Nicki pushed past Jackson and exited the room. She didn’t want to say anything stupid and make a scene – especially not in front of the boys – because god knows how upset she was feeling at that moment.

          “I’m kidding!”

          Jinyoung realized at once how wrong what he did was, the second that Nicki kept silent and just stared him dead in the eyes. He then, bolted out the door to follow her when she stormed out. In his way out, he ran into Mark who asked what happened and disappointedly frowned upon hearing the explanation.

          When Jinyoung finally caught up with Nicki, he held onto her wrist and carefully turned her around to make her face him. She was calmer now and so she initiated the conversation that had to occur between them. “It was not a good joke, oppa.”

         “I know, I know...just...” Jinyoung appeared awfully apologetic to Nicki, even if he allowed her only a quick glimpse in his eyes, because he lowered his head at once. “I’m sorry. I really am.”

         Nicki pressed her lips together before speaking again. “Was it Jackson oppa’s idea?” She said, wanting to rationalize Jinyoung’s prank in her mind. Why he did what he did.

         “No,” Jinyoung vehemently shook his head, “it was all mine.”

         Nicki contemplated on that answer appearing calm, but inside she was rather more confused. She couldn’t come up with an idea to explain his action. “What was that about? That was so unlike you.”

         “I don’t know.”

         “Oppa?” She pressed on when she sensed there was something he’s not telling.

         “Actually, I kind of wanted to see your reaction to that.”

         “To what?” Nicki frowned a little. “To what exactly?”

         “To the prospect of losing me as your boyfriend.” Jinyoung let this out just like how the senile would swallow a bitter pill. Extremely uncomfortable, but necessary.

         “Well, did you expect to see something different? Like, me, being happy about that for instance?” Nicki kept herself as calm as she could but Jinyoung’s answers were seriously provoking her. She wished he’d be more direct, at least.

         “No, but I really want to have a better reason to not do what I’m thinking about doing...”

         “What are you talking about?” Just as she was feeling that she was about to lose it with Jinyoung, an alarming idea came in mind. “Are you...breaking up with me right now?”

         She felt like crying when Jinyoung said nothing to assure her that she assumed wrongly and just stared at her with both hurt and very apologetic eyes. Jinyoung bit on his lower lip, and thought deeply. He decided to speak up. “Can I be really honest with you? And will you promise to listen to everything first before you think about anything?”

         “Okay.” Nicki willed herself to not cry. She unconsciously mirrored Jinyoung and also bit her lip to help fight back the tears that could fall at any second, as soon as she let her guard down. Though she usually is pretty child-like, especially when she’s with Jinyoung, she wanted to appear strong that moment. She still believed and felt that Jinyoung loves her, and so if he has some reason for hurting her that he has to let her know, she felt that she needed to endure and listen. “I-I’ll try my best...”

         “I’m...” Jinyoung inhaled deeply and exhaled heavily, then put both his hands on his hips. It was harder than he thought. “I think I’m starting to forget why we put up with this set-up in the first place.” The urge to just hug Nicki and end the hurtful moment was strong, seeing how hard she was trying to not to seem absolutely crushed at his statement. He looked away from her to fight the feeling. “I love you, Nicki. But...I don’t think I’m doing a good job of making you feel exactly that, given our circumstances. I can’t give you the proper relationship you deserve.”

         “So the first time you told me you love me, you only said it because you felt it that moment, and that if some things change, you can take it right back?” Her voice sounded like it was going to break; was already hurting so bad. “That...we're just some sort of a summer fling that you needed or wanted for the heck of it?”

          “You’re not hard to love, Nicki! And someone else could be treating you better than I am. Someone who can really be with you to prove it.”

          Nicki finally took out her frustration on Jinyoung physically by throwing her arms against his chest, pounding her fists on them, weakly, nonetheless. “I wasn’t asking you to prove anything to me! I’m not asking for any more than-”

         “Answer me honestly, then.” Jinyoung caught her blows with his own hands to stop her. He chastised her with a firm attempt to make her see his point. “Within such short time that we’ve been actually together – considering that we spent more time apart than the stage in which we’ve actually have come to like each other – how do you know that I am worth holding onto? I could’ve changed the last time you’ve been with me and through time and through the distance, we may soon realize that we’ve grown out of each other and we can never be the same two people as we are when we first said ‘I love you.’ How, then, are we supposed to know this relationship is worth it?”

         Jinyoung honestly didn’t even know anymore at that point why he was trying to fight her to lose her, because god knows how much he doesn’t want that to happen. However, he couldn’t help but think he's being selfish for holding onto her.

         And then, just as he was about to lose his mind, he heard her answer.

         “It’s because we want each other to be worth it! It's not about finding out how or why we're worth it – it's a matter of deciding that we are.” Nicki bit her lip as she looked into his eyes with one of the saddest looks he’s ever seen her with. “I really thought we were on the same page on that when we decided to start this relationship...”

         For a couple of seconds, they both decided to keep silent. The two contemplated on the words they said to each other, uneasiness would be a rather bland description of what they felt at the possibility of their relationship falling apart if they don’t do anything immediately to fix it.

         Momentarily, the tension, panic, and anxiety they had within themselves melted away as tiny droplets of ice melted on their skin. Before they knew it, it was snowing; it's as if the angels sent their tears to urge a truce between the two of them.

         Nicki looked up at the sky and her heart ached even more to see how beautiful the ice rain is. She couldn’t believe the falling snow was what ultimately made her cry.

         She officially finished their argument with her meek, but firm statement, “By all means, you can see this as something naive that can soon be a mistake. But to me, this is a choice that I want to stand by.”

         And that was how their first snow together was spent.

         Though Jinyoung ran after Nicki, draped his coat over her shoulder, though she let him walk with her back in the hospital, and even though Nicki made sure with the doctor and with their manager that Jinyoung is perfectly fine, it didn’t mean that she and him were instantly back to normal talking terms like nothing had happened. Jinyoung knew it too and so he left her alone the next day. Nicki, however, knew that he would go see her sooner or later. Well, at least she hoped that he would.

          “Noona!” Yugyeom cheerfully greeted, his head poking from behind the door for a moment before he completely showed himself. Mark and Youngjae followed behind the maknae.

          “Aigoo, look at her, being disappointed again because it’s only us who came to see her...” Youngjae joked to lighten up Nicki’s mood. Mark didn’t say a word but just smiled and waved at her.

          “Oppa, don’t you have anything to say?” Nicki jokingly raised an accusing eyebrow at the eldest. “Aren’t you going to tease me, too?”

          “I got food.” Mark simply said, ruffling her hair and setting the takeout bag on the table.

          Nicki gasped dramatically, her playful and bright side showing, evidence that she’s back to normal bubbly self. “Mark Tuan, you just know me so well – we should get married!”

          “And get Jinyoung as the best man?” Mark jokingly suggested, grinning. He set his phone on the table, caught Nicki’s attention and signalled her to quietly look at it. When she saw the currently lingering call on Mark’s phone, she held back a giggle and went with what was happening.

          “I can’t believe you two are kidding and flirting around when Jinyoung hyung couldn’t even eat properly. He was so out of it, he used wasabi as toothpaste.” Nicki’s eyes widened for a second, but opted to keep quiet, torn between feeling for Jinyoung and laughing at him.

          “Noona, did you know how hard Jinyoung hyung practiced for the song he played for you last time?” Yugyeom pressed further, pouting.

          “Why would he even practice so much when he’s practically singing all the time?” Nicki casually asked, inspecting the food the boys brought. She appeared more interested in it than her boyfriend’s misery, the moment she found out it was pasta. It’s appealingly aromatic and freshly-cooked, her nose could practically drink in the savory taste of the sauce.

          “I think it’s because he felt guilty of having such high dreams for Got7, when he can’t put the same effort and time for you, whom he also loves so much.” Youngjae added, not even realizing how cheesy he put it. Mark grinned secretly at the side.

          “But, seriously noona,” Yugyeom spoke, as he began to eat his share of food that they themselves brought. “I don’t think hyung slept a wink last night, too. I hope you forgive him. He really wants to make up with you already...”

          Nicki fell silent for a while to gather her thoughts. She sighed and decided that she should see him and talk to him already. Later, Mr. lasagna...

          “So tell me, is he hiding somewhere again?” Nicki leaned in and spoke directly above Mark’s phone.

          In a few seconds, they heard a sign of someone entering the house. They saw Jinyoung closing the door behind him and pressing a button on his phone. Mark peered at his own phone and confirmed that Jinyoung indeed ended the call.

          “Ok, it’s our signal to leave, then?” Youngjae announced and got up from his seat, slightly dragging Yugyeom by the shirt who protested, pleading to at least let him bring his plate of unfinished meal. Mark gave Nicki a tap on the shoulder, and Jinyoung too, when he passed him by the door.

          Jinyoung walked towards her, pouting. She chuckled with sheer mirth and opened her arms wide for him. They hugged and swayed each other’s torsos side to side for a few seconds.

          But when they finally let go, Jinyoung at once complained, “What did you say to Mark-hyung? ‘Let’s get married’?”

          Nicki crossed her arms over her chest. “I thought you’re here for an apology?”

          Jinyoung cleared his throat, looked away and rubbed his nape. “I’m...I’m sor-”

          “Hey, I’m kidding! You don’t have to apologize anymore. You’re forgiven.” Jinyoung looked up at her with the cutest unbelieving expression. He kinda looked like a pageant girl who’s just been crowned Miss Universe. Nicki then chuckled and informed him of her simple explanation, “I know that you’ve come to your senses.”

          “H-how...?”

          “I just do.” She touched his face and kissed him on the cheek.

          Jinyoung rested his head on Nicki’s lap as she sat on her bed, toying with his hair. Somehow, he still was still worried about things in the future. “What if I’m not everything you think I am? What if I become the type of guy you hate once in a while? Do you think you're gonna be ok with that?”

          “I could hate some of the things you do but I don’t think I could ever hate you.” She started playfully like the child that she was, poking his cheek with her index finger. “You don’t have to carry all the burden, you know? I'm sorry if ever I gave you a reason to feel pressured, but really, you don’t have to be.” She hummed as she thought of what to say next before continuing. “Just cause I started out as your fan, doesn’t mean you have to keep up your image. This is why I'm your girlfriend now. A girl who can love you and be your friend at the same time; so, you only have to be yourself with me and not worry about anything else, okay?”

           She gently some strands of his hair away from his eyes, as she continued to speak. “Also, as long as I know you love me, I think I can quickly get over being hurt and lonely when those feelings come once in a while.” She playfully straightened up, pat the left part of her chest with her right hand. “Don’t worry too much about me. I’m a big girl!”

           “O-okay...” Jinyoung agreed to finally dismiss the topic, as he felt that his voice was going to falter if he spoke any further. To think that he almost broke up with this girl. He felt a weird combination of fear and relief that moment. It was like falling from a cliff, quite sure that he’s going to die, only to wake up and find out it was all a bad dream.

           “Wait, are you-” Nicki brought her face down and close to Jinyoung’s to check if she’s seeing correctly. Out of slight embarrassment of showing his weak side, he turned to his side, buried his face on the first pillow he could grab and became a blushing mess on her lap. “Oh my gosh, oppa, don’t cry!” Nicki soothed his back, chuckling, but a little tear-eyed, herself.

          “I want you to listen to this song.” Jinyoung got up and sat on the space beside Nicki, holding his phone. “I found it last night. I think you’re gonna like it.”

          She smiled as she wore one earbud and put the other one in his. “Ok, let’s listen to it together.”

          Maybe Jinyoung really didn’t get a decent sleep last night. He kept silent and just leaned on Nicki’s shoulder when the song began and fell asleep at once. She let him.

          He was right, though; Nicki liked the song. The night before, she DM-ed a link to him. It was a song that conveyed her feelings about their situation. She figured, this was Jinyoung’s way of replying to that. And then, she checked who the artist was because the voice sounded familiar, she smiled when found out that it was the same singer of the song she sent. She put the song on repeat until she, too, fell asleep hearing its last lines.

There’s no way I could let you go
And if we don’t try we’ll never know