“I’m so sorry Namjoon. I can’t.”

“You can’t? What do you mean? Is it because we’re both men? You just said you were happy for Taehyung and Hoseok. If they can be in love, why can’t we?” Namjoon raised his voice slightly. He choked on his words.

“I mean that,” Seokjin looked into Namjoon’s eyes – he had never seen him look so broken, “it’s not that. I’m not in love with you.”

“This is why I didn’t want to say anything. That was exactly what I was most afraid of. ,” Namjoon looked away and grit his teeth. His shoulder brushed against Seokjin’s as he headed for the door. He turned around to face him, “you know what hurts even more? I had been mentally preparing myself for this but it still hurts more than any pain I’ve ever felt in my entire life.”

Namjoon turned back around and left Seokjin with a dagger in his heart. He loved Namjoon but it had never felt romantic to him. He sat down in the chair that Namjoon had been sitting in and just stayed there. Hurting Namjoon was the last thing he had ever wanted to do. Namjoon was a precious person to Seokjin and he couldn’t help but feel like he should have known or he should have handled that better or even that he should have fallen in love with the boy from the start.

He was beating himself up over this and he just couldn’t seem to process it all at once but it was slowly beginning to make sense. If this had been on Namjoon’s mind, no wonder he couldn’t concentrate enough to write like he used to and no wonder he had been avoiding him, Seokjin thought.  He ran his hand through his hair and exhaled slowly. After a few slow breaths, he was able to think a bit clearer. Seokjin turned around, only to realize that Namjoon had left everything and just walked out. He began to start packing everything in a bag on the floor; he even packed the crumpled papers. Grabbing the umbrella and the bag, Seokjin walked out of the room and back into the rain.

The first thing Seokjin did was call Namjoon; it was getting darker and the rain was getting heavier. He knew better than to assume that someone like Namjoon would go straight home after this and he needed to know where he was. Seokjin wanted to rip his own hair out when he heard Namjoon’s phone go off in his bag but he tired to stay calm. It was cold and rainy and stressing out wasn’t going to help him bring Namjoon home any quicker.

He began to walk to nearby coffee shops and stores; Seokjin didn’t take Namjoon for the type to wander aimlessly in the rain. Peering into the glass windows, he looked for any sign of him but he didn’t see Namjoon anywhere. The streets were beginning to clear as the rain began to pour down – no one wanted to walk around in this weather. Seokjin took advantage of this and started running from place to place. Suddenly he remembered that there was a coffee shop that Namjoon really liked across the street from a park not too far from where he was. He ran there quickly and looked through the large glass windows – nothing. Panting, he put a hand on his knee; he was losing all hope. He looked around and couldn’t believe his eyes.

Across the street, there was a man sitting on a park bench in the rain. Seokjin was almost sure that his eyes were playing tricks on him; it was Namjoon. He sighed in relief. Walking over to him, he couldn’t manage to calm his heartbeat. It was impossible to describe how scared he had been. There wasn’t even some dangerous storm but he was worried sick. He stood in front of Namjoon with the umbrella, shielding him from the cold rain, “let’s go home.”

Namjoon slowly looked up. His gaze, which was previously fixed on his numbing hands, was now fixed on Seokjin’s soft face. He lowered his head and stared at the ground, “you came looking for me?”

“I’ll always come looking for you when you get lost,” Seokjin leaned down and kissed Namjoon’s forehead.

“I thought you didn’t love me?” He stood up.

“I’m not in love with you, but I do love you,” Seokjin looked at him gently, “and I really hope that’s enough for right now.”

Namjoon stared blankly, “for right now?”

“Listen,” Seokjin began, “maybe I was a little stubborn and quick to speak. I’ve thought about it before. I wouldn’t mind being in love with you but I’m not. Maybe I could learn to love you back – in the same way that you love me. I know it’s not really what you were hoping for but I’d like to try anyway. If it’s alright with you, I’d like to try.”

“Seokjin,” Namjoon muttered quietly. He was completely unsure if this was right or not but he really wanted to try it too. He wanted to have Seokjin fall in love with him. Although it was selfish, Namjoon wanted Seokjin to love him even it wasn’t real. Something had convinced him that even if Seokjin realized that he couldn’t love him after this, he would still have the time that they were pretending. That was better than nothing. However, Namjoon wanted to be positive that this was what Seokjin wanted, “are you really sure about this?”

“I’m sure,” Seokjin smiled.

Namjoon wrapped his arms around Seokjin and, even though he was soaking wet, Seokjin didn’t mind. He was sure that he wanted to do this but he wasn’t sure if he would be able to fall for Namjoon. If he didn’t, he was afraid that he would break his heart again. Seokjin made a promise to himself that he would try to be open to the idea of being in love with Namjoon and really try to make that happen. Namjoon had made a promise to himself too. He would be the best boyfriend he could be; he knew how much of a burden this was to Seokjin and, while he had made a selfish decision, Namjoon loved Seokjin and only wanted to make him happy. To him, he felt like he was just a charity case.

“Let’s go home now,” Seokjin took Namjoon’s hand. The latter blushed as he walked side by side with him under one big umbrella. He was genuinely happy and he couldn’t help but to anticipate making the elder feel the same sort of happiness that he felt right now.

The rain continued to pour down as they walked. Namjoon vowed to make Seokjin’s investment worthwhile.

~A/N: Don't hate meeee. . .and there will be more Yoonmin coming soon~