I’ve never fit in with the world. I was always alone. It’s been a long time since I’ve forgotten about love. I can’t listen to hopeful love songs anymore. You and me both, we’re just sad clowns, tamed, and scripted. I’ve come too far.

The sound created by a vehicle can be heard distinctly. With a high speed, he drove his car away from the town. Searching for a place to flare up his anger. His mind vividly goes to a few minutes ago. Disappointed. That was he fell and whenever he thinks about if again, it becomes bigger than before.

He still doesn’t believe his wife sold her wed ring to pay the medication fee. He laughed sarcastically.

“!” With the last anger shout, he adds another speed to his car.

.

⚜⚜⚜

Sehun searching someone behind the wave of people in this crowded place. He very hates to go places like this, but he can’t ignore the fact his best friend is here, maybe drunken and flirting with some s. He sighed when his gaze found the man whom he searches drinking alone in the bar section.

“Jongin,” he pats Jongin shoulder. “You need to go home,”

“I don’t want to.” Jongin quickly answered.

“Jong-“

“She sold the ring, Hun,” Sehun can sense the sadness behind those voices. He takes a seat beside Jongin and watched his best friend to continue his story.

“Today I found out she sold the ring. You don’t know how much disappointed I am to her. How could she? How dare she?” He asked in disbelief and the tears streaming like a river.

“Jongin,” Sehun called him softly. “It’s just a ring for a god damn shake,”

“But that ring is a sign of our love, the ring is-“

“ that!” Sehun roared. “Sign of your love? What the Jong? If you mean love is to broke and hurt her, it’s not love! Love my , you kill them slowly,” He grabbed Jongin colar. “Sometimes I really want to punch your face, to smack your head so you’ll wake up from your sleep. Open your eyes, kkamjong!” he shouted.

“The ring just a thing. It’s not something. The most important is your heart,” Sehun pointed his best friend's chest. “You already in denial for three years. Three ing years! Now wake up, Jongin ! Your wife needs you, your son needs you!”

“I don’t have a son!” Jongin declared with anger.

In nano second, he feels his jaw being punched to the floor by the man in front of him. He saw Sehun’s chest up and down in anger. “You ! You don’t want to admit your son ? He is being like that is not his fault. You’re mature already. You know the right and wrong. Why are you so childish ?”

Jungian coughed and try to gain his composure.

“You blame your wife and your kid. Your son didn’t know anything. But you know too well, you also have part to be blamed ! I don’t know why I’ve a friend like you. You’re lower than I think,”

Jongin watched the latter leave him alone. His friend leaves the club with hatred and disgust. Great. That was Jongin think. He tried to stand up. And back to sit. Although he is drunken, but Sehun’s punch really smacked his sober state for a little. It’s hurt.

He closed his eyes. He needs a distraction. Everything is so damn in volute. He gulped his last drink with one shot and then leave the bar to search some ‘distraction’. Well, dancing floor is good enough to hook up.

His hawk eyes landed to a figure whom dancing ily in the middle of the crowd. He approaches her with a smirk. His hand roamed to her waist and pulled her closer. She smirked and faced him with flirtations smile. “Hey,” she whispered ily. “Need something ?”

“You,” Jongin just answered with a simple. And the next second they already make out.

⚜⚜⚜

He woke up with throbbing pain in his head and when his gaze finally adjusted to the light, he sits up and see the surroundings. He is . Jongin aware of this, he turned his head to see a woman sleeping soundly beside him.

Jongin let out a frustrated sigh. He grabs his boxer and slipped it. His feet bring him to the kitchen. He takes a glass of water and aspirin. He gulped it down together. Jongin look at his surroundings, this is his penthouse. He bought it a few months ago. Sometimes he missed his old apartment. His memories goes to last night.

Jongin’s clenched his fists tightly until his knuckle turn to white. His feet takes him away to bathroom.

Sehun’s words from last night echoed in his head. Like a broken tape it keeps played and played. He shut his eyes and let the water drench his body and his mind. Denial ? Is that other people like his friends think about him ? He tried to contemplate everything during last three years. He, his family, and his in-laws, is that a denial ?

His memories goes to Haneul. How’s her reaction whenever Jongin abuse her, and hurt her. She cried. For god damn sake, his wife cried because him. Jongin can’t call himself a human. He is not. He is a monster. How he tried to hurt his wife and son.

Jongin’s mind stopped in the word of son. “Oh my god, what am I doing ?” he let out a shaky breath and the tears flowing out. “I’m not the best husband and father. I’m a monster,” Jongin sees his reflection on the mirror.

He hates hisself. He feels so disgusted.

“Aaarrrgh!!!!!” He screams on top of his lungs while swinging his fists to the mirror

.

⚜

Jongin find Kyungsoo standing in front of his door after taking bath for an hour. He looks how serious is Kyungsoo’s gaze. “What ?”

“You brought a stranger again ?” Kyungsoo asked.

Jongin doesn’t answer. He simply walked away from Kyungsoo and goes to the kitchen. He finds a note sticking in the counter.

‘ See you later. Here’s my phone XXXX-XXX. Contact me later – Yoorim ‘

He smirked in disgust. His hand crumpled the note and throw in to the bin harshly. Jongin aware of Kyungsoo dead glare. “What are you doing here, hyung ?”

“Jongin,” Kyungsoo firmly voice echoed in his penthouse.

But Jongin, just being the stubborn Jongin, he is standing still. “You need to stop this,”

“Hyu-“

“Don’t Hyung me. You and Sehun in fight right now. He already warned you and you just simply ignore it. He cares for you, Jong. Please stop all of this childish play. Face the reality !”

“Enough, Hyung!” Jongin shouted and gazed Kyungsoo with red eyes. “I’m tired ! I already face the reality. I ALWAYS FACE THEM!”

“You’re not!” Kyungsoo takes a deep breath. “Look, Jongin. I don’t want to add another fight with you after Sehun. I just come here to warn you, to advise you. All you had to do just listen and process all of this in your heart and mind,”

He looks at the man in front of him with pity. “Jongin, wake up. Please wake up. What if someday someone takes the person you love like Haneul and your son away from you. I know maybe now you’ll just say ‘I don’t even love those brats called son’ but I know in your deep heart, you care for your son. You love him. Open your eyes, Jongin. Open your heart! “

“I know you, sometimes walking around at art tools shop and I always know you always walking back and forth around Kid’s section. You want to buy some toys for your son, always want to buy some clothes with your son. I ever find a kid’s clothes in your desk. Do you want to evasive ?”

“I don’t love him!”

“Open your eyes!” Kyungsoo burst into anger. “Maybe he’s not like you want. But goddamn, Kim ing Jongin, God always created his creature with various reason. Maybe Cheonsa doesn’t have a normal leg. You hate that fact because you always dreaming to dance together with your kid. To teach them dance. But, ! Behind those his disability God created him with another talent ! A Briliant talent. So open your heart now, and now think about this. Behind something there’s always a reason. I’m leaving,”

⚜⚜⚜

This past few days have been a hard day for Jongin. He barely slept to think everything. It’s not hard to notice those ugly eyebag of him.

“Jongin,” Mrs Kim called him to gain his attention. “You look really horrible right now? Is there any problem with your work ?” During this dinner time, Jongin’s aura is really heavy.

Jongin just shook his head. Mr. Kim cleared his throat and tried to clear the heavy atmosphere. “Look, who’s this beautiful lady beside you ? Is she your new girlfriend ?” Mr. Kim joked but there’s a hint behind his words.

“Ah, I forgot to introduce my self. How rude I am. Hello, my name is Ho Mina. I’m Jo-“

“She’s my new secretary,” Jongin butted in with cold voice. “Just for temporary. After Taemin able to work again, I’ll fire her,”

Awkward comes to them. No one spoke for a moment because of shock. “Jongin,” Mrs. Kim spoke as the pioneer. “You should search a new girl. And then divorce Cha Haneul. Your temporary secretary is so beautiful,”

With a loud slam. Jongin glared to his parent. “I won’t divorce Haneul. Never! And remember this, Her name is Kim Haneul, not Cha Haneul! You’d better go before I destroy this dinner hell,” He is snapping his parent to go away.

“Fine, let’s go honey,” Mr. Kim dragged his wife away from the scene. He know his son best when he’s in his imbalance state. And right now the best way to avoid any scenes of Jongin is go away for a