"Ugh" I grumbled as I plopped myself down into my chair.

"You okay?" Junsu asked.

I looked over at him as I pulled out my history textbook. "No, not really."

"Wanna talk about it?" He asked.

I shook my head, "No, but thank you. It's something I have to deal with by myself..."

"But talking about it will help."

I shrugged while shaking my head, "Thanks, Junsu."

"Alright; just letting you know I'm here for you like you've always been there for me."

I was supposed to forget about what happened this weekend, but couldn't. It was too difficult to. Whenever my mind wasn't thinking about school, it'd immediately go to Chansung-- the thoughts of him made me shudder, remembering the way he touched me.

Most of the time, I couldn't even think about school. I didn't even know what was going on in my classes. Good thing I have a good friend in each of them.

Before I knew it, history class ended, and the school day was over.

Junsu already knew that I wasn't paying attention.

"Want to study together later?"

I nodded, "You do know it'll just be you teaching me everything all over again, right?"

He nodded and flashed a smile, "Library. Seven-thirty tonight."

As he walked away towards his dorm, I slowly shuffled in the opposite direction towards my own dorm.

"Hey, girl!" Bekah waved to me from the porch, sitting with Wooyoung and Nichkhun.

I waved back, "What's up, guys?"

She hugged me, "You look so beaten down, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," I shook my head, smiling at her.

"We were just talking about how your mind has been somewhere else ever since you got back from Chansung's."

"Ah, I just didn't get a lot of sleep this weekend-- too much partying." I laughed.

She squinted at me with skepticism.

"Give me a couple more days, I just need to rest." I smiled.

They all looked mildly concerned.

"Guys, stop looking at me like that!"

"I'm keeping an eye on you, young lady."

"Okay," I shrugged. "That's fine with me." But not really. The last thing I would want is for them to find out what happened... the likelihood then of Taecyeon finding out will jump of significantly if I just kept it to myself.

My phone buzzed, "Hey ♥ be on skype tonight. I want to see you ^___^" from Taecyeon.

"How does 10 o'clock sound?"

"Great. Can't wait!"

"Is that Taecyeon?" Bekah asked, looking at my phone as I put it away.

I nodded.

"Does your recent weird mood have anything to do with him?"

Indirectly, yes. "No, no. Trust me, Bex. There is nothing wrong with me!"

She still look dissatified.

"I think we should stop harassing her, Bekah." Nichkhun said, looking at me with suspicion.

I knew that he knew that something was wrong with me by the look on his face, but was going to let me find my own solution. That's what he had always tried to do.

"Hey," Dongwoon walked up beside me, squeezing my hand before letting go of it.

"Hi," I said quietly back.

"Do you still want help with Economics homework?"

I nodded, "Yes please."

"Are you free now?"

I nodded again.

He paused, scanning my face.

"What?"

"Nothing," he shook his head, "You just look..... tired."

"See?! I'm not the only one!" Bekah exclaimed.

I glanced over at her giving her a reassuring look. "I'm fine," I mouthed.

"Wanna go for a walk?"

"Sure," I replied as I set down my backpack, grabbing my water bottle and phone before linking my arm in his.

The three of them looked nervous as I walked away with him. The last thing any of us would want is another dramatic situation to break out... little did they know it already had...

When we were far enough Dongwoon finally spoke up, "So."

I looked up at his chiseled face, "So." I repeated.

"Wanna tell me what's up with you?"

"I don't know, what's up with me?" I tried to act dumb.

My long skirt blew in the wind. I was going for the bohemian maxi skirt look today. I was quite proud of myself.

"Well I don't know, besides the fact that your mind is always somewhere else?"

I stared into his eyes and saw that he was completely serious. It scared me. It was as if he knew.

"Tiffany, don't even tell me that nothing is wrong because I know something is."

I looked away, letting go of his arm; I couldn't handle the intensity in his voice.

But he caught my wrist, "That just confirmed it."

"I just want some time to think."

He pulled me back, "Thinking about it isn't going to do anything, Tiffany."

I fell silent.

"Just tell me what happened so I can help you." He paused, "I want to help you."

"Let's go sit somewhere." I still wasn't sure if I was going to tell him.

We walked into the maze.

Treading through the tall un-cut grass, I remembered all of the drama that took place in this very place.

"Well?" He said after a few minutes of silence.

"I'm supposed to forget."

"Forget... what?"

"I can't tell you."

"Can I guess?"

"I won't tell you if you're right or wrong."

"You kissed Chansung this weekend."

Close, but it was far worse. "No."

He stopped and analyzed my expression. "If you tell me, I promise it won't get out. Whatever happened to being there for each other?"

"I'm not supposed to tell anyone. It's just supposed to be thrown into a waste basket and forgotten."

"But you clearly aren't forgetting whatever happened, and I don't think you ever will."

I looked at the grass, swinging the bench back and forth.

Looking up to check his expression, I quickly looked away. His eyes were intensely glued to my face, scanning my eyes, then my lips. It was almost seductive.

"Just tell me."

"No."

"Then I'll just call Chansung. I'm one hundred percent sure it has to do with him."

I paused. "No." But my voice cracked. Goddammit.

He pulled out his phone and dialed.

"Woon-ah. Put the phone away, please," I pleaded, suddenly filled with worry. "It'll just hurt him more."

He pushed to red button, hanging up. "So it does have to do with him."

I shook my head. "I'm just hurting him by telling you; that's all that I do: hurt people."

"But that's not true," he said, placing his hands on my face, eyes slanting with worry.

"But it is. Look at what I'm doing to you." He and I both knew of his crush on me. It had never been a secret.

He combed through my hair with his right hand.

I put my right hand on his left hand that was still resting on my face, leaning my face into his hand.

"What happened?"

My breaths grew heavier, I wanted to tell him, but fear was stopping me.

He waited.

"He and I...."

"Did what you and I did that junior retreat weekend?"

"Worse."

"You... had ?"

I looked away, lifting my hand off of his.

Quickly, he took my hands into his again. "It's okay."

"I was drunk, but I still felt something for him. That's why I feel bad, but at the same time I don't."

"You're only human. It's hard to have a long distance relationship without wanting someone to hold you."

I looked down at our inter-locked hands.

"Trust me. I know."

"You were in a long distance relationship?" I asked, tilting my head to one side.

"Something like that." He smiled, "Except we weren't in a relationship and she was over me."

"Oh..." He was talking about me.

He knew I understood, "It's hard for some people to understand that a physical connection to someone else is different from an emotional one."

"But... I felt emotionally connected to Chansung too." I mumbled.

He fell silent. "You know, if I was a bad boy, I'd tell you to just dump them both and just date me, and I'd try to get you to like me... It's really tempting."

"Are you a 'bad boy' then?"

"Maybe, but I don't want to confuse you even more." I said, playing flirtaciously with my fingers.

"I still love Taecyeon." I said sternly. "Nothing will change that, but it's hard when a gap is created and other people begin to fill that hole, pushing him further away from center stage in my heart." I motioned towards my chest, taking my hands away from his.

The air grew chillier and goosebumps rose from my skin.

Noticing me shiver, Dongwoon quickly took off his hoodie and wrapped it around my shoulders. "Do you wear less on purpose so that guys will do this for you?"

I glared at him.

"I feel like everyone is always doing this for you," he sounded somewhat bitter.

"Woonie...."

"Stop making people fall in love with you, and maybe this confusing cycle will end."

"I..." I was in a state of shock.

He sat silently before regretting what he had just said. "I'm sorry. I'm just--"

"Sick and tired of me."

"No." He sighed, "Sick and tired of the fact that I'll never win. Sick and tired of the fact that I can't just get over myself."

"What about other girls? You know as well as I do that going after other girls will help get you to stop liking someone else."

"No one here is.... right..."

"Well... then hang in there. Wait until college. It'll be a whole new game."

"What am I supposed to do until then?" He asked.

I sighed, "I'm sorry. I don't know."

He looked at my sad expression, "I'm sorry. We came in here to talk about you... and now I'm just making you feel worse."

"It's fine."

"Let's go do something fun this weekend, maybe you'll feel better." He smiled.

"Okay," I said, flashing a smile back at him, "Sounds good to me."

"And we'll go with more people so that it's not just me and you."

I nodded.

"There's a halloween themed fair 20 minutes away by car. You up for it?"

"If you're not too scared for it," I teased.

"Psshhh," He rolled his eyes, "I'm more worried about you."

We laughed-- a mask that covered our real emotions.

"So now you have something fun to think about and look forward to," he smiled, ruffling my bangs.

I crinkled my nose and stood up, "I guess."

We walked back together, not sure what exactly this conversation had accomplished... you know, besides making me feel worse; I knew he felt bad for confusing me more... he had always been rather terrible at hiding his emotions-- especially when they were angry emotions. 

As we neared the porch of my dorm, I let go of his arm, jogging up the steps to grab my backpack.

"I'll see you later for Econ help, then." I waved at him, turning around to get into the dorm.

"Bye," he quietly said with a tint of sadness.

The only way I knew how to deal with that was to just ignore it. I really needed some help... if only there were a way to wipe the slate clean... to start new.... Just me and Taecyeon, the way it was supposed to be.

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ugh so tired.

okay. I'm just going to say the usual. comment, subscribe... you know the drill.

Also... do you guys have a favorite in the story already? Who do you want her to end up with?!

:DDD 

love,
yellowbee