Key’s P.O.V

„You’re kidding, right? He’s just mad at me and now the two of you are fooling me…Stop it, it’s not funny at all!”

“Kibum…he”

“No it’s not true!!!” Rivers of tears gush from my eyes.

“We’ll drive to the hospital together. I’m on my way.”

I collapsed to the floor. Not my Jjongie. He will be back soon and we make up. Like we always did. There’s no need in driving to the hospital, because he won’t be there. He's healthy. Simple.

Suddenly the reality hit me. The love of my life is balancing on the edge of death and I’m still sitting here, doing nothing but cry. What’s wrong with me? Have I always been like this? Probably. I’m a bad partner, aren’t I? I hate me.

Where’s Onew? I need to see my Jjongie now. I want to be there for him, like he was back then. Like he was when my mother died. Like he was when my father started to drink nonstop. Like he was when I wanted to commit suicide. We weren’t dating back then, but you still helped me. I love you more than anything else.

*Flashback*

I don’t want to leave you Jonghyun.

Kim Jonghyun. The love of my life.

But there is too much pain. I hate it here. My mother died because of cancer, my father started to drink because of it, I don’t care if he’s hitting me…that’s okay. But seeing you worrying about me breaks my heart. Seeing the pain in your eyes. I really don’t want to be a burden to you. You deserve someone better than me. Someone you don’t need to care about all the time. We will meet again. For sure. I’ll wait for this moment forever. We will meet when I become a better person. I promise I will.

I took one of my father’s bottles, I hid under my bed till I was ready to do this. I grabbed the bottle and hit it on the edge of the bathtub. There was broken glass all over the floor. I took one of the shards with shaking hands. I’m scared. Sure I am. But it’ll end here and now. I won’t bother you anymore. I cut the blue veins on my wrist. It didn’t hurt at all. I took the shard in my already cutted hand and cut the other wrist. Blood was everywhere. I’m bothering you even after I die. You have to wash the floor. I felt tipsy. I’m dying. Finally. I’m free. Everything around me went blurry. I’m not the only one dying. Everything around me is dying as well. What a relief. When everything went black I saw the light at the end of the tunnel. Just like in the fairy tales. Before I could reach that light I heard a voice calling my name. Is there someone dying with me? I won’t feel lonely at least. After hearing my name several time I finally realized that voice. Jonghyun. My Jonghyun. Is he helping me? Again? Aish….please let me die. It seems like he heard what I was saying or thinking, I don’t even know. He cried out “No Key I won’t let you die!” then I felt him lifting me up and carrying me somewhere. The light at the end of the tunnel became further away by every step he made.

The first thing I saw when I woke up, was a sleeping figure. I knew it was Jonghyun. Who else should it be? I hated him for helping me again. I started to cry. Soundless. Right after that he woke up. He saw me crying. He ran towards me and hugged me. It was always like this. I’m crying over some going on in my life and he’s there, hugging me, telling me everything would be fine. It was hard not to fall for him. Though I never confessed.

“Why did you do that pabo?”

“…..”

“Talk to me!” He started to cry. Great. I made him cry. I'm stupid as always.

“Jonghyun I hate me and I hate you for always helping me. I hate my life and I hate every little thing about this cruel world.” My voice was soft. I wanted to scream but I couldn’t. Maybe because I was too weak or maybe because I can’t scream at him. At my Jonghyun.

“Please don’t do such a thing again. I beg you. I can leave you if you wan’t. I’ll leave you, if you can’t take my presence.” He cried even more. As soundless as me.

“I’m a burden to you, aren’t I?”

“What are you talking about Kim Kibum? You’re my best friend. I love you!”

Sure. You love me. But not in the same way I love you.

“Jonghyun…” I sobbed.

“Sssh…everything is gonna be alright now. I will help you through this.” He hugged me again.

“Promise me, you won’t leave me…”

“I promise you” He hugged me.

I love his warmth. I want to feel it forever. I will feel it forever. I know it.

*End of the flashback*

I heard someone ringing at the door. Finally, it’s Onew.

“Hey Key…” His voice sounds sad. Sure. Stupid me. I’m not the only one suffering.

“Hey….” Tears flow again. I’m weak but I don’t care.

“Let’s go, the hospital is 30 minutes away.”

We walked to the car. We didn’t talked. We didn’t need words. We knew what the other one was thinking.

The car ride was silent as well. I couldn’t take it anymore. That silence is killing me.

“Jonghyun is gonna be alright,right? He’s strong!” The car was filled with my nervous laugh mixed with sobs. Why am I even asking. Sure he’s gonna be alright. What a question.

‘Of course’ was all he was able to say. The silence returned.

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My chapters are kinda short but I can't change it  -_-

I have an English test at school tomorrow...I have to learn but I'm a lazy v.v