Chapter 10

Han

My cheeks burned from the cold, and my lips burned from something else as I lit up my next cigarette.

I hadn’t meant to kiss him back.

I think I’d known before he’d ever touched me that he wasn’t gay, but a small part of me wanted the easy way out that would have provided. I wanted him to walk away because I wasn’t sure I would have the willpower to do it myself.

Then he’d kiss me, and I thought… a few seconds wouldn’t hurt. Just to kill the curiosity. Just long enough to blame on the alcohol, then we could pretend like it didn’t happen, and I could stop being fascinated by him.

That had been the plan.

But then his hand had tightened in my hair, and I was swept away by my weakness for kisses with a little edge.

It was why I didn’t date nice guys. They were just too tamed.

This kiss, though, was a paradox. It was sweet and soft, like I would expect a kiss from Golden Boy to be. But every time I’d thought of pushing away, there had been something- a pull on my hair, a graze of teeth, a press of his hips- that had frayed my thoughts and kept me kissing him. I don’t know how he managed to be soft and rough at the same time, but I had to hand it to him, it was kind of mind-blowing.

It was also the worst idea.

I was with Rap Monster. Or I was supposed to be.

God, I was such a screw-up.

Rap Monster made sense for me, and I for him. I just had to remember that.

That slap was an over-reaction, but there had been a hurricane of emotion wreaking havoc in my chest- lust and fear and guilt- and I had just snapped.

I fumbled with the new cigarette Iron gave me. If I weren’t careful, it would end up on the ground like my last one.

“Should I be going after that guy?” he asked. “I’m a little unclear on your feelings at the moment.”

Join the club.

"No, Iron. But thank you. He’s just a friend. We’re both a little drunk. Nothing to worry about.”

Except I wasn’t drunk. Not really. I had no excuse other than stupidity for my own behaviour. Well, that and how hot Jungkook was. Yep. We should definitely blame on his hotness.

I looked at my watch and balked. I only have a minute left in my break. I must have kissed him longer than I thought. Jungkook joined the very short list of things in life that had that kind of time-bending effect on me. Or more correctly, kissing Jungkook joined that list.

Iron asked, “I’m going to the toilet. You want me to walk you in?”

I took a deep drag and shook my head. “No, I’m good Iron. I’ll go inside in about a minute. Go ahead. I’ll be fine.”

I stayed by the door, finishing up my cigarette. It was a pointless exercise. The slow inhale and exhale was doing absolutely nothing to calm me down. I used my heel to dig at a weed that had sprouted up in between the slabs of concrete. It was amazing how even in the middle of a city- a world of hard stone and cold metal- something living can overcome and emerge to see the light of day.

The heavy metal door swung open again, and I was standing too close. It clipped me in the shoulder, and I dropped my second cigarette of the night as I pitched forward.

An arm caught me around the waist before I hit the pavement.

“I gotcha, babe.”

The guy reeked of alcohol. He pulled me up and close to his body. His head was shaved, and he had a few tattoos. He might have been my type on the surface, but his arm was tight around my waist in a way that didn’t feel comfortable or appealing.

I faked a smile. “It’s okay,” I said. “I’m good.”

His eyes were narrow and dark, and they left my face to look down at my body. His hand curved around my bare waist, and his dry thumb traced one of the lines of my tattoo. “I bet you are.”

The hair on the back of my neck stood on end, and time seemed to slow down and speed up at the same time. Blood rushed beneath my skin and roared in my ears.

No matter how many times I felt this kind of panic, it always seemed to catch me by surpass. And each time, I associated it with the night of Sunwha’s accident. The fear from now mixed and muddled with the fear from then, and I felt the terror building in my throat. One of my arms was pinned to my side, but I moved the left one between us, and pushed at his chest.

“Let me go.”

His breath was warm and cloying against my face. He jerked me to him, and it bent my hand back , shooting pain through my wrist. I craned my head around, but the street was deserted, and there was no telling when Iron would be done from the toilet.

“No need to get upset, dolly. We’re just having a little fun.”

“You’re drunk. And I’m not having fun.” I squirmed and bucked against him. He moaned and his lips with a slurping sound. I was beyond scared and disgusted. He might have been stronger but I would make it hard as hell fo