It was about half an hour ago when the seven of them got home from the last activity on that day’s schedule. The said stage concluded their pretty exhausting week, and thankfully, their schedule is bound to be a little bit less-packed in the next. Despite the fact that everyone in the group felt like hitting the sack straightaway, not really caring for nighttime rituals anymore, Jinyoung didn’t really want to sleep yet and so like the eldest, he decided to take a shower first. The two exchanged tired ‘good nights’ before one went into the shower and the other, with his eyes half-closed trudged towards his shared room with the already snoring ‘wild and y’ member.

          While in the shower, Jinyoung was slow in movement, dazed and all. He honestly has not been in the most perfect condition in the past few days, but he doesn’t really want to let anyone know. He doesn’t want to cause any unnecessary fuss within the group, alarm his family and friends, and most of all, make Nicki – his girlfriend who lives on the other side of the globe and has studies she must focus on at the moment – worry. Anyway, Jinyoung thinks that it’s mostly just his tired body talking; it’s not that big of a deal because some rest would likely suffice. He keeps in mind that all their hard work are being paid off, evident in the warm support and love from their precious fans. He is living the dream that he shares with his beloved team and there is no way that he’s going to let a vague feeling of anxiety bring him down when he knows he has everybody he loves supporting him. Jinyoung still has a lot to show and prove with his teammates, and he wants to make sure they check off every item on the list as a way of thanking those who stay with them as they're fulfilling their dreams.

          This is simply a phase that I’m going to get over with in a matter of time. This is not that big of a deal, he told himself this and a certain smiling face appeared in his sphere of thought, which naturally generated a smile on his face, too.

          Some minutes after, Jinyoung entered his room, and dazedly dried his hair with a towel while he thought of something to do to deal with the unsettling empty feeling. He wasn’t usually like this. He thought that he got over the anxiety of coming down from the concert high after nearly finishing their set of stages in Japan, but his mood tonight proved that it was not the case.

          He remembered Nicki saying it was bad for the health to sleep in a bad mood or in a negative disposition. That watching dramas before sleeping is bad for the heart and that he should opt for light-hearted stuff that could help for a good night’s sleep. Though she can be pretty playful and child-like, she still surprises him with some useful health trivia once in a while. Her charms and contagious bright personality makes him crave for her company every single day.

          With his girlfriend’s advise in mind, Jinyoung sat on his bed and let a few funny and cute clips on Youtube load. Since he’s at it and since the others were already asleep, he took the initiative of monitoring the fans’ comments on their current cycle of promotions. He was most mindful of both the appreciative remarks and constructive criticisms he came across with, which he intended to share with his teammates the next day. ‘JB is handling his temper better’, ‘Jackson is becoming a more prominent gem of variety shows’, ‘Bambam is growing more handsome and showing more manly charms’, are some of the nice things he came across with a lot about the members. As for himself, it was rather nice to still see those praises for his airport fashion and the note of his amiable, gentle, and caring personality. He felt especially happy for the acceptance and respect of several people towards his relationship (though currently unconfirmed publicly) with Nicki. Of course, not everyone is pleased with this fact; Got7 is such a young group, expected to give their 100% attention to proving themselves and building a good career for the years ahead. But nonetheless, the level of understanding given by lots of their fans is strengthening his will to finally make their relationship in the awareness of the public.

          Jinyoung did a little throwback in his head. He recalled how they met through Mark who happened to know a bunch of Taiwanese-Americans staying in Korea like himself. How happy he was when he found out she was a big fan, but at the same time worried if she can like him back in a more-than-friends or more-than-a-celebrity kind of way. When Jinyoung fell in love and was lucky enough to earn the affection back, he hoped it was not a selfish decision to chase his dreams while choosing to keep someone as precious as Nicki in his life. He smiled at the memory of him trying to make her jealous, of the times she dropped by during a few photoshoots to cheer them on and also bring them some food, which at times she personally made, their exchanges of care packages, the way she smiles like her face will break when she eats green tea flavoured snacks that he discovered.

          The thought of their precious times together consequently made Jinyoung miss her even more. This got him engrossed with prying on the positive comments of the accepting fans on the prospect of him being in a relationship. He felt butterflies when he checked out a few fanfiction about him and Nicki (some of them, he even DM-ed to her on Twitter). He smiled upon how the fans pictured him being the sweet and caring boyfriend and how lucky his girl must be to have him. It was also cute and heart-warming to see the fans actually worrying about him and his girlfriend of how they’re currently maintaining the relationship despite the distance and busy schedules.

          But eventually, these triggered some worry points.

          When Jinyoung thought of it, it somewhat saddened him that things were better in fiction. That he can’t actualize the princess treatment that she deserves, like their fans described. It bothered him that it might be true, how burdensome and unfair the relationship is being on Nicki’s part.

          Yes, he knows he’s not a bad boyfriend because he communicates with her to express his care and love as often as he can. However, in the end, it still might be a question of adequacy in his case.

          You gotta stop with these negative thoughts. Get a grip, Jinyoung-ah. And shake his head, he did, so as to do away with the unwanted ideas. Not good for your heart.

          He was suddenly smiling again to see that she had replied to his direct messages on Twitter.

Nicki_Kay17: Hahaha Park Jinyoung, how did you find these stories? :))

          He felt himself flush a little bit when he read her reply. Was that not cool? Was it way too cheesy or vain, reading fanfiction? In the midst of being flustered, he suddenly remembered what time it must be over there in America that moment. Jinyoung worried that she was not being careful and might be caught by the teacher which already happened twice in the past.

jrjyp: Ya, aren’t you in school right now?
Nicki_Kay17: Haha, yeah I am. But don’t worry! We’re on a break.
jrjyp: Are you eating well?
Nicki: Of course! Aye, you act like you don't know how much I can eat...
jrjyp: Promise? You’re not starving yourself or anything?
Nicki: I’m perfectly well, oppa. I actually should be asking you. You’re the really busy one and you probably have lesser time to take proper care of yourself...
jrjyp: I’m fine, I’m fine. Don’t worry about me, jagi :)
Nicki: Good to know!
jrjyp: Hey
Nicki_Kay17: What? :)
jrjyp: I miss you
Nicki_Kay17: Aw, miss you too! But hey, we don’t have to wait that long ;) The holidays are coming :3
jrjyp: Still... /pout
Nicki_Kay17: Oh, spare me from your aegyo, I got no time to melt, I gotta study, you know? :p
jrjyp: Oh yeah! I’ve been meaning to ask you that. How is hell week so far? Are you surviving the finals? Your tweets worry me...
Nicki_Kay17: It’s a struggle TT.TT But yeah, I am. Don’t worry. Just that, you guys are kind of a distraction sometimes :P
jrjyp: Babo. What did I tell you? You should keep away from the merch and from your iPod, or else you’ll be tempted to fangirl all afternoon and you’ll eventually forget to study. Aish.
Nicki_Kay17: You’re asking me to stay away? Well, that’s kinda hard...
jrjyp: Jagi, I’m serious.
Nicki_Kay17: ...and flattered. Admit it! :P
jrjyp: Fine. Maybe a lil bit ><
Nicki_Kay17: But wait, what time is it over there? Shouldn’t you be getting some sleep?
jrjyp: Yeah, I’m about to, anyway...
Nicki_Kay17: Then go, oppa. I kinda have to pay attention to class again anyway...
jrjyp: Good morning and I love you. See you soon! :* 
Nicki_Kay17: Okay~ Good night, oppa! Love you too! See you soon! <3 

          A little while later, Jinyoung was tucked in his bed, as he temporarily rid of all the worries and all the negatives. Nicki is landing in a few days for Christmas break. This thought was enough to earn him a good night’s sleep.

          Jinyoung’s girlfriend was in the middle of wrapping her gift cookies when the guys went to visit her for the first time after she arrived at her relative’s vacation house in Seoul. Nicki was quite happy to see her old friend, Mark along with their dongsaengs Youngjae, Bambam, and Yugyeom. However, she was rather dissatisfied with the fact that the face that she has been missing the most did not show up.

          “Hahaha...” Mark teasingly pointed at Nicki’s face. “Look at her not trying to hide her disappointment that Jinyoung is not with us.”

          “Oppa, it’s not like that! I’m happy to see you all, too!” Nicki snapped out of her thoughts, crossed her arms over her chest and pouted.

          “Noona! We’re the ones who came for you, aren’t we? Why are you looking for those who did not?!” whined Bambam, which was only an aegyo trap before asking, “Can we have our cookies now?”

          “Hey, if Jinyoung hyung were here you would’ve been scolded so much!” Yugyeom chastised the Thai boy.

          “Can we have our cookies, Nicki?” pouted the eldest, ignoring the youngest and joining the aegyo fest.

          “Alright, alright. I’m done making them anyway.” Nicki pointed at the cabinet at her left. “You can get yours over there, I still have to finish packing the others.”

          “Yey!” Bambam cheered and chuckled before he ran towards the homemade treats. “We’ll help you later, don’t worry!”

          “Liar!” Yugyeom teased the shorter boy, following him, anyway, excited for the cookies, himself. Mark followed calmly and quietly, but was smiling from cheek to cheek.

          “Oh, noona, you still have the piano there?” Youngjae suddenly asked, eying the instrument in the living room. “Can I check it out?”

          “Sure!” Nicki nodded, very willing. “It’ll be nice to hear you play; I don’t think I have heard you before.”

          “Haha! Don’t expect much, I’m still learning...”

          As the vocalist exited the kitchen area, the maknaes (plus the pseudo-maknae) were still fussing about the treats.

          “Nicki, looks like you’ve got new recipes.” Mark noted, seeing the red velvet with Milky Way chocolate cookies and the candy cane cookies.

          “They look too pretty to eat, though...” Yugyeom grabbed one from his cookie pack and admiringly stared at it.

          Nicki smiled. “Of course. Christmas is ultra-special.”

          “I’m taking a picture of it first.” Yugyeom brought out his phone from his pocket.

          “Well, I’m digging in!” Bambam bit the cookie Yugyeom was holding, and thus, the war began. Mark ate his own cookies quietly, eyeing the two younger boys, like a baby watching his two playmates fighting over a toy but doesn’t really care because he’s got his candy and is currently in lost his own world.

          “So, uh...” Nicki cleared and turned to Mark. “Where is everybody else?”

          Mark smiled knowingly. “Jinyoung woke up late. He’s still at the dorm with Jaebum. Jackson’s out filming. Don’t worry, they’ll drop by soon...” he patted her head.

          “Anyway, noona, you’re alone?” Youngjae asked, as he came back from the living room.

          “Yeah, well, mom and dad wanted to go sight-seeing, so I let them have their date.”

          “So you can have one of your own here with hyung?” Bambam teased and Yugyeom joined his spazzing. Nicki blushed, even though she didn’t exactly have that in mind.

          “Go get your cookies, Youngjae.” She sneakily dismissed the topic, which made the ‘children’ more.

          The boys did not stay for long and went off to do some morning training, carrying the cookies that Nicki requested they send to some of their labelmates, bosses, and staff. The boys bid her goodbye, requested for more cookies and told her Jinyoung and the others would go see her soon.

          It was quiet once again.

          Nicki has a bit of a cold that she guessed she got from the long and tiring travel. She was too excited to bake for everyone that she didn’t take much notice of its early symptoms. After she’s done with the gift cookies, it took toll on her. And after she drank some medicine, she felt a little sad that she couldn’t enjoy the Italian food that she and her parents bought at Itaewon, because her palette became stale. Too sleepy to do anything else, she decided to take a short nap. She left the remaining clutter in the kitchen and thought she’d just clean up the rest when she wakes up.

          About five minutes later, her phone alerted her that she got a message. It was Jinyoung, asking how she was.

Nicki: I’m just in bed right now. I’m resting for a bit :)
Jinyoung: Oh, sorry to disturb you. Stay where you are, then.

          She was about to reply when she suddenly heard the sound of a piano playing. To be more precise, the sound seemed to be coming from the living room. She recognized the song being played and she automatically smiled, appreciating the song choice. It was also her first time hearing it being played on the piano.

Tap on the window, knock on the door
I wanna make you feel beautiful

          Something stirred inside of her, and she didn’t know whether to melt or cry, knowing that Jinyoung, her boyfriend whom she hasn’t seen in months, was only a couple of steps away from her. She was ecstatic, to say the least. And it certainly  didn’t help that Jinyoung made an effort to sing an English song with his cute Korean accent.

I don’t mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the brightest smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile

          She smiled when she noticed that he altered the lyrics a little. She liked it because it reminded her about what kind of girl she is in his eyes. And damn, could the boy sing and melt bones. It’s alarming, because he makes his victims want it.

And she will be loved
She will be loved

          On the other hand, Jinyoung chose this song, because as the lyrics went, he wanted to make her feel beautiful. The night that he was feeling down and resorted to surfing the net, he remembered seeing mild hate tweets to Nicki. The netizen compared her to Suzy and basically said that Nicki is not at all par to his labelmate, so she doesn’t deserve Jinyoung and it doesn’t make sense that she’s dating him. Nicki seemed to have ignored the tweet, and Jinyoung imagined that if he directly saw her reaction to it, she might have even fangirl-ed over Suzy and her latest look, but deep inside, he thought it was impossible for her not to feel upset at all about such comment. In whatever way, he doesn’t want to make Nicki feel inferior to any other girl that he doesn’t care for and love as much as Nicki herself.

She will be loved
She will be loved

          Jinyoung finished his short rendition of the song and suddenly felt all tense again. Months of not seeing her, holding her close, and suddenly, he has this chance again. He knew that at the moment he sees her, the hourglass will be turned upside down; their seconds will be counted from then on and so, he doesn’t want to ruin anything from the beginning.

          “Hi.” He greeted as he stood outside her bedroom door. Oh god, why does this feel kind of awkward? Jinyoung, the social butterfly wondered to himself, a little panicky. He stood just a step into his girlfriend’s bedroom, to take a good look at her. When he did, the only thing that his mind could process at that moment was that she got prettier. Though he could see that Nicki looked pretty simple: she had no make-up on, she had a slightly wavy bed hair, she wore a plain pastel-colored v-neck sweater and a comfortable pair of shorts – heck, she even has a bit of a runny nose. But somehow, in his eyes, she still radiated and almost literally lightened up the room. Jinyoung’s brain could not even figure out how to make sense of the information his sense of sight sent, but he at least has his heart racing like michyeo to prove the impact of her presence on him.

           For a second, he wondered whether she would believe it, if he said that out loud. The next, he just wished his message was delivered well through the song.

          “Well?” Nicki perked up her eyebrows, pressed her lips into a thin line, increasingly becoming self-conscious by the second, because Jinyoung was oddly quiet, seemingly dazed, and was just staring at her. It was such an anti-climactic reaction coming from him and she felt nervous suddenly when she remembered that she looks like a mess at that moment because of her cold.

            Jinyoung unconsciously bit his lower lip in slight nervousness and picked up the courage to finally go near her. When he was, his arms naturally reached for her to enclose her in a warm hug.

           “I missed you.” Nicki said, as she affectionately leaned her right cheek on the side of his face and smiled from ear to ear. She found comfort in his arms and she welcomed his warmth as they magically melted away the insecurities that she had a few moments ago.

           “You’re really here...” Jinyoung smiled dumbly, as reality finally started to sink in.

           They did not know where to start keeping up with each other, with the countless stories they wanted to tell. Nonetheless, they didn’t feel much pressure and decided to just lie down on the bed and talk comfortably, Jinyoung being considerate of Nicki’s current condition, although, granted that he was a bit sleepy, himself. It was actually a lie that Jinyoung was still at the dorm and that he woke up late like Mark said, because Jinyoung could not sleep at all the night before. He actually went with the members who visited earlier, but chose to hide in their van for a while to make sure he can execute properly the simple surprise. As what happened earlier, Youngjae checked the piano for him and confirmed whether she was alone in the vacation house.

          Jinyoung was startled to have Nicki suddenly, clinging to his body like he’s a freaking tree and she’s a sleepy Koala – arms and legs wrapped around his lower extremities, and all. When he asked her what’s up, she just giggled and said she was trying to imitate Bambam’s habit. Jinyoung by furthering his shocked demeanor, saying he didn’t know Nicki had it in her to act like that. She blushed at that and Jinyoung chuckled, finding the sight adorable. He took back his teasing and hugged her impossibly closer. Nicki appreciated the comfort and security. Anyway, the fluffy moment lead to a silly pillow fight when Jinyoung made a comment on how squishy she was, and Nicki took jokingly took it as an insult to her curvy and chubby physique.

          Later, Nicki remembered that the boys left early because they have training, “Oppa, shouldn’t you be at the company?”

         “Yeah, but I couldn’t just leave you. I’ll at least wait for you to fall asleep.” 

         “Are you sure?” Nicki asked, intending to be concerned, but showing a contradictory happiness in her tone and expression. Jinyoung laughed, ruffled her hair and told her to just lie down so she could fall asleep. Nicki suggested they watch TV to speed up the process. And it did.

         When Nicki fell asleep, the unpleasant feeling crept up on Jinyoung again. Truth be told, he was still feeling down like the other night. It stayed that way from then on until that current moment. Jinyoung has been suppressing it during the days in between, but he realized that his anxiety was only growing worse. All the more, now that Nicki was here, he’s afraid.

         After she leaves again, what would I feel? I’ll be back to square one, missing her. And she would be back to her life far from me, worrying about me every single day. Jinyoung thought, as he contemplated on the difficulty of their situation.

        The TV was not helping, talking about how long distances relationship never work. It reminded him of his few older acquaintances who told him the same thing. How do you exactly maintain a relationship if you’re living apart from each other?

        For instance, there were so many great places and memories he made in the past few months and he sincerely wished that she could be part of them, but she couldn’t. If they experience life-changing events wouldn’t it be difficult to describe such phenomenon over the phone? If one could not harbour enough understanding of why the other would change in any way, how will they successfully maintain their relationship? If one is upset about something, or worse, if they argue, how can they give each other hugs and kisses that would enable them to feel in every sense that they are present in each other’s lives?

         Jinyoung knew they were serious about each other, in fact so serious that they might just have completely disregarded the repercussions of their chosen status and situation. Aren’t they being too risky, now that they’re seriously involved and emotionally invested? Chances of them ending badly was not very thin and Jinyoung doesn’t even want to imagine that.

          Nicki woke up and found the kitchen already clean. A note from Jinyoung was stuck to the pitcher of lemon juice on the countertop:

          I know it’s sour, but you need Vitamin C. Feel better, ok? We’ll go see you again after we’re through with today’s schedule at four :)

-J

          She did as she was told, feeling sufficiently touched; oblivious to the fact that Jinyoung wrote it, feeling bad that she has to wake up finding herself alone. Nicki felt happy, though. He didn’t realize that to her, he left an evidence that the moment they shared earlier was not another dream. They really are going to spend the few weeks ahead together.

          And then, about five minutes later, Nicki discovered she has three missed calls and five messages, all asking her to come to a certain hospital in which Jinyoung currently was staying. He was involved in a car accident.

          “Jinyoungie...he’s...” Jackson expressed utter worry and at the same time hesitance to say what’s on his mind. “He just has a few scratches, but I don’t think you should go see him right now-”

          “Oppa!” Nicki went in anyway, and inched towards her boyfriend after quickly greeting Jaebum and Yugyeom with her eyes. Jinyoung seemed to only have a minor head injury, because there was a small gauze on the left side of his forehead. She already asked the nurses about his condition and she was relieved the injuries were less than she expected. “Are you...are you okay?”

          “Um, yes...” Jinyoung smiled flawlessly and said nothing else. Strangely, he turned to JB like he was awaiting an explanation, blinking cluelessly.

          Jaebum sighed as he maintained an incomprehensible expression and said, “That’s Nicki, Jinyoung...”

          “Ah,” Jinyoung kept his mouth hanging slightly open as he trailed off and nodded, “are you a trainee hoobae at the company? Thanks for dropping by to visit.” Despite the appearance of the signature sincere and warm smile that is very familiar to one that knows Jinyoung for his personality, she felt astoundingly foreign at the audience of this Jinyoung. 

Copyright © 2014 by amusingmurdermachine