~| You and Me |~

 

Well, although Junhyung had encouraged me, I still couldn’t bring myself to see Seoyul. I was afraid that I could lose myself when I saw her. So I wanted to compose myself before I could face her. That was why I tried to avoid her. I was lucky that we were attending different departments. It helped me to minimize my encounter with her.

 

But I knew that I couldn’t avoid her forever.

 

Around three days after, I saw her standing on the hallway outside my class. She was leaning on the wall and seemed to wait for someone. I originally thought that she was waiting for Junhyung there because he was in the same class with me. But when her expression became brighter as she saw me then approached me, I knew that she was waiting for me.

 

“Hello,” she greeted as she waved.

 

Seriously, I wanted to treat her coldly and to keep my distance. But I didn’t know why I melted to see her innocent smile. “Hy.”

 

She squinted her eyes. “You don’t have class after this, do you?”

 

“The professor changed the next class to another day.”

 

She looked relief. “Then can you accompany me somewhere?” She then clasped her hands together like praying. “Please.” She begged.

 

And again, I couldn’t say no to her. “Okay.”

 

So I drove her.

 

After driving a while with her giving me directions, she told me to stop in front of a gate of a house. I pulled off my car and saw the house for a while. The house looked nice. It wasn’t too big or too small. But I noticed a small house beside the main house. It seemed like it was a storage house; I couldn’t take a wild guess.

 

“Whose house is it?” I asked her.

 

“Johnny’s.”

 

I turned my gaze to her as I heard the name. Seriously, I thought Seoyul wouldn’t dare to meet Johnny’s parents or to set a foot into Johnny’s house. “I thought you’re reluctant to come to his house.”

 

“I am.” She dropped her gaze, avoiding mine. “But yesterday, Mrs. Cho texted me and told me to come because she wants to give me something important. She also told me that she’ll wait. So I couldn’t refuse and agree to meet her today.”

 

I noticed that she looked reluctant and uncomfortable with the fact that she would need to meet the mother of her late first love. But then, she looked up to me with a pleading look. “Please come with me.”

 

I only heaved. “Are you sure that you want to do this?”

 

She looked hesitate but she nodded.

 

Dear Lord, have a mercy on me. Seriously, I really didn’t know why I couldn’t resist her. “Okay,” I sighed then turned off the car and came out along with her.

 

In front of the door, Seoyul look reluctant to ring the bell. Don’t get me wrong. I didn’t really want to do this but she really needed a push. So I took the initiative instead of her. And just as I had expected, she glared at me; half-protesting, half-relieved. I chose to ignore her.

 

In a short while, the door opened and Mrs. Cho showed up. She smiled happily and looked relief to see Seoyul. “Hi,” she greeted kindly then gave Seoyul a warm hug. She then smiled at me. “Hi again, Mr. Jang. Come in.” She welcomed us into her house.

 

“I’m glad that you’ve agreed to come. It’s been a while,” Mrs. Cho said as she leaded us into the living room.

 

“Yes, it has been a while.” Seoyul replied her.

 

Mrs. Cho smiled warmly. “I remember that you used to come with Junhyung and worked in Johnny’s room.” She stopped by the sofa and turned to us. “I actually love to hear you singing from his room. And I’m kinda missing it now.”

 

She then told us to sit. But Seoyul seemed reluctant and she grinned apologetically. “I’m sorry. But I have a class this afternoon. So I’m afraid that I can’t stay long here.”

 

I knew that Seoyul was lying about her afternoon class. But I couldn’t help to feel pity at Mrs. Cho. I wanted to scold Seoyul for treating her coldly. But then again, what was my right to do that?

 

Mrs. Cho seemed to understand despite of her disappointment. She smiled. “So I don’t think I should keep you here longer,” she said then looked around as she hummed. “Wait.” She looked for something but then she seemed to find it as her face became brighter. “Ah, there it is.” She took a key from the top of the fireplace. “Come with me.”

 

So we followed her outside, toward the small house. “I was cleaning up Johnny’s studio last week and I found something that I’m sure Johnny wanted you to have,” she said as she leaded our way. She stopped on the small house’s door and unlocked the door.

 

When she opened the door, I found that the small house was actually a music studio. I saw keyboards, guitars, violin, microphone standings, music instruments, and recording instruments there, along with chairs, sofa, coffee table, computer, cupboards, white-board, and shelves filled with music books or CDs. The walls were also sound-proofed walls. It amazed me to know that Johnny had his own studio. And somehow, I could imagine the younger selves of Seoyul and Junhyung singing along with Johnny there. So this place is Crescendo House’s Original Base; that was my thought. But I was amazed that everything seemed to be intact and neat. It seemed that Mrs. Cho kept everything clean around the place.

 

Mrs. Cho came to the shelf and took out a box before coming back to us. “These are the copies of Johnny’s recording,” she said as she opened the box. The box itself was filled with self-recorded CDs with labels and USB flash-discs. “You know that he liked to compose songs, right?”

 

Seoyul only nodded.

 

“And it turned out that he had composed these much.” Mrs. Cho dropped her gaze to the box and went silent for a while. Her gaze was filled with reminisces and longings. Surely, she missed her son. She then heaved. “And I guess these won’t be useful for me.” And she lifted her gaze. “So I want Crescendo House to have these,” she said then handed the box to me.

 

“Are you sure?” I asked.

 

Mrs. Cho nodded. “Johnny was a part of Crescendo House and I know that he loved the group more than anything. I’m sure he doesn’t mind if you have them.”

 

“And…” Mrs. Cho pocketed her hand and took out another USB flash-disc. “This one.” She handed it to Seoyul. “I believe that you need to see this.” Perhaps, because Mrs. Cho saw Seoyul’s curious expression when she accepted the USB flash-disc, she smiled and added, “You’ll understand once you have seen it.”

 

“Okay…”

 

Mrs. Cho smiled. “Feel free to look around and use the computer.” She then put the key on the table. “I leave the key here. And I’ll be on the house if you need me.” She excused herself then left.

 

I turned back at Seoyul when I heard her clapping her hand. She looked at me and gave me her regular bright smile. “Well, welcome to Crescendo House original base. This is where the Crescendo House was born.”

 

She then looked around with reminisce gaze and her gaze fell to the white board. She approached it and stood there for a while, gazing at the handwriting on it. “These are Johnny’s handwriting.” She tilted her head. “I thought Mr. or Mrs. Cho had erased them.” She sounded like wanting to cry and it really broke my heart to hear it.

 

She turned to me and showed the USB flash-disc with her smiling face. “I think we should see what’s in it.” She approached the computer.

 

Seeing her acting cheerfully, I couldn’t say anything somehow. I just followed her along, dragging the chair to front of the computer. Seoyul had turned it on and plugged the flash-disc. A new window opened, showing the content of the disc. There was only a single file there, a video file that dated back to six years ago. Seoyul dragged the mouse to open the file and a new window opened, playing the video.

 

The screen went on with a very blur picture from an up-close look of a guy’s face. He was so near; perhaps he was tried to set up the camera when he the camera. He moved a little bit away from the camera as his face became clearer. He smiled in satisfaction before walking further backward, revealing the digital piano behind him. I recognized the place as the studio where I was at right now. The guy then sat on the chair. I recognized him as Johnny; Crescendo House’s leader who had died from an acute leukemia and also Seoyul’s first love.

 

Johnny smiled brightly to the camera and waved. “Hello,” he said with cheerful tone. Seriously, I didn’t think that he was actually dying. “It’s Johnny again. And I’m actually alone in The Base.” He chuckled for a while then his chuckles went down. “Perhaps, you wonder why I recorded this, right?”

 

He dropped his gaze before saying, “Because this can be my last.” I could see him smiling bitterly.

 

“Urhm… as you see, I’m not feeling very well lately. And honestly, it’s because my old illness relapses again. I just found out about it last month when I went for my regular check-up. And I think that my body has reached its limit.” He heaved. “Actually, the doctor has warned me that I will not live longer if my illness relapse and this may be my last time. So I’m actually blessed to be able to live so far.”

 

He glanced back to the camera before dropping his gaze quickly and nodding. He heaved again. “And why I recorded this…” He raised his gaze somewhere else, as if he was gazing off.

 

Then, there was a soft and gentle smile blooming on his face. “There is a girl… A bright girl with amazing voice that I have ever heard. Every time I hear her singing, I always feel warm and live. Perhaps, I can live so far because she always gives me strength.”

 

Somehow I knew who the girl was and what he meant with the speech. It made my heart racing in fear. But I noticed a glimpse of regret coming to his eyes and he dropped his gaze to the instrument in front of him.

 

“But now, I really don’t know how to tell her about everything.”

 

On that moment, I understood that perhaps he felt regret that he would leave her so soon. I could feel his reluctance to leave her. But then, I saw him heaving and he lifted his gaze back to the camera.

 

“So back to the business… this can be my last cover,” he said then lifted his hands and placed them on the piano. Then, he started to play.

 

When I heard about Johnny Cho for the first time, I always thought of him as a better musician because Sayaka seemed to praise him. And when I saw him in the videos that Junhyung showed me, I knew that I was right. Although Junhyung had told me not to compare myself with Johnny, but when I heard him singing the song, I knew that I would never defeat this guy…

 

Out of the blue, you asked me how I really felt
On that familiar road home
But I was so awkward
I couldn't think of a single thing to say

My heart wavered, but I didn't realize
The reason for our misunderstanding

I'm sure you were too kind
The tears you hid from me
Oh you and me
But from now on I'll pray, alone
For your new happiness
 

Gosh, that guy really sang from his heart. If he was the one who taught Seoyul about music, I didn’t wonder why she could be this great. I could really feel his sadness, his desire to never let go his unfulfilled dream, his desperation through the song. But with this song, I also noticed something else. And somewhere along this song, I felt a stinging pain in my heart.

On reckless days and nights when I collapse
Into my cold bed, I wonder
Where you are now and whom
Are you dreaming so lovingly of

Your earnest heart
Has surely forgotten me

I'm sure I was too weak
I didn't have the self-confidence to protect you
Oh you and me
But now I'm still
Looking at that faint light
 

I took a glance to Seoyul and I froze as I noticed tears rolling from her eyes. From the trace of tears on her cheeks, I was sure that she had been crying for a while, silently. Honestly, it was my first time to see her crying. But I felt that my heart was crying along with her.

Confused
The unrelinquished dreams and your eyes
Question me
What do I want to do?
What do I really want to do?
I still don't know, you know?
 

I dropped my gaze. I couldn’t stand to see Seoyul crying yet I couldn’t do anything for her. It was Johnny whom she met first. It was Johnny that taught her the fun of music. And it was also Johnny who had given her the painful first love.

 

As someone who was raised in a religious family, I was taught that I wasn’t supposed to be angry at someone who had passed away; it felt so improper. But now, I was very angry at Johnny Cho. If he was here in front of me, I was sure that I would throw a punch at him immediately. How could he be so cruel?

 

After everything that he had put Seoyul into, why did he have to confess his feeling for her right now?

 

And I was angry at myself. I was angry because I didn’t meet her before Johnny did. If I had found her first, perhaps everything would be different. Perhaps, Seoyul wouldn’t have to go through all these sadness. Or perhaps, I would be the one who filled her heart instead of Johnny.

I'm sure you understood
It wasn't something that could be measured
For you and me
You chose to say goodbye for my sake
And I won't forget that kindness

So you and me, even if it doesn't reach you
I just want to tell you how I feel
For you and me
So I won't erase the memories of you
I'll hold them to me
And sing

 

Damn you, Johnny Cho. Now I really didn’t have the chance to tell her my feeling.

 

Because I knew…

 

I knew, from those tears that had fallen from her eyes that I didn’t have the chance to win over him.

 

Author(s) Note:

Thank you for reading this story and I really hope you enjoy it until the very last. I'm very sorry for any grammar mistakes. And so sorry for the long hiatus. I was lost with my real life's work. The song that Johnny Cho sang is JUNE's You and Me. The lyric of the song is kinda fitting for describing Johnny's feeling toward Seoyul even though it's a japanese song. The video is down below, you can just click and play. Any suggestion and questions are very much welcomed. Feel free to ask me from the comment box or via my Twitter @AFFalize_sakura ! :3