I love you. I love you not.

The last sparkles of hope lightening my life have been carried away, with those light pink leaves that ride the wind. Hope is taken far away.

Hope is stupid anyway. Such a foolish thing to do, to feel, to bother having.

I let go of it, after all those memories. I crossed it out from the list of things I'm targeting. I erased it from the picture I draw every day in my mind welcoming a new life. I put my feet on the ground after I've been drawning in it. I'm no more naive. A big fullstop.

I partially owe you one. No, I'm fully grateful. You woke me up, while I was dreaming. That was a hard slap to get, nonetheless it was worth the try. In the beginning, I felt so downtrodden, so left behind, like a little child whom his lollipop has been stolen from him. Injustice. But no. That was the feeling of bumping into the bitter truth. That was in the beginning your charm, the magnet that was pulling me to you. Hope made me see it that way, kept me alive while I was dying. I don't wanna be a living dead.

I just hate it.

I hate the way I love you, the way I'm crazy about you despite all of that, the way I can die for you while you don't move an eyelid, the way my heart races and skips beats whenever you only glance at me, the way I swallow my tongue whenever you start a conversation, the way you make my life sway and the world spinning only with a smile of yours.

To summerize, I hate you dude.

I hate the way I'm so predictable, the way I'm controlled, the way I'm like a puppet in people's hands, the way you see me as nobody, the way I see myself too.

Nothing counts for you, both of you. Who do you think you are ? Huh ? Has God employed you as my personal torturers ? If that only exists.

"Darling ? Have you been monologing like that since we moved here and I don't know ?", yelled Mum from the kitchen, in a mocking tone.

" No Mum, I'm not, I'm talking to ... to those … people. " I hesitated.

I heard then my mother comming all the way to my room with that familiar pace, which I can recognize among millions. She knocks at the door, leaning her head, waiting for a response, then opened it. " Those puppets again ? ", she questioned raising an eyebrow. " They're not puppets Mum, they are people ! , I tried to defend, that's Baekhyun and that's Chanyeol." I said pointing at the tortured puppets from the corner of the bed.

" Do you need a doctor, honey? Are you sure you're OK?" she added after a little while, putting a wet hand on my shoulder.

" Sure. I am in my full mental strength. Thank you for your concern." I said smiling playfully at her.

She then left after asking me to join them for dinner. ~~~ Well, I'm Hona, I beg your pardon. And this is my humble family in our little house. I only have my Mom and my sister, Airi. We're not that rich, but we're happy with what we have. My mom is working hard, in a company for cloths as she tells us. I've only seen that huge building once in my whole life. Dad took me. A very long time ago. That's the only memory left I have since forever. We were fine with him, as I remember, or as I've been always told. I envy my sister for passing more time with him. I only had 5 years to spend with him. I only have one picture of his in my mind, the picture in my sister's desk, where there is dad wrapping an arm around mum who is smiling widely. I've never seen her smile that way in my entire life.

She always tries to make us laugh, while deep inside her, there's the black sorrow, the ultimate sadness, the painful pain, the deadful gloom. Although, she fought, she still is fighting. And I respect her. I love her so much. We, my sister and I, do. And we manage to help her every time; my sister is giving a harder shot, as she works as a waitress, while I ... I just study, that's how I can help according to Mum. Well, then welcome in my house, and I hope you don't bother sharing my miserable life with me. My concept in life is not to give up, but I guess I am now. And the previous estate was one of the signs or better consequences of their irresponsible acts. You know, I just can't help it. ~~~ Then, after giving the puppet a glance full of disgust, I got out of my room or my sister's and I to join mum and sis. I heard whispering as always coming out of the kitchen, but this time I just got a pickle. I don't know why I felt my heart clenched. The creaking of the door made my mum and sis zip their mouth. This is getting more and more scary. And before I open the door, I heard a familiar voice. A familiar man's voice...