The cold wind pierced his skin as he wills his feet to run as fast as they can. He needs to get there faster; he needs to be there before it’s too late. What happened earlier starts to get replayed in his mind as he paves the long road.

~~~~~~

His manager had been pacing back and forth in front of him reprimanding him about his carelessness. It was good to note that no paparazzi or fans saw the two of them that early. But the reality that it has to be the SNSD’s manager of all people to see them is a big issue.

“I told you to let go. She is already part of your former life, a part of the former you. Open your eyes into the reality of today, Yifan. She is not a part of this reality; keeping this up will destroy not just you but her as well. You should be aware of that,” his manager stops to look at him as Kris runs his hands on his face.

“You are putting her in danger. Let go, Yifan. Please, for the sake of the two of you, let her go,” his manager bend down on his knee to look at him.

“I can’t let her go. I don’t know what will happen to me if I do,” Kris whispers.

“But there’s much to risk. The future for the two of you is uncertain. Sooner, you two will part again. Fate will even have a hard time keeping the two of you tied. If you love her, let her go. That is the only way to protect her,” his manager taps his shoulder.

He shudders from the uncontrollable tears from his eyes.

He can already see her being scolded and all. He can already see her crying face and it all the more made it hard to breathe.

~~~~~~

He stares at the night sky and the lights the city has to offer. The wind slowly blows as he tries to clear his mind. Sooyoung had just sent him a message to meet her at the bridge by the Wusong River. It has been four hours since she texted him. He wants to go, but he has to stop himself before they encounter another problem. He doesn’t want to put her through much difficulty and problem. She had been facing much troubles and he don’t want to add some more.

His phone by the glass table started to buzz continuously but he ignored it. There was the continuous sound of his message tone as well, but he ignored it as well.

For the next fifteen minutes, his phone had been ringing wild with calls and messages he ignored. When he finds it annoying already, he picks it up. Most of the messages were from his former co-members. There’s even from the SNSD’s members who has his number before. His manager has a message for him as well. He scrolls over the inbox when Luhan calls him. He finally took the call.

“Hello?”

“Kris! Why haven’t you answered our calls? Where are you?”

Kris had to smile from the voice of his friend. “I am just at my room,” he replies.

“Damn! Have you read any messages we sent you?” Luhan practically yells from the other line.

Kris removes the phone from his ear and scrolls over the messages, still holding the call.

“Have you seen Sooyoung?”

“Sooyoung is missing!”

“Damn! Pick up the phone! She is seriously missing! We cannot even reach her phone!”

There are more than a hundred more but they were all telling him one thing. Sooyoung is really missing.

He unconsciously ends the call with Luhan and scrolls over her number, trying to call her. Her voice inbox replied.

“Hi! This is your ShikShin Sooyoung! I’m kind of busy right now; would you just leave your message?”

He tried again, but it led to her voice inbox. He tried the third time, fourth, fifth, sixth, but it’s all the same.

The message she sent earlier pops into his mind

“Kris, can you meet me by the Wusong River right now?”

~~~~~~

Tears threaten to fall from his eyes as he runs as fast as he could. He didn’t bother about the distance and the numb feeling slowly spreading all over his legs. He just needs to get there because he knows that if he comes even later, the inevitable would have happen.

The streets were deserted already, save for some cars who were all heading home.

He finally reaches Wusong River. The bridge is deserted, no visible people around. Fear started to gnaw his heart as he tries to run by the river to see if she had crossed the other way. But the sight of an empty sideways all the more scared him. He ran by the sideways on the other end to look for any people who might have seen her but there’s simply no one else. 

As he tries to look around, catching his breath, he saw a familiar scarf, the other half hanging by the sidewalk and submerged on the water. He recognized it and his fear were confirmed.

‘She doesn’t know how to swim,’ he remembers Jessica’s words.

Disregarding the cold night, he jumped right down the dark river with his phone. He needs to find her. The only light visible underwater were from the posts near the sideways, but as he dives deeper, it started to fade as well.  His eyes caught an outreached hand getting deeper and deeper. He wills himself to dive furthermore till he caught the said slender hand that lets go of a phone, pulling up the figure to the surface.

He carries her, laying her on the hard road, trying to revive her back to life. He tries to resurrect her by giving her CPR. He trembles in fear as he tries to bring some more air in her lungs by blowing on , but after many attempts he receives no response.

“Yah, Choi Sooyoung! Wake up! Yah!” he shook her, trying to give her some air again. Her pale face remains unresponsive as he finally broke down in his pursuit of reviving her. Amidst his helplessness, he did not hear the siren of the ambulance coming and two more cars.

When the rescuers came to get her body; he felt too powerless and helpless as he watches them revive her back to life. He can only watch the rescuers lift her to the stretcher and bring her to the open door of the ambulance.

~~~~~~

Sooyoung heard the beeping sounds around her and the soft whisper on her left. She opens her eyes and saw her sister hushing prayers with her eyes closed. The smell of the sterile room and the oxygen attached to her confirmed her thoughts that she is really at the hospital.

But who brought her here?

The only thing she could remember is the feeling of finally losing the air in your system as she finally submits herself on the cold water of the Wusong River still holding her phone, hoping he would call her. Things had been going on so bad in her life so as her own co-members. Life had been so unfair for the past months and the pain had been so unbearable already.

Tears fell down her eyes as she exhales with a sob. Her sister’s head lifts up, surprised and relieved as well.

“Does it hurt somewhere?” her sister asks.

She gave a nod and slowly retrieves her hand which her sister is holding and placed it atop her chest. Her sister moves to remove the oxygen and let Sooyoung breathe properly so as to let her sob. She reached for her younger sister, hugging and whispering comforting words.

When she finally relaxes and checked by the doctors, she was left alone with her sister again.

“Who had brought me here?” she asks.

“He actually saved you before you finally disappear down the river bed,” her sister replied, arranging some clothes by the side table.

There was silence as she tries to recall him saving her but nothing crosses her mind.

“Dear, please let go,” her sister suddenly said, turning to look at her.

Sooyoung’s eyes widened from the blunt request. Her chest starts to heave from trying to bring in some air in her lungs from the statement.

“It’s time to let go. You will just hurt each other if the two of you will keep on holding on. The time for the two of you had been spent; it’s time to open up for a new chapter in your lives. I know it’s not that easy but at least try. Doing these things will not just destroy your image and all that you have worked on for years but his as well, you should be aware of that. You had made it this far, so as him, but are you willing to let all what he fought for and all your dreams to go on the drain?” her sister asks.

Sooyoung had to avoid her sister’s piercing look. Tears came unbidden again.

“Here’s the letter he gave me. He wants me to let you read it after you wake up,” her sister hands her a folded paper. Sooyoung reaches for it, unfolding it before her eyes. It was very short and very painful as well.

I love you, you know that. I will not question your feelings for me because I already know what it is. Baby, I think it’s time we let go. I know it will hurt the two of us, but it’s for the best. There are more things for us in the future; it is just that we are not really meant to be together till forever. It will hurt this time but sooner we will learn to embrace the reality that we are not destined to be the other halves of the other. I hope you find your real true love as I go search for mine. I am not writing this to hurt you but to save you from further hurt in the near future. I will let you go, please let me go as well.

I hope somewhere in the future, somehow when we meet by the road; I hope you look my way and smile. I will always treasure all those memories. I love you and this time, I will really miss you for real.

It was neatly signed with his name.

The pain that came was unbearable as it pierces her heart. Tears came uncontrollable and she wished he had not come to save her if it will be just this way. Sooyoung can only hug her sister who steps near her.

~~~~~~

Her sister hands her a new phone when she was finally discharged from the hospital. Somehow, this new phone will be the start for her moving on.

The ride to the airport was in pure silence, save for the sounds outside the car. The radio of the car advertises about a movie which he stars as one of the lead.  After the said advertisement, it was followed by his soothing voice that sings the movie’s OST. She didn’t stop the tears that fell from her eyes. Even when they arrive at the airport for their flight back to Korea, the song still replays in her mind and ironically even on the airport’s PA system like it’s haunting her for the last time.

“Are you ready?” her sister asks.

She sniffs, smiling and wiping those tears away, “I will be fine,” she replies.

For the last time, she looks back at the airport’s entrance, watching the leaving cars. When the song finally ends, she finally proceeds to follow her sister on the queue for their flight.

In some ways it still hurts but true to his words, she will learn to accept the reality for the two of them; this time, for real, she will miss him as well.