiyong is well known as G Dragon. And he is a reputed/famous singer, song writer and song producer. He has numbers of hit songs. I wonder how come I never heard of him? He sure is famous with millions of fans around the world.  I might have but since he go by his stage name, i may not have bother to check. Oh... Yeah I forgot I’m nerd that always stuck in library and don’t have much knowledge about entertainment world. I do know some singers but there are also thousands of famous singers whom I don’t know and maybe he falls under that category. I noticed one thing when I saw him in that crowd is that his hair is thrilling red. Which is unusual to have a hair like that but it suits him perfectly. When I searched his picture in Google, I noticed he has so many hair colors which I can’t figure out which one is the best. All are too good. I found he happened to be that type of person who has love and hate relationship with their hair. He seems to be changing his hair color way too frequently. When I was looking through his videos in YouTube I found his birthday party video which is self made. I was surprised when I saw my golden chain which he gave me is on his neck.

 Now my puzzle was about to solve and I think I can answer all those questions.

               Have you ever heard of Time Travel? I never believed in those things. I thought it only exists in novels and movies but now I kind of believe it. He was time traveling from present to past and in that adventurous journey he met me in different time period.

                I have seen his thousands of picture with all his different hair style and color but I didn’t see the exact hair color which I used to see throughout my life. Does that mean he didn’t start his adventurous journey? He didn’t meet me yet. But I feel that he is going to meet me soon because a week before he changed his hair color and that is exact the same color which I have seen him so many times. I’m excited and scare at the same time. What if he doesn’t come to find me when he got back from his journey? Atleast I’m happy that I can see him whenever I want. Even if we are world apart, I can watch over him since every little action of his is being captured. Being famous is pretty hard huh… now I m eagerly waiting for him to go and meet me in my past. Till then I will wait for him with full of faith and hope.

With lots of love

Seungri…