Hongbin hated pacing, waste of energy, and there was never enough time in the day. He didn’t have time to be pacing, he could to be cooking dinner or cleaning the apartment. The laundry needed washing, as did the dishes, the bedding should be changed and the whole place could use a vacuum. It was getting around the time for him to go into Ravi’s side of the closet and organize that before the mess took on organic life and began to lurch through the streets of the city devouring the unsuspecting. There were a multitude of things he could be doing.

But he was pacing. Because his lips were tingling and that weird sense of guilt had settled into his chest again. Despite all that Ravi had told him before, it still felt a little like a betrayal. Though, he frowned to himself, maybe the betrayal was more to himself than anything else. It had been a strange week for Hongbin and kisses. From routinely seeing approximately zero a week to having three, four if you counted the pepero game.

All of it had him confused. Taekwoon had gone from drunkenly telling him that he didn’t like how handsome he was and kissing him to ignoring his entire existence for a few days before settling on pushing him up against the wall and making Hongbin’s eyes cross with need. He wasn’t sure if he felt grateful or a little used. No, he was grateful, grateful because Taekwoon had told him to call him ‘Taekwoon-ah’ and not to avoid him. Maybe there was some behind the scenes test he’d had to pass first that he wasn’t aware of. But it seemed like Taekwoon had somehow (Hongbin’s brain broke a little trying to figure out how) accepted him in a way. And it was more than interesting finding out who he was behind the amazing voice and serious persona of his star image. Were they friends? Who kissed? Was it going to happen again? Too many questions, never enough answers.

And then there was Ravi. What was he supposed to do there? “Hongbin, this is your fault, you told him to get drunk, idiot.” His own voice kept him company. But he’d only thought Ravi would take it as a joke. That was how they messed around with each other for years, forever almost. Things like that or that stupid pepero game. What was changing between them? Small things that used to be inconsequential were suddenly tripping him up. Ravi drunk? That was strange to begin with, but then he’d just kissed him, like a lover, and then gone to sleep of all things. What was Hongbin to think?

It had taken almost all of his courage to bring it up the next morning, his heart was in his hand and the fist he made squeezed painfully. ‘People only seem to want to kiss me when they’re drunk.’ Really, Hongbin? What had he been expecting? That Ravi would take the strides to him? Wrap his arms around him and kiss him again in the daylight? Was he hoping for a confession? It hurt to admit that a part of him wished for it so hard. That the drunken indulgence had been some subconscious signal that Ravi had felt all the same things toward him that he felt himself toward Ravi.

But, like a coward, Hongbin wanted Ravi to confess first. Didn’t want the burden of changing the game. What if it had just been a stupid drunken kiss? “Haha,” he whispered to the empty apartment, “it’s a new game. Everyone kisses Hongbin when they’re drunk.” A part of his heart cracked in his chest. Though it wasn’t true, as Taekwoon had shown earlier, for a brief shining moment Hongbin had thought something was finally being revealed between he and Ravi.

A thought dashed when his friend had only offered a sheepish apology for getting so drunk.

Just a mistake.

But they’d get past it. They always got past things, it would be just like the whole ‘sharing a bed’ debacle. Maybe it would get a little awkward for a few days but they’d be fine. It wasn’t the end, and that brought on a wave of relief to him so powerful his knees nearly buckled. More than the man he was in love with, Ravi was his best friend. A constant and never ending source of dependability and comfort. Maybe they’d always been friends, even before they met. The older they got it was harder and harder to pinpoint the moment where they’d decided to live in each other’s lives. Hongbin and Wonsik, eventually Hongbin and Ravi, they just were.

As long as he had that, he could make it through the rest.

And the rest just so happened to be include one Jung Taekwoon.

He wondered if Taekwoon had visited the cafe as well. As stupid as it sounded, he hoped he did, even while he savored his own thought with the other man. It was obvious that Ravi had been missing him. “Crushes on the same guy, are we both teenagers again?” The steady pacing Hongbin had been employing paused. For some reason, he doubted this could end as well as their situation in high school had. The boy they’d been chasing then turned out not to be interested in either of them, instead taking a liking to Ravi’s sister.

After which Ravi had decided he really didn’t like the guy at all. In fact he disliked him, a lot, violently nearly. Hongbin smiled at the memory; he’d eventually had to hold Ravi back from trying to pick a fight when the guy had asked about dating his little sister. No, somehow he didn’t see it ending the same way with Taekwoon.

The door lock chimed and Hongbin jumped slightly. Should he just be standing there in the in middle of the room? With seconds to decide, he approached the kitchen to at least pretend to look like he’d been doing something other than waiting for Ravi to get home. They did need to eat something after all.

“Hey Bin-ah,” Ravi called out to him with a smile, a big one, the one that made his eyes crease. He must have seen Taekwoon. That had been the ‘I saw Tall Double Shot Latte with Cat Eyes’ smile for a few months. “Oh, are you cooking? Something good?” As was his usual, his roommate dumped his bag against the wall, just wherever it landed, and shrugged out his jacket to toss that along the floor somewhere too. Kicked off his shoes that had them sitting haphazardly on the pile of organized pairs, and shuffled over to the kitchen to perch against one counter. There was barely enough room for both of them. “Haven’t decided?” He asked seeing that nothing had been pulled from the cupboards yet. “I don’t have a lot of time because I’ve got a thing tonight by the Zero Center, but I wanted to talk to you.”

Hongbin paused in rummaging through their makeshift pantry to turn a smirk his roommate’s way. “I bet it has to do with the same thing I wanted to talk to you about.” Of course it would. It would be funny if it weren’t so sad, maybe Taekwoon just saw them both as one entity. A two for one kind of deal. “But you can go first.” He continued  staring into the cupboard but didn’t really see anything there.

A cough that sounded a little forced and Hongbin was glad he wasn’t looking his friend in the eye, “Taekwoon-ssi came by the cafe today.” Ravi slipped down from the counter to squat, back pressed against the wall while he fiddled with a button on his shirt. “He said he’d missed me,” the smile in his voice was all but beaming, “am I being stupid, Hongbin-ah? I never even realized he could have been famous. Now I feel like I should be self conscious but I’m not. I just get sort of giddy when I can talk to him? I don’t know man.

“But he saw you today too, right? That’s what you meant by the ‘same thing’, right?” Ravi asked without really looking toward him. Something was off, they both continued to stare in opposite directions, never quite meeting in the middle. Was it the kiss? Was it because they both were excited over the same guy? Hongbin couldn’t tell but he hated it. This was Wonsikie, the only thing he’d ever hidden from him was the fact that he’d come to gain romantic feelings for him. “I told you before that it’s okay, you know? I mean, I don’t really know how it’s supposed to work, but don’t clam up again, okay?” Ravi broke their non stare stalemate to glance at him. “I’m serious, Hongbinnie. You can tell me anything, you know that, right?

“So what’d he do? Pin you up against the wall of the theatre and have his way with you?” Ravi almost missed the choking sound Hongbin was making because he was laughing, but there was no mistaking the blush that burned from Hongbin’s cheeks to his ears. Eyes wide, Ravi turned full body to stare at him. “No, seriously!?” A wide grin cracked his face, “Way to go, Hongbin-ah!” A round of applause and Hongbin was curling his fingers in embarrassment.

It figured that Ravi would just skip past the awkward, wouldn’t even let it phase him, the man who he’d been so giddy over kissing Hongbin wouldn’t even register as a conflict of interest, or at least he didn’t let it show. “Ravi-yah!” Hongbin yelled at the floor, head dipped in embarrassment. “Weren’t we talking about your day?” Divert, distract, reroute, anything to take the attention off of himself. “No, I don’t think you’re being stupid.” Well, not for that at least. “At the risk of sounding ridiculous, it’s obvious that he likes you. Coffee House isn’t anywhere near the theatre, that’s a long drive and cab fare. Most expensive latte he’s ever bought probably.”

Ravi bit his lip and grinned, Hongbin would dare say he was glowing. It made him feel more guilty for having kissed (been kissed by?) Taekwoon earlier. They (Taekwoon and Ravi) weren’t dating, but there was some breach of trust implied in there somewhere. And Taekwoon had told Ravi he’d missed him, but with Hongbin he just wanted to kiss him? Hongbin frowned and rubbed at his brow with his fingers.

“Hey, stop making that face,” something soft bumped into Hongbin’s head and had him planting on the floor after perching on his toes for so long. Ravi was right next to him giving him his ‘stern fatherly disapproval’ look. “You think I don’t know what’s going on in your head? ‘Blah, blah, I feel like I cheated with Ravi’s not boyfriend and now I will owe 100 years of repayment  back to make up for the deed.’ Or something like that right?” Hongbin very nearly pouted, sure it sounded stupid when he said it like that. “Listen to me Bin-ah,” Ravi pulled Hongbin’s legs around so they were facing each other, sitting on their kitchen floor, “because I’ve put more thought into this then I probably should have.

“You think I’m being weird, by being happy for you and being happy for me when we both like the same guy.” Hongbin nodded, cautiously, unsure of where Ravi was going with his words. “But I see it like this, and trust me, I started feeling a lot better after I came to this conclusion. You’re my best friend and I want you to be happy. And when you’re happy, I’m happy.” Again, a cautious nod. “And I’m your best friend and I’m pretty sure the same goes. You want me to be happy and when I’m happy you’re happy.” He waited for yet another nod. “So, you see, if either one of us start feeling guilty or like we’re doing something awful because of Taekwoon-ssi, then we won’t be happy, and then the other of us won’t be happy. And this is the part where you don’t want to think about it too hard because you end up with a headache, but that’s a pretty way to try and tip toe around each other. So let’s just not.”

On the surface it made sense, Hongbin conceded, but he was sure if he started looking closely whatever Ravi had just said would be chocked full of holes and flaws. Wasn’t it a little too simplistic? What happens if one of them fell in love? Or when Taekwoon-ah decided that he wanted one more than the other? “You’re thinking about it too hard,” Ravi interrupted his thoughts, “you’ll nitpick it to death when it’s really simple. If I backed off so you could have him, what would you say?”

This was a trap, Hongbin could already see where it was going. “That you were wrong and that I was going to back off instead.” He answered, not seeing a way past admitting it, had already been on the verge of offering to do just that earlier.

“Exactly,” his roommate offered a smug smile, “and then you feel bad, I feel bad, I don’t know, Taekwoon probably feels bad too? Who knows?” Ravi shifted Hongbin’s feet again moving so that they could sit side by side, legs bumping into each other. “I’m not saying it’s perfect Binnie, but please don’t let this make either of us unhappy when it doesn’t need to. I mean, if there was one person I couldn’t blame him for falling for, it’d be you.”

His mouth went dry at that, so he opted for hiding his face between his knees. How could he just say something like that and not know what it did to him? “Okay,” there was no arguing with him really, but Hongbin was determined to keep a watchful eye, just in case. “Alright,” he grinned because it was what Ravi wanted and brought his head up. “we’ll try it your way, but promise me no hurt feelings later.”

“Promise,” they linked pinkies before twisting their wrists to press their thumbs together, the sign of an unbreakable promise. “Now that that’s out of the way, I’ve got something even more important I need your help with.” Ravi stood and dusted his pants off, holding down a hand for Hongbin. “What do you wear to a musical?”

“You’re going to the musical?” Something pinched in his heart, but he let shock cover the twinge of pain. Of course, if Taekwoon asked him, Ravi would go. It shouldn’t hurt, but it did.