I'm done with this. I'm sick of it.
What do you want? Who do you want?
Is it so hard for you to choose?
Or are you just waiting for someone better to come along?
What if there won't be such a someone?
What if no one will ever be good enough for you?
I've thought about this quite a lot in the last weeks. Maybe that's the reason why I barely talked to you.
I couldn't stand hearing your voice. I still can't. It's like hearing the shot of a gun, and before you realize what hit you, it's over. Before you realize what pierced through your chest and shattered your bones, you already lie on the floor, not able to get up anymore. Not able to move. You just lie there, waiting for it to be over. But the end doesn't come.
And maybe it's my fault, because I always get up again, just so that you can shoot me down. It's like I'm waiting for it. I hear you, casually greeting me; I see your smile and my entire body immediately waits for my chest to be pierced, my bones to be shattered. Why? Because I know I'm not the only one you smile at like this, and it may sound selfish, but I can't stand it. Not anymore.
Things changed, I changed. It got harder for me to share to the point where I think that I can't do it anymore. Not until I know for sure that the thing I have to share is mine, and I share it because I want to. At the moment I'm forced to share, and I hate it. Everything hurts, everything destroys me. You're the sweetest pain so I endure you, but I don't want to endure you anymore. I want to feel you. I want to enjoy the fall when you shoot me down, and I want you to lie with me. I want you to see only me.
So, just let me know one thing, Hanbin.
Do you think I could be good enough?