I hate myself for diving in too deep and finding myself lost in a maze of your charms. Why do I have to see you as anything but a friend – what we’re supposed to be? I take note of things I never thought I’d ever notice if it weren’t for my dying need to be someone you could rely on; lean on. The soft touches you’d give me when you’re happy, and the suffocating silence when you’re sad. You’re habit of bottling things up, maybe because you’re the oldest in your family, you need to keep it together for the younger ones. I love all these little things about you, but there’s also a lot I hate. I hate how you’d flirt with your eyes because I knew the spark you’d have when you think you’ve found the one. I hate how you'd smile at me when everything’s wrong. And, I hate how you’d only text me when you’d call everyone else.

“Wendy.”

Your soothing voice was my remedy when I was stressed or upset. You always say your voice is your complex because you think it’s too soft and weak, but you’d never know how important your voice is to me. Every time you talk to me, I never want to reply. I just want you to keep talking with the beautiful voice you were blessed with, but that can never turn into conversation. “Yes?” I replied like every other time. I looked at you, not missing a moment of anything you do. I don't want to miss anything. The way you fix your hair or your lips. Or the way you blink or laugh. I cherish every moment I spend with you. Whether it is a second or a day. 

“I haven’t seen you lately.”

Yes. You haven't. We haven’t. I nodded, “Well… you have a boyfriend, so it’d only make sense that’d you’d spend time with him.” I didn’t want to sound bitter about it and I didn’t. I was happy when you told me the news but it was also the day I fell for you harder. Ever since I knew you, I found it hard to take my mind off you. You’d just slip into my mind without warning and mess it up before leaving. I used to tidy after you but now I don’t even bother because you’d come back and mess me up again.

“I broke up with him.”

I noticed a change in your tone. You weren’t sad about the break up and I knew why. You fell for someone else and now instead of feeling sad, you felt sorry; sorry for your boyfriend, who loved you so much only to get nothing in return. But, at least he got to call you his girlfriend. That’s much better than what I had gotten. “What happened? You’re not upset about it” I wasn’t interested in the answer. I knew the answer. I just wanted to hear her voice.

“I love someone else.”

Love? You’ve never said ‘love’ before. “Who?”

“Who do you love?”

You asked me a question I’d never want to discuss with you, “No one.”

“You’re lying.”

I guess you can see through me just as much as I can see through you, “I’m not.” I still lie nevertheless. It works better for the two of us when the atmosphere gets heavier like now. We lie but reply with the truth. Why do we do that? Why can’t I just say the truth? Do I fear that our friendship would crumble just by three words leaving my mouth? I do.

“Okay…”

You looked down and fiddled with your fingers. You do that when you’re disappointed. Are you disappointed in me? Were you expecting something? I normally could care less about disappointing someone, but you’re lucky that I don’t have the heart to do that to you. “Who do you love?” I asked again. We can always start the conversation again. You looked up with hope in your eyes but soon denied it and looked back down again. That hurt me.

“You’d never look at me.”

Your voice was a mere whisper but I heard it loud and clear, “I am looking at you.”

“Sure.”

You were still disappointed, “I’ve always being looking at you.” You looked up with the sweetest smile I’ve ever seen you smile. And, I fall for you again. Your smile was all I needed to allow all my worries to wash away. So I asked, “Would you look at me?”

“I’ve always being looking at you too.”

I love you Bae Joohyun, Irene Bae. And, in this moment as I looked at you and you looked at me, we felt it. You felt my love and I felt your love. You loved me back, so I smiled. “I’ll never take my eyes of you.”

“Me too.”