CHAPTER TWO

Previously on The DevilKook Doesn’t Wear Prada, no progress has been made whatsoever.

Since this was just a waste of time for the Kooks, they decided to give BTS alcohol. Now, alcohol is not good for the brain but BTS have none so YOLO YOLO YOLO ZELO.  

Now somehow these single ladies tiny choo choo trained men inexperienced boys are thrown into a love motel. We need unusual reproduction to happen in this straight world. But no, damn you Reproduction God.

“A BOY HAS THE POWER TO BABIES! BUT THE OTHER GODS SAID NO TO ,” screamed Reproduction God in his defence.

Unfortunately for him, no one listens to Reproduction God nowadays. Then again, his touching words caused Jin to believe if he chickened Namjoon about 696969 times he would be able to adorable Namjoon-ed scented babies. In addition, Jin wanted his future kids to have the ability :

To dance on his Namjoon-ed dance floor.
To sing into his Namjoon-ed core.
To rap into his Namjoon-ed golden door.
To dig up a Namjoon-ed body filled with gore.
To walk Namjoon-ed on all four.
To own a Namjoon-ed store.
To date a Namjoon-ed .
To clean a Namjoon-ed chore.

Ok we’re done :)))))))

So getting back on track, enter the OTPs on their lovely dates.

~~~~~~~~~~

NAMJIN

Whilst Jin was imagining the 'perfect' kid, Namjoon felt as if he was being poked by a angel. Oh wait, it was just DevilKook peeing on him. Oh wait, nope, nah you don’’t want the details. Ewww...

Thus, whilst Namjoon is thinking what’s poking him is a female , Jin is picturing beautiful Namjoon-ed scented babies.

What a smelly society aye?
Cause in reality Namjoon stinks :))))
But Jin likey :))))

The Kooks ain’t got no time to waste, they had to chop off the huge gap between the two. Well FairyKook does, DevilKook is just lounging around. He decides to make the gap bigger, so he becomes Bob The Builder and makes a big road to separate NamJin.

DevilKook  then decides to add a bridge and water to his previous road. Oh how fun was it to watch the two suffer!
Wait, holddup, why are they drowning? 

Yes, yes, at the last 4minutes FairyKook turned into a b2st and made NamJin little fishies who were borntobeat the pleasure and have a-pink mouth. In conclusion, NamJin became cube fishies swimming in the deep blue sea.

FairyKook analyzes the show and adds his own stuff. Yes, HIS VERY OWN HOMEMADE BOAT WHICH IS MADE USING ⅓ OF JIN’S SOUL. Although Jin is now ⅓ soul-less, NamJin are now on a love boat together. SO IT DOESN’T MATTER :))))

FairyKook took his chance and used his huge hips to push DevilKook into the water causing him to drown for exactly 696 seconds. Whilst DevilKook drowns for 696 seconds, FairyKook flew to Jin’s shoulder like a red bullet, head first and crashed into Jin’s shoulder.

The impact caused Jin to gasps and blop his left arm over Namjoon’s shoulder. Although, this wasn’t actually FairyKook’s doing, but he would take credit for it anyday. And then it happens.

DevilKook is in pain of drowning and punches Namjoon cause Namjoon looks like FairyKook causing NamJin is kiss. OH SHALALALALA~

YES THERE’S PROGRESS NOW!

WHO NEEDS TO BE PREPARED FOR WHAT’S COME NEXT ANYWAYS?
As this thought drove across NamJin’s mind as fast as their choo choo trains were speeding vertically up a hill, they took it to the next gear level.

“TOO MUCH PROGRESS. TOO. MUCH.” FairyKook screams at the sight and dives into the water, planning to drown for about 696 seconds too.

AT LEAST WE GOT PROGRESS?

~~~~~~~~~

YOONMIN

Reproduction God shook his head, he always knew his touching words would help the Homoual beings in their needs, but it wasn’t enough for him. HE WANTED PRECIOUS GAY BABIES, DAW. WHY COULDN’T REPRODUCTION BETWEEN WORK T^T?

So therefore, Reproduction God wrote a poem to YoonMin.
“Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I want reproduction between you two,
And a baby too.”

Jimin who was praying to Reproduction God at that time heard his poem and totally 200% agreed. Nodding his head so fast that it caused time to fly back a few seconds just enough for Reproduction God to repeat the marvelous poem.

AND ERMAHGAWD IS THAT POEM A BEAUTY.

FairyKook is happily in love with Reproduction God at this stage whilst DevilKook is in the naughty corner, summoning Un-Reproduction God.
FairyKook realises what DevilKook is doing and kicks him in the tralala.
Oh his ding ding dong.  
And this leads to DevilKook summoning Yoongi.
Which is an advantage to FairyKook cause YoonMin are now in the same room.

Everything seems to be working out for FairyKook so much that DevilKook decides to give up until he finds his chance. 

BUT THEN, DEVILKOOK SEES HIS CHANCE. HIS BOB THE BUILDER CHANCE. And he builds a tall brickwall named after Chanyeol between them. Just incase, he builds another layer and named it after Sooyoung. Just in case again, he builds another after and named it after Jonghyun, wait never mind lol. He actually named it D.O, wait jks again. BUT they are beautiful still even though short so have no fear.

So in the end, YoonMin are now separated.

*FACEBOOK STATUS UPDATE*
Min Yoongi is walking on sunshine.
Park Jimin is sad with no suga-briefs to wipe his tears away.

*DevilKook mini, DevilKook mini 2, DevilKook mini 3 and DevilKook mini 24838012 liked*
*FairyKook mini, FairyKook mini 2, FairyKook mini 3 and FairyKook mini 24838012 disliked*

*COMMENTS*
Reproduction God ...WAS THAT ALL MY POEM WAS WORTH?
Bang Yong God chyeah.
Un-Reproduction God yolo
Bang Yong God solo
Un-Reproduction God picasso
Picasso you called?
Bang Yong God ew Kris go away
Un-Reproduction God double ew
Reproduction God CAN WE GET BACK TO THE STORY?
Picasso no says galaxy fanfan
Bang Yong God double no says gummy gukguk
Un-Reproduction God triple no says un reproductionduction

And that is how YoonMin made no progress whatsoever.

NAH JKS THEY KISSED WHILST YOU WERE BUSY ON FACEBOOK.
BUT WE’LL GIVE YOU THE DETAILS IN THE NEXT CHAPTER :P
HEUHEU SOZNOTSOZ

~~~~~~~~~~~

V-HOPE

Reproduction God blames Facebook for not being able to see YoonMin kiss. WTF FACEBOOK.
*Facebook God has been Welcomed To Facebook.*
Damn you Facebook God.

*FACEBOOK STATUS UPDATE*
Reproduction God is confused.
How does one kill Facebook God?

*6969696969696969696969696969 dislikes*

We also learned that Reproduction God isn’t the brightest God out there, but he gets his job done. After killing Facebook God he decides to write a poem to V-Hope, in hope of his dreams coming true. HE WANTS MOAR REPRODUCTION. MOOARRRRRRRRRRR. 

“Water is not blue, it’s actually a cucummmmber like colour (?);
The sky actually doesn’t have clouds, lol jks what even;
Hoseok doesn’t hate Taehyung, he actually wants to live under a alien’s tent;
Taehyung doesn’t hate Hoseok either, he actually wants a horse to live under his tent;
Reproduction God (me) didn’t actually become a poem writer, because I had to help you people get together.”

DevilKook and FairyKook applaud Reproduction God who swiftly transports them all to Italy. Now we witness V-Hope sharing spaghetti together like two damn dogs from 101 Dalmations. Um yes they had dogs ears and dogs nose AND OMFG THEY’RE TURNING INTO DOGS?!

We have no idea why Animal-Making God is doing this. Maybe it’s a ? Well only God will know. LOL, we authors are Gods too so we know that you know we know you know everyone knows that we know you know ‘the’ know.

Now enter Dog!V-Hope eating spaghetti together. DevilKook ain’t a happy man now is he? Why not poison the spaghetti? Why not vomit some itching powder into the spaghetti? Why not get kill Spaghetti God?

Well since these ideas had to be tested on someone, FairyKook became his victim. As the ideas were tested on him, FairyKook transformed into spaghetti. DevilKook then suddenly had a flashback of all their memories together.

The time they met in the heavenly hell toilets…
The time where they made this bet…
The times that cannot be remembered…
All of these touching moments…

DevilKook wipes his tears that came rushing out of his eyes, nose, lips, mouth, fingers, toes, wings, hair, armpit and it turns out to be V-Hope sweating. And then he eats FairyKook Spaghetti jks.

So whilst 2Kook go all we have Hoseok and Taehyung skipping around Italy happily with their arms intertwined together. What a time to be alive.

And then they’re in Paris. Omfg.
Hoseok and Taehyung stare off into the starry night before looking into each other’s eyes. What happens next is surely inevitable. They kiss.
How could life get any better?

*FACEBOOK STATUS UPDATE*
Reproduction God is very very very happy to live with an awkward now.
DevilKook is in love with Un-Reproduction God.
FairyKook is in disapproval of DevilKook and Un-Reproduction God.

*RELATIONSHIP STATUS UPDATE*
DevilKook and Un-Reproduction God are single.
Unproduction God is gay for Reproduction God.

*COMMENTS*
G-DraGod Un-Reproduction God omfg, took u forever to admit it #YouCrayon
FairyKook oh those feels touched my tralala, my ding ding dong
Reproduction God bring me babies then I’ll love u

~~~~~~~~~~

FACEBOOK

Someone bring us babies.

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