-VIII-

It had been weeks later and Taekwoon changed up his routine. Every class he originally signed up for wasn’t enough, taking up extra courses in the evening as well. Catching up on all the missed work seemed to take him so many extra hours, but the lack of time and too much work made it so he didn’t have time to let his mind wander. He was fine like this. This way, he wouldn't think of him. 

He burdened himself with extra work, wanting to keep his strained mind as occupied as he possibly could. His professors were praising him, holding him and his work as the ideal target for others, in turn making more enemies as he set the bar far higher than previously stated for everyone in his class. He did not care for it at all. If the whole world would turn against him he would have no problems with it. It was his punishment for pushing him away, for living a lie those weeks.  

Hongbin. A sharp pain scorched through his chest, almost burning his flesh at the remembrance of the man he had loved so shortly in comparison to the rest of his time, but so much more passionate and he had almost fooled himself into thinking that he wouldn’t need him, as long as he was doing well. However, everything he accomplished seemed empty, not worth it, how high his results would be. 

He pushed away from his laptop with a sharp gasp, realising he wasn’t typing his assignment anymore, instead writing down how the other's hair had slipped so smoothly in between his fingers, like silk. How he smelled like the subtle cologne whenever he would press himself up against him, pleading for his attention with a dragged Hyung. Taekwoon would never admit how he had done this almost every day and how he could never bring himself to delete it fully, pasting it in his notes instead. He would never admit that he would secretly read over them when everything became too much, knowing he would never be able to erase him from his mind. 

“Latte..” He sighed exasperatedly, in the hopes of overruling his thoughts for a minute. It had been a while since he last did what he always did on a Sunday. Partly because he didn’t have the time, partly because the location held too many memories. He was afraid, but decided that it could do him well to have a change in scenery as well as a familiar one, so he ran a hand through his hair, meshing it up but not caring in the end.  

It had gotten longer, no time for a haircut in his schedule as much as getting coffee didn’t fit into it. His roots showed a deep black colour, the brown tips falling back just above his eyes as the shaved sides were now fuller and resting against the nape of his neck. at least a dipdye was the trend nowadays. 

He was so tired. The bags underneath his eyes weren’t the only thing betraying his state, his shoulders and arms having lost their broad appearance, skin instead of giving a fair complex turning against him and making him look ill instead. But he didn’t care about it, because he deserved everything. 

-IIX-

“Good after-“ The words of the now dark haired male turned mute at the sight of his used to be regular, his always pleasant smile turned into a tight lipped stare. Taekwoon faintly wondered what he did wrong, but then he remembered how Hakyeon was a friend of Hongbin’s – after all, he was the one who gave him his number. Surely he would have an inkling of what was going on between the of them. 

Taekwoon smiled bitterly at referring to Hongbin and him as them in his mind.  

Choosing to set aside the once more flooding memories of the brunet, he forced a neutral expression on his face, willing himself to stay pleasant to the uncharacteristically quiet waiter. It wasn't the way how Hakyeon acted to him, on the contrary. Taekwoon actually preffered a quiet run in with the man instead of his usually obnoxious loud voice. But he reminded him of him. But he knew he related anything to Hongbin, so he would ignore the tight feeling inside of his chest for now. 

 
“One latte please.” Even though his voice was small, the other had heard him and only nodded in return. Taekwoon noticed the younger waiter that was working the machine next to Hakyeon shoot a worried glance between the two of them, obviously noticing the apparent tension between the two.  

Hakyeon directed his eyes to his cash register instead but never wavering the grudging look, looking at the machine as if it was the reason for every problem in the man's life. 

“Your order will be there shortly.” Hakyeon didn’t spare him a look as he was busy typing in his order with utmost disgust, forcing so much pressure on the delicate screen a scorching sound could be heard. Not that Hakyeon cared. Breaking company property would be the least of his worries .

Taekwoon’s eyes shifted uncomfortably, wanting to get away from the cafe as soon as his order could be finished. His vision was starting to blur, head feeling light while looking at Hakyeon would only cause his heart to clench even more. 

“I’ll have my order to go.” Hakyeon’s eyes shot up, a fire in them Taekwoon had never seen on any human being. That was the moment he was sure Hongbin had told Hakyeon everything. Why else would he seemingly emit so much hatred towards him? 

“Please take a seat, sir.” Hakyeon held his gaze, challenging the other to disobey him, making it clear he had no thoughts of letting Taekwoon do so. Taekwoon thought of defying him once again but intimidated by the man in front of him as well as feeling the pressure of every other customer waiting behind him, he caved. He his heels, head hung low while Hakyeon’s eyes bore into the back of his head following his every move and Taekwoon knew that this was not the last of the man he would be seeing today. 

“Sanghyuk, please take over for me. I will take my early break.” The younger looked at his co-worker, eyebrows rising confused albeit worried. 

“That customer.. Who is he?” Hakyeon contemplated his answer, thinking it over thoroughly before answering him without letting to much out to Sanghyuk. The younger was close to Hongbin as well, worrying about the latter as much as Hakyeon had and if he were to know that that was Taekwoon, Hakyeon wouldn’t have the advantage in ambushing him like he had planned.  

 
“He is.. Someone that hurt a person who is very dear to me.” Sanghyuk shifted his eyes towards Taekwoon nervously, seeing the man grip at the sides of his table, the expression on his face only described as pained. Feeling compassion for the man but also knowing Hakyeon wouldn’t be angered without a reason, he decided to stay neutral about the fact. Even though he did have an inkling about the reason. The raven haired man did not strike him as someone who would purposely hurt people. 

“O.. kay.” Hakyeon helped two more customers until it was quiet enough for him to leave his spot, hanging his apron from the side of the bar and muttering a quick ‘See you later’ to Sanghyuk, taking Taekwoon’s drink with him.  

He took quick strides, his long legs carrying him to that dreaded person who had hurt his precious friend, the one he was so wrong to judge.

He was angry with him but also himself. How could he have forced him upon Hongbin? But ultimately, Takewoon had been the one to hurt Hongbin, so Hakyeon would feel less guilt and could - no, needed - to take out his anger on the man, his heart thumping in his ears and the guilt that has been consuming him needed to be released.  

Taekwoon looked up with anticipating but scared eyes as Hakyeon sat down, staring at the coffee in front of him before tentively locking eyes with the still burning gaze of the elder. 

“I never believed you would be this much of a coward.” Taekwoon’s head cocked to the side, his expression incredulous as his brows furrowed. 

“Excuse me?” Hakyeon clenched his jaw, his hands that lay in front of him clenching together in a tight grip. 

“You’re pretending you don’t know? You played with his feelings, made him love you and you just threw him away when you were done, didn’t you? You’ve hurt him more than you could ever imagine.” Hakyeon was attracting more attention than appropriate with his increasing volume. He did not care about that and neither about the hurt and broken look spreading across Taekwoon's face, not knowing that he should have. That Taekwoon wanted to protect Hongbin. 

“You think I like hurting him? That I did everything deliberately?” Taekwoon scoffed, powerless 

anger bubbling up and choosing to shoot a cheap shot at the waiter in front him, choosing to keep his composure closed. “If I recall, you are the one who pushed his number onto me. You are the one wanting contact 

between the two of us. Do you have any right to judge me and my actions when you don’t even know me!?” People around started whispering, but neither of them cared. Taekwoon was too hurt, too angry at the man in front of him for 

thinking he was deliberately hurting the one he cared most about, that he thought so lowly of him whereas 

Hakyeon couldn’t believe the blame the other was putting on him – because he hit his guilt spot on. 

“You think I don’t know how you are? You let him into your home. You are the one who accepted everything. You are the one asking for him to come back everytime. Do you have any right to push him away after making him love you!?”Taekwoon couldn’t believe what exactly he was being accused of, the fact that Hongbin actually loved him to the extent he loved him back as much as Taekwoon did going passed his clouded mind.

His eyes were menacing, pushed to his limits, everything about him breaking as he no longer cared of his surroundings. He couldn’t stop his eyes from watering just as much as he couldn’t stop the actual tears from falling, shocking Hakyeon in the process. 

Taken back, Hakyeon opened his mouth to ask him why he was crying – as it was not the reaction he expected. He was confused, wanting to know what triggered Taekwoon. He couldn’t have been wrong.. right? All the signs were there. He was always right. He was Cha Hakyeon. He read people like open books. 

Taekwoon however, did not let him interfere. It was his time to respond now and he would be damned to let Hakyeon accuse him of everything so freely. 

“Love? Love is a thing that will only hold a person back. Happiness is fleeting, it is something that once gained, will make you fall deeper into a pit of misery and hatred once you lose it.  

Loving another man, it’s impossible and that happiness will be short lived. It will ultimately drive two apart and we will never be able to live a long and well life together. We will never gain happiness because no one would want us to be on those terms. No one wants to see two men happy. I don’t care about my own selfish luck if you think it was just that.  

I wanted to stop before we would fall too deep because I don’t want him to get hurt. If it’s for Hongbin I would give up anything. I know how hurt he will end up and I would never be able to live with it. I-I..” Taekwoon shakily brought the sleeve of his jacket up to his face, drying off some of the tears and starting to regain awareness of his surroundings. “I-I have to go.” Taekwoon shakily slammed the right amount of his latte that stood forgotten on the table and in front of Hakyeon, a little more than necessary. “You can keep the change.” And with that, Taekwoon was gone, leaving the other to rethink his confrontation in silent horror.  

Never once had Hakyeon regretted his words as much as he did at this moment. He regretted thinking badly of Taekwoon. He cursed himself for not taking Hongbin’s stories into account.  

The younger had come to him almost every time after he visited Taekwoon, telling him how closed off he always was, how proud Hongbin felt for letting him open up. He should’ve known the other would deal with everything in his own closed off world, carrying all the weight on hi s own two shoulders. How Hongbin bragged about Taekwoon not knowing how to act in front of others, but choosing to show affection towards him. He should've known that even to Hongbin, he would still keep a mysterious air around his true feelings. 

He never knew the details of that day, but suddenly there was a crying Hongbin on his doorstep, refusing to tell him the reason why. He had consoled him, not asking about the reason but just hug him and be there for him. Gradually, day by day, he noticed the lack of Taekwoon in his stories, noticed how the light was dimming inside of those usually bright eyes more as time passed. He had always assumed for Taekwoon to have pushed Hongbin to the side, to have played around with his feelings – he thought he didn’t need the confirming story from Hongbin. It would have been unnecessary.  

Hakyeon leaned his elbows on the table in front of him, fingers sliding into his hair to pull at his roots and with widened eyes he whispered to himself how much he was sorry, how much he wanted to reverse and take back his words, for Taekwoon to forgive him. He should’ve noticed how Taekwoon turned out to look worse than Hongbin did, how he seemed to have less lust to live than the one he thought he needed to protect. But Taekwoon wasn’t there anymore to hear his apologies. 

-IX- 

“Hey .” Taekwoon flinched at the hard slam of his desk, more of a natural reaction than actually being scared and he slowly looked up at the culprit. It had been his classmate, one of the many jealous ones who loathed Taekwoon for getting more work than necessary, for excelling in fields others had assumed to be experts in themselves. This one would be no exception. He couldn’t even remember the guy’s  name, but he didn’t care.  

“Not talking huh? Are you back together with your boyfriend already or are you still dumped?” The fake mocking tone made Taekwoon sick, getting reminded of Hongbin for the umpteenth time this week, in the most unpleasant way. This guy happened to be in the café, one of the many customers overhearing the conversation between him and Hakyeon, making up his own story by what he heard and twisting everything. What he predicted happened. And Taekwoon couldn't do anything about it.  

He shoved Taekwoon’s shoulder hard, making him glare at the pest but only got a scoff in return.  

“What? You’re going to hit me? Just try. I’m sure my friends would enjoy evening that out for you.” Taekwoon’s jaw clenched, remembering the blue spot burning on his right cheekbone. It was the least of his injuries, but the most prominent one and the other laughed, slamming down a pile of papers on Taekwoon’s desk. “Make this for me. I need it in two days.”  

Taekwoon knew that this would happen. He was glad to save Hongbin from this all, happy to not see him hurt. If it was for Hongbin, he would take it all. Because he still loved him as much as he did all those months ago. 

-X- 

Taekwoon slowly peeled himself off of the ground, wincing as his muscles strained, screaming for him to stop. But he couldn’t. He felt like a fool, believing that they would leave him alone if he did as he was asked, if he would’ve complied. He was told to drop off the assignment at this address, but he should’ve known that the backstreets of Seoul would be no place to agree to meet up, especially not with people who held a gruge against him.

Instead he was ambushed, spit on, beaten down with metal pipes – the last time they used wood and it would break too soon on his bones. As they exclaimed, 'This is no fun.' His knuckles were open, blood trickling down as he knew he had tried to fight back, only ending up getting beaten down that much more. 

He staggered out of the alleyway and into the streets, getting some horrified stares at his bloody appearance, but nobody helped him. They never did. Everyone's features were a blur, not able to make out anything but bright lights and the loud sounds of traffic, making him that much more confused about his surroundings. 

“S-Sorry..” Taekwoon mumbled, trying to brush passed the stranger with a weak apology, but a grip on his wrist held him back. Wincing in pain but eyes widening as he took in who had stopped him, he willed himself to stop. 

Horrified eyes met his own, the stranger too taken back to actually talk and for a moment, Taekwoon thought he was actually imagining him, that they hit him hard enough this time to make him hallucinate. He smiled weakly, stepping closer towards him, reaching out his free hand despite the pain. 

“H-Hong..”His eyes rolled to the back of his head, his vision darkening as his words drowned out.

-XI- 

A throbbing pain shot through his brain, his limbs feeling heavier than they normally did and an unfamiliar smell was brought to his senses. Taekwoon had always found it amusing, how everyone's home had that distinct scent, one you wouldn't even notice if it was your own house. But something about it seemed yet familiar and he shot up, groaning as the headache intensified. 

"Taekwoon, please lie down again!" A just as familiar voice rang through his mind, the source easing him back into the comfort of freshly washed sheets and he squinted his eyes to make out who it was, but the blinding lights made it hard for him to do so. His whole being was still confused about everything that was going on, making it hard for him to get a grasp of reality. 

"W-What.. who.." Taekwoon's eyes widened as they had adjusted to the lightening, the silhouette of the man becoming more apparent and for a moment, he thought he was hallucinating again.  

"What happened to you?" Hongbin pleaded, eyes and cheeks tear struck, making it harder for Taekwoon to face the younger without that gnawing feeling at his gut. It was too much for him to handle, so he opted for ignoring his pain and stood up from the bed, too much panic going through his every fiber. 

"I-I have to.. I have to go. I'm-" He needed to leave, feeling like he couldn't face him in this pathetic state. He was ashamed of himself, feeling the need to escape. 

"Do you hate me that much!? Are you that disgusted by me!?" Taken back, Taekwoon stopped in his tracks, slowly turning back to the fuming brunet.  

"I-I.." Taekwoon realized that Hakyeon had never told Hongbin about their conversation and even though he had been dreading for that to happen, to be afraid of what the other would do if he knew his true feelings.. He couldn't help but feel another pain source through him. This time it wasn't physical, but had no distinct feeling from his other wounds. 

"Why can't you let me help you? Please.. you don't have to tell me what happened. Just let me take care of you. Until you get better." Taekwoon found himself nodding, the conflicting emotions and constricting heart telling him to stay with Hongbin. He had longed to see him for months, wanted to touch him, missed him so much. How could he refuse him now, when he looked on the verge of breaking? 

" Let's clean your wounds."  

Taekwoon found himself sitting on the edge of Hongbin's baththub, shirt discarded as the other worked a luke warm cloth around his broken skin. Taekwoon grimaced ever so often, trying to not let the other know how much it hurt, obviously keeping his touches as light and harmless as they could possibly get. He was also thankful for Hongbin to have cleaned the wounds on his face when he was asleep, those more serious than the ones he was previously being treated on. 

"I'm sorry.. It'll scar." Taekwoon sighed, trying to keep a neutral expression even though his back was turned to the other. 

"It's okay. I don't care much." He had countless of scratches from his sporting years anyways, what would those matter.  

Hongbin bit his bottom lip, anger rising to his being once again as he traced his fingers across a particularly deep gash. He was angry with Taekwoon, how he pushed him away, how he left him all by himself. Why would he let him in when he had no intentions of letting him stay? But the one he was most furious with was himself. 

He hated how he still wanted to call  him, how he wanted to hear that soft and soothing voice call out his name, lull him to sleep once again like it had done before. He craved for his touch, his hold firm and making him feel safe. He hated that he still loved him, even though he broke his  heart and trampled all over it. Even though he was now still doing so after not haven seen him for months. 

So he reached out, slowly letting his arms wrap around Taekwoon's neck and the other was too shocked to even think about the pain of the pressure - it has been a long time since he felt this close to being home.  

"T-Taekwoon.." Hongbin's voice was hoarsh, a hitch evident in his breath as he pressed his face into the toher's neck. "I missed you so much." Taekwoon's eyes shut tightly, jaw clenching just as much as his fists balled up into his lap. Why would Hongbin do this? Why would he let him waver?  

"Hongbin.. I'm going to ask you this one time only."  Taekwoon's shaking form had betrayed how he felt, letting Hongbin know he wasn't unaffected by him."Please let me go."  

"No." Hongbin felt low, evil even, for pushing him to his limits - but he needed him. So Taekwoon harshly pulled away from his hold made him widen his eyes in surprise, the menacing glare in the other's eyes scaring him as well as the sudden tight grip he had on his wrists. 

"I warned you. Don't say I didn't do it." His words were barely above a whisper, red and bloodshot eyes staring into Hongbin's own. Before the latter could respond to his threat, the other's lips were on his. And his eyes fluttered closed. 

They had kissed once before and even though Taekwoon had been near unresponsive at that time, he was the one leading them now. He had long let go of Hongbin's wrist, arms now wrapped around the latter's waist as he deepened the kiss, moving his lips with desperate pressure. Pressing their bodies close together, Hongbin did the same, his arms wrapped around the other's neck as he let his lips get abused by the slightly taller man, sighing into the kiss.  

Emotions running high, Taekwoon guided Hongbin against the bathroom wall, cold tiles luckily not as chilling due to the fact that Hongbin was still wearing his sweater. However, chills kept running up and down his spine, especially when Taekwoon started trailing his fingertips underneath the fabric of his clothes, tickling the skin oh so pleasantly. Hongbin tried to hold the satisfied noises to a minimum, although failing as he pressed their lower halves together in response.  

"Y-Your wounds.." Hongbin managed to let out in a sharp gasp, trying with all his might to avoid coming in contact with them. Taekwoon however was not pleased with the mouth to mouth contact loss, biting down on the sensitive skin of his neck. He drew out another low noise from the other's throat, Hongbin forgetting all about the other's injuries and roamed his hands down that back he had always admired, albeit slimmer than before. 

 
"I don't care about them." Hongbin willed himself to push Taekwoon away, his hands staying on his shoulders, even though Taekwoon's touches set a fire through his every fiber. 

"W-Why did you leave me.. Why did you keep holding me off? Why did you let me think you hated me when all I did was love you?" Taekwoon bit his lower lip, ignoring the iron taste of a punch he received earlier and cupped the other's cheeks.  

"I wanted to protect you from all of this. I wanted you to be safe even when I'm not around."  

"I don't want you to protect me." Taekwoon looked up with widened eyes, making Hongbin laugh bitterly. "I'm a man myself. If I choose to be with you, I will, regardless of what anyone would say or do to me. All I want is to be happy with you. But.. why are you like this? Why aren't you allowing me to help you instead? To overcome everything together." Taekwoon hestitated for a few moments before deciding he could open up to him, at least for a little bit. 

"Someone of my school overheard me talking with someone, figuring out I have feelings for another man.  They.. targeted me soon after." It fell quiet for a while, Hongbin obvisouly contemplating about something before he looked Taekwoon in the eyes once again. 

"Hyung.. Let’s elope." Determination was written across every muscle in his face, knowing fully well what he was asking of the other, what it meant for himself as well. 

"Elope?" 

"Yeah. Let's go to China, maybe Japan. Or the US. Let's enrol in another university. Let's be happy somewhere else, where no one can hurt us. I want to love you. Without the restrictions we have here." Taekwoon waited for a while, his mind still numb and heart already deciding before he could really think it over. 

".. Okay." Hongbin's face broke out into a unbelieving smile. 

"Yes?" Taekwoon nodded, a small smile playing on his lips but Hongbin could read into it, knowing Taekwoon meant so much more with the small expression.  

"But hyung.." Hongbin trailed his finger across the other's chest, savouring the feel of his skin underneath his fingertips and allowed a soft blush to form on his cheeks.  "Promise me you'll start working out again?" Taekwoon let out a breathy laugh, embarrassing Hongbin even more. He leaned in to press a soft kiss against his temple before nuzzling his face into his neck once more. 

"For you, I'd do anything." 

-A/N- 

A happy ending after all!  

I began feeling guilty with my ending and thought you all deserved a happy one. Because I love you guys.