Length: 9k
Genre: angst, romance, slice of life (warning for infidelity)
Rating: PG

Summary: Kyungsoo trying to figure out what does valentine's day really mean with the help of Jongin and ups downs relationship.

Sunday, February 14th, 2010 – Valentine’s Day

When most people think of Valentine’s Day, they think of love; flowers and chocolates given out to the ones they love, spending the day and night together. For Do Kyungsoo, Valentine’s Day has no emotional attachment. It really doesn’t mean much to him. After all, he’s really never been in a relationship. There’s always that first awkward kiss you have with a friend that never leads anywhere, he’s had countless crushes that never lead anywhere, and especially when he realized he was gay in high school, relationships never went anywhere.

This Valentine’s Day, however, Kyungsoo has a date.

A date. On Valentine’s Day. Who knew?

Kyungsoo has been talking with another guy over the internet for the last six months, a group chat, sort of dating site a friend randomly told him about. Curiosity got the best of the boy and he made an account, almost instantly getting message after message from strangers asking all kinds of question the boy was uncomfortable asking. His new found popularity startled him more so since his profile picture wasn’t even of him; it was of his favourite cartoon character, Pororo.

One boy, in particular, stood out to him when the boy sent him a private message amongst the group chat. A simple, ‘Hi’ was all it said, and after that, the two talked for several hours every day. Kyungsoo loves to talk to him – Kai; he said his name was – and find out more about the boy over the internet. Kyungsoo feels like he can be himself, be who he truly is when he’s talking to Kai. The boy doesn’t judge him for anything, and in fact, the two have quite a bit in common; from their love of artist things to singing to similar family issues to even their love for Pororo. They even live in the same town, their colleges are fairly close together, and are a year apart in age; their birthday’s being a year and one day apart. What are the odds?

Someone as amazing as Kai couldn’t possible exist in Kyungsoo’s eyes. He seemed too real, too ideal, too perfect to ever be interested in someone like Kyungsoo; shy, a little stand offish at times, and weird according to other people. Even the boy’s profile picture was gorgeous, if it was even him. Kai admits it is him, but Kyungsoo was sceptical at first, thinking no one on the face of the Earth could be as good looking as Kai; with his dark brown hair and gorgeous eyes, grinning at the camera nearly melts his heart every time Kyungsoo looks at it. Or, what if Kai was some old fifty year old ert who got off talking to younger boys? Gross. But, after more talking, and a lot of persuasion on Kai’s end, the two exchange numbers and agree to meet for the first time on Valentine’s Day after Kai gets off work from his part time job.

So, after checking him-self over several times in the mirror, making sure his outfit of blue skinny jeans and a basic black t-shirt matched according, Kyungsoo hurriedly run out the front door and grabs his winter jacket. He couldn't be late on his first meeting with someone he’s lately been close to; well virtually. He feels half excited, half anxious to meet him for real, more anxious really if you want his opinion. What if Kai doesn’t like him? What if they can’t have a real conversation, face to face instead and it makes every totally awkward. What if, when Kai sees what Kyungsoo really looks like, he’s disappointed and never wants to meet up. Or worse, what if Kai never comes in the first place? What if Kai stands him up?

Kyungsoo shakes his head, trying to rid of the nasty, worried thoughts that are somehow making him sick to his stomach. He’s more nervous than he was when he came out to his parents, and that ended really well.

The boy combs his bangs with his fingers, making sure they lay nicely enough as he pulls the address to the café the two are supposed to meet at from his pocket. They’re meeting at La Vie Café, six blocks from his college campus but a good mile from his house. If Kyungsoo walks fast enough, he'd arrive on time or maybe even early, and that would give him more than enough time for his nerve to cease.

Going on a date is a lot harder than Kyungsoo originally thought. Is he supposed to bring something? Like a gift? Is that what you do on date? He groans inwardly as he heads down the street, thinking he should have picked up a small gift of some sort to present to Kai.

∆∆∆

Kyungsoo soon arrives at the café. in a deep breath of fresh air, he opens the door and walks inside; his eyes instantly scanning for any signs of Kai. The café is busier than he thought it would be, but it’s to be expected since it’s close to two college campuses and most of the people in here are students, more couples than he thought would be at a café on Valentine’s Day. After a few quick glances around, unable to spot Kai, Kyungsoo takes a seat at one of the few open tables. He takes out his phone to check the time. Kyungsoo is on time, but Kai is a little late. He opens his messages, and when he sees he has no messages from Kai, Kyungsoo decides to text him.

“I’m here. Where are you? I’m at a table next to the window and the counter on the right.”

As seconds pass that seemed like hours, Kyungsoo’s mind begins to wander as it normally does when he’s stressed. He’s legs began to bounce underneath the table as he chewed on his fingernails, staring out the window for any signs of Kai. He could feel his heart beat faster and his anxiety climb. He checks his phone constantly, his heart sinking a little every time he sees there’s no response.

So, his worst nightmare came true after about forty-five minutes of waiting. He’s been stood up by Kai. Kyungsoo feels anguish building up, his eyes beginning to sting with tears, feeling like an idiot waiting for long as he did. It was a mistake to come out here, it was a mistake to try and meet up with Kai, and it was a mistake to get his hopes up. He’s about to stand up and leave when an unfamiliar voice comes to his attention.

“A-Are…are you D.O?”

Kyungsoo looks at the boy. His head is hung low so he can’t see his face. One hand is on his knee has he’s hunched over, clearly out of breath and gasping for air, while the other hand is holding out a bouquet of flowers towards him. His eyes look down at the bouquet; various red, white and, pink roses arranged beautifully are wrapped perfectly in a red wrapper. There are jitters in stomach that he’s never felt before while staring at the bouquet. He looks back up at the boy who his still trying to catch his breath. Could he have run here?

“Are you Kai?” Kyungsoo finally asks, trying to peek around the rose bouquet to see him.

The boy stands upright with that smile Kyungsoo has been looking at for the last six months. He runs a hand through his hair, brushing his bangs back, and only then does Kyungsoo truly get to see just how handsome Kai really is. He almost feels like Kai now, trying to get his breath back under control.

“I’m so sorry I’m late.” Kai rushes, “My boss kept me later than I expected, and I didn’t get your text until I got out, so I ran and then I had to go pick these up. Oh, these are for you!” He rushes out, extending the bouquet more towards Kyungsoo when the latter hasn’t taken them. “Happy Valentine’s Day.” He says, his smile never faulting.

“T-Thank you.” Kyungsoo hesitantly takes the flowers, feeling his cheeks burn and the jitters continue to bubble in his stomach. No one has ever given him flowers before. Now he feels like a complete and utter douche for not getting Kai anything. “I’m sorry, I…I didn’t get you anything.”

“It’s alright. You can just buy my coffee.” Kai says with a soft chuckle, taking his seat across from Kyungsoo. He watches the boy as he smells the flowers. “Do you like them?”

“They’re pretty.” He replies, “And they smell really nice. Thank you, again.” He places them in his lap, unable to look Kai in the eyes. He’s too embarrassed, not sure what to say since they’ve only ever talked over the internet. His fear of them sitting in silence is slowing coming true until Kai speaks up.

“You know, this might be really forward of me, but you’re cute.”

Kyungsoo eyes widen and he instantly blushes. Fiddling with his hands over the roses, he’s taking small nervous glances at Kai while trying to come up with something to say. Kai only smiles back at him, resting his elbow on the table and placing his cheek in his hands, staring at Kyungsoo. Under his gaze, Kyungsoo feels like he has to say something.

“I-I thought you were a creepy, erted old man when we first started talking.”

. That’s not what he wanted to say. Luckily for him, Kai bursts out laughing, making him feel like less of a complete idiot. His laugh is a lot more childish than Kyungsoo anticipated.

“Are you disappointed?” Kai jokes, quirking an eyebrow while still laughing.

“No, I’m really glad you’re not gross and old. No, I-I mean that I’m glad you’re hot. I mean- Oh god…” he buries his face in his hands, feeling mortified when Kai laughs more. This date would go so much better if he’d stop being so awkward. He’s making a fool of himself. He should just leave right now to save himself from more humiliation, but Kyungsoo feels something warm wrap around his wrists, and his hands being pulled from his face. He looks at Kai; his face must look flustered for Kai to chuckle one last time.

“It’s okay, just take it easy. You don’t have to be so nervous.” He smiles genuinely, and Kyungsoo instantly starts to feel better. “I’m no different in person than I am online. Thou, I guess it would be a good start to get on a first name bases. I’m Jongin. Kim Jongin.”

“Do Kyungsoo.” He says softly.

“Kyungsoo,” And when Kai – or Jongin now – says his name so naturally, so endearing, Kyungsoo feels his heart flutter in his chest. There was something about his voice, something about his gentle and carefree personality that Kyungsoo is really becoming drawn too. Reading text over the internet from Jongin is a lot different than hearing his voice and Kyungsoo can’t help but want to hear it more and more.

“How about we go get some coffee, hmm?”

∆∆∆

Kyungsoo blows gently at his coffee to make it cooler to drink. He steals a glance at Jongin again, Jongin is also blowing on his coffee as well as he rumbles through his backpack that Kyungsoo just now noticed he had brought with him. He can’t help but look at him. It seems so unreal that the two of them are here, face to face, drinking coffee. Of all the people Kyungsoo could have met on line, he’s very fortunate and very thankful that it was Kim Jongin.

“Here,” Jongin says, breaking Kyungsoo from his staring, and slides a book across the table. Kyungsoo furrows his eyes brows together, wondering what was in front of him. He slowly takes a sip as Jongin speaks up, “It’s my portfolio. You said you wanted to see it.”

Remembering an old conversation they’ve had, Jongin telling him he’s studying photography, it clicks in Kyungsoo’s mind and he gets excited. He puts his coffee down and reaches for the album. Spread across the front was what Kyungsoo assumed to be the title of the album; Sunday Breakfast. He opens the cover carefully, curiously. His eyes scan each and every one, some of them very artistic with sentences written across objects, some of an empty kitchen table, some in black and white, and some in colour.

“Wow,” Kyungsoo breaths out, his eyes glued to a particular photo towards the back of the book. It’s a black and white picture of a cassette tape with the thread unwoven from inside. Next to the cassette the words “Did you forget our love? Let’s rewind.” are written, somehow making Kyungsoo chest tighten with guilt as if he was the one that was written for. It’s an odd feeling, but he dismisses it when he drops gaze to another picture of a white paper aeroplane against a red backdrop, a sentence written next to the plane.

“One day, when I become the wind, I want to brush against you. That’s my wish.”

But what really caught his eye were the two words on the plane.

“I’m leaving.”

Kyungsoo stares at the sentence intently, unable to get it out of his mind. There’s something behind this meaning, he thinks, something hurtful perhaps, something deep, and Kyungsoo wants to ask, but he knows it’s not his place unless Jongin wants to talk about it.

“I’ve always had a passion for photography but didn’t start pursuing it until I was in high school.” Jongin says, studying Kyungsoo’s face as the latter glances from picture to picture.

Kyungsoo closes the book and passes it back to its owner. “You really are good. Is that all you have?”

Jongin shakes his head. “I have brand new ones I’ll be showing at my schools art fair next week.” Suddenly, Jongin’s face lights up and Kyungsoo is a little surprised. “You should come to the art show! I could show you around my campus and have you meet my friends, then you could see more pictures, and maybe…maybe we could hang out again?”

Kyungsoo doesn’t miss the faint blush appear on Jongin’s sun kissed skin. Did…did Jongin just indirectly ask him out on another date? Kyungsoo smiles at him, finding himself more than willing to go. “Sure. I’ll go.”

Not only do the sentences in the pictures intrigue Kyungsoo, there was something else he noticed about the album that makes him curious. Maybe going to the art festival will answer it.

∆∆∆

About a week later, Kyungsoo walks aimlessly around inside the college campuses art festival. He’s distracted by all of the art around; paintings, sculptures, pottery, photography surround him on all sides. Being in the fairgrounds inspires him. He’s studying literature in college, but looking at all the different kinds of art gives him random ideas for stories to write. For the last week, Jongin has been his inspiration more than anything. The photograph of the cassette tape helped Kyungsoo write a short story for class, earning him an A- on the assignment. And it was all thanks to Jongin and his pictures.

Lost in thought, Kyungsoo isn’t paying attention to where he’s walking. He almost runs into another person but a hand suddenly pulls him somewhere to the side and he’s now aware that it was Jongin.

“Careful,” he said with a small chuckle. “I know there is a lot to see but don’t too distracted. There are a lot of people here.”

“S-Sorry,” he stutters, now unable to get his mind off the fact that Jongin has his arm around shoulder. They keep walking together, Jongin still holding onto his shoulder guiding him. Kyungsoo isn’t uncomfortable with Jongin’s arm around his shoulder, in fact he likes it. A lot. But while Kyungsoo can feel his heart beating faster and the friendly gesture, Jongin seems unfazed by it.

They come to the photography section, and Kyungsoo can’t help but stare at some of the pictures. There are a lot of pictures, more than what Kyungsoo is comfortable looking at, and he can’t help but wonder if Jongin took any of these.

“Jongin, are you, ehm, taking pictures?”

Jongin raises his eyebrow before letting a small laugh, “Why? Do you want to be my model?”

“No!” he shouts flustered. When people look back at him, he feels shy and embarrassed. “I mean, uh, I was only curious.” Kyungsoo stutters, becoming hot under Jongin's gaze.

Jongin chuckles, and Kyungsoo swears that Jongin couldn’t be any more attractive when he does, and says “Don’t worry; I'm not taking pictures. However,” Jongin leans in closer and speaks quietly, loud enough for only the two of them to hear. “I’d be open for that possibility if you want to.” Jongin says teasingly.

“I...” It actually crosses his mind for a split second, but before Kyungsoo can finish, he’s cut off by someone calling Jongin's name.

“Kim Jongin!” The unknown man runs toward them. “I’ve been looking all over for you for like an hour. You’re late again, .” The blonde boy punches Jongin in the arm, causing the brunette to laugh but rub his abused arm.

“Sorry man,” Jongin apologizes. He catches Kyungsoo’s curious gaze out of the corner of his eye and introduces the two. “Kyungsoo, this is my college friend, Oh Sehun. He and I run the photography club together.” Jongin then turns to Sehun. “Sehun, this is Do Kyungsoo.”

Kyungsoo sees something click in Sehun’s mind. The blonde boy darts his eyes several times between Jongin and Kyungsoo before he finally figures something out, Kyungsoo guesses.

“Oh!” Sehun exclaims. “You're the one Jongin’s told me-”

“Idiot!” Jongin clasps a hand over Sehun's mouth, laughing awkwardly to muffle what Sehun was about to say. “Never mind him,” Jongin rushes out to Kyungsoo, “He’s just an idiot. I’ll get rid of him so you stay here, kay?” He leaves before Kyungsoo can respond, dragging Sehun into the crowd of people and disappearing.

Kyungsoo blinks, not really sure about what just happened. Despite that, the words Sehun never got to finish repeat in his mind and it makes him smile.

“You’re the one Jongin’s told me-”

So, Jongin talks about him to his friends, huh? It makes Kyungsoo giddy as he stares at all the photographs on display. Maybe Jongin likes him? He smiles even more at the thought, covering his burning cheeks with his hands. He’s never been this happy before.

Someone actually likes him!

It’s almost a miracle that this is even possible. He can hardly believe it, but he needs to come down from cloud nine. He can’t get his hopes up just in case if what he’s thinking isn’t real. He’d be devastated if Jongin didn’t like him back.

He stops at a section of the exhibition; the table draped in black and red clothes, a darker appearance than the others. He looks around and notices that this stand belongs to Jongin. He recognizes the cassette picture from last week, but there are others he’s never seen before. There are two that really stands out to Kyungsoo amongst the others.

There’s a red umbrella abandoned on the sidewalk, rain pouring down on it in a pretty blue hue. The background of the city is blurry. There’s a sentence written on the sidewalk.

“I’m sorry that I’m both your umbrella and the rain. I’m sorry for protecting you while I got your shoes wet.”

The second picture is of a pile of empty liquor bottles in a pretty brown tone scattered across a living room floor.

“You’re at the bottom of ever bottle.”

He continues to look at the rest of Jongin's works. “Wow…just wow.” Kyungsoo mutters under his breath, fascinated, but there is something bugging him. Is suspicion last week seems to be true.

There is not a single person in any of Jongin pictures. There’s nothing living in any of the pictures.

∆∆∆

After the fair is over and having dinner together, with Sehun uninvited but still coming regardless, Jongin walks Kyungsoo to bus stop walking side by side in silence.

“Jongin, can I ask you something?” Kyungsoo speaks up once they sit on the bench.

“Sure, what it is?”

“Never mind,” he dismisses his thought, not wanting to potentially bring something up that might hurt Jongin’s feelings if he asks about the photographs.

The bus shows up sooner than either of them would like to admit. Kyungsoo stands and says goodbye, but his wrist is grabbed. He turns to look at Jongin surprised.

“Kyungsoo, um,” he begins shyly, the cloud of smoking coming from his mouth. “I want to tell you something.”

Kyungsoo looks back at the bus driver, nervously waving him away. The driver shuts the door and drives away, leaving the two alone on the cold winter night. Despite it being cold out, Kyungsoo can feel the warmth radiating from Jongin’s hands. It feels nice.

“What is it, Jongin?”

Kyungsoo can tell Jongin’s struggling to say what he wants to. It’s really cute to watch how nervous he is. It amazes him out different Jongin is in person compared to the pictures he takes, how in just a week Kyungsoo feels more comfortable with Jongin than he has with any other human being on the planet, that he really values the small time they’ve spent together, and it amazes Kyungsoo just hard he’s already falling for Jongin.

“Thanks for coming today.” Jongin finally says with a smile.

He returns the smile. “Of course. I had fun.”

“Can we…can we hang out more?” Jongin asks, and Kyungsoo’s unable to tell if Jongin’s blushing or if he’s cheeks red from the wind biting at them. Or maybe it’s his cheeks. He can’t tell. Kyungsoo’s heart swells in his chest.

“I’d like that.”

Monday, February 14th, 2011 – Valentine’s Day

Curse the common cold.

Jongin coughs harshly into his hands, wincing when his throat burns from the pain. It must be a punishment, he thinks, for going out to take pictures of the falling snow all day yesterday without proper clothing. He sniffles a little, his nose bright red from constantly rubbing and wiping it with tissues. His chest hurts, his head is fuzzy, and no matter how many blankets he puts on, Jongin can’t seem to keep warm.

He missed class today, knowing that the pictures he went outside to take yesterday were for his assignment cost him his grade. He sighs as sleep once again takes over his body, his eyelids drooping low. He’ll have to worry about his assignment later.

Just as Jongin is about to fall asleep, there is a knock on his dorm door. He decides to ignore it, thinking that whoever it is will think he’s away and eventually go away. However, the knocking continues, and reluctantly Jongin gets up cussing under his breath when he gets lightheaded from standing. Not bothering to look thru the peep-hole on the door, Jongin swing open the door, letting out an annoyed and raspy “What?” only to instantly regret it once he sees who’s at the door.

Kyungsoo’s eyes widen and jumps slightly at Jongin’s tone, a paper bag held close to his chest with both arms covering it protectively. Jongin cringes when he sees he’s scared the boy.

“I’m sorry.” Kyungsoo apologizes, making Jongin feel like a jerk. He’s the one who should be apologizing, not Kyungsoo.

“No, it’s okay. I’m sorry for yelling.” There’s a pause in the conversation as they stand there. Jongin opens his mouth, about to ask Kyungsoo why he’s here but he coughs instead. He leans against the doorframe, feeling weak.

“Um, here!” Kyungsoo holds the paper bag out to him with both hands. “I brought you some food and medicine.”

Even though he’s sick, Jongin doesn’t miss the light shade of pink dust across Kyungsoo’s cheeks. It’s surprising to know that Kyungsoo knows he’s sick, but he quickly puts it together that Sehun more than likely called Kyungsoo. It makes him happy to know Sehun is smart enough to send his crush over to check on him instead of himself. Jongin secretly thanks him.

“Se- um…Sehun said you were pretty sick and without anyone to take care of you.” Kyungsoo admits, lowering his arms when Jongin hasn’t taken the bag from him yet. “So I…I figured I’d bring-”

“Were you worried about me?” he asks, a smirk spreading across his lips.

The blush on Kyungsoo’s face only brightens, indicating Jongin he guessed right. Kyungsoo pouts, which Jongin finds incredibly adorable right now, and walks past him uninvited into the dorm. “As if.”

Jongin laughs at the boys sudden attitude change. He coughs when his chest constricts, his lungs looking for air. He’s able to close the door before he collapses against it, his body still weak as he sinks to the floor. He closes his eyes as he tries to catch his breath. All of a sudden, he feels a warm hand against his forehead. He leans into the touch and he slowly opens his eyes.

“You have a fever.” Kyungsoo states, “You should have told me you live by yourself. I would have been over here sooner before it got this bad.” He rummages through the bag and pulls out the medicine he brought, holding it out to Jongin. “Here, take it.”

Jongin stares at the cup in Kyungsoo’s hand, then up at the boy. “Why does it matter that I live by myself?” he asks.

“I live by myself too, so I know how much it being sick with no one around.” Kyungsoo smiles. “And I lied. I am worried about you.”

It must be the apparent fever he has that pulls Kyungsoo closer to him, causing the boy to drop to his knees; startling Kyungsoo as he drops the small plastic cup when his face comes closer. The idea that Kyungsoo was worried about him, that he’s willing to spend time with him to make him feel better when no one has done so in years causes Jongin’s emotions to soar. He finds Kyungsoo so incredibly cute that he can’t help but kiss him.

It’s not how he wants their first kiss to be, what with him being sick and all, but the moment seemed right. He kisses Kyungsoo tenderly on the lips, loving the feeling of the elder’s lips against his, and then pulls away; the noticeable blush across Kyungsoo’s face has Jongin smiling.

“Jo-Jongin…”

“Sorry,” he buries his face into Kyungsoo’s shoulder, inhaling the boys sweet scent. “You’ll probably get my cold now.”

“I don’t care about that. Why-”

“Kyungsoo, don’t go.”

It’s a good thing Jongin can’t see how fast Kyungsoo’s face is turning red, but he can probably hear how fast his heart is beating. Kyungsoo’s blaming Jongin’s odd behaviour on his fever; the poor boy being too sick to realize he just gave Kyungsoo his first kiss.

“Why?” he asks warily.

“Do you remember when you asked me why I never take pictures of human beings? Of living things?”

Kyungsoo nods.

“My mother used to take care of me when I got sick like this. She’s the only that took care of me. She’s the person who got me into photography, showing me how beautiful the world really is thru a lens; people, animals, plants, anything is beautiful as long as you can capture that moment. But when she died…I couldn’t stand looking at pictures of her. She was there in the photo, but not next to me. I hated it. The fact that that people die while photos remain the same…I couldn’t take the pain. I…”

Kyungsoo pulls him close when he feels a tear roll down his shoulder. He sits on the hardwood floor holding Jongin close to his chest. He feels his own tears sting in his eyes when Jongin wraps his arms around his waist wheezing.

“I’ll stay beside you. So, don’t worry and just rest, Jongin.”

∆∆∆

Kyungsoo somehow manages to get Jongin to his bed where he passes out. His bedroom his littered with pictures. There’s several on the floor, several scattered across Jongin’s desk, and more hanging on the walls; anything from stuffed animals, to the falling snow, to lightning, to a breakfast set on a dining table, all of them looking lonely in Kyungsoo’s eyes.

He picks up a picture of a teddy bear off of Jongin’s desk, its curly brown fur and bright blue ribbon around its neck resting against the headboard and sitting on a child size bed. There were no words written in the picture this time, just the forlorn bear. He happens to flip the picture over, and on the back is a sentence written in childish hand.

“You’re the only happiness I’ll ever know.”

Kyungsoo has a heavy heart looking at the picture. He picks up the picture next to it. It’s a picture of the same teddy bear looking out at the rain through a window; a sentence written across the window.

“You promised that you’d never leave. When are you coming back?”

He puts the picture down, unable to stop a single tear from falling. All the pictures Kyungsoo has looked at have been sad, lonely, depressing, and he can’t help but think that everything is related to Jongin’s mother. It’s clear he misses her dearly. Kyungsoo looks over his shoulder at the sleeping sick boy. He sees behind Jongin that the same teddy bear from the pictures is sitting there, staring back at Kyungsoo with its black beady eyes.

It hurts Kyungsoo knowing Jongin is lonely. He doesn’t remember Jongin ever bringing this up before when they first met over the internet, that it’s taken almost two years for Jongin to confine in him about this.

He crosses the room to Jongin’s bed. He kneels, reaching out to grab Jongin’s hand.

“Jongin, can’t I be your happiness?”

Tuesday, February 14th, 2012 – Valentine’s Day

Jongin constantly goes overboard with skin ship.

Touching Kyungsoo’s face, his shoulders, holding his hand, rubbing his back, hugs, pulling him in close, kissing him, ; Jongin shows his affection for Kyungsoo so openly that it’s hard for the latter to get used too.

For example, right now, as the two wait for the train to come, Jongin grabs Kyungsoo’s hand carefree. He knows he shouldn’t let it get to him, not let it bother him so much, but for how straightforward Jongin is and how cautious Kyungsoo is, it does bother him.

“Jongin?”

“Hmm?”

“It’s been bugging me for a while, but could you stop?”

“What are you talking about?” Jongin asks curiously, looking down at the smaller boy.

“Your hand.”

“My hand…?” The two exchange a glance, causing Jongin to look down at their entwined hands. A moment passes them before the younger boy looks back at Kyungsoo nonchalantly. “What about it?”

“‘What about it?’ Just…” Kyungsoo pulls his hand away, somehow fighting the urge to not roll his eyes at Jongin.

“Kyungsoo, its fine.”

“No, it’s not fine.” He glances behind them. There’s a crowd of people waiting behind them, several people in front of them as well who are waiting for the train. Same couples are still frowned upon, and Kyungsoo doesn’t want people to stare, to judge. It’s embarrassing.

“Oh what’s the big deal?” Jongin laughs it off, leaning in to whisper in the boys ear, “I want to touch you when I want to touch you. Don’t you want me too?”
Kyungsoo swats him away as if he were a nasty mosquito buzzing in his ear. “Jongin, you’re being really insensitive.”

“I’m being insensitive? Well, aren’t you being a little over-sensitive?” he reaches for Kyungsoo’s hand once again, but the boy quickly dodges the action, clearly annoyed. Jongin now knows Kyungsoo is in one of his moods where nothing pleases the boy. Jongin scratches the back of his neck with his abandoned hand, looking upset with how the situation was turning out. He doesn’t like it when Kyungsoo’s mad at him, especially for something Jongin’s not sure what he did wrong, at it’s at times like this Jongin has to wonder if Kyungsoo really wants this.

“We’ve been together for a year now.” He says warily, not sure how he wants to word his thoughts without making Kyungsoo more annoyed.

“And?”

“And…I wonder whether you’ll ever get used to it.”

“To what?”

“To going out with me.”

The train comes around the corner, making its way down the tracks and stops at the platform. Once the doors open, the crowd of people being to file into the train. Kyungsoo and Jongin remain still; Kyungsoo feeling as if a ton a bricks just hit him and he’s physically unable to move.

What does Jongin mean by that? Is he implying that Kyungsoo isn’t ready to be with him? That the last two year has not meant anything? He looks back at Jongin, ready to confront him and call him an idiot, but Jongin has his camera out. Kyungsoo watches him snap a couple of pictures, watches as Jongin checks the quality of the photo, and then takes another picture before the moment is lost. It is little moments like this, watching Jongin do what he loves, his passion, that makes Kyungsoo realize that no matter what it in Jongin’s life, that Jongin is passionate and affectionate about everything.

Kyungsoo’s anger has subsided immensely.

Before he notices, the crowd as dissolved into the train and the train has left the two alone in the station. Jongin slips his camera back into his backpack that he carries with him at all times, and looks back at his lover, offering him a small smile.

“I’m used to it, by the way.” Kyungsoo says, looking away from him. He happens to grab the hem of his shirt, playing with it slightly between his hands; an action he wasn’t aware of doing but doesn’t go unnoticed by Jongin.

“Hmm?”

“You, I’m used to being with you.”

“Yeah?” Jongin asks. Kyungsoo’s habit of squirming in embarrassment has got to be one of the cutest things he does in Jongin’s eyes. It’s what Jongin first found so cute about Kyungsoo initially. The smile on his face spreads across his face, the warmth that he feels in his body spreads, and Jongin can’t help but reach out for Kyungsoo once more. He moves behind the smaller boy, curving his arms around his waist from behind and resting his forehead in the nook of Kyungsoo’s neck, inhaling the boys scent. “Good.”

Kyungsoo doesn’t fight him this time.

Thursday, February 14th, 2013 – Valentine’s Day

The home that they’ve shared has been destroyed.

“Are you ing kidding me?!” Kyungsoo shouts, throwing another glass at Jongin. He dodges it and the object shatters against the wall.

“Soo, calm down.”

“Don’t you tell me to calm down, ! This is all your fault!” He’s about to grab the next nearest object to throw at Jongin, but the latter has made his way to him over to him and grabs his arms. Kyungsoo doesn’t want to be touched, doesn’t want to be near Jongin right now. “Don’t touch me!”

“Soo, please-”

“How could you do this?!” Kyungsoo sobs uncontrollably. He struggles to remove Jongin’s hands from around his wrists, but the more he struggles the more Jongin’s grip tightens. Jongin eventually wraps his arms around Kyungsoo body. “How can you ing do this!?” he yells over and over, hitting Jongin repeatedly.

Jongin has cheated. What’s worse is he got her pregnant. She’s seven weeks along.

“I’m sorry.”

“Oh you’re sorry?!” Kyungsoo could almost laugh if he wasn’t so angry and crying so hard. “You sure as hell weren’t sorry when you slept with her.”

“It was a mistake.” Jongin argues, trying to explain to Kyungsoo what happened before the boy explodes. “I was drunk. She seduced me first. The next thing I know-”

“Liar!” Kyungsoo finds the strength to push him away. He storms down out of the kitchen and to his bedroom, Jongin following him. He slams the door in Jongin’s face.

Jongin turns the handle, but Kyungsoo’s locked the door from the inside. “Kyungsoo, please, open the door. Let’s talk about this.” He begs.

“Do you love her?” Kyungsoo shouts from behind the door.

“What?” he finds the question hard to believe.

“Do you love her?”

“Of course not!” Jongin says without hesitation. “I love you, Soo. You know that.”

“Then why?” Jongin hears Kyungsoo sob louder from the other side, and it breaks his heart. Honestly, Jongin doesn’t know why it happened. He’s not even attracted to girls in the first place. But as he was trying to say before, he was drunk. It’s not an excuse by any means, but it’s the truth.

“It just happened.” He admits.

Tension is thick in the air and all that can be heard is Kyungsoo’s cries. Jongin rests his forehead on the wood door, guilt eating away at him. Something like this never should have happened. If Jongin could take it all back, he could in a heartbeat. But he can’t. He’s having a child with a woman Kyungsoo doesn’t know.

“Who is she?” Kyungsoo says after a while, his voice sounding weak to Jongin.

Jongin sighs. He’d rather not admit who she is, but he’ll say it to ease whatever is running through Kyungsoo’s mind. “Her name is Tiffany. She’s a co-worker of mine at the studio. It happened at the Christmas party we had in the studio.”

Another moment of silence falls on them before Kyungsoo speaks up again.

“Is she going to keep it?” ‘It’ referring to the baby.

“I think so.”

“Do you want it?” Kyungsoo says softly, and Jongin has a feeling he’s at the door on the other side. “Do you want to be a part of its life?”

“I don’t know.” He admits truthfully because he doesn’t. He knows he’s not ready to have a kid, especially with someone he doesn’t love. He’s unsure if he wants to be there for it, but he’d feel guilty knowing the child would grow up with its father in it’s like, just like Jongin did.

When the door finally opens, Jongin sees how hurt Kyungsoo is. He instantly embraces him, his heart breaking into more pieces.

“Kyungsoo, I’m so sorry.” Jongin begins, his tears of regret and grief finally overflowing. “I never meant to hurt you. I never meant for any of this to happen. Please, Soo, I’m sorry. This will never happen again, I promise. I’ll do whatever you want, just don’t leave me!” he pleads, hoping Kyungsoo can find it somewhere in his heart to forgive him. “I love you.”

As broken as he is, as hurt as he is, as much as Kyungsoo might want to leave, he knows he won’t be able too. He loves Jongin more than anything. Jongin is all Kyungsoo has and Kyungsoo is all Jongin has.

“Okay,” he says, his voice barely about a whisper.

“Okay?” Jongin repeats, stunned by the boys answer. He pulls back, searching Kyungsoo’s red-rimmed eyes for some kind of answer.

“Okay, I’ll stay.”

∆∆∆

About a month has past sense that night.

Kyungsoo roams anxiously in the hallway, pacing back and forth. He’s biting his thumbnail out of nerves, a habit he’s only recently developed. A million things are running through his mind right now. He only hopes that his biggest fear doesn’t come true.

His pulse quickens when he hears the front door to their home open. He walks to the top of the stairs, seeing Jongin down at the landing as he takes his shoes off. He lips his and swallows the lump growing in his throat when the two lock eyes; Jongin’s expression unreadable.

“So?” he asks, torn about wanting to hear an answer.

Jongin walk up the flight of stairs, handing Kyungsoo the sonogram. He stares at the grey pictures, the blurriness of the child looking like some sort of blob monster settles uneasy with him. When he looks back up at Jongin, a happy smile spread across his face, Kyungsoo fear is slowing becoming realized.

“It’s a boy, Kyungsoo. I’m having a son!” Jongin nearly sings, pulling the smaller boy into his arms. “I’m so happy.”

Kyungsoo wishes he could smile, wishes he could be happy for Jongin, but how can he? How can he smile when Jongin has no idea how much he wants to cry, to be happy that the man he loves his having a child with a woman? How can he be okay, knowing that this woman is giving something Kyungsoo can never give him? That , Tiffany, is giving Jongin a child, and Jongin’s happy about it. He unconsciously grips the piece of paper in his hand tightly, hot tears stinging his eyes. His resentment is steadily building.

“Kyungsoo?” Jongin pulls back, looking worriedly at him as the latter has his head down; his bangs covering his eyes. “Why are you shaking?”

Kyungsoo says nothing. Jongin knows by now that Kyungsoo’s silence is just another way to say he’s hurt.

Friday, February 14th, 2014 – Valentine’s Day

To say that Kyungsoo is jealous of Jongin’s child would be a huge misunderstanding.

He hates him. He loathes the child more than anything. It’s the child’s fault Kyungsoo can’t have his happy ending with Jongin. It’s the child’s fault Kyungsoo has to put up with its existence. Actually, the blame goes towards the parents, but Kyungsoo likes blaming the innocent child instead. It’s easier.

Kyungsoo sits on the black leather sofa in the studio Jongin runs, watching Jongin and Tiffany takes pictures of their six month old son. He can’t help but watching the two interact; Tiffany flipping her gorgeous long brown wavy back as she coos at him, making stupid annoying babies noises that the child probably doesn’t understand.

And Jongin…Jongin’s taking the pictures.

For once, Jongin is taking pictures of a living human being and Kyungsoo is pissed it’s not him. Kyungsoo wanted to be the first person Jongin takes a picture of when the boy found it in him-self to take pictures of people. He wanted to be the only person Jongin looks thru the lens at.

But he’s not.

Their child, Jongdae is its name, smiles brightly at the camera. If Kyungsoo didn’t hate the kid so much he might find the smile adorable.

He feels like he might strangle something if he has to sit here any longer and listen to Tiffany make any more irritating noises, so he leaves the studio without a word and sits in the car. When he shuts the door, Kyungsoo screams until his throat is sore. This is the only way he can vent his frustrations.

Kyungsoo has been understanding, has tried to be as supportive as he can be this whole time. He didn’t mind that Jongin wanted to go to one of the doctor visits, didn’t mind that he went to the birthing class with Tiffany, hell he didn’t mind when Jongin was in the delivery room with her when Jongdae was born. He understood why Jongin did it.

What he doesn’t understand is why Jongin wants to be in the kid’s life when he has Kyungsoo. Why does he need to be involved with a child Jongin never planned on in the first place? Why does Jongin want partial custody of Jongdae when he could just give full custody over to Tiffany and be done with her and the kid? Why does Jongin have to look so ing happy when the baby comes over? Isn’t Jongin happy just being with Kyungsoo?

Kyungsoo is starting to reach his limit on how long he can fake being happy.

He doesn’t even realize Jongin has entered the car until the engine starts. He doesn’t bother to look at him, his mind too far gone to even want to start a conversation. He knows he’ll say something he will regret later. Kyungsoo stares out the passenger window the whole car ride home.

∆∆∆

“We need to talk.” Jongin says once they enter the house, sounding angrier than he looked.

“About?”

Jongin takes a deep breath and looks at Kyungsoo, their eyes meeting. Even though he knew Kyungsoo was upset, he was surprised when saw Kyungsoo’s eyes dark and b with restraint. “Don’t you think you’re being unreasonable?” Jongin asks, “I get you don’t like her, and I’ve apologized for everything, but how can you sit there and openly glare at Tiffany?”

Jongin thinks Kyungsoo is still mad at her? Jongin’s much simpler than Kyungsoo thought.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Kyungsoo simply replies, though this matter is far from being simple.

Jongin scoffs. “Am I supposed to wait until you’re ready to talk?”

“Jongin-”

“Is this how our relationship is going to be from now on? That you get pissed off every time Tiffany is around with my son and you stare at her like you want to murder her? News flash, Kyungsoo, she’s the mother of my son. She’s not going anywhere.”

“I know that.” Kyungsoo sighs bitterly, his body is starting to feel numb to all this anger he has had. Also, Jongin’s sudden attitude isn’t helping. “That’s not why I’m mad.”

“Then what?” Jongin exasperates, “You have to tell me what’s wrong in order for me to fix it.”

It’s much too late for Jongin to fix it. And now, Kyungsoo sees there’s no way to avoid this argument.

“I don’t want to say something I’ll regret and…”

“And?”

Kyungsoo can hear the barely contained frustration in Jongin’s voice. It upsets him to know that Jongin is on Tiffany’s side rather than his. That barely keeps his frustration under control.

“And I don’t get why you’re defending her?” he spits out bitterly.

“She’s the mother of my child, Kyungsoo.” Jongin restates, his eyes piercing through Kyungsoo’s. “I’ve told you several times that there’s nothing going on between her and me. She knows I’m with you and doesn’t plan on getting in the way of that.”

It’s too late for that too.

“I have to defend her because you look like you’re about to kill her every time she’s around. It makes her uncomfortable and I want things to be civil between the three of us. Do you think I’m just going to leave you just I have a kid with her?” When Kyungsoo doesn’t say anything, Jongin rubs his forehead tiredly. “Does that not sound ridiculous to you, Kyungsoo?”

“You think I’m being ridiculous?” Kyungsoo asks, though it came out more as a statement than a question.

“Honestly, yes, I do.” Jongin answers, “I can’t even believe we have to have this conversation again! I don’t know how many times I have to apologize for you to forgive me. I’ve apologized to you profusely for the last year and a half. It’s all my fault, and we know it. I’ve explained why it happened, and though I didn’t expect you to forgive me right away, I didn’t plan on you holding some sort of grudge for this long!”

“You don’t understand!” Kyungsoo snaps.

“THEN HELP ME UNDERSTAND!” Jongin shouts, restraint no longer there. “WHAT HAVE I DONE WRONG?!”

“EVERYTHING!” Kyungsoo shouts back before he quickly covers his mouth. He let his anger get the best of him, and now it’s too late to take back what he’s locked inside for the last year. Jongin’s stunned expression doesn’t surprise him as Kyungsoo tries to hold himself together.

Jongin doesn’t like where this conversation is going.

“Kyung-”

“I tried so hard to be happy for you, Jongin.” Kyungsoo whispers, voice heavy with grief. “I tried, I really did, but how can I be happy for you?”

“What do you mean?” he asks slowly.

“You cheated on me. You got a girl pregnant. I was able to forgive you because I love you, but do you really think I could forget with the constant reminder around?”

“You mean Tiffany?”

“No, I mean the kid!” Kyungsoo’s heart constricts when he remembers that day. “You came out of the delivery room, happier than I think I’ve ever seen you before. It broke my heart. It broke my heart knowing someone else made you happier than I ever can.” Kyungsoo places a hand on his stomach. He feels nauseous finally talking about it.

“Since Jongdae came around, you’ve changed.” He continues, watching Jongin’s expression become distant. “I know I sound like some selfish child, but all you do is pay attention your son rather than me. You shouldn’t have kept him! You’re supposed to me mine!”

“Why are you telling me this now?” Jongin asks, a hint of irritation in his voice.

“Because I didn’t want to argue with you before.”

“You’re supposed to tell me these things. How was I supposed to know you didn’t want me to keep him? You never told me.”

“And what would you have done if I told you?”

“I don’t know…I don’t know! But I can’t help thinking this is all a big mistake.”

“Yeah, it was a mistake to sleep with her.”

“No, I mean you.”

After Jongin said that, everything got eerily quiet. Neither of them could look at each other in the eyes. He doesn’t know what Jongin’s thinking, but Kyungsoo feels like he’s just been shot right through the heart. Reality is quickly settling in and he’s not mentally prepared for it yet.

“So, you’re choosing her?” Kyungsoo asks, though he doesn’t want to hear an answer. Jongin doesn’t provide him one, but Kyungsoo can’t help but prod more. “Do you still want to be with me, or am I holding you back from having the perfect family?”

“That’s not what I’m saying.” Jongin says.

“Are you tired of me then?” Kyungsoo tried to ignore the nausea rising, the gnawing pain in his chest, and the tears building in the corner of his eyes. He doesn’t know what he wants to hear, but when Jongin speaks, it’s not what he was expecting.

“I don’t know.”

Kyungsoo blinks, the tears now falling down his crestfallen face. Agony fills him, but he doesn’t let it show. “Fine, since it seems like we can’t come to terms, maybe it’s best we j-just en-ends things between us.”

Jongin’s expression becomes alarmed, not expecting Kyungsoo to just end their relationship on the spot. Kyungsoo watches Jongin’s eyes drop to the floor, and evident look of anguish across his face as he thinks of what to say. It shouldn’t come to a surprise to Kyungsoo what Jongin says next, but it still hurt nonetheless.

“If that’s what you really want…”

No, it’s not what Kyungsoo wants, but he can’t say that now. They’ve said so much that there’s no possible way to fix what’s broken between them.

“Okay, then we are done.”

He doesn’t look at Jongin as he walks past him, opening the front door, and walking away.

Saturday, February 14th, 2015 – Valentine’s Day

It’s been a year since they’ve broken up.

Kyungsoo still has a few of his belongings over at Jongin’s place. The latter has been bugging him about it for a while to come pick them up, even though Kyungsoo has told him each time he can just throw it away. No matter how much Kyungsoo resists, Jongin insists he comes over. He tells Kyungsoo he’ll leave the front door unlocked and Kyungsoo can stop by at any time without fear of running into him.

Kyungsoo lets out a deep sigh as he stares at the house. Nostalgia is a cruel mistress, and it takes all of Kyungsoo’s willpower to not break down.

He never wanted to end things with Jongin for good. Looking back now, he just needed a break from everything. Sometimes, he wonders if Jongin feels the same way but he doesn’t dwell on the feeling too long for if Jongin wanted to get back together with him than they would have by now. Even now, Kyungsoo still loves Jongin.
He twists the handle, and just as Jongin said it’s unlocked. The door creeks open, Jongin’s scent filling his lungs and making his chest swell. The place looks the same has it used too, other than the fact that it was now more child friendly. Toys litter the floor and clothes lay in a laundry basket all wrinkled; Jongin’s clothes mixing with Jongdae’s. He happens to look over at the kitchen table and sees a yellow posted note with his name on it.

“Your things are in my room.”

He heads into the bedroom they once shared, thinking what he could have possibly forgotten after a year that’s so important to come and get. He scans the room coming up with nothing that he remembers belongs to him. He’s about to leave when he comes across a black photo album on the bed.

It’s rude to looks at other people’s things when they’re not around, but Kyungsoo has this feeling that he should look through it. He picks up the album, placing it in his lap as he sits on Jongin’s bed. The front cover is blank, but when Kyungsoo opens the book the first picture instantly made his heart feel heavy.

It’s a picture of the front door to the house with a sentence written along the doorframe.

“That day you left, I thought about going with you.”

He turns the page, expecting to see similar photos like this, but what catches him by surprise takes his breath away.

There are pictures of him from several different moments in his life that they’ve spent together. Kyungsoo isn’t looking into the camera in any of them, most of them are either of his profile or the back of his head looking out at something, but that’s beside the point.

Jongin took pictures of him.

Hot tears instantly stream down his face as he places his hand over his mouth, reading every caption that went with every picture, some were loving quotes, some were sad.

“I don’t think you know what you’re doing to me.”

“I know my love for you couldn’t make you stay.”

“Every moment spent with you is like a beautiful dream.”

“If only you knew how much those little moments with you mattered to me.”

“I love you, Do Kyungsoo.”

The sound of a click pulls Kyungsoo attention from the book and up towards the door. Jongin’s standing there with his camera in his hands, lowering it from his face to look at the screen. Kyungsoo quickly shuts the book and places it beside him.

“I think the caption for this one should be, “I love you so much it makes me cry.” Don’t you think so?” he says looking Kyungsoo in the eyes with a sad smile.
Kyungsoo wipes the tears from his eyes, still surprised Jongin is standing at the door. “I thought you said you weren’t gonna be here.”

“I lied.” He states, “I also lied about you still having your stuff here. I’m sorry. I just…” he takes a step forward hesitantly, “I just had to see you again, Kyungsoo.”
“Where’s Jongdae?” Kyungsoo asks, trying his best to ignore the swelling feeling in his chest made by Jongin’s remark.

“At his mother’s. It’s her weekend to have him.”

“Oh,” was all he could respond with.

They sit in silence for a while, both unsure of what to say to the other. They’ve hardly spoken to each other in a year except for a text occasionally from Jongin saying Kyungsoo left something at his house. There’s so much Kyungsoo wants to say to Jongin, but his mind draws a blank, unable to think of anything to say at the moment.

Jongin sets his camera down on his desk and crosses the room. He takes the chance by cupping the elder’s face, feeling the dampness of his cheeks in his hands, and kisses him passionately. He expects Kyungsoo to push him away, to call him an idiot, but he doesn’t. He feels Kyungsoo kiss him back almost instantly, their lips moving together desperately. Jongin breaks the kiss, resting his forehead against Kyungsoo.

“I missed you, Kyungsoo.” His whispers even though there’s no need to. “A lot, and it .”

“I missed you too.”

“I know I’ve hurt you in the past. But if you can forgive me and let me make it up to you; you’d make me the happiest man alive.”

“Jongin, do you still love me?” Kyungsoo asks, trying his best not to sound needy. But he needs to know. He needs to know if they still have something.

“I never stopped.” He admits, “I haven’t stopped loving you since the day we met.” He leaves a chaste kiss atop of Kyungsoo’s forehead. “Do you still love me?”

“Yes,” He sobs, clinging to Jongin’s arms as if he’s afraid he’ll leave. “Is it okay if we stay together?”

“Kyungsoo…” Jongin engulfs him in his embrace, pushing the boy on the bed below him. “I won’t let you go again.” He tightens his hold on the smaller boy.

“I won’t go anywhere.” Kyungsoo says before he drowns himself in kissing Jongin.


When most people think of Valentine’s Day, they think of love; flowers and chocolates given out to the ones they love, spending the day and night together. For Do Kyungsoo, Valentine’s Day has still has no special meaning. The day has nothing to do with it, or even being in love, it’s the person that he is in love with that makes him happy.

And Kim Jongin could say the same.