Hey you,

So today I realized what acutallly happened yesterday. Jung Daehyun said that it was his first day, which means he will be there from now on. I mean, I'll be able to see him everyday, of course just if he wants that but I think you get my point. But still, I believe that he does because as soon as I reached my locker I saw him standing there. I thought that he was just standing there, like every other normal person would, but it actually seemed like he was waiting for someone. What really surprised me was that he seemed to be waiting for me because as soon as he saw me he walked over to me and greeted me nicely.
"Hey Youngjae. How are you today?" I looked at him shortly but I quickly looked away since I needed to unlock my locker to take out my books for the first lesson. After all I didn't want to be rude or anything so I decided to turn back to him, giving him a little smile.
"Hey. Uhm, I'm OK. How about you?" it was actually unnecessary to ask him that because it was quite obvious that he was feeling fine.
"Awsome! And guess why?" I couldn't really help but chuckle quietly. I actually found his behaviour very sweet so I decided to just play along.
"Mh... maybe you got into the basketball team so you're super excited now?" he laughed, which made me just wanna hug him.
"Yes I did but that's not what I'm excited about." he frowned but chuckles lightly and stepped closer to me which made me feel more nervous. "I'm excited about us being in the same class! Isn't that just awsome?"
"Oh really?" I was seriously surprised but I didn't know how to find that, because he seemed to be one of those popural kids and not even a bit of a nerd ( which would be the only tipe of people which'd probably really want to hang out with me if those in my school just weren't THIS arrogant). I was sceptical about how this'd end but I thought that I'd just give it a try. 
"Yeah! So what I actually wanted to ask you is, do you already have someone sitting next to you?"
"No. No, I don't and I don't really believe that you would want to sit next to me because if you do so I can already tell you that you will be hated just because you talk to me. So, I don't want to ruin your school-life that's why I'd not recomend si-"
"Don't you think you are EXTREMELY unsure about yourself? I mean, I barely know you and to me it seems like I like you more than you do yourself. I mean.. I don't want to be rude but do you get what I'm saying?" I actually needed a second to think about what he just said. I've never been confronted with my problem like this, so it kind of immediately made me feel down. So I just closed my locker and looked at him. He looked like he was sorry for what he said.
" I-I'm sorry I didn't mean to ma-"
"No. No, It's fine. I mean, you're 100% right about what you said but it's surprising me that you actually really seem to care about that."
"Don't you care about this?"
"Not really, no. Why should I? I mean, I'm getting told on daily bases how much of a bad person I am just because I say what I think. Someday you just start to believe that too and some other day you start to ignore your own thoughts. So why would you care about this if I don't care myself?" he looked at me like I would have told him that my pet died or something. It seemed like he was sympathizing me, which was the last thing I needed so I just turned around after some seconds since I thought that he didn't have anything more to say. 
"Youngjae. Your thoughts are ed up." I need to stop walking as I heard that. I looked at him over my shoulder and gave him a little smile.
"I know, but I try to ignore this fact."

I won't talk about the lessons I had today because history was none of them so it'd be boring to tell you about them. But one thing that's not so boring is that Daehyung actually really decided to sit next to me. He was quiet but he looked at me very often which made me wonder what was so interesting about looking at me. I grabbed a piece of paper and wrote "Are you finally done stairing at me?" and shove it over to him. He looked at it and grabbed a pen. I watched him write an answer to my question on the same paper. He shove the paper back to me and I read his response. "Never. You're way too interesting to look at.". I just chuckled quietly and shook my head, giving him a little smile since he grinned widely and continued to concentrate on the lesson.

I actually planned to go to the library during lunch time but guess what, Daehyun wanted me to go to the schools backyard with him so I did. The backyard was a very nice place to be at because at lunch time there's noone around so it was very quiet.
"Don't you actually want to eat something now?" I asked him but he just sat down in the grass so I did to. 
"No. I ate a lot for breakfast, but what about you?" he looked at me and I looked back at him. He really has beautiful eyes, noone can deny that.
"No. I never eat for lunch. I just eat breakfast and dinner."
"You do know that that's not really healthy?" he looked quite sceptical but that soon faded away as he lay down onto the grass.
"Yeah, I do. But a lot about my lifestyle is unhealthy so that's nothing." I looked at him but then decided to just lie down beside him. The grass felt very nice.
"I sadly can believe that."
"Why sadly?"
"Because it shouldn't be this way." I frowned lightly and just placed my hands onto my belly, feeling him stair at me.
"A lot of things shouldn't be the way they are."
"Youngjae. You are by far the most pesimistic person I ever met and this is not a compliment." I had to laugh at this before I just looked back at him.
"Mind if I take it as a compliment?"
"Yes because it wasn't meant to be one." I chuckled lightly because I found this very amusing. I to my side and rested my head on my arm, looking at him the whole time. Maybe it's just me but I think that anybody could look at him for hours because of his beauty.
"Whatever."
"You know what's the one question that's going through my mind when I look at you?"
"What?"
"Why does this amazingly interesting person dislike himselt this much?"
"Well, first of all I'm not amazingly interesting at all and second, I have a mirror, I know what I am and nothing about me is something nice. Well, no. Maybe my good grades but that's all."
"That's totally not true."
"Of course it is."
"No! You know what? I maybe know you for a day now but I can already give you a list of great things about you!" 
"Really?"
"Yes! For example, YOU ARE SMART. And not smart in only the school-type of smart but generally smart. You maybe don't notice but you also have a very calm way of speaking with people AND you are a very realistic person when it comes to everything but yourself. I don't know what's so hard about finding things about yourself that are likable."
"Daehyun, you don't get this whole thing. I never had any friends until last year. I got to know Yongguk-hyung but he left now. My family is not much of a help and the internet is the only escape I have. I'm alone the whole time. My parents aren't there and I just have one brother which lives in Canada now. I mean, I don't mind being alone but it's making me go crazy by now. There's nobody that WANTS to understand my struggle, at least I don't know such a person. I tried to make some friends but everyone tells me that I'm a freak so I just gave up on that. Didn't you hear it yet? "-CreepJae" is what they call me and you know what? The sad thing about it is that both is true. I'm a creep and I do like men. But I don't get what's their problem with that. But that's a general struggle. The one thing that really kills my positive thoughts is that every day I come back home, I lie down in my bed and I already know what my next day, week, the week after, the next year and even my life will look like. I would love to live my life not knowing what will happen the next day but that's just.. I don't know. Silly thought." by now Daehyun has also to his side, facing me and he was quiet for some seconds after I was done.
"I can't believe that you just said all this."
"Why?"
"Because... You're a great guy Youngjae. It's your life and you should be able to decide what to do with it. Do you have any hobbies?"
"Yeah... I'm a hobby-photographer."
"Then why don't you turn this into your profession? I mean, you can be a great photographer, living every day differently, not letting your life be predictable and live your dream with an amazing guy by your side. Nothing is impossible if you just believe in it."
"No I can't."
"Why not?"
"Because I can't escape the world I'm in now."
"I'll help you get out of it." I looked at him and he really seemed to mean it so I smiled at him.
"I admire how much of a positive person you are."
"Well, I guess we're like Yin and Yang?"
"Kinda."

And that was it. We went back inside as lunch time was over and you know what? I'm back home now and I feel good. I feel good about having this conversation with Daehyun. I believe that we can be friends because he seems to really care about what I say and he doesn't just ignore it. It's strange to be able to say this but...
I look foreward to seeing him again tomorrow. 

Yours,
Youngjae.