PROLOGUE

Once upon a time there lived 3 damsels in distress who weren’t actually damsels because they weren’t women, but technically they kinda looked like some so I DON’T KNOW?! Are they girls? Are they boys? Well, only time will tell.

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NAMJIN

It was an unhappily ever after for Jin who was a lovesick princess dressed in pink living in Mario Land. To be honest, Jin was just a small town girl boy, living in a lovely world.

That night, Princess Jin dreamt of a y handsome prince named Namjoon carrying him bridal style. Jin was thrown on a horse with Hoseok’s face on it (also known as J-Horse) by his prince. After that, Jin's ding dong was kicked by J-Horse’s long . This caused him to fly off the horse as the stupid pony ran for his very own freedom. Jin then woke up due to the imaginary pain, when he realised it was all a dream he cried himself to sleep whilst massaging his imaginary pained wiener.

Jin was woken up the next morning by rays of light attacking his eyes, it was the stupid Sun. Jin sometimes wondered if he ever did anything wrong to the Sun for it to be shoving its into his eyes so early in the morning. Then again, Jin was just PMS-ing like a whiny female, annoyed at the fact that he lost his charming Prince to a stupid J-Hoe and imaginary pain.

After Jin finally got his arse out of bed, he walked over to the window where coincidentally, Namjoon was outside playing golf. Of course, Namjoon’s invisible biceps were what Jin was drooling over. Jin let out a big sigh of admiration when Namjoon fail-ishly smashed the gold skull shaped ball into the neighbour’s window.

He was so lovesick wasn’t he?

Oh, it only got worse when Jin pulled out his Namjoon-scented binoculars and started spying on his favourite prince. Whilst Jin was being James Bond, Namjoon could feel a strong stare aimed at his at the same time. Namjoon looked around to see who was ing on his beautiful as the neighbour next door continued to scream at him. Jin started to fangirl when Namjoon finally glanced in his direction, and even did a double take.

Since this was such a YOLO moment already, Jin decided to YOLO again, open the window and scream, “OPPA, CAN I HAVE A PRINCE CHARMING NAMED NAMJOON?”

Which then made Namjoon squint, trying his best to see through the burning rays of sunshine. When Namjoon thought he was having eye contact with the correct person he screams back, "Um are you okay? What fairy tale drug did you sniff?"

This statement made Yoongi stare at him weirdly through the window because Namjoon was screaming at the wrong person.

Namjoon would never look in Jin’s direction…

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YOONMIN

Seeking far and wide for love with his small eyes, Jimin was desperate for some guys. With the help of this rhyme, he knew Yoongi was his soulmate big time.

That night, Jimin attempted to sleepwalk into Yoongi’s room only to faceplant into a door that had the sign ‘DO NOT SLEEPWALK’ on it. Therefore Jimin woke himself up, opened the door and then sleepwalked again into his hubby’s bed. With his sleepwalking self, he felt the bed, his hand caressing everything but Yoongi's swagging swagger swag. In short, Yoongi wasn't even in bed.

Even though his mate was not in bed with him, Jimin was okay as he had the opportunity to now collect some of Yoongi’s private things. Jimin hopped out of the warm bed and walked around the room only to find a poster of himself with darts stuck in them on a wall. Aw, Yoongi cared about him! Jimin could feel his eyes leaking with tears of joy. He quickly used Yoongi’s snotty tissue full of dopey snot to wipe his tears away before putting the special item into his pocket.   

Moving to Yoongi’s laundry basket, Jimin came across Yoongi's smelliest, most worn and unwashed briefs. To make everything better for Jimin, the brief was full of pubic hair. He started to sniff the underwear like a drug, only to realise a pair of eyes staring into his soul.

Jimin turned around to face the owner of the staring eyes, Yoongi. Whilst Jimin was happy to see Yoongi in front of him, Yoongi was grossed out by the fact that his brief was stuck up Jimin's nose hole.

“OH MY ABS! YOU CAN HIT MY PROSTATE, CAUSE YOU ARE MY SOULMATE!” Jimin stated with eyes sparkling like in the animes.

Yoongi actually had no idea what Jimin was saying because half of his swag was still in Swag Land. Then suddenly, it hit him like a choo choo train called his cockledoodledoo.

"You got no sweg." Yoongi hesitantly replied to Jimin's poetic pick up line.

As he turned his back on Jimin, he stopped only to moonwalk back to Jimin, making sure their eyes didn’t meet as he snatched his precious briefs before running out of the dorm and to his mother's home sweet home in Daegu.

In Daegu, Yoongi cried over how creepy Jimin is.
In BTS’ dorm located somewhere in South Korea, Jimin cleaned Yoongi’s room.

WILL YOONMIN EVER BE REAL? no

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V-HOPE

In planet ‘Aliens Are Better Than Horses’, the alien Taehyung wanted to ride the horse named J-Horse.
In planet ‘Horses Are Better Than Aliens’, Hoseok was sniffing up the drug called T.S ENTERTAINMENT a.k.a Taehyung’s snakestickcockdickny entertainment .

That night, Taehyung had a dream of himself riding a horse named J-Horse in the dirtiest way possible (on a floor filled of Yoongi’s pubic haired boxers), only to be woken up by a massive fly scratching his massive red pimple.

Taehyung sat up and noticed a horse’s foot nearing his pimple. Yes, J-Horse’s foot was on top of Taehyung’s pimpled forehead. Taehyung screamed in pain and pleasure but all Hoseok did was sniff more of T.S ENTERTAINMENT .

Kids, this is why you don’t do drugs.  

Soon a second leg came into his mouth hole, Taehyung was expecting another random leg to come out next but an arm came instead. Followed by a yummy ding dong, a proper body and boom! Taehyung had a horse in his arms.

OMFG HOSEOK WAS HUGGING TAEHYUNG!
Blame it on the drug kids…

Taehyung was in love with T.S ENTERTAINMENT , if it was a real person he would kiss it to death because thanks to that drug, Hoseok was hugging him. NO WAIT! Then J-Horse would get jealous, but jealous!Hoseok was hot...

Therefore Taehyung decided to make T.S ENTERTAINMENT a real person for the sake of jealous!Hoseok. His plan was bulletproof like bangtansonyeondan.

Now enter human druggo, T.S ENTERTAINMENT . Without waiting even a millisecond, Taehyung attacked the human druggy in a hot passionate kiss, throwing J-Horse off his arms.

And all Hoseok did was make a horse face.

Taehyung pushed the human druggy back off him whom turned back into powder and tried to get Hoseok to hug him again. Yet Hoseok did another horse face and tried to run away for his freedom...just like in Jin’s dream.

Unfortunately, Hoseok was currently too horsy to even run properly, so he tripped and hurt his knee.

Taehyung came running after Hoseok screaming, "YOU'LL NEED A BAND-AID FOR YOUR KNEE WHEN YOU FALL ON IT FOR MY 4D-NESS!"

"I'm high on horses, goodbye," neighs J-Horse.

In which V-Hope ain’t ever gonna happen, because of a drug named T.S ENTERTAINMENT and all we want for Krismas is B.A.P.

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DEVILKOOK

DevilKook is one evil motherfisher who eats lots of fish and doesn’t wear Prada, thus, The DevilKook Doesn’t Wear Prada.

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ANGELKOOK

AngelKook is one kind fatherbirder who doesn’t eat many birds but does wear Prada, thus, The AngelKook Does Wear Prada but that isn’t irrelevant to the fanfic so boohoo.

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JUNGKOOKS

Their meeting was unexpected, some may think they met while having a war between sky and the floor, others may think they met coincidentally when flying across the skyfloor, but they really just met in the hellven (hell + heaven) toilets.

One day whilst on a casual ‘date’ with each other they pull out their magical globes to compare sizes, obviously DevilKook was way bigger instead of seeing rulers in the spheres, they see fail-ish Korean boys trying to ‘flirt’.

Giving them the most judgemental stares, they agreed that these fail-ish Korean boys probably had smaller than them.

“I have an idea; we are going to save all these poor boys!”
“LET’S THESE KOREAN BOYS WHO LOOK LIKE GIRLS!”
The Jungkooks simultaneously screamed.

Looking at each other in disappointment, they ended up cat fighting.

#slowmoehoehoehoe  

After the hellven cat fight, they blurted out dares, saying that they could do what they do best and make BTS become forever single/in a relationship forever.

They decided to make a bet; if AngelKook could successfully turn Yoongi-Jimin-Namjoon-Jin-Taehyung-Hoseok into YoonMin-NamJin-VHope then DevilKook would have to wear Prada for the rest of his life.

If DevilKook could Yoongi-Jimin-Namjoon-Jin-Taehyung-Hoseok and make them forever alone then AngelKook would have to commit a sin and----

“WTF I AM FAIRYKOOK. I AM A REBEL I CAN SIN YADADA!”
Our bad…^{[yes we (-note) write together so its OUR]}

Ok, so next FairyKook choked on his spit from saying too many humanly bad words that should have come out of DevilKook's mouth. After that, they shook hands before splitting into three FairyKooks and DevilKooks. LEGGO TO TAEHYUNG, JIMIN AND JIN’S SHOULDER!    

MISSION IMPOSSIBLE START!

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