Length: ~19,6k
Genre: high school!au, fluff, slight!angst
Rating: PG
Summary: Jongin meets Kyungsoo during the summer break of his parents’ divorce. But happy endings depend on where you finish the story.

 

Jongin doesn't remember a time when Sehun was not throwing small pebbles at his window, although he's sure that there has to have been a time when he didn't because people don't just suddenly spring in to existence one day and start throwing pebbles at their friends' windows. But growing up in the same neighbourhood has resulted in them being childhood friends for so many years that Jongin is more surprised the days when Sehun is not ignoring the doorbell and doesn't try to get Jongin's attention through the window.

“What?” Jongin asks when he opens the window and leans out. It's the first Thursday of their 10 week summer break and the weather is dreamlike. Sunny, and clear skies dotted with only widely spread and thin clouds and soft breezes blowing occasionally to add to that perfect summer feeling.

“We're meeting Baekhyun and some of his friends, we're taking the scooters to some lake they know of!” Sehun smiles and gestures for him to come down. “Put your swimming trunks on and pack a towel and let's go!”

Jongin agrees and quickly jumps out of his worn out home-wear-only-shorts and scrambles through his closet for his navy coloured Billabong swim shorts, he grabs his empty backpack and shoves down a towel and a pair of underwear just in case. He grabs his wallet, phone and the helmet sitting on his desk before darting down the stairs, putting on his white low model Converse shoes without lacing them up, then the next second he's locking the door and putting on his helmet before climbing up on Sehun's scooter -since his own broke down and he's too lazy to repair it still.

“Your hair is awesome!” Sehun says. Jongin had bleached it first thing after he got home from the last day of classes, since they weren't allowed to color their hair due to high school regulations, he had to live it out when they were finally given some spare time.

“Thanks man, yours isn't all bad either.” Jongin smiles. “The cut really suits you, your natural dark under hair with the purple top parts.” He runs his hand over the short shaved parts of his friend's dark under hair. Then Sehun puts on his own helmet and grabs the steering handles.

“And off we go!” Sehun says before starting up the scooter and making a u-turn to get them on to the main road.

They live in a smaller suburb area that doesn't have a lot of traffic, yet still inhabits a good amount of people and they have their fair share of spare time attractions. A big mall and a well-cared for park, along with a skate park, cinema, a few schools and hotels. However if you take the train, local bus -or scooter, you can easily access the outskirts and more wildlife-like areas, and if you're willing to sacrifice an hour bus ride, it's also possible to take a day trip to the ocean, which is where Jongin and Sehun spent many summer holidays with their families on picnics.

Sehun takes a left and they stop outside one of the biggest grocery stores, where Sehun informs Jongin that they're meeting the others there.

It's been a while since Jongin saw Baekhyun, he knows that Sehun and Baekhyun still talk a lot but Jongin himself doesn't usually keep up with their elder friend's adventures. They had befriended Baekhyun in middle school, during the infamous “friend week” that took place first week of every new school year. It was a sort of mentor-programme in which one of the older students showed the younger around and took care of them if they ran in to any trouble. Jongin and Sehun had gotten Baekhyun as mentor and they became an almost inseparable trio -until Baekhyun started high school one year before themselves.

A few short minutes after Jongin and Sehun had taken off their helmets to breathe properly and not die under the summer sun heat, four other bikes came in to view and stopped next to them. Jongin only recognized one of them; the white one with mud splashes on it, because Baekhyun had insisted on getting a white scooter but barely ever cleaned it, and Jongin's heart ached for the poor bike every time he saw its messy paint.

Baekhyun quickly took his helmet off and greeted the two with energetic smile and enthusiasm, especially Jongin since they hadn't spoken in a while -for which Jongin also got half a scolding about being so busy and difficult to contact, Jongin couldn't but smile. The other bikers took off their helmets to make formal introductions. The rider of the bright orange colored bike was a tall guy with long legs and a wicked smile, sandy brown hair that almost looked too matched with his scooter. His voice was deep but he seemed just as friendly and energetic as Baekhyun and said his name was Chanyeol. The second person was a guy with brown hair and matte blue scooter called Jongdae, he seemed to have the same humour as Baekhyun and Jongin could easily tell why Baekhyun would choose to be around these two, but then there was the last rider who seemed a lot like the black sheep of the gang. Literally. His scooter was completely black, and his hair was cut short on the sides almost like Sehun's but with a deep red colour and styled messily -albeit a bit ruined due to the helmet. He looked to be around Baekhyun and Jongdae's height but his face didn't look nearly as playful as the other three's. He somehow had the aura of a badboy and a standard facial expression that almost had you fearing for your life, yet his smile was soft and inviting just like his voice. Kyungsoo. Jongin added his name to his long term memory and did his best not to stare, because although Kyungsoo was as beautiful as any man probably could be, it was rude to stare. Jongin and Sehun gave a quick intro to themselves and they briefly went over how they'd met. Sehun and Jongin being childhood friends and met Baekhyun in middle school, Chanyeol and Kyungsoo were best friends. Chanyeol went to the same class as Baekhyun, and Jongdae was in Kyungsoo's Chinese language course.

“So, introductions are done and we are almost ready to go!” Baekhyun announced. “Let's just go get our supplies so we can stay out the rest of the day.”

They got off their bikes and entered the store, in which Jongdae acted like the event manager and started bossing people around like they were some sort of elite shopping team working within a 10 minute deadline.

“Baek and Chanyeol go get the disposable grill and cups. Sehun, you're on snack duty. Kyungsoo go fetch us some hot dogs and bread while Jongin and I go get drinks and we'll meet outside asap!” He ordered then repeatedly clapped his hands while yelling “Go, go, go!” and dragged Jongin with him to the soda drink section.

A short 10 minutes later the friends were packing their stuff inside the small storage spaces underneath their scooter seats and were getting ready to leave. The sun was high in the sky and Jongin checked his watch before climbing on the back of Sehun's scooter again. It was just a little over 3pm and he had a great feeling about this day. Just like in the movies when a few friends meet up unplanned and just go somewhere.

“You guys know where we're going?” Chanyeol asked Sehun and Jongin.

“Not a clue.” Sehun shrugged. “You take the lead and we'll follow.”

The other guys nodded and put on their helmets, flipping the visors down but not closed because it was way too hot for that. Then the roaring sound of multiple engines were heard and echoed over the parking lot and one by one they drove off, Baekhyun in the furthest back and Sehun and Jongin followed the orange bike that was far beyond impossible to lose track of no matter what.

They followed the bigger roads for a while, slipping in front of cars whenever there was a red-light queue and driving off as soon as the lights changed. Then they made a sharp left turn and drove in to a residential area with lots of houses and gardens, then a right turn brought them on to an empty street and Jongin knew that just a bit up the street was a retirement home -his now deceased grandfather had lived there before his passing a few years ago. But before they reached the home they made a left turn again and drove on to a nature trail that had a narrow vehicle barrier with a small sign nailed on to the metal at the side that showed motor driven vehicles weren't allowed to pass -Jongin only paid it half a thought as they slipped passed the block and kept driving down the trail. They passed an elder couple walking their dog through the woods but apart from that it was mostly empty. The final part of the way was an uphill track that had Sehun's bike work overtime and they only barely made it up the steep hill, but just as they got up they saw the other three already off their parked scooters.

This part of the woods didn't have trees growing as closely and they were basically surrounding them in a big circle. A few bushes and patches of rocks dominated the area and Jongin could briefly see the glistening water that lay down a not very steep hill of rocks and grass patches.

Sehun parked next to the orange scooter and Jongin got off quickly so they could start unpacking their supplies. Jongin looked down at the water. The rocks were leaning and made it easy to get down to the sparkling lake that lie quietly ahead of them. To the far left, where the lake begun there was a small pier which had a ladder at the end leading down to the water. The lake was surrounded with variously steep rocks and cliffs and Jongin quickly saw patches of rocks that were climbable and would make perfect substitute for a diving board.

“Come on guys, what are you waiting for!?” Jongdae yelled as he ran down and half jumped the rocks, throwing off his t-shirt in the process and headed for the pier at full speed. “Last one in has to make the food himself!” And then he jumped off the pier, dragging his knees to his chest to form a ball and splashing water on to the otherwise dry wooden pier.

Chanyeol darted after him, followed by a swearing Baekhyun who cursed Jongdae for not giving him a fair chance to race him, and Sehun joined in like the kid he was at heart, leaving Kyungsoo and Jongin still up with the scooters and staring at each other. There was a thick tension hanging between them as their competitive personality traits kicked in, Jongin wondered if he should dart off without warning, but his thoughts were interrupted when Kyungsoo spoke.

“It's between us then?” he smirked and Jongin felt his heart clench at the sight, they both slid out of their shoes. “Let's race fair and square okay?”

“On three?” Jongin grinned.

“One... Two...” Kyungsoo started, eyes locked with Jongin's

“Three!” They yelled together and they sprinted off down the rocks, not even bothering getting out of their t-shirts.

Jongin took the lead first, almost tumbling over his feet as they ran down the rocks. The boys already in the water were cheering and calling out their names. Kyungsoo was right on his heels, maybe not even half a second behind Jongin the whole way down, but as soon as they reached flat ground and entered the pier, Kyungsoo took the lead and he was off the pier and diving in to the lake a mere second before Jongin.

The cool water surrounded him and it felt refreshing not to be dripping in sweat at last, he stayed under just a little longer than needed just to revel in the comfort of not melting like a popsicle. When he resurfaced, the others were cheering and laughing, splashing water at each other, and Jongdae announced that Jongin was last in and therefore would have to be the grill master later when they eat. It wasn't the worst punishment so Jongin didn't complain, he had been beaten fair and square after all.

He felt something grab his leg and shrieked in a not very dignified voice and involuntarily kicked under the water. A coughing and laughing Sehun surfaced and Jongin splashed a good amount of water at his face, mumbling something about the younger being such a kid.

Then Jongin remembered the rocks he had planned to use as a diving board and turned around, still pumping with his feet under water to stay afloat. He saw the spot and deemed that he had indeed been right about the height and access to the rocks, it was perfect. Allowing himself to sink under water, he held his breath and swam for the rocks just a few metres ahead, looking back at the boys only when he had heaved himself up on the first rock. His white t-shirt clung uncomfortably to his chest.

“Hey!” He called, getting the attention from his friends. “It's deep enough here to jump right?” He just wanted to make sure he doesn't break any bones if jumping.

“Yeah!” Baekhyun called back. “Go for it!”

Jongin smiled brightly and climbed a few more rocks until he was maybe three or four metres above the water surface. He walked back on the rocks, giving himself a few footsteps of take-off before running out and throwing himself in the water. Drops of water from his wet hair and skin sparkled as he fell, he heard his friend's cheers shortly before he was once again under the surface and all sounds became muted.

As he came up for air he shook his head and water sprinkled from his hair before the strands stuck to his forehead and he combed it away with his fingers. Out of nowhere and at the speed of light, Kyungsoo was next to him with his bright smile.

“That looks fun!” He said and Jongin just stared in awe, almost forgetting to reply.

“Yeah” he said after a moment too long. “Yeah it was!”

Kyungsoo smiled again and Jongin watched as he swam towards the rocks as well, and how his wet t-shirt hugged him as tightly as Jongin's had done when he climbed up on the rocks. Jongin swam out a bit further not to risk Kyungsoo landing on top of him.

Just as how Jongin had done, Kyungsoo took a few steps back on the rocks before running out to the open air, but instead of just jumping in the way Jongin had done it, Kyungsoo took an extra step on the side of the rocks and pushed off with a force that allowed momentum to lift his feet over his head and he made a forward flip before falling in to the water. Jongin stared at him, mouth agape as he came up with his head above the water.

“What are you?” He said in disbelief.

“Amazing?” Kyungsoo half joked and Jongin had to resist the urge to agree with him. Instead he reached out and pressed Kyungsoo's head under the water for just a second and then letting go, allowing the other to come up coughing and smiling at Jongin's playful response to his statement.

“Hey, that was so cool!” Sehun praised Kyungsoo as he too had swum up to the boys. “Where'd you learn that?”

“A lot of it is just having enough courage.” Kyungsoo shrugs as if he had not just pulled off an incredible stunt.

Inevitably, evening rolled around and Baekhyun was first to announce his famine. Jongin groaned inwardly because he had to get up on his own to prepare the food, his punishment for being last in the water. He climbed up the ladder and walked up to the scooters where they had hidden their food bags under a bush that provided a thick shadow to keep the supplies from being too warm.

Jongin carried it all down and set it up on one of the big rocks near the pier. He opened the grill and took out the tiny matchbox placed under the grid, then he put back the grid and started lighting the grill.

“Need any help?” A sweet voice sounded and Jongin looked at the pale pair of feet and the water dripping around them. He almost didn't dare look up and when he finally did, he wished that he hadn't. Kyungsoo's skin was literally sparkling due to the water droplets that lingered on his pale skin, his hair hung in messy and wet strands although he had obviously tried ruffling the most of it out. His plain black swim trunks were still soaking wet and the grey t-shirt he wore was still sticking on to his skin, revealing the most subtle of silhouettes that were hiding underneath.

“Uhm?” Jongin said and even he heard how stupid that sounded and tried correcting his tongue slip without embarrassing himself any more. “Yeah, uh, could you hand me a stick?”

Kyungsoo smiled and looked around, picking up a slightly crooked stick that lay close by.

“Is this good?” he asked.

“Great!” Jongin chirped and got the stick from Kyungsoo, sticking it in the grill coal to stir it around and spread the heat so that they could start putting the hot dogs on soon.

“Maybe we should take our shirts off to dry?” Kyungsoo suggested as he stripped out of the clingy fabric.

“We probably should've done like the others and taken them off earlier.” Jongin smiled and tried to get out of his shirt as well without getting caught in a wet prison.

“I couldn't risk losing.” Kyungsoo teased.

“Well, you could've just as well lost, since you're here now instead of hanging with the others.”

“I'm tired of swimming anyway, and you'd be bored alone so.” Kyungsoo just shrugged, but it warmed Jongin from within.

“How's high school?” Kyungsoo asked as he sat down across the grill from Jongin. “Is it like you always dreamed? Girls and parties and all that?”

“I just finished second year, I'm not new to all of this you know.” Jongin laughed. “And it's been fine, I guess. I hate studying but hey what can you do right? What about you then? I take it the girls line up to date you?”

Kyungsoo laughed. “What's that supposed to mean?”

“Uh.. No, I mean... Just.. Since you're attractive.. No! I mean... Well, you're attractive I didn't mean you're not just... I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable or anything. I was just--” Jongin gave up. He really had humiliated himself. Kyungsoo was snickering and hiding his smile behind the back of his hand.

“I meant you're probably the first person I've come across who doesn't assume I'm gay.”

“What?” Jongin asked in confusion.

“I'm sorry if it makes you uncomfortable?” Kyungsoo says slowly, repeating Jongin's rant from a few seconds ago. “Usually people tell me that I'm radiating gay, so I don't get asked about girls much. I was just surprised, that's all."

“I'm not uncomfortable.” Jongin said slowly. “I didn't know you were gay...”

“What about you then? Since we're on the topic.”

“I personally don't care much for labels. And I don't care for petty things as gender... Just... Open minded I'd say, if I like you -I like you. But I guess that makes me bi then, right?” Jongin explains. He never liked labelling himself but other people always did it for him anyways so what was the point of arguing.

“Open minded, huh?” Kyungsoo hummed as he placed his chin in his knees and stared at the fire that was settling down in the grill. Jongin stared at him for a moment, in awe that he had accepted Jongin's preferred way of being referred to and not kept asking him questions about it.

The grill was ready after 10 minutes and Jongin just started putting the hot dogs on the grid when the other boys started getting out of the water one by one. Jongin was a bit disappointed because he liked talking to Kyungsoo, he was easy going and fun to be around.

“What's taking so long? I'm dying!” Baekhyun said with hunger annoyed voice. Kyungsoo grabbed a hot dog and dug out a piece of bread and handed it to Baekhyun before the other had the time to complain any longer, and Baekhyun smiled brightly.

“This is why I love you!” He chirped and pinched Kyungsoo's cheek. The red haired boy slapped his hand away and sat down next to Jongin.

“Hey guys!” Jongdae said as he joined them. “Let's go to my place later and watch a movie.”

“Sure.” the other's agreed. Jongin didn't want the day to end, he'd had way too much fun today but as the sun was starting to set, he started to feel the inevitable signs of fatigue shower over him due to swimming for so long and being out in the sun.

The boys ate well, having been hungry since long without realizing it through all the fun and commotion of being together. The two big bottles of water that they had bought went empty quickly and they decided that as soon as they were done eating they'd just go to Jongdae's place. No reason to stay out in the sun and get tired more than necessary.

They poured some water on to the grill to cool it down, then they packed all their trash in one of the plastic bags they had gotten at the grocery store and headed for their parked scooters. Jongin's shirt was still damp from water but the sun had dried it well enough and it felt cool on his skin. They put the plastic bag in a trash can usually used by dog owners, then Jongin once again climbed on to the back of Sehun's scooter.

“You lead the way, since I have no idea where you live.” Sehun said, making a false salute to the other boys.

The roar of engines bounced off the trees and they headed down back to the nature trail they had come from. Sehun and Jongin were in the furthest back this time and they followed the others carefully, smoothly slipping past the road block and back on to the road of asphalt that lead the through and out of the residential area -back on to the bigger roads again. They passed Sehun and Jongin's high school, and kept going past the cinema and local indoor swimming pool centre. They took a right turn and swayed in to one of the livelier neighbourhood areas, up a fairly steep hill and then a second right and they were in front of a dark wooden house with a homely garden. The boys all parked their rides and made their way inside. The sun was setting and Jongin hadn't realized how late it probably was already.

Inside, Jongdae's house seemed just as homely as the garden had done. Family portraits hanging on the walls, a short stairway to the left leading to what looked like the kitchen and living room, but Jongdae showed them to the right. The hallway ended with one door on each wall. The one to the right was the bathroom, Jongdae explained, the door straight up led to his elder brother Minseok's room and the door to the left was to Jongdae's room. It was a spacey yet simple room. A wardrobe with sliding doors to the left, a desk with a big flat computer screen to the right, a bed against the wall next to the desk and a sofa fit for three people under the window and facing the desk.

Jongdae excused himself as he left to get chips and soda drinks, and Chanyeol took the liberty to start up his friend's computer. Jongin threw himself on the sofa in fatigue and covered his face in the crook of his arm. He felt a weight settle on his chest and peeked under his arm only to find Kyungsoo sitting on him.

“You're in my spot.” he said matter-of-factly.

“You have to be a bit more specific.” Jongin teased. “I'm covering the full sofa.”

“Yes, exactly.”

Jongin laughed and Kyungsoo got off him so that he could sit up. Jongdae came back shortly after and found Chanyeol going through all the movies on his computer.

“What should we watch?” Chanyeol asked as he skimmed through the titles with his eyes. Jongdae put the bottles and glasses down on the floor and then sent Sehun to go get the bowl of chips that was sitting on the kitchen counter.

“The Godfather?” Baekhyun suggested.

“We've seen it a million times already!” Kyungsoo whined. “I say we watch Fight Club.”

“I'm up for that.” Baekhyun shrugs, “If it's fine with the rest.”

“I like Fight Club.” Jongin says, trying not to sound too obvious.

“Fight club it is then.” Chanyeol says and double-clicks on the title.

“Hey, how did you get past my sign in page anyway? Don't I have a password on that thing?” Jongdae suddenly remembered.

“Sure you do, JongTheMan” Chanyeol smiled.

“I hate you.” Jongdae sighed.

“Whatever helps you sleep at night.”

Sehun returns with the giant bowl of chips and the movie starts just as he sits down on the floor. Chanyeol is still in the desk chair, Baekhyun is sprawled out on the bed and having moved a pillow so he can lie comfortably and still see the screen. Jongdae, Kyungsoo and Jongin all -unfairly- share the sofa. Jongdae sitting at the furthest end near the closet, hunched up while Kyungsoo takes up the whole middle part by sitting cross legged and has Jongin almost sitting on the arm rest as result.

The bowl of chips is only halfway empty when the sky is dark and Sehun checks the time and sees he should be getting back and considering they came together they should leave together as well. Jongin doesn't really want to leave, he tries to fool himself in to thinking that he wants to spend more time with Baekhyun considering they don't hang out often anymore. But the real reason has sunk out of the sofa and down to the floor, clutching a pillow that Baekhyun had attacked him with 10 minutes ago, between his arms as his head is resting against the cushions of the furniture behind him, watching the movie with concentration through half lidded eyes as the red mop of hair is sprawled on the sofa.

“Well, where do you live?” Chanyeol asks Jongin, sensing his hesitation in some magical way.

“In the old neighbourhood near the park, next to the kindergarten.” Jongin says.

“Me and Kyungsoo are both going that way when we go home, it's just a little detour but if you wanna finish the movie we can drop you off, right Soo?”

At the mention of his name, Kyungsoo stirs from his concentration and turns his head slightly, never leaving the screen with his eyes.

“How do you get there?” he asks.

“If you're coming from the direction of the mall, you just head towards the park and instead of turning left at the intersection you go right” Jongin explains while motioning with his arms and hands, although he knows Kyungsoo is only half listening. “Then you're basically in the neighbourhood and 3 minutes away from where I live.”

“Okay, I can drive you back then.” Kyungsoo says, still not letting his gaze leave the movie that's still playing.

“I'll see you tomorrow then.” Sehun ruffles Jongin's hair before he leaves. “It was nice meeting you all!”

The movie continues for another hour, they all watch in silence, too exhausted to talk or comment on anything, they don't have the energy to laugh either. Baekhyun even fell asleep at one point and Chanyeol poked him with his foot to wake him up again.

Jongin helps Jongdae clean up after them before he, Kyungsoo and Chanyeol goes out to the scooters. Baekhyun decided to sleep at Jongdae's place and go home the next morning.

“It was great meeting you, Jongin” Jongdae says. “Let's hang out again, all of us.”

Jongin agrees that's a great idea, and then he gets on to the pitch black scooter, behind Kyungsoo. The warm summer night air is cool and comforting and soft winds occasionally blow by, creating a magic feel and Jongin doesn't think he's ever felt this alive before. Chanyeol drives off first, saying goodbye and telling Kyungsoo they'll see each other the next day. Jongin gets the feeling that maybe Chanyeol and Kyungsoo are exactly like Sehun and himself, best friends who throw pebbles at each other's windows. Or maybe they have the decency of using the doorbells.

Neither Kyungsoo nor Jongin take their visors of their helmets down as they drive down the dimly lit streets. Jongin has his hands placed under the back of his seat, not sure Kyungsoo would be fine with him holding on to him since they've technically only known each other for a mere day. It feels nice to roam the streets at this time, barely any cars are out and the night air smells like warm pavement and newly cut grass. They pass the mall and a few minutes later, Kyungsoo makes a right just like Jongin had explained. Jongin gently pats Kyungsoo's shoulder, indicating that he's about to speak.

“You can drop me here, it's fine.” Jongin assures him, not wanting to be too much of a burden.

“I'm already here, I might was well spend the last minutes and get you home properly.” Kyungsoo simply states, as if it was the most natural and obvious thing in the world.

“Okay then...” Jongin trails off. “Make a left the next time possible.”

Kyungsoo does, and they drive past 3 houses and Jongin informs that the big baby blue house two houses up ahead is his, and Kyungsoo steers up on the driveway before stopping. Jongin climbs off, not really wanting to leave, but having no reason to stay also gives him no other option.

“Your parents are still up?” Kyungsoo says with slight disbelief when he spots the light being on in the kitchen window.

“Yeah... Probably fighting again.” Jongin sighs. “They're going through a divorce.”

“Oh... I'm sorry.” Kyungsoo says as if he felt guilty for saying anything at all.

“It's fine.” Jongin says as he takes off his helmet. “Not your fault anyway.”

“Are you okay?” Kyungsoo asks with genuine care in his tone. Jongin hesitates for a moment, contemplating how to reply to such an honest act of worry from someone he'd just met.

“Not really, but there's not really anything I can do about it. I guess it'll be easier when dad moves out and they stop fighting all the time.” Jongin shrugs. “I should go inside.”

“I enjoyed meeting you today, Kim Jongin.” Kyungsoo smiled. “See you next time.”

Jongin's eyes are wide and a smile is already halfway spreading across his face when he nods, almost in disbelief.

“Yeah, see you next time.” he replies.

Kyungsoo starts up the engine for the last time that night and Jongin listens to the Doppler effect of him driving away. Next time. He thinks to himself, wondering when that could be. He walks in to the house, avoiding seeing his parents because he just can't stand hearing their raised voices and angry glares. The muffled sound of their argumentation still sounds through the house and although Jongin can't make out words -doesn't want to, honestly- he still hears the anger. From upstairs, through floors and walls and closed doors, Jongin still hears it. And when he puts his ear buds in and turn the music up almost dangerously loud he still feels the hissing and gritting of teeth.

He survives the Friday by sleeping most of the day and then walking over to Sehun's place to play video games.

“So, Kyungsoo huuh?” Sehun asks with so much suggestion in his voice that Jongin chokes and misses his target while shooting.

“What about him?” Jongin tries but he knows he's not fooling anyone.

“Dude, remember I've been your friend for years, I ought to know what your lovey-dovey stare looks like, but considering how obvious you were I don't think anyone missed it.” Sehun teases. “Was it nice being take home by him? Did you invite him in?”

“Shut up.” Jongin blushes to his ears.

“He is attractive, I don't blame you.”

“I hardly know him.”

“Doesn't change the fact that you want to.”

“He seems nice.”

“Is that you talking about his personality or the way you imagine him in bed?”

Jongin turns his video character around and shoots Sehun in the head.

“Hey! We're on the same team!” Sehun pouts.

“That was what I thought too.” Jongin smiles teasingly.

Sehun doesn't ask but he knows about Jongin's parents so he tries to be supportive the only ways he can. Saturday however, is a different story. Because Sehun's family is going on a five day hiking trip and won't be back until the next Wednesday. It is also this Saturday that Jongin wakes up to his father's raised voice and his mother crying. He lies awake for a moment, pulling his pillow over his head, wishing for it all to go away but the crying doesn't stop and Jongin snaps. He gets in to the shower and hopes that the four tile walls will drown out the violent sobs and they do. So Jongin showers, and he brushes his teeth while he's at it and when he leaves the room 30 minutes later there's only quietness echoing through the house. He can tell that his parents are still downstairs because he hears the faint clinking of dishes being taken from the dishwasher and put in to cabinets and the sound of flushing from the toilet in the hallway.

As soon as he's put on clothes, he leaves the house without as much as greeting his parents. He goes in to the garage and grabs his bicycle, pedalling away from the house without looking back, scared he'll see what's left of his childhood and family crumble to pieces. He takes the back route through the jogging trail and out in front of the mall, the sun blazing and making his skin tingle. He's lucky being in motion on his bike has some air fanning him or he might've boiled inside out. Jongin keeps going, past the mall and a group of boys with skateboards and roller blades that he pays no mind as he heads for the park.

“Jongin!” A voice calls out and said person turns around to look back, slowing down only ever so slightly to see who was calling out to him. Jongin feels someone grab the underside of his bike seat and pedalling becomes a bit heavier but he keeps going all the same when he spots the red mess of hair next to him.

“Mind if I tag along?” Kyungsoo smiles, one hand holding on to Jongin's bike and the other tucked in the back pocket of his jeans as he's standing on a skateboard.

“I'm going to the park.” Jongin says, he doesn't pedal as if his life is depending on it any more, it seems all his hurt and frustration slowly melted away when Kyungsoo smiled at him.

“Let me know if you get tired, we can switch places.” Kyungsoo suggests.

“I don't really know how to ride a skateboard.” Jongin admits shyly.

“Well, if we're riding like this then all you need to know how to do -is stand. You can stand, right?” Kyungsoo jokes and Jongin chuckles.

“Yes, I am perfectly familiar with the art of standing up.” Jongin replies, forgetting he had ever been upset at all.

“So where's Sehun?” Kyungsoo asks.

“Hiking.” Jongin answers. “His family goes once every year for 5 days up in the mountain.”

“Sounds like torture.”

Jongin turns left and Kyungsoo holds on to his seat with both hands as he steers his skateboard so that they don't bump in to each other and fall over.

“What about Chanyeol?” Jongin asks.

“Oh, he was back there at the mall. We're a few guys who live in the same area so occasionally we go out with our tiny wheels.”

“Is it okay for you to just ditch them like that?” Jongin asks in surprise.

“They're a bunch of people, they'll be fine. You on the other hand, was alone.”

“What are you? The leader of the Friends committee?” Jongin half laughs, and half wants to know why Kyungsoo is always so keen on not leaving Jongin alone.

“Let's just say I know how sad it can be to be alone.” Kyungsoo shrugs but Jongin gets the feeling that there's more to that statement underneath the surface.

They reach the park and Jongin stays on the asphalt to make the ride easier for Kyungsoo, he doesn't know much about skateboards but makes a wild guess they don't do too well on nature trails. They're quiet for a few minutes and Jongin can feel the question itching in Kyungsoo so he decides to spare him the courage it takes to ask and just answer it anyway.

“My parents were fighting again.” He tries to sound unbothered, but Kyungsoo can probably sense how tense Jongin is by how white his knuckles turn as he clutches the handlebar of his bike.

“So you're hiding?”

“Basically.” Jongin sighs.

“Wanna get ice cream?” Kyungsoo suggests while pointing to an ice cream stand at the sides a few meters ahead of them.

“Sure.” Jongin stops next to the ice cream guy and Kyungsoo lets go of the bike and rolls up in front of the stand.

“What flavour do you want?” he asks.

“Vanilla.” Jongin replies.

“One vanilla cone and one lemon cone please.” Kyungsoo tells the guy while taking out his wallet from a back pocket. As soon as he receives the cones he hands the white vanilla to Jongin who gratefully accepts it. They sit on the side walk and watch as people are jogging, bicycling and strolling around. In the middle of the park is a small lake where ducks and swans swim and a few elderly couple, or kids, are feeding them dry bread crumbs.

“Wanna talk about your parents?” Kyungsoo asks.

“That's a buzz-kill topic.” Jongin snorts, trying to not kill the mood.

“Talking helps though, and I don't think you talk to your parents about it and Sehun's out of town.”

“I don't talk to Sehun about it either.”

“So you don't talk to anyone?” Kyungsoo looks surprised. “It's settled then, you'll talk to me about it.”

“Why?” Jongin whines and drags out the syllables.

“Because I'm confident you'll feel much better.” Kyungsoo stands up. “Come on, let's walk for a bit.” He picks up his skateboard and carries it under his arm as he starts walking. If it wasn't for his height, Jongin would've thought he was a professional model of some sorts, in the way Kyungsoo moves. How he walks with confidence and turns around too look at Jongin just as a wind blows through his red mess of hair. Jongin grabs his bike and walks with it up to Kyungsoo.

“So, how long has the divorce been decided?” Kyungsoo asks.

“I can't say for sure.” Jongin replies. “Are we really doing this?”

“Yes, we're really doing this.”

Jongin sighs.

“I've only known about the divorce for a month, but I suspect that it's been decided since long. My parents have been fighting since I was in middle school.” Jongin confesses. “I guess I wasn't really surprised when they confronted me with the news but that didn't make it any easier.”

“What are they fighting about?” Kyungsoo wonders.

“Stuff.” Jongin shrugs. “My dad works a lot so my mom gets frustrated that she has to do everything herself. She works full time too, and she also cleans the house and cooks and does the laundry and...”

“And?”

“And takes care of me.” Jongin sighs, finishing the last of his ice cream.

“It's not your fault your parents are getting a divorce Jongin.”

“I could make a living out of people telling me that you know.” Jongin laughs but he knows it's not funny. “That's what everyone says.”

“Well, it's true.” Kyungsoo tries. “People grow apart sometimes.”

“I just...” Jongin feels the tears starting to sting. Damn it this is why he doesn't want to talk about these kinds of things.

“What?” Kyungsoo looks at him with so much concern Jongin feels he might break under his gaze. Crumble to broken bits of sadness and frustration right then and there on the pavement. He doesn't want to seem weak and broken to Kyungsoo. But although Kyungsoo seems genuinely worried, he doesn't look at Jongin as if he needs to be fixed. It's not like how Sehun looks at him when he shows up unannounced at the door, or the way his mom looks at him when he walks in on them fighting. This is different. Maybe that's why he keeps talking.

“I just wish I hadn't been such a difficult kid to raise. So my mom wouldn't be tired and my dad wouldn't have spent half his time scolding me.” Jongin finishes. “Maybe then they could've made it work. Maybe if I was helping out more around home. Maybe--”

“It doesn't work like that.” Kyungsoo interrupts.

“How can it not?” Jongin's heart is pumping wildly. “You don't just fall in love and get married and have kids and then wake up one day hating each other!”

“You're right.” Kyungsoo replies calmly. “It comes slowly. One person missing dinner once, a few months later he's only eating with the family once a week because he's working, coming home late. Your mom forgets what it's like to lay awake talking about the future, and is left to fall asleep in an empty bed and wake up to the sound of him getting ready for work. Then he forgets to do laundry because he got held up at work, concentrating hard to get promoted so he can buy nicer things for you, and your mom ends up doing the chores because they still need to be done. And in between months of late work hours and unfinished chores he forgets that he's doing this for the sake of his family, and she forgets that what made her fall for him was his devotion to those he love. Then all that loneliness and pent up sadness all comes flooding out when he spills coffee on the carpet, and he really doesn't mean to but because of the stress he snaps back at her, and after that it's a downward spiral.”

“Since when are you an expert?” Jongin jokes, but he's actually impressed Kyungsoo could cheer him up like that. Kyungsoo just shrugs.

“I don't think people mean to start hating the people they marry.” he states simply. “This is the only thing that seems logical to me, so I'm sharing it with you.”

“Sometimes I just wish I hadn't been born.” Jongin stares as his feet as they're walking.

“Your parents doesn't wish for that though, they made a choice and they chose you, Jongin. Don't think like that.” Kyungsoo puts a hand on his shoulder. “For what it's worth, I'm glad they decided to have kids.”

“Thanks.” Jongin puts his hand over Kyungsoo's briefly, giving it a light squeeze before taking his hand away again and getting up on his bike. “I think I'm gonna go back.”

“What are you doing tonight?” Kyungsoo asks and Jongin hears the subtle request underneath the words.

“Nothing.” He says.

“I'll come get you when everyone's gone to bed.” Kyungsoo smirks. “So you have to sneak out.”

“You're making it sound as if we're going to do something illegal.” Jongin jokes but doesn't press the matter further when he sees the tint of mischief in Kyungsoo's eyes. He pushes off and paddles the bike slowly, nodding towards Kyungsoo as a goodbye, the other smiles and waves, softly telling him not to forget about it. As if Jongin could ever forget a meeting with Kyungsoo, but he doesn't say that.

When Jongin gets home, his dad is sitting on the porch. Jongin knows he's waiting for him, and that it's going to be about something Jongin probably doesn't want to hear. It's always been like that, his dad on the porch whenever there is bad news to come. It makes Jongin's stomach knot itself but he tries to remain carefree but he's not sure it's convincing.

“Son.” His dad says and it's soft and kind, the way his dad truly is. Jongin has almost forgotten what a kind hearted man his father really is due to all the fighting he's been overhearing without wanting to. For a moment he remembers the laughing young man who helped him learn how to ride a bicycle and took him to a soccer game with his favourite team. He's aged a lot since then. Jongin almost hasn't realized that while he's been growing up, his parents have been growing old.

“Hi.” Jongin says, feeling himself deflate like an old balloon.

“Can I talk to you for a sec?”

“Of course.” Jongin says and leans against the wooden railing.

“There's no good way to start this so I'm gonna go straight to the point.” His dad announces. “The company has offered me a new position. It's more responsibility and not as long work days but it requires me to travel more between different cities and...” He pauses for a deep breath.

“And what?” Jongin urges on.

“The office is 4 hours away.” His dad sighs. “And with the divorce going on, I'm thinking I should just move to an apartment closer to that office?”

“Why does that sound like a question?” Jongin asked, slightly annoyed. “You'll do whatever you want, it's your life.”

“I wanted to discuss it with you.”

“What's there to discuss? If I tell you not to go, will it matter?” Jongin snaps.

“Of course it will, son. If you tell me not to go, I'll decline the offered position. I still have until next week to decide if I want it or not.”

Jongin thinks about it for a while. He wants to tell his dad not to go, and hold on to his naïve childish wishes of his parents maybe working things out. But then he remembers that the reason they got to this point in the first place is because his dad has been working hard to get this position. If he declines it then all the fighting, the divorce, his mother's tears, will all have been for nothing and that's an even worse thought than his dad moving away.

“I think you should take the job.” Jongin sighs after a few minutes, tears stinging in his eyes and threatens to fall but Jongin bites his tongue, hoping they'll go away.

“Son-”

“It's a good position, and you've worked hard. You deserve it.” Jongin says and he's not sure why it sounds like such an insult but it does. He wants to be happy for his father, to be proud of the hardworking man in front of him. But all he sees is a man in his 40's with slightly grey hair and wrinkles from laughing at things Jongin doesn't remember, and he doesn't look at all like Jongin's dad any more. He looks like someone who ruined his family with good intentions, and Jongin finds that he can neither love nor hate him for it.

“Okay then.” He says, scanning Jongin for any signs of regret but Jongin is a closed book right now. “Your mother has made dinner, go inside and eat a bit.”

Jongin nods and walks in to the house, leaving his father to his own thoughts on the porch. He takes off his shoes and walks in to the kitchen. His mother is just about to put away the dinner but halts as she hears Jongin entering. She smiles at him and tells him to sit and eat for a while. He watches her smile with those tear swollen eyes and pink nose. She used to be so optimistic and full of life, now she's grown bitter and lonely and impatient. Jongin sits down and puts the food on his plate, he pokes around in it for a moment before even tasting it. She can't even cook any more. He remembers her food tasting sweet and warm, full of spices and surprises, but even that has changed and what once used to be a great spaghetti bolognese has now turned in to something sloppy that tastes of too much salt. He eats up anyway.

It's 3.04am when Jongin hears a scooter pulling up on the driveway and he sneaks down the stairs, through the darkness of the hallway and slipping on his shoes best as he can before leaving and locking the door as quietly as possible.

“You're still up?” Kyungsoo asked with a smile.

“I promised, didn't I?” Jongin says while putting on his helmet and getting up on the pitch black scooter. “Where are we going?”

“You'll see.” Kyungsoo replies and just like that, they're heading out.

As they cruise through the empty streets and through the town, Jongin finds that he wouldn't mind spending all of summer like this, on Kyungsoo's scooter while everybody is sleeping. He doesn't dare touch yet, not sure how Kyungsoo would feel about it. Maybe after another 10 minutes, Kyungsoo steers them in to an alley and shuts off the engine.

“Is this the part where I run for my life?” Jongin jokes while Kyungsoo is locking their helmets and the scooter by the front wheel. “This seems insane.”

Kyungsoo chuckles as he walks up to a door which has a sign that clearly says Authorized Personnel Only and Jongin doesn't expect the door to be unlocked but it is.

“Four reasons why this is a great idea.” Kyungsoo starts.

“Shoot.” Jongin smiles.

“One, I’ve been here before.”

“How did you find out it was unlocked?” Jongin asks. “Did you do it?”

Kyungsoo doesn't answer and Jongin feels in the pit of his stomach that maybe he does best in not knowing the answer to that question.

“Two,” Kyungsoo continues. “What’s life without some risks?”

They walk up a good set of stairs for a few floors. It's dark and every floor only has a simple lamp nailed to the wall and a door leading in to the building but they never go in, they just keep going up the stairs and although Jongin does trust Kyungsoo, he feels anxious being kept out of knowledge of where they're going and what they'll be doing.

“Three, you have no reason not to trust me.”

Finally they reach the top and it has another door with a sign that says Keep Out, but Kyungsoo opens it anyway and Jongin wonders what the penalty would be if they got caught, or maybe he'd even have to go to jail? All thoughts vanish from his head when Kyungsoo leads him out on the roof and over to the edge of the building. They have a perfect view over the town, although Jongin would've been satisfied simply with the view standing next to him.

“And four?” Jongin asks, voice almost breathless from the view in front of him.

“Four out of five doctors agree I’m insane.” Kyungsoo winks and Jongin swears he almost sells his soul at that moment, but settles for a slight chuckle instead.

“I tend to come here when I have a lot of things on my mind. I used to think of it as my own special place. Nobody ever comes here, I've been camping here at times just to make sure.” Kyungsoo says as he leans on the concrete railing. “But I think you need it more than I do.”

“What do you mean?” Jongin asks.

“I'm giving it to you. This place.” Kyungsoo smiles although it isn't his to give away. “Look, the sunrise.”

Jongin turns his head and watches as the bright orb of fire rises, spilling light over the concrete of the small city and in that moment he feels really small. In comparison to the sun, in comparison to the universe, he is small. Yet as he watches the shadows that fall on the street a sudden feeling of adventure sweeps over him, as if the world is there for the taking and just waiting for him to make the leap.

“How are your parents?” Kyungsoo asks.

“My dad got a promotion, and he’s moving away once the divorce is done.” Jongin says, it sounds a lot more apathetic than it should.

“Oh.” Kyungsoo whispers.

“It’s okay.” Jongin says. “I haven’t seen him much lately anyway. And I’ll soon finish high school and probably go somewhere else for uni.”

“You’re going to be fine, Jongin.”

Jongin turns his head to look at him. The way the morning sun hits his face, the soft smile and the sincere gaze. Jongin thinks that yeah, maybe he’ll actually be okay in the end.

They don’t keep track of time, but eventually they walk back down to the scooter. When Jongin sits comfortably behind, his hands holding on to the seat and waiting, Kyungsoo doesn’t start the scooter.

“Something wrong?” Jongin asks.

“I always feel like you’re gonna fall off when you’re just holding on to the seat like that.” Kyungsoo says, head slightly turned.

“Oh…” Jongin says, letting go of the seat and slowly putting his hands lightly on Kyungsoo’s waist. “Uhm..?”

Kyungsoo uses his one hand to move Jongin’s arm all the way around, so that Jongin is basically hugging him.

“I’m not gonna break, and I’d prefer it if I didn’t have to worry about you flying off on to the street while I’m driving.”

Jongin nods, not trusting his voice to function at this moment.

The drive is way too short in Jongin’s opinion, and they’re back on his driveway all too soon, and Jongin isn’t sure he’s ready to say goodbye yet.

“Wanna come inside?” Jongin dares to ask. Kyungsoo looks slightly taken aback.

“I can’t.” He answers after a moment and Jongin feels himself deflating.

“I have to prepare some things for a party I’m throwing tonight.” Kyungsoo explains. “You’re invited, of course, and uhm… I’d like it if you wanted to come?”

“Yes!” Jongin exclaims, maybe a bit too loud and a bit too fast. Kyungsoo chuckles a bit.

“9pm, my place, I’ll tell Baekhyun to pick you up.”

“Okay.” Jongin smiles.

“See you later."
Jongin watches as Kyungsoo pulls down the visor of his helmet and drives off, he listens to the sound of it growing further and further away before finally he can’t hear it anymore and goes back inside the house.

“Where have you been?”

Jongin stops in his tracks and snaps his head in the direction of his mother’s voice.

“Just… Out.” He replies shortly.

“I could tell that.” His mother says matter of factly. “But where? I don’t like you sneaking around during the night, Jongin.”

“And I don’t like being the child of a divorce but I guess we can’t all have whatever we like, mom.”

He storms off to his room before his mother gets another chance to reply. He doesn’t mean to be rude, but he can’t help the words that spill from his mouth in these moments. He knows that he’s not being fair but that doesn’t stop the pain. There’s something surreal about your parents splitting up. Like the one thing you’ve always thought of as ‘safe’ and ‘comfort’ and ‘home’, and then suddenly it becomes this broken thing that you wouldn’t even touch with a 10 foot pole.

Sleep however, comes fast as he’d been up all night and he welcomes the numbness that the darkness brings.

The buzzing of his phone is what stirs him from his sleep and when he checks the time it’s 2pm. The sun is beaming through the window and Jongin squints at the uncomfortable light piercing his eyes. It’s just Baekhyun texting him that they should meet up at the park at 9 later that night. Jongin hesitates at first, but realizes that there’s no point in being early to the party because he’ll only come off as clingy and desperate, and although Jongin knows very well that he probably is clingy, there’s no reason to flaunt it.

What do you wear to a party? It’s not a difficult question, usually. The real question is, will Kyungsoo like it? Are the jeans too tight? Is the shirt too low and revealing? Jongin showered for a good 30 minutes before the water was almost going cold and after that, he’s changed clothes at least 6 times. In the end he doesn’t have time to make one last change and leaves the house in washed out jeans and a grey long sleeve shirt that may or may not be a bit too low in the neck. He ruffles his hair one last time before darting out the door.

“Sorry I’m late!” He says when he meets Baekhyun.

“No worries, I’m sure you had some difficult decisions to make.” Baekhyun smirks.

“What.”

“My intelligence may be questionable at times but I’m not blind.” The shorter male explains.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Jongin tries to sound unfazed.

“Sure you don’t. And you don’t think Kyungsoo is a hot piece of .” Baekhyun says with sarcasm. “No shame in that man, I mean, even I think he’s got a fine .”

“There’s no fine--thinking going on.” Jongin tries desperately. “Can we just get going?”

“Sure thing Casanova.”

“Oh god please stop.”

When they reach Kyungsoo’s apartment building they’re only a rough 45 minutes late. Loud music could be heard from a few blocks away and Jongin feels his adrenaline pumping. Baekhyun pulls out his phone to text Kyungsoo that they’re outside. There’s no way to get in to the building without someone opening it or as in this case, hands you the key.

Kyungsoo opens a window just a few moments after Baekhyun sent the text.

“Hey! Glad you could make it!” It’s hard to hear him over the sound of the music. Then he drops down the keys to the entrance door. “4^th floor, left door, welcome up!”

Jongin looks with surprise over at Baekhyun, who picks the key up from the ground and unlocks the door as if this is something he does at least twice a day. Who knows, maybe he actually does. There’s so many things that Jongin has yet to learn about Kyungsoo and suddenly he feels bad that he hasn’t shown the same interest in the other’s life as Kyungsoo has done to him.

The apartment door is unlocked and when they walk inside, the hallway is full of shoes that they almost trip over in the process of getting inside. The second thing you notice is the hoard of people smoking by the kitchen fan and singing along to some one-hit-wonder 90’s song. Jongin laughs a little, then he hides his shoes away in a corner so they won’t get mixed up with someone else’s. The second Jongin turns around to look around the apartment, he bumps in to Kyungsoo who magically appeared with two plastic cups filled with god knows what kind of alcohol. For a moment, Jongin can’t but stare in awe at the man in front of him. Kyungsoo is the kind of person who would look good even in a potato sack. Luckily he wasn’t wearing that for tonight, but Jongin still admired how someone could look so dressed up in only trashed jeans and a white t-shirt.

“Thanks.” Jongin smiles nervously.

“Feel free to look around!” Kyungsoo says. “There’s a balcony if you go through the living room. In case you need some air, it tends to be crowded in here.”

“Got it.” Jongin nervously rocks back and forth on his feet and from his peripheral view he can see Baekhyun snickering and then disappearing in to the crowd of people. He looks at Kyungsoo who smiles confidently.

“On second thought, let me show you around.” He says and Jongin agrees because really, what else can he do, knowing barely anyone there at the moment.

Kyungsoo’s home is quite big for an apartment, but there’s still not nearly enough space for the amount of people he’s invited for tonight. But everyone seems to be really cool about it, going about their night like they’re used to this. Laughter and off-key singing echoes alongside the music and there’s a strange sense of comfort over the atmosphere.

When they reach Kyungsoo’s bedroom, Jongin feels his heart speed up a bit. There’s nobody else inside and when Kyungsoo closes the door, the music dies down and they can talk in normal conversation volume again. Kyungsoo walks around him and sits on the bed, putting his plastic cup on the cupboard next to it.

“So how was your day?” Kyungsoo asks. Jongin stands frozen in his spot, not sure of where to place his body.

“I slept most of it away to be honest.” He answers and starts moving around the room, putting his cup down on Kyungsoo’s desk and looking at the stack of books piled on top of it. They’re mostly books about business and Jongin can’t spot a single fiction novel, although he would’ve thought that Kyungsoo was the kind of person who read a lot of those kinds of books. Apparently not.

“What about you?” Jongin asks as he turns around to look at Kyungsoo. “Do anything else but party planning?”

“Party basically planned itself, I just did the shopping and put together a playlist.” Kyungsoo shrugs.

“You sure it’s okay for the host to be away from the crowd?”

“I know all of those people, they’re nice and won’t break anything. At least not intentionally.” Kyungsoo smiles. “They’ll be fine for a while.”

Jongin hums and they go quiet for a bit.

“So how’s your Gin & Sin?” Kyungsoo asks, it’s a bit lame but Jongin appreciates him trying to save the situation from becoming awkward.

“Oh so that’s what it is!” Jongin takes up his basically empty cup from the desk. “It’s good.”

“It’s my specialty.”

“I can tell.” Jongin smiles before downing whatever was left in his cup.

“You look nice.” Kyungsoo says. “That suits you.”

“Thanks.” Jongin blushes, he tries to fool himself in to thinking it’s the alcohol that’s taking effect but he knows better. “I’m totally down for that broke-college-student look, you pull it off really well.”

Kyungsoo starts laughing and Jongin tries to join in but is a bit distracted by the sound of Kyungsoo’s happiness.

“I didn’t really have time to change before people started dropping in.” Kyungsoo half defends.

“Honestly though,” Jongin starts. “You look great.”

Something a bit too heavy suddenly fills the air. Like a million words floating around but remaining unsaid and trapped behind sealed lips who tingle with the wishes of a meeting. Jongin leans back on the desk and grabs the piece of wood with his hands, thinking that if he doesn’t physically hold himself down, he’s going to jump Kyungsoo any minute.

Suddenly the door swings open and loud music comes blasting in like a gunshot to their shared silence and Baekhyun is standing in the doorway, smirking as if he just caught them in the act of doing something private.

“I’ve been looking all over for you guys!” He beams, trying to act as if he doesn’t know exactly what he’s interrupting.

“What did you want?” Kyungsoo asks and he sounds a bit annoyed, to which Jongin simply smiles.

“Dance!” Baekhyun beams and Kyungsoo rolls his eyes but gets up from the bed anyhow, motioning for Jongin to follow them and he does.

A few hours later, Jongin’s been dancing until his limbs are aching from awkwardly avoiding bumping in to too many other people, and he’s had at least 4 drinks too many. Guests are both passed out and scattered around the apartment, or have gone home already. They lost Baekhyun hallway through when he disappeared with someone Jongin couldn’t see the face of.

Right now the music is slowing down, from the upbeat and happy party music that’s been going on for the majority of the night, to the more serene ballads that are playing now. Jongin stumbles out to the balcony for air and drops down to sit on the slightly chilly concrete platform hanging a bit over the ground with a view of the city. Kyungsoo comes to join him and sits down a bit away from Jongin, but then lies down with his head resting on Jongin’s legs.

“That was fun.” He sighs.

Jongin hums in response, too out of breath to provide a proper answer at the moment. He looks down at Kyungsoo, whose busy looking at the sky. He wonders if Kyungsoo would mind if he leaned down and stole a kiss. Just a taste. He tries to shake the feeling off and blame it on the alcohol, but his stomach knots uncomfortably and he squirms slightly. Unfortunately this stirs Kyungsoo out of his trance and he sits up to look at Jongin.

“Something wrong?” He his head a bit to the right.

Jongin can’t bring himself to swallow down the thick lump in his throat that makes him unable to speak, so he leans in. Quick at first but hesitates at the last moment, when he feels Kyungsoo’s breath on his face. He looks up at Kyungsoo’s eyes, searching for any sign of rejection. When he finds none, he glances at the smaller boy’s lips and a short second later Kyungsoo leans to travel the final distance. He ghosts his lips over Jongin’s for a moment before pressing them together.

It’s sweet and soft and it makes Jongin’s breath hitch, his hooded eyes finally stuttering close. A tight, suffocating feeling grows from within, as if his heart was exploding and suddenly not small enough to fit inside his ribcage anymore.

Kyungsoo tastes like berry-mixed alcohol, salt, and something else that’s entirely Kyungsoo. Jongin’s hands come up to tangle his fingers in the damp strands of hair in the back of the smaller’s neck. In this moment, he feels like everything is okay. He doesn’t feel broken, or struggling. An unfamiliar kind of comfort sweeps over him and he doesn’t need to be psychic to know that he’ll grow dependent on this feeling soon.

When the kiss deepens, Kyungsoo pushes with a bit more force than Jongin is prepared for and he ends up falling backwards with Kyungsoo on top of him, not ready to part from his lips yet.

The kiss is all too short and way too long at the same time, and when they part Jongin is out of breath and Kyungsoo’s lips are swollen. They smile and chuckle lightly before sitting back up again. Jongin clears his throat, not really sure what to say and Kyungsoo scratches the back of his neck.

---

 

When Jongin wakes up, in his own bed the next day, he doesn’t even remember what happened after the kiss, how he got home or what he and Kyungsoo could’ve possibly said to each other after that. He hides his head under the pillow and groans, not sure if it’s due to the headache or frustration of the black out.

He checks his phone but it has no new messages or missed calls. What if it had all been due to the effect of the alcohol? Jongin had been serious about the kiss but what if Kyungsoo hadn’t? Did he regret it?

Jongin was starting to feel sick. It was most probably the hangover, but the stress of overthinking was definitely not helping. He walked downstairs for a glass of water. The house was quiet and empty with both his parents still at work. Hunger overcomes him and he’s just about to call for home delivery when his doorbell rings.

In walks Baekhyun, armed with two boxes of pizza and a big bottle of soft drink. Well, at least the universe is helping him survive this hangover rather painlessly.

“Great, you’re already up. For a moment I was wondering if you might still be sleeping.” Baekhyun says as he strolls through the living room and sets the stuff down on the sofa table while Jongin goes to get some cutlery and glasses.

“Just woke up actually.” Jongin yawns. “I feel like .”

“When’s Sehun coming back?” Baekhyun asks.

“Not sure, 2 days maybe?"

They turn on the TV while they’re eating. Jongin can feel Baekhyun isn’t just there to help nurse his hangover but he doesn’t know what kind of question to ask either.

“So where’d you run off to last night?” Jongin dares ask finally.

“Oh, you know, just somewhere.” Baekhyun smiles with mischief. “I heard you stayed for quite the while… When did you get back?”

“Don’t remember.”

Baekhyun freezes for a moment.

“You… Don’t remember?” He asks.

“Yeah.” Jongin starts. “I have no idea how I got from Kyungsoo’s place back home, last thing I remember is---“

He stops before he finishes the sentence. It’s not really a secret but he feels like the kiss is something between him and Kyungsoo only, and if it was only something that happened in the heat of the moment and under the influence of too many drinks, even more reason not to go around bragging about what happened.

“Is what?” Baekhyun asks but something in his eyes says he already knows. Maybe Kyungsoo told him, or it wasn’t hard to figure out.

“Nothing.” Jongin says quickly. “Have you talked to Kyungsoo? Does he need help cleaning up or something?”

“Can’t get a hold of him, but don’t worry, he’ll be fine.”

“What do you mean you can’t get a hold of him?” Jongin’s interest suddenly peaks.

“It’s not unusual.” Baekhyun shrugs. “Sure, at first I was confused and worried as well but when you get to know him you kind of get used to it.”

“I’m still not sure what you’re talking about?”

“He disappears.” Baekhyun says it as if he’s talking about the weather, or the flavour of the pizza. And Jongin is taken aback.

“Disappears?”

“Yeah, sometimes for a few hours, sometimes for a few days. He’ll be back.”

“Where does he go?”

“Don’t know. Different places probably.” Baekhyun takes the last slice of pizza. “We’ve tried following him or searching for him but somehow always ends up losing him. It’s just who he is. He likes being a lone wolf at times.”

“When will he be back?” Jongin asks, feeling uneasy.

“Not sure, probably soon.” Baekhyun looks over at him. “Aw, do you miss him already?”

“I’m just curious is all.” Jongin tries to defend.

“I’m curious too you know, about last night?”

“I’m not telling you anything.”

“Oh, come on! We’re friends! Tell me what happened between you two?”

“Nothing!”

“Jongin, I’ve seen the way you look at him. I’m not that dense. You’re hiding something.”

And that’s the thing though, Jongin thinks. It’s the way Jongin looks at Kyungsoo, not the way Kyungsoo looks at him. Maybe this whole thing is a completely one sided result of Jongin’s loneliness and Kyungsoo is just being nice and comforting him in some strange way.

“I don’t know.” He sighs. “Maybe it’s something maybe it’s nothing.”

“Hey,” Baekhyun ruffles Jongin’s hair like he’s a kid. “I know Kyungsoo can be quite confusing at times but he means well and he’s a good person.”

“I know.”

“If anything happened between you guys, don’t stress it too much, I’m sure it’ll all work out.”

“I hope you’re right.” Jongin downs his glass of cola.

“Of course I am.” Baekhyun smiles.

 

---

 

Sehun comes home before Jongin hears a word from Kyungsoo. He’d wanted to call or text, just to see if everything was alright but he’d realized that he didn’t have Kyungsoo’s number. Strange, but at the same time not. He and Kyungsoo always had their minds on other things so the topic of phone numbers had never come up. If it wasn’t because Baekhyun had come over that other day then Jongin might’ve seriously started wondering if Kyungsoo was even real and if maybe Jongin was actually losing his mind.

“So how’s Kyungsoo?” Sehun wiggles his eyebrows.

“I wouldn’t know, haven’t seen him since I was at a party a couple of nights ago.” Jongin shrugs.

“Oooh, a party, huh? Where was that party located may I ask? Your pants?”

“Remind me why I’m friends with you again?” Jongin covers his friend’s face with his palm, trying to push him away.

“Because I’m awesome and I put up with your all day.”

“You are so annoying.”

“Dude I’ve been stuck in the mountains for forever okay, this is like my first human interaction in ages that doesn’t wake me up when the sun rises and asks me to carry some extra luggage.” Sehun complains.

“You deserve everything you get.”

Sehun’s phone buzzes with an incoming call from Baekhyun. They both stare at it for a moment before Sehun picks it up and puts the phone on speaker.

“Zup?” Sehun greets. “You’re on speaker, Jongin’s here.”

“Great!” Baekhyun replies. “We’re gonna go for a sunset dip in the lake we all went the other week, remember? And then we’ll just eat some midnight snack at McDonald’s, you’re coming along. We’re meeting up there around 10.30, bring your swimming trunks. And yes Jongin, Kyungsoo is gonna be there so you better show up or I’ll drown you the next time I see you.”

“Sounds like fun.” Jongin murmurs.

“Okay see you in a few hours.” And just like that Baekhyun hangs up.

“I feel like I just got booty-called.” Sehun shivers. “So dirty.”

“That’s Baekhyun for you.”

“What’s wrong? You look like someone just told you that your granny is dying.”

“It’s just…”

“Kyungsoo?”

“Yeah… Kyungsoo.” Jongin lowers his head. “I don’t know man, we haven’t talked and I don’t even know if there’s anything to talk about.”

“Why do I feel like there’s a part of this story that I’m missing?”

“Nevermind, it’s probably nothing.”

Sehun looks like he doesn’t believe him and Jongin doesn’t blame him. He doesn’t know about the kiss and Jongin doesn’t feel like making a deal out of something that may or may not have just been a drunken mistake at the heat of the moment. Except it wasn’t a mistake on Jongin’s part.

When he rides on the back of Sehun’s scooter later that evening, he feels his stomach drop and although he would never admit that he’s nervous, he’s pretty scared of how the evening will turn out. He’d hoped to have a chance to talk things through with Kyungsoo before being forced in to a social event involving them both along other people but beggars can’t be choosers and in reality, all that really matters to Jongin is the fact that he’ll get to see Kyungsoo again.

“Hey!” Baekhyun says, cheerful as ever to see them. Jongdae and Chanyeol are there as well and Jongin greets them before stopping in his tracks when he spots Kyungsoo.

“Hey you.” Kyungsoo smiles.

“Hi.” Jongin breathes.

“You okay?"

“Yeah.” Jongin snaps out of his daze. “Yeah, I’m good. How have you been?”

“I’m good too. What about your parents?”

“Same as ever.”

It’s too stiff. Tension so thick the other’s surely noticed. Luckily Baekhyun is there to save the evening from becoming incredibly awkward.

“Time for a dip!” He exclaims and everyone follows him down to the water. Jongin avoids looking at Kyungsoo, just because he’s not sure of how to deal with the situation.

The water is warm from the heat of the sun that’s been blazing the whole day and it feels surprisingly good to go for a swim so late in the evening. Jongin enjoys the feeling of refreshment that sweeps over him. The feeling is replaced by a slight anxiousness however, when Kyungsoo swims up to him, talking low enough for only Jongin to hear.

“Are we ok?” He asks.

Jongin accidentally hesitates for a moment before answering.

“Of course.” He forces a smile because really, he isn’t sure.

“The other night-“

“It’s fine.” Jongin interrupts.

“Sorry?”

“Don’t worry about it, it happens.” Jongin sounds surprisingly calm. “No need to make a big deal out of it.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

“Hey!” Jongdae yells over at them. “If you’re talking secrets I want in!”

Kyungsoo gives Jongin one last look before swimming over to the others and joining whatever they were doing. Jongin suddenly feels a million times worse than before. This was definitely not how he imagined this conversation would go. He isn’t sure what to make out of Kyungsoo’s response, part of him hopes he heard a hint of disappointment in the other’s voice but the pessimist inside him says that it was probably nothing.

The hours pass and eventually they leave the lake, try to dry up a bit before stepping up on the scooters and start heading out for midnight McDonald’s which, mind you, is the best kind of McDonald’s. The tension has eased up a bit but it has also resulted in Jongin and Kyungsoo not speaking directly to each other although they both participate in the same conversations. Baekhyun eyes them suspiciously but says nothing of it.

Another hour, and a bunch of French fries later, Sehun gets a phone call and leaves the table for a minute. When he gets back, he announces that he has to head home immediately and doesn’t have time to drop Jongin off. A lie that Jongin sees straight through because really, they’re basically neighbours.

“It’s fine, Kyungsoo can drop him off.” Baekhyun reassures him.

“No I-“ Jongin tries but is interrupted immediately.

“Shut it Jongin, Kyungsoo knows where you live and has taken you home before, I’m sure he doesn’t mind, right Soo?” Baekhyun looks over at the other boy.

“No, it’s fine. I don’t mind.” Kyungsoo says a bit shyly.

“See?”

Jongin isn’t convinced but it doesn’t seem like Baekhyun is ready to back down from this and Jongin actually suspects that both he and Sehun had planned this at some point, which makes it even more impossible for Jongin to get out of the situation.

When Kyungsoo takes Jongin home, the sun is already rising. But instead of actually taking Jongin straight home, Kyungsoo takes a detour and they end up at a playground close to where he lives. They get off and walk quietly around the area for a while before Kyungsoo sits down on one of the swings. Jongin stands a bit awkwardly at the sides and watch Kyungsoo swing shortly back and forth with his feet both still on the ground.

“Wanna tell me about your parents?” Kyungsoo suddenly breaks the silence. Jongin lets out a deep sigh.

“Do you pity me?”

“What?”

“Is that what this is about?” Jongin hears the frustration in his own voice. “You pity me and try to act nice to make me feel better.”

“I’m not with you out of pity, Jongin.”

“You’re not really with me at all. We just hang out at times.”

Kyungsoo looks somewhat hurt.

“What?” Jongin asks.

“I don’t know, Jongin. You tell me.” Kyungsoo sounds annoyed.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Wanna talk about what happened the other night?”

“We got drunk.” Jongin shrugs.

“I mean the kiss.”

“Like I said, it happens. Doesn’t have to be a big-“

“Doesn’t have to be a big deal.” Kyungsoo interrupts. “Yeah, you said that.”

“So what do you wanna talk about?”

“What if I think it’s a big deal?” Kyungsoo stops swinging. “What would you say to that?”

Jongin doesn’t answer. He doesn’t know what to say. A lump forms in his throat and he tries to swallow but feels like he’s choking.

“Jongin?”

“I don’t know.”

“It wasn’t a big deal to you.” Kyungsoo states and Jongin wants to stop him but his body won’t obey his mind. “I get it. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize.” Jongin rushes in.

“I’m not following?” Kyungsoo furrows his brow in confusion.

“It was a big deal to me.” Jongin starts. “A huge deal. And then the next day, Baekhyun told me you were gone and I just assumed you bailed and regretted it, and you were avoiding me.”

“I don’t regret it.”

Jongin smiles. A wave of relief sweeps over him and he walks up to the boy on the swing. He grabs the chain with his hand to steady himself as he leans down to steal a kiss. It’s sober and honest, the way their first kiss should’ve been. The low sun casts long shadows on the ground and Jongin thinks that if life was a movie, his would end right there.

 

---

 

One morning, Jongin wakes up to the clinking of plates, and general rustles. He stirs and grunts a bit before pulling himself out of bed. He splashes some water on his face and puts on a shirt before heading down to see what’s going on. There are no voices heard and Jongin’s heart drops when he sees the cardboard boxes stacked in various corners.

“Good morning.” His father says while passing him with a heavy looking box that he sets down on top of another by the door.

“Since when would this classify as a good morning?” Jongin mumbles.

“Jongin, if you don’t want me to go-“

“You’ll go anyway.” Jongin interrupts. “Maybe not far, but still out of here.”

His father gives him a sympathetic look.

“I just don’t understand.” Jongin hears the crack in his own voice when he speaks and he’s not sure he can say what he wanted to.

“It’s just life, and it doesn’t mean anything.” His father pulls him in for a tight embrace.

“How can you just stop like that?” Jongin shakes in his father’s strong arms. “After all those years, all those laughs and emotions, where does it all go?”

His father is silent for a moment, as if trying to think of an answer good enough to comfort his trembling son.

“I don’t know.” He finally sighs.

“I love you, dad.” Jongin’s voice almost disappears in the sobs and he tries so hard to will the tears away but it’s just not enough.

“I love you too, son.” His dad whispers, probably close to tears as well. “I will always love you, no matter what happens.”

Jongin nods in to his father’s chest. Then, his father gives him a last tight squeeze before he lets go and gives Jongin a warm smile. For a moment, Jongin sees the man his father was a few years ago. Gentle, kind and loving. And he realizes that maybe some things haven’t changed after all.

“Now, listen up champ.” His father smiles. “I’m going to pack up another box of kitchen supplies, while you’re eating a good and steady breakfast, and you’re going to tell me about that friend of yours who’s been dropping you off and picking you up at ungodly hours.”

Jongin smiles and half laughs, half sobs as he rubs the last stubborn tears from his eyes. He watches his father run around in the kitchen, picking up things and wrapping them in newspaper before putting them neatly in a box. Jongin is eating cereals and bread, zipping tea and trying to explain to his dad about Kyungsoo.

“I’m really not sure what to tell you.” Jongin says finally. “He’s the kind of person who will pick up and leave without a word, and then show up at your doorstep one day as if nothing happened. And when I look at him it’s like I can see the wind in his veins and I don’t think he’ll ever be mine. Kyungsoo is beautiful in that way, he doesn’t need anything, all he does, he does simply because he wants to.”

“He sounds like a great guy.”

“How would you know?” Jongin laughs.

“You said he only does things if he wants too, right? Honesty. That way you can always know that he honestly wants to be in your company. He won’t keep you guessing.”

Jongin thinks about that for a moment.

“I guess.” He says, deeply in thought.

“You said he was older than you though. Do you know what he’s going to do after the summer?” His dad suddenly asks.

“No.” Jongin drifts off. “It never came up.”

His dad hums but something uncomfortable stirs inside of Jongin. What is Kyungsoo going to do after summer? Will he stay? The universities around there aren’t exactly the best ones, and there aren’t too many job opportunities for high school graduates. Also, knowing Kyungsoo, he’s probably not planning on hanging around for too long.

Up in his room, Jongin texts Kyungsoo. It’s quite ironic how they’d only exchanged numbers recently after knowing each other half of the summer already.

To: Kyungsoo
From: Jongin

What happens after summer?

Another thing about Kyungsoo is that he isn’t exactly known for his quick replies. It’s as if he’s always too busy living and Jongin usually doesn’t mind, but today the sinking feeling won’t ease up and he hopes for at least a within-the-hour kind of reply.

To: Jongin
From: Kyungsoo

I’m going to university. It’s about 5 hours from here.

Jongin feels like he might throw up. The room is spinning and he’s way too deep way too soon and he half wishes he’d never met Kyungsoo. It feels like the whole world is lining up to leave him alone in this small town.

A few hours later, there’s a knock on the door and Jongin can’t even find the energy to let the person in or even grace them with any kind of welcome in-noise. The door opens on its own though, and Kyungsoo is standing in the doorway, looking like he knows exactly what the coming conversation will be about. Jongin just stares at him from where he’s lying on the bed. He isn’t ready for this conversation, and he doubts he’ll ever be.

“Jongin.” Kyungsoo says with soft voice and Jongin hates it, he hates how he melts and how he wants to admit defeat before it’s even begun but Kyungoo has always had this disarming effect on him.

“When were you going to tell me?”

“I don’t know.” Kyungsoo confesses. “I guess I was waiting for a good time, but there’s never really an appropriate time for this.”

“Am I just a summer fling?” Jongin asks, he hates every word that comes out of his mouth right now but he can’t stop them from spilling off his tongue.

Kyungsoo takes a step inside and closes the door behind him, he walks up to the bed and Jongin scoots over to allow Kyungsoo to climb in to the bed with him. Maybe they could stop time here, curled up like soft kittens in his bed with the sunlight sneaking in and casting shadows on the floor. In this room right here, time could freeze and whatever happens outside is insignificant. Jongin wants no part of the outside world. Outside the room, the world is full of people who leave.

“I don’t know what you are, Jongin.” Kyungsoo sighs. “All I know is that what I feel right now, is real. And I want to promise you forever, and I want to say that I’ll ditch university and stay here with you but I can’t. It’s not fair to either of us.”

“Why?” Jongin whispers. He wants to hear Kyungsoo whisper sweet nothings, but Kyungsoo doesn’t work like that. Kyungsoo is too real for that.

“Because we’re not even 20, and although I can promise that I’m in love with you now, I can’t promise I’ll still be in love with you in 5 years. And I’m not going to abandon my future for someone I met a sunny afternoon by the lake. And yes, maybe in 5 years I still love you, and staying would’ve been worth it but I can’t take that risk. Maybe I will love you forever but there’s no guarantee you’ll do the same.”

Jongin knows he’s right, and that’s why it hurts even more. He wants to promise so much but he’s living with the walking truths of broken promises. And they don’t share the same bond of time as his parents, there’s nothing holding them together except for the fragile thread of young love.

“I’ll still see you on weekends and public holidays.” Kyungsoo smiles. “Just because I’m planning on leaving town, doesn’t mean I’m planning on leaving you.”

Jongin looks at him. It’s annoying, really, how Kyungsoo says all the right things that has Jongin falling in to submission. But maybe, just maybe, it’ll work out alright. Maybe weekends and holidays will be enough.

“Are you okay?” Kyungsoo asks. “I know it’s a stupid question.”

“I will be.” Jongin says with a smile. “I’m sorry you met me at such a difficult time. I wasn’t always this vulnerable, I used to be fun.”

Kyungsoo chuckles softly.

“Nah, I think like this is good.” He says with reassurance. “I don’t think you could’ve handled me before.”

“What do you mean?”

“Just…” Kyungsoo hesitates for a moment. “You probably haven’t notice, because you’ve been busy with everything going on in your life, but I can be a lot to deal with sometimes.”

“Because of the disappearing?”

“Yeah.” Kyungsoo breathes. “Lost a lot of friends and ruined a lot of relationships with that.”

“Why do you do it then?”

“Because I don’t live for them.” Kyungsoo says and it’s so honest that Jongin feels like he’s crumbling under the weight. “I don’t mean that I don’t care, because I do. But no matter who I meet, I can’t bring myself to always please them. At the end of the day, no matter what happens with other people, I am the one who has to live with myself for all of my life. Maybe this relationship will last til we die, and maybe it won’t. But whether you have to live with me or not, doesn’t change the fact that I have to live everyday with myself. And sometimes I need to clear my head from things, and sometimes I just feel like going somewhere.”

“So you think that if I wasn’t a crumpled train wreck when we met, I wouldn’t have stayed with you?”

“You wouldn’t have understood.” Kyungsoo corrects. “Jongin, what you and I have, is the longest time I’ve ever spent with anyone, apart from friends.”

“Why?”

“Because you are who you are.” Kyungsoo smiles. “You don’t ask, not because you don’t care but because you respect me. That’s more than anyone has ever given me.”

“It doesn’t mean I don’t wonder though.” Jongin whispers. “And it does bother me, that I can never be sure if you’ll open the door or reply to my texts.”

“I know.” Kyungsoo cups Jongin’s face and kisses him, it’s a bit awkward in their lying down position but Jongin welcomes it nonetheless.

“When do you leave?”

“A month from now.” Kyungsoo smiles. “Gives us a lot of time.”

“Not enough.” Jongin mumbles.

“Jongin.” Kyungsoo says with firm voice. “I promise you, from now and until the day I leave for university, I will not go anywhere. I will answer your every text and return all your calls.”

“You don’t have to do that-“

“I want to do that.” Kyungsoo smiles. “What? Did you think you were the only one who liked spending time together?”

“I was beginning to wonder.” Jongin teases and Kyungsoo pushes him playfully.

“We’re in this together.”

“Okay.” Jongin smiles. Kyungsoo kisses him again.

“I think your dad was really curious about me when he let me in.”

“We talked this morning.”

“Oh, how did that go?”

“I cried.” Jongin smiles and Kyungsoo chuckles softly.

“I told him about you.” He then says.

“What did you say?”

“Only the bad stuff.” Jongin pokes his tongue out.

“I bet.” Kyungsoo rolls on top of him and Jongin laughs. It’s so soft and Kyungsoo loses himself for a moment, just looking at the laughing boy underneath him and he wonders if he’ll actually be able to just pack up and leave.

“Hey.” Jongin says softly.

“Yeah?” Kyungsoo smiles.

“How come after all this time I’ve never met your parents?”

“Well, to be fair I only met your dad today and I still haven’t seen your mom.”

“Yeah, I know but… I’ve talked a lot about them, but you haven’t told me anything about yours.”

“It never came up.” Kyungsoo shrugs.

“I’m bringing it up now.”

“There’s not a lot to say, to be honest.” Kyungsoo starts. “Dad works in finance and my mom is a journalist. They have crazy schedules and travel a lot, both of them. We have dinner together every day at 8 pm on normal, if one of them is busy we usually order take-out and if they’re both out I eat whatever’s in the fridge.” He smiles. “Pretty casual.”

“Don’t they worry when you disappear?”

“They do. Usually call a few times but they’re used to it as well. We used to have these huge fights about it just when I started high school but when they figured out I’m not a criminal and don’t get in to any trouble they just let me be. My mom realised it kept me sane and didn’t want to lock me up.”

“Here I was expecting you to reveal all your insecurities and you were going to tell me how you’re an overachiever trying to live up to their expectations and always craving their attention because they’re never there for you.”

Kyungsoo laughs.

“Sorry to disappoint you.” He smiles. “Sure we have our differences but overall I think we’re an okay family.”

“Can I meet them?”

“If you want to.”

“Don’t you want me to?”

“I’m just scared they’re gonna steal you away from me.”

Jongin laughs this time.

“I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

“Yeah, it’s just… My mom can be quite intense sometimes. She gets excited very easily.”

“I’d love to see that.”

Kyungsoo smiles and leans down to kiss Jongin softly on the lips.

“You could join us for dinner tomorrow?”

“8 o’clock?”

“You have a good memory.”

Jongin awkwardly flips their positions and for a moment they’re a tangled mess of limbs that almost fall off the edge of the bed but somehow they manage fine in the end.

“That didn’t go as gracefully as expected.”

Kyungsoo laughs.

“No, but I appreciate the effort.” He smiles and Jongin cups his face in his palms softly before kissing him. It’s slow and languid and Jongin loses himself in the other. When they break apart for air, Kyungsoo inhales sharply, as if his lungs were burning for oxygen. His vision has gone blurry and he can’t fathom how lost he is in the boy above him. Jongin smiles down at him and chuckles a bit, he sounds out of breath as well.

“Jongin, I-“ Kyungsoo starts in a rush but the words die in his mouth before he has a chance to utter them.

“Yeah?” Jongin his head questioningly to the side.

“Uh… No, nevermind.”

Jongin kisses him again.

Someone knocks on the door and Jongin flies off Kyungsoo as if their lives were dependent on not getting caught like that.

His mother opens the door, a slightly surprise look on her face when she sees the two boys and their messy hair.

“Sorry,” She starts. “I didn’t know you had a friend over.”

“Mom,” Jongin clears his throat. “This is Kyungsoo, Kyungsoo this is my mom.”

“Pleasure to meet you mrs Kim.” Kyungsoo blushes slightly.

“Likewise.” She smiles at him.

Silence that is more than awkward fills the room and Jongin isn’t sure if he should clarify that Kyungsoo is his boyfriend, or if his mom already knows, or if it’d be better not to say anything. He glances over at Kyungsoo who indeed looks like he’s expecting Jongin to introduce him further. Jongin sweats a little and swallows hard before speaking up again.

“Mom, uh…” He stutters. “Kyungsoo is my… Uh… You know, uh… Boyfriend. Like relationship and dating and yea, uh… We’re uhm, dating.”

That was beyond horrible. Jongin wishes he could sink through the floor or turn back time and undo what he just did. He sees from the corner of his eye how Kyungsoo is trying not to laugh at him and although Jongin appreciate the effort, he doesn’t succeed very well.

“Yes, darling.” His mother says. “I kind of figured.” There’s another moment of silence before she speaks again. “I’m going to start dinner soon, Kyungsoo would you like to join us?”

“Thank you mrs Kim, but maybe another time. I promised my parents I would be home soon."

“Okay well, you’re welcome here anytime you like.”

“Thank you.”

His mother nods and closes the door. Kyungsoo quickly looks over at Jongin and starts laughing at him. He’s laughing so hard he can barely breathe and Jongin flushes a violent shade of red.

“That’s real funny, huh?”

Kyungsoo can’t reply or say anything through his laughter.

“This is funny to you?” Jongin pushes again as he walks up to Kyungsoo and shoves him down on the bed, climbing on top of him and pinning his hands over his head.

“Is this funny?”

Kyungsoo can only nod and his laughter still echoes through the room. Jongin stares at him in all seriousness, simply looking at the other until his laughter becomes chuckles and eventually only uneven breaths.

Jongin buries his face in the crook of Kyungsoo’s neck, kissing the sensitive skin as he listens to Kyungsoo breathing. He bites down softly and Kyungsoo arches from the bed and closer to Jongin, who quickly slides his hands under the other’s back, locking him close.

“You are so soft.” Jongin whispers and Kyungsoo’s eyes flutter close to the words.

 

---

 

At 5pm Jongin starts to wonder if meeting Kyungsoo’s parents was really such a good idea after all. He has no idea of what to wear, how to style is hair and he’s probably brushed his teeth 3 times already. His mouth stings from the mint. He’s stressing out. Which leads him to do what any sane person would do, he calls his best friend.

“Yeah?” Sehun says when he picks up his phone, Jongin almost screams right in to his ear.

“Sehun!!!”

“Yes, that would be me.” Sehun says with slight annoyance.

“I’m freaking out.”

“What happened?”

“I’m meeting Kyungsoo’s parents for dinner in like 3 hours!”

“Congratulations, you’re finally taking it to the next level then.”

“No! No congratulations! I’m lost! What if they don’t approve of me at all? What should I wear? I can’t wear suit and tie because it’s not a business meeting and I don’t think ripped skinny jeans are classified as appropriate ‘meet your boyfriend’s parents’ wear.”

“Okay calm down calm down.” Sehun urges. “First of all, they’re not gonna kill you based on what you wear. Second of all, you should really just be yourself. They want to meet you, not someone you pretend to be.”

“So?”

Sehun sighs loudly in to the phone.

“You know your red and blue striped shirt?”

“Yeah! Oh that’s a good idea I’ll just wear that with a pair of normal jeans.” Jongin smiles brightly.

“What would you do without me?” Sehun jokes.

“Let’s hope we never have to find that out. Thanks man.”

“Good luck.”

“Later.”

“Bye.”

Jongin puts out his clothes on the bed and gets in to the shower. He showers hot, as if he’s hoping the water would burn away all the stress, but it only leaves his skin flushed and sore. A few minutes later he’s styling his hair and contemplating brushing his teeth one more time but finally decides that no, three times is probably enough.

Time passes slowly but somehow it’s 7.30 long before Jongin feels mentally ready to leave the house. He walks with hurried steps to Kyungsoo’s apartment. He’d almost forgotten that the entrance door could only be opened with a key, luckily he had Kyungsoo number this time around and texts him to let him know he’s arrived.

Kyungsoo comes down to meet him at the door.

“How are you feeling?” He smiles.

“Nervous.” Jongin answers honestly. “Not sure why, but I am.”

“It’s fine, they’ll love you.” Kyungsoo smiles as he stands on his toes to kiss Jongin.

“Right.” Jongin takes a deep breath.

“Let’s go?”

“Yeah.”

They barely make it in to the apartment before a small lady comes running to greet them. Her hair is pitch black with a dash of uneven grey decorating her roots. She has a big smile and something about her radiates warmth and kindness.

“You must be Jongin!” She says with excitement. “I’m so happy to meet you, Kyungsoo is so secretive!” She eyes her son with judgement. For a moment Jongin wonders if this is truly a mother, because she seems a lot more like a 16 year old. If it wasn’t for her wrinkles and grey hairs, Jongin would’ve assumed she was a younger sister.

“Come in quickly! We have so much to talk about!” She takes short and quick steps to circle Jongin once, eyeing him up and down before she disappears in to the kitchen again. Jongin stands frozen in his spot, mouth agape and staring.

“Told you she was a handful.” Kyungsoo smiles and Jongin snaps out of his daze.

“I’m not sure if I’ll survive this evening.” Jongin swallows hard.

“You’ll be fine. Just be yourself, she isn’t out to bring you down or anything, she’s just curious.”

They enter the kitchen and Jongin sees a man sitting at the table with a book in front of him. He seems to be a lot calmer than his wife, who runs around the kitchen grabbing one thing after the other and occasionally talking to herself, and whenever she asks him anything like, should I add more spice? Or, do you want tea with your dinner? He simply replies with a low yes dear, and Jongin isn’t entirely sure he even actually hears what she’s saying. Maybe that’s what happens when you live with that kind of energetic wife for half your life.

After formal introductions, dinner passes a lot quicker and nicer than Jongin would’ve ever guessed. Kyungsoo’s parents are almost painfully normal, which is a very harsh contrast compared to how exciting and unpredictable their son is. Towards the end, Jongin finds it almost impossible to swallow down the food through his throat that’s clogging up with nostalgic memories of the dinners he used to have with his own parents. He barely even remembers the last time he had a dinner without silence or rude words being exchanged.

“You okay?” Kyungsoo whispers as he leans closer to Jongin.

“Yeah.” Jongin smiles at him. “This is very nice.”

Kyungsoo looks a bit sceptic but he doesn’t push him any further, which Jongin is thankful for. He doesn’t want to spoil the lovely mood of their dinner, and he definitely does not want to break down in front of Kyungsoo’s parents.

When they’re done, Kyungsoo’s parents takes care of the dishes while the boys retreat to Kyungsoo’s room. Jongin knows he’s gonna ask about what happened, but Jongin really doesn’t want to talk about it, so he drags his feet while he walks, hoping that maybe if enough time passes, Kyungsoo would forget about it.

He doesn’t.

The door barely closes before Kyungsoo kisses Jongin hard and firm, almost knocking him over.

“Tell me. Was it something they said?” His voice is laced with worry.

“No, Kyungsoo, it’s fine.” Jongin smiles. “Really. It was very nice. Thank you.”

“I know you, Jongin. I can tell when something’s up. Don’t treat me like a fool.”

“It just made me remembers that family dinners are a nice thing. It hasn’t been that way for me for a long time. It’s been either silent or exchange of insults and blame.”

“Oh.”

“It’s fine.” Jongin cups Kyungsoo’s worried face in his hands. “I really enjoyed it.”

“I’m glad to hear that.” Kyungsoo smiles.

“Do you think I did okay? Are they okay with me?”

“Yeah. Don’t worry. I told you they’d love you.”

“But did they really though?”

“Trust me, my mom was thrilled. She couldn’t stop asking you questions.”

Jongin chuckles.

“Yeah, for a moment there I thought I was in some crime investigation.” He says.

Kyungsoo looks in to Jongin’s eyes, his hands come up to rest on top of the other’s which are still caressing his face.

“What are you thinking about?” Jongin whispers.

“Nothing.” Kyungsoo smiles.

“Liar.”

“It was just nice, seeing my mom like that.”

“Like what?”

“Happy.”

“Isn’t she always?”

“She is, but this was different.”

“Different how?”

“I think she was excited about meeting my boyfriend.”

“She hasn’t met your others?”

“I told you, nothing ever lasted long for me. We never got to that point.”

“I’m feeling slightly honoured.” Jongin smirks.

Kyungsoo shoves him slightly in a tease.

“You made a good first-boyfriend-to-meet-my-parents choice.” Jongin mocks.

“You are so lame.” Kyungsoo laughs.

Jongin steps away to sit on the bed. Kyungsoo starts the TV and sits down next to Jongin, taking to video game controllers out of the nightstand cupboard. One of the best things about Kyungsoo is how he’s not only a boyfriend, he’s a real friend. Someone to joke around, play video games and just chat with. It’s so simple, and easy. Jongin fears that this is what he’ll miss the most. Sure, a long distance relationship is hard to deal with, but having a friend far away is almost worse. Maybe he could get used to living without the kisses, or the warmth. But how do you deal with having someone who understands you and know so much about you, who plays video games with you after dinner, and texts you links to stupid videos that make you laugh at 4am?

“You know I can basically sense when your thoughts go down a dark road right?” Kyungsoo says, not letting his eyes leave the TV screen so that he won’t lose.

“I’m gonna miss you.”

“There’s still time.”

“It’s not enough. I’m greedy.”

“Me too.”

Kyungsoo pauses the game and sighs. He doesn’t want to think about leaving, and he doesn’t want Jongin to keep thinking about it either. It’s distracting and he doesn’t want the memories of their time together, to be of sad nights spent talking about how lonely the future will be. He sets the controller aside and climbs on to Jongin’s lap, straddling his thighs and with his hands on the younger boy’s shoulders.

“We can do it.” Kyungsoo whispers.

“That’s what all couples thinks you know, that they’re gonna be the ones who against all odds, make it.”

“I guess there’s at least one thing average about us then.”

Jongin places his hands on Kyungsoo’s waist and pulls him closer. Kyungsoo notices the firm hold and it pulls at his heart strings. He can feel how badly Jongin doesn’t want to let go, and it makes everything harder. Kyungsoo presses their lips together, soft and careful, as if he’s afraid Jongin might break. Maybe he is scared.

“Look at me.” Jongin says, breaking their kiss. Kyungsoo obeys.

Jongin opens his mouth to speak. The words are on the tip of his tongue but his voice dies in his throat. Not because they’re not real but because Jongin fears that if he says it, everything will be too real. Maybe if he says it, he won’t ever be able to recover.

“I know.” Kyungsoo says, honesty visible in his eyes. “Me too.”

“I’ll say it one day.” Jongin promises.

“It doesn’t matter.” Kyungsoo reassures him. “I don’t need the words, as long as I just know.”

“Thank you.”

 

---

 

Just like he had promised, Kyungsoo doesn’t disappear anymore. He spends a lot of his time with Jongin. Video games, movies, meeting up with Baekhyun and the others. Those days usually involve a lot of teasing and coo-ing at the couple. Kyungsoo gives them all friendly punches while Jongin mostly ignores them.

Time passes all too quickly. Jongin’s father has officially moved out, and Jongin had promised to go visit him the week after Kyungsoo leaves. He’s been recovering quite well. The first few days had been empty but by now he’s doing okay. Jongin is too busy being in love to remember that he’s sad. And maybe he won’t ever completely recover from the break of his parents’ marriage, but he’s moving on. Slowly but surely. His mother isn’t crying as much anymore, but Jongin can tell that it’s probably a bigger adjustment to her than it will ever be to him. They’re doing okay though.

The more days that pass, the more days Jongin spend together with Kyungsoo. Spending days together slowly turn in to spending nights together and before long, they’re basically living together. Only moving between Kyungsoo’s apartment and Jongin’s house. They’re not always in the same place but they’re always together.

Kyungsoo fears that they’re making things harder for themselves, spending more time together will only make it harder when he leaves, but they can’t help it. For every day that passes, Kyungsoo finds he only wants to spend more time with Jongin. Every midnight, he wishes for the day to have another hour, just so that they won’t be another day closer to splitting up. In the end, that’s what everyone always wish for, more time. Another hour, another day. It won’t be enough.

Jongin is playing video games, sitting on Kyungsoo’s bed while Kyungsoo is running around the room, folding clothes to put in the luggage bag and books to put in boxes and dusts off the desk and shelves. They don’t speak much, they don’t have to. They both know that the second they start talking it’s going to sound like goodbye, and they still have another 2 days before Kyungsoo is leaving.

But eventually, Jongin can’t hold it.

“Kyungsoo.” He says as he grabs the older boy’s arm as he’s about to pass by.

“Please, Jongin.” Kyungsoo pleads. “Don’t.”

They both know where it’s going. Jongin tugs his arm lightly and that’s all it takes for Kyungsoo to drop whatever he was holding and climb on to Jongin’s lap, pushing him down until he lies flat on his back and Kyungsoo can assault him with kisses and shower him with love.

“It’s not goodbye.” Kyungsoo whispers between the kisses. But it still feels like it.

“I know.” Jongin’s voice cracks.

 

---

 

It’s strange how Jongin grew up in this town, knowing it was small but never feeling like it lacked anything until now. He had watched Kyungsoo get in to his parents’ car and stayed to see them drive off. He stayed until the street was quiet and empty before he went home.

Seeing Sehun is still the same, and it’s still bordering on annoying because that’s how he’s always been. It’s strange how many things remain the same and yet everything is different now.

The week before it’s time to go back to high school, Jongin gets to see his dad again. It’s a long and boring train travel away and Jongin spends most of it staring out the window and listening to music on his iPod. He’s texting Kyungsoo the full experience of the boring train trip and Kyungsoo replies by laughing at him and wishing him a good time with his dad, promising that he will come visit Jongin as soon as he settles in and gets familiar with the school and is confident enough he’ll have time to leave for a weekend. University is a lot more work than high school. Fewer classes but more responsibility.

His dad picks him up at the train station and gives him a firm hug. They load Jongin’s one bag in the trunk before driving to grab a pizza for dinner.

“How’s Kyungsoo?” His dad asks over dinner. The apartment is small, but they both fit fine. Jongin contemplates coming over during his holiday, unless Kyungsoo comes back to visit that is.

Although they’re further apart than they’ve ever been, Jongin feels strangely closer to his dad these days. Maybe it’s because this time they have more to talk about rather than just the normal how was your day? And, come down for dinner.

“He’s doing fine. He left last week and he starts classes properly on Monday. I guess he’s nervous but I know he’ll be fine.” Jongin says. It doesn’t exactly hurt, but it feels heavy, talking about Kyungsoo. He wants to believe that they’re gonna make it, but he knows that the odds are basically against them.

“Have you started thinking about universities yet?”

“A bit, I guess.” Jongin shrugs.

“There’s a few good ones around here. I mean, a bit out of the city but within an hour’s travel from here.” His dad explains. “You should consider looking them up, you could live here with me.”

“I don’t know dad.”

“I know you’re second guessing about leaving your mother alone, but she too understands that the universities back home aren’t very good.”

“I’ll think about it, okay? And I will apply if I find something that interests me.” Jongin promises.

“That’s all that matters.” His dad smiles.

 

---

 

The next day, his dad decides to show him around the inner city area. Although Jongin isn’t a shopaholic, it’s nice to just walk around. Window shopping and getting to know the city. Jongin listens to his dad talk about all that’s new in his life, although Jongin isn’t particularly interested in what goes on in a 45 year old man’s life, he still listens. It’s reassuring. Knowing that life goes on and that his father’s life didn’t end with the divorce.

They stop for lunch at a Starbucks on the corner of the main street. Jongin grabs them a seat by the window and his dad arrives shortly with the coffee and sandwiches.

Jongin is in the middle of explaining a funny event that happened recently with Sehun when he suddenly stops. At first he thinks he’s going crazy. That he’s started seeing ghosts and he’s half prepared to ask his father to drive him to the mental hospital. But the boy stares back at him with the same confusion and Jongin knows that he isn’t seeing things, and he loses his breath, almost tearing up and choking when it returns to him. His father turns around to look what captured his son’s eyes and he’s almost as shocked as Jongin when he sees the boy.

“That’s Kyungsoo, right?” He asks, also not quite sure.

Jongin swallows hard and tries to regain his senses.

“Yeah.” He breathes.

Kyungsoo takes his cup from the barista and walks up to them with slow steps.

“I think I’ve lost my mind.” Kyungsoo says as he’s blinking hard, trying to focus his eyes in case the two men in front of him aren’t who he originally thought.

“What are you doing here?” Jongin asks.

“My university is just half an hour away from here.” Kyungsoo explains. “What are you doing here?”

Jongin motions for his dad. “Visiting.”

A few moments pass when they all stare at one another, eyes flicking from one person to the next. Then Jongin starts laughing in relief, Kyungsoo shortly joins in and Jongin’s dad leans back in his seat smiling.

“It truly is a small world we live in.”

Kyungsoo sets his cup down at their table and Jongin quickly stands up to hug him. He holds on a little too tight and for a little too long but he doesn’t care. He’s so happy, and relieved. His Kyungsoo. His sweet, perfect boyfriend is right there.

“I can’t believe this.” Kyungsoo says as he moves a chair to their table. “Mr. Kim, where do you live?”

“About 30 minutes to the west, there’s not much out there, mostly office buildings.”

“My university is half an hour in the opposite direction.” Kyungsoo smiles. “There’s a few different campuses in that area.”

Jongin glances over at his dad who nods softly.

“What?” Kyungsoo asks, eyes flicking between the two.

“Jongin and I were discussing yesterday about him attending university here and staying with me in my apartment.” His father explains.

Kyungsoo snaps his head in Jongin’s direction, searching him for confirmation. Jongin nods and Kyungsoo lets out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding.

“You’re coming here?” He asks.

“I think so.” Jongin smiles and takes his hand. “You should’ve told me you were going here.”

“It never came up.” Kyungsoo smiles.