i. A strange person, a strange us

Amber was a little surprised when she found Soojung waiting under the oak tree outside her practice building with a boy she had never seen before. Both of them looked beautiful in the light that streamed through the new green leaves. It was June in Canada and the air still had a bit of an edge to it, up here in the mountains.

With another look, Amber confirmed that she definitely didn't know the guy. Even though it was only their second week at camp, she knew every attendee at least by name (and more often by hometown, birthday, and favorite ice cream flavor as well), and this boy was completely unfamiliar. Collecting new kids was really more of an Amber thing than a Soojung thing. But Amber acknowledged to herself, she had never seen Soojung around all new people before.

She had known Soojung a little before they became stepsisters, but that was pretty common in a small town like theirs. It wasn't the sticks or anything. They had their own highway exit, a hospital, a mall, with new faces coming and going as the job market ebbed and flowed. But stay a couple years, and you were guaranteed to be married to, divorced from, or feuding with half the families in town.

When Amber and Soojung's older sisters had left for college, each of their parents had gotten empty nest syndrome early, resulting in a typhoon summer of teacup drama, that finally ended with two parents packed up and gone, and Amber's mom and Soojung's dad setting up a new household together. The lovebirds were more interested in their new romance than their remaining children, so the two daughters learned to lean on each other.

But that was a whole summer ago. Things had finally settled down, and Amber, in the end, was glad to have Soojung as a sister, now that Jackie was away. Amber was older, but Soojung was more mature – and they were both Juniors, so Soojung helped her with Literature, while Amber contributed Calculus expertise.

This summer, she and Soojung had guilted their parents into sending them both to an expensive music camp for two months, while the honeymooners gallivanted off on cruises and dinner trains, and gosh only knew what else. It wasn't the highest level high school music camp – Soojung's application to that program had just scraped by admissions, while Amber's had barely not made the cut. So Soojung announced she preferred the company to the prestige, so here they both were – somewhere in the middle of the Canadian woods.

“Amber!”

She was happy to hear Soojung so upbeat.

“This is Kyungsoo. He's in my vocal group.” she said.

“O-M-G! That's awesome”

Both non-Amber participants in conversation were confused, and Kyungsoo had the wary look of someone deciding whether he was being made fun of or not.

“Look look. His name is KyungSOOOOOOOoooo, and your name is SOOOOOOooooojung! You guys are like... name homies!”

Soojung made a dismissive noise, and used her favorite nickname for her stepsister. “Stupid.” But she couldn't completely hide her smile from Amber.

Amber pretended to pout anyway. earning her a surprisingly painful punch in the arm.

“This is my sister, Amber.”

“Sister?”

“Stepsisters. It's a long story.”

“Your mom married my dad,” Soojung said with an eyeroll, counting on her fingers as she went, “that's only 5 words, Amber.”

“And you say you're no good at math!” Amber lunged over to pinch her cheeks with both hands. When Soojung finally fought her off, Amber turned to Kyungsoo.

“What up, what up! It's nice to meet you. I don't remember you being here last week.”

“Just got here. My doctor wanted me to take a break after school ended before coming out here.”

“Ah, that , man. What's wrong with you?” Amber could tell from Soojung's raised eyebrow that she thought the question was impolite, but Kyungsoo just gave her a slightly sad smile.

“I've got crap lungs. I know it's dumb for a kid with lung problems to come to a singing camp, but my doctor actually said the cool air might be good for me, as long as I don't overdo it.”

To Amber, it sounded like Kyungsoo already had a standing feud with the phrase “overdoing it”.

“Well, if you run out of lungs, ditch the warblers, and hang out in the song-writing class with me. No breathing necessary, I promise!”

“He was fine in class today. You'll be fine, Kyungsoo. Hey, show Amber how you smile.”

He did. It was a heart. Pretty damn cute, honestly.

“Eh heheh, that's nothing. I met this guy last summer who had heart-shaped nostrils. HEART SHAPED NOSTRILS! Henry was such a freak show though, for real.”

Soojung had already turned to leave and head for lunch, shaking her head, and Kyungsoo followed after her almost instantly, offering Amber only a quick smile as he turned away from her.

Amber watched them go, seeing how he looked at her and how she looked at him, gears already turning in her head. She was already inclined to like Kyungsoo, since Soojung had singled him out. Amber's favorite step-sister was much admired at home, but not exactly popular – apparently some people were put off by her reserved nature. And someone who attracted Soojung's attention in one morning had to be pretty awesome. Amber was the one who collected lonely new kids, introducing them to her wide circle of acquaintances and easing their way into a more permanent social home. Soojung though... in the last year Soojung hadn't had many friends other than Amber, and Amber was ecstatic at the thought of Soojung making a new connection.

More than that, Amber had almost instantly started to like Kyungsoo for himself. Maybe it was that she had just spent too much time with Soojung, but she thought she could already kind of feel what Soojung liked about him, though she couldn't put a name on it. In any case, any suitor of Soojung's was likely to have a hard time, and she knew she was a good friend to have on hand in case of Soojung-inspired lovesick emergencies. Kyungsoo seemed like he might be kind of the brooding type – and if there was anything Amber was good for, it was breaking forlorn young people out of the mopes.

Her face broke out into a giant grin, and she jogged to catch up.

“Yo! Soo Number One! Soo Number Two! Wait up!”

She thought of the rest of the summer stretching out in front of them. Hot and happy and perfect. 



ii. a long maze in between visions of you

The first time Kyungsoo saw Soojung, he knew she was special. It wasn't just that she was pretty. God knows, she was beautiful. He wasn't the kind of guy who would lie to himself about appreciating a pretty face, and she was just his type. But it was her attitude, her aura, that drew him in. She was the only person he had ever met who had ever been so completely neutral. She offered nothing, and wanted nothing in return. She didn't want you to want anything from her. Some people wanted you to find them mysterious, which was actually not very mysterious at all. Soojung just was mysterious. He stared at her, and she noticed. She looked at him and then looked away, not offended, not flattered, not embarrassed.

When he sang, she smiled at him, and he knew instantly that he was in love. Even after their 15 minute acquaintance, he knew she didn't smile as a social nicety. She smiled when she wanted to. Her smile was the most honest smile in the world, and that made it the most beautiful. It was a smile that ignited poetry in his soul and wrote passion into the depths of his heart.

She had come to introduce herself to him after morning practice was over. He didn't bother to hide his admiration, but didn't burden her with any expectations – just responding to her subdued, but ultimately friendly overtures. He found quickly that her tongue was sharp, and he liked that. He discovered next that despite that, she was actually very kind, and he liked that, too.

The first time Kyungsoo saw Amber he thought nothing at all, which was a bit odd, as there was plenty of food for thought in Soojung's tomboy sister. She didn't look anything like Soojung, but it turned out they were stepsisters, so that wasn't odd at all. Most of the girls at the camp dressed more for comfort than for fashion, but Amber Liu took it to an extreme, in basketball shorts and old sneakers. Her hair was cut boy-short, dyed yellow, and shaved on the sides. He supposed her features were attractive, and put together in a way that could be called appealing, but he barely noticed, still in the first flush of his fascination with Soojung.

Her hair gave her an edgy look, so he was surprised at her cheesy sense of humor, but he didn't dislike it. He could tell Soojung did like it for all that she pretended not to, and right then, that was about all he cared about.

Being around Soojung was overwhelming. It was a dizzying, adrenaline-filled breathlessness that left his head spinning and his heart racing. Just as he had first guessed, Soojung did not push, nor did she invite, so he found himself always seeking, looking for places where she might open up, or want to be prodded. It seemed like second nature to Amber, who was adept at needling smiles out of her stepsister, and greeting her scowls with a lighthearted grin. He, on the other hand, was terrified of her dark looks, even knowing she only half meant them, and was constantly agonizing over what would please her.

Every muscle hummed in anticipation. A thousand thoughts flooded his head, half love sonnets and half anxiety choruses: during class, during meals, during impromptu “jam” sessions – sprawled together across a bunk bed, weaving wordless descant lines between Soojung's silk melody and Amber's velvet harmony. It was exhilarating and exhausting.

After two weeks of it, Kyungsoo begged out of his group vocal class, claiming medical troubles, and found himself wandering the camp's grounds, pleased with the quiet, as most people were in class. He found Amber on the top of a grass covered hill, the brim of her backwards ballcap turned uselessly away from the sun. She was humming and absentmindedly strumming chords on a guitar, but looked up and smiled brightly when she saw him, patting the ground next to her.

“Hello there, Soo two! I mean, for real, you're Soo number one in my heart, but you can't tell Soojung that, right?”

He smiled back at her, and sat. She was joking, of course. Even when she played around, Amber wore her heart on her sleeve, never leaving anyone in doubt of her always ingenuous intentions.

“Hey, Amber. Skipping class today?”

“Nah. We've been set loose on the world to gather material for our songs. Songwriting camp is like, super-chill anyway. Like I said, you should hang with us...You do seem like a man who has a song to write.”

She gave him a comically pointed look, and he blushed, to his own further embarrassment.

“Is it that obvious?”

“Kyungsoo, have you ever met a teenager in love who was not obvious, or some kind of weirdo stalker? I'm just glad you're not that second kind.”

“Touche.”

“A-ha. You're even speaking french now! This is the worst case I've ever seen! So come on – music by Amber Liu, lyrics by Kyungsoo... whatever your last name is... I promise: it'll be a number one record.”

She said the last bit in a really horrible attempt at a cockney kind of English accent. He thought she might be referencing something, but he couldn't really tell, with Amber.

“Do you think it will help? Writing her a song?”

“Uhhhhhhhhhhh, well, I think it'll help you, in any case.”

For some reason, the thought appealed to him.

He skipped class again the next day to join Amber in her song-writing spot. She pried into his medical history and his plans for the future and his childhood fears, which were kind of all the same thing, and he found himself not minding at all. In return she told him all her stories about Soojung that were fit too be told, and Kyungsoo was bewildered by and in awe of Soojung-as-known-by-Amber, so different from the goddess/girl he knew.

His heart stopped racing, his muscles relaxed, his wild thoughts quieted.

He skipped class on Wednesday, too.

On Thursday, she arrived after him, without her guitar.

“Soo! We're collecting inspiration,” which she framed with exaggerated finger quotes, “come on! It's gonna be awesome!” And with that she was off, running to join a pack of singing teenagers, all headed into the woods.

The long hike ended in a near vertical scramble over large boulders, and Kyungsoo struggled, reaching the top far behind the others, gasping on his hands and knees. He could tell that Amber was trying not to show how sorry she felt for him, but she wasn't succeeding.

On Friday, he went back to class. He looked into Soojung's eyes while he sang and felt his heart go into overdrive again. He saw Amber laughing with her friends in the field outside the window, and tried not to feel bitter.

He barricaded himself inside his own room over the weekend, thinking about Soojung, and singing snippets of his Soojung song over and over again, trying not to push down that ugly taste in his mouth.

On Monday, he went to climb the mountain again. And this time, when he felt like he couldn't go any further, he pushed harder and climbed faster. When he reached the top he was rewarded with Amber's happy smile, with no trace of pity in her gaze.

After that week, he received some strong words from a counselor on not attending the class his parents had paid for him to come to this camp for, and he made an effort to go to his vocal class – more often than not, at least.

He still worshiped at the altar of Soojung. He still sang to her in class, mesmerized by her Soojungness. Most evenings, it was still the three of them, and he thrilled at her nearness.

But in their free afternoons, and some mornings when he skipped class, he followed Amber, tripping in her footsteps, running, jumping, climbing. Or just sitting, writing lyrics to her songs, while she coaxed more of his secrets out into the open.

He knew it wasn't really good for him. It certainly wasn't good for his singing, coming to class exhausted from the day before. And his attention to Soojung was probably faltering. His song to her remained unfinished, although it had been more than a month.

But he needed it. Even though he gasped and stumbled, his soul was content as long as he could keep pace.

So when she ran by him, eyes sparkling with some mischief, and someone else shouted “Let's go! We're going to jump off a waterfall,” he grabbed her outstretched hand and ran with her.

His heart thudded and his chest burned and he smiled. Today, he was going to jump off a waterfall. Today, he was going to fly.



iii. The place where it’s been written and erased countless times

Sooyeon was the number one person in Soojung's world, but Amber Liu was a close number two. Amber had already saved Soojung in a lot of ways in only just the last year.

She had been so embarrassed by her family's tawdry marital drama, that she had clammed herself up tight. Only Amber's constant overtures, her sincere friendliness, her forthright nature had opened Soojung up again. If her new stepsister had been more like herself, they would have treated each other with cool but polite civility, which only would have sent the town gossip machine into high gear. Someone an iota less understanding could have taken her awkward reserve as rudeness, and turned the entire school against her. Her classmates liked her, but very few actually knew her, and she knew they could turn on her in an instant. More than anything, she hated when people told lies about her. When they talked about her though they barely knew her, finding malice in any harmless action, a nod, a step, a blink.

Amber's open nature, her ability to draw Soojung out of her shell, had saved her from all that. When everyone had seen that the two stepsisters were as close as true sisters, there was nothing left to gossip about, and she was left blissfully alone.

It wasn't as if Soojung had only been lonely before Amber had come along. She and Sooyeon were as devoted as sisters could be, and whatever role Sooyeon didn't fill, her best friend did. But then Jinri had moved away, and Sooyeon went to college. Her family collapsed. Her mother left. Her father still lived in the house, but he was gone in his own way, too. She realized that she had no power to make people stay, but found that she could drive them away.

Only Amber wouldn't accept that. No matter how many times Soojung rebuffed her, Amber insisted on being the best and most true of friends. Even now, Soojung would call her Stupid and comment harshly on her jokes, but Amber never minded.

So when Soojung had gotten into the best summer music program in the country, and Amber hadn't, she acted like she preferred this less prestigious version, which was truly more like a camp, with free afternoons for hiking, or arts and crafts. Amber knew better, but she showed her gratitude by not embarrassing Soojung by bringing it up. It wasn't as if Soojung felt all that strongly about singing – for now, it was just something she could do – though all of the canoeing and bug collecting and leather key chain making was much more to Amber's taste than hers.

And when Amber stole the boy Soojung liked, Soojung tried her best not to be resentful.

It was a gradual process. At first, Kyungsoo liked Amber because Soojung liked Amber. But then when he started skipping class, she realized that he was spending time with Amber when she wasn't around. That didn't bother her. She wasn't a jealous person, and Amber was a good friend to have, she knew that better than anyone. And, of course she wanted Amber to like Kyungsoo. But then after he spent that weekend locked in his room, she could feel his attention start to shift.

She was pretty sure Amber didn't know. She was pretty sure Kyungsoo didn't even know, for that matter. And by the time she realized what was happening, she found that she did very much like Kyungsoo, actually. She wasn't in love with him; that wasn't really a concept that Soojung was comfortable with. But she liked him. She adored his perfect voice, obviously, and she was impressed by how he pursued singing so passionately despite his health problems. She liked the way he would climb in through her first floor window, sneaking in just to sing with her and Amber. She appreciated his developing golden tan, and his distinctive, thick, straight eyebrows.

She very much liked his approach to wooing her. Other boys always tried to impress her by proving their superiority – at sports, at music, at academics. She hated that. “I'm the best, so I deserve to win you.” She never knew if she was supposed to be the judge or the prize. But Kyungsoo only tried to make her happy.

So when Kyungsoo started following Amber around, and his gaze began to linger on her stepsister's daffodil-colored hair, it was a bitter pill to swallow. It was partially her own failings, she knew. He wasn't the only one who was eventually turned off by her cool attitude. It was only unfortunate that this time, she wanted to respond to his overtures with affection of her own, only just in time for his attention to swing elsewhere.

She tried to tell herself that it didn't really matter- it could only have been a summer fling anyway. But it still rankled – a burr in the folds of her hidden heart. The more she tried to bury it, the more it stung. But she was good at hiding herself away, and before she knew it, it was August. It was already starting to get cool here, where it would be sweltering back home, and the air smelled like a change of seasons. She called Jinri, since she knew the other girl would be starting school soon (and because she knew Sooyeon would know that something was wrong almost instantly). She had to call from a landline in a second floor lounge, since her phone barely got reception out in the wilderness. Then out the window, she saw Kyungsoo run into the woods, pulling Amber along with him. Amber tripped and almost fell, but managed to stay upright, and they both laughed as they ran on.

It was too much. All of the bitterness spilled out at once, leaving poor Jinri utterly clueless on the other end of the line, unable to process a suddenly sobbing, incoherent Soojung. After she had cried herself hoarse, she asked Jinri to sing to her over the phone. Jinri didn't sing much, but her voice was soothing and reminded Soojung of when they were children and everything was easy.

After that, she felt better for the outburst, and for Jinri's sympathetic coos. She returned to her room and pulled on her trail shoes, intending to hike into the woods, and maybe wade in the river. Maybe she wasn't running all over the place all the time like Amber, but she liked a bit of exertion, too.

When she stepped outside the building's door, all the other teenagers on the lawn outside turned to look at her. She was used to being looked at, but this was different. She shook it off, and continued down the steps, when a car pulled up.

Minho, one of the camp's college-student-counselors, stepped out, and ran over to her as soon as he saw her.

“Soojung, you have to come quick! There's been an accident and Amber and Kyungsoo are at the hospital now.”

With that, Soojung heard a loud buzzing in her ears, just before feeling her legs go out from under her. Minho was quick enough to grab her awkwardly before she hit the ground, and some other students helped him get her into the front seat of his car. The entire car ride, she didn't hear another word that Minho said - her thoughts raced in circles in her head and her fingers tore more fringes in her artfully cut-off shorts.

Finally. Finally, finally, finally, they pulled into a small hospital's parking lot, and Minho helped her through the door, up the stairs, and down a long hallway. The ground finally felt solid against her feet again when she saw Amber standing outside a closed door, with bandages on her arm and her forehead, but otherwise whole. She raced down the hallway and threw her arms around her stepsister's waist.

She felt like she could cry, but at the moment she had no tears. “Amber, I thought... I thought something happened to you.”

“I'm ok, Soojung. It's....I'm ok.”

Amber hugged her back for a moment, and then pushed Soojung back by her shoulders a little, to look her in the eyes.

“It's Kyungsoo... Kyungsoo and I got to the top of the waterfall before the others. I told him that we should wait for Minho because he knew the place we should jump because he had been there before, but Kyungsoo didn't listen, he jumped anyway. He hit his head, and has kind of a concussion, but it's really his lungs they're worried about, he took in so much water. They say he's going to live, but his lungs...”

Amber stopped to take a breath.

“I just got scraped up a little bit jumping in after him. I didn't hit my head all that hard, but Minho had to come save us both anyway.” She was smiling a bit now, though she still looked scared, and she was totally unprepared for Soojung's reaction.

“You're so stupid.” she half-shouted, pounding her fists against Amber's shoulders. “You took him just because wanted to keep him away from me.” It wasn't true, but Amber knew that SooJung knew that. Soojung sometimes said things like that when her emotions were too much.

“Soojung, it wasn't like that....”, she wrapped her arms around Soojung and held her while she ranted.

“I liked him. I really liked him! And you lured him off and drew him away! And you took him!”

“...It wasn't like that.”

“And you never even noticed, when he started to follow you on his own, and how hard he struggled just to impress you. He worked so hard to show you that he was just as good as Minho and the other boys. He jumped off a cliff for you! And you couldn't even bother to notice how he felt!”

Now Amber went perfectly still.

“Soojung. Soojung. I think...” and Soojung had never heard Amber's voice tremble like this before, “I think... I did know. I did kind of know. And I liked it. I knew he was yours and you liked him and he liked you, but I still did it anyway. Because I liked the way it felt, to have someone running after me. And I think, I think I kind of like him too.”

Soojung said nothing. Amber's confession made her feel a little bit better. At least she hadn't lost to someone who wasn't even trying.

“Soojung, this is all my fault.” And Soojung could feel hot tears against her shoulder.

Soojung sighed. It had been cathartic to blame Amber, but she knew Kyungsoo was perfectly capable of making his own choices. “...You really are stupid, you know.”

With that, the tension evaporated, and Soojung felt that if it weren't for the fact that they were outside the hospital room of their badly injured friend, she might even laugh.

“I know I am. I'm sorry.” Amber was pulling away to wipe the tears away from her face, and Soojung grabbed her hand.

“When he wakes up I'm going to tell him that I like him,”

“I guess I'm going to tell him I'm sorry.”

“You should tell him that you like him too.”

“Soojung...”

“You should tell him.”

“Does it matter? It's the end of the summer, and anyways, it's not like he's gonna even want to see me after this. My mom always said that boys don't like girls who lead them into certain doom.”

Soojung was not in the mood for Amber's relentless sense of humor. “You should tell him.”

Amber sighed.

“Ok, Soojung. I'll tell him.”

So they held hands, and kept watch at the narrow window in the hospital room door, half a dozen hopes and dreams resting on the rise and fall of Kyungsoo's chest.
 

Author's Note: So.... the plot started out a little bit L.M Montgomery, a little bit Cinderella's Sister, and then ended up as My Gir (the old movie, not the kdrama). /headdesk.

I'm not trying to make a point about anyone's faves, so please don't be mad at me for portraying anyone in an unfavorable light. Basically none of the characters are totally right about the others, if it's not obvious. I admit that I'm not that familiar with Kyungsoo, as compared to Amber and Krystal, so I apologize my artistic license on his part was totally off base. For Amber and Krystal, I can only blame my own ridiculous brain. Also, even though it's not really the loveline, and the longest section is Kyungsoo's narrative, I kind of like to think of this as a Kryber fic. 

Subchapter titles shamelessly shoehorned in from partial song lyrics.