It has been dreary for him to wake up every day. It’s not about the flood of schedules he will have; it’s not about the talk shows neither is it about the photo shoots.

It’s not just about his former co-members; it’s not just about the times they spent together and the memories; no those were just little patches that complete his gloom.

 The bottom line is he is just getting crazier every day from missing her so much. Yet, the words ‘insane’, ‘crazy’ or whatever synonymous word to such is an understatement of what he is going through. It’s completely unexplainable.

The sting of the cold shower water woke up every fiber of his being but his soul is still drifting off to dreamland; the dreamland where the two of them together is still a reality.

Right after shower, he grabbed a pair of jeans and a loose shirt from his closet. He then plopped on the sofa, drying his hair. But shaking his head to dry those hairs is same as shaking off those thoughts away.

The beep of his phone made him stop as he eagerly grabbed it, expecting something. But his expression died down when he read the sender. It’s just his manager telling him that his schedule will just be sent to him tomorrow adding up that information that he is free for the day.

When he exits to his inbox, there goes on the top of the message threads their exchange of messages. It hurts to read it again for the nth time for he had memorized it anyway. But his thumb had already pressed the thread already. He scrolls down despite the ache in his heart. He secretly hoped that a message would suddenly pop up. He stares at the screen of his phone. For how long, he does not know anymore.

When the thought that she will not message him again sinks in for the nth time around, he exits his inbox. What he saw on his wallpaper made him think of what his new manager had said before.

“You will never move on if you keep on holding on to the past.”

Her bright smile up close always greets him every time he opens his phone. He would lie if he says he deleted every picture of hers for he did not remove a single one.

The silence of his room suddenly pricked his eyes to grow watery. This is not the first time he cried. In fact, he always does after he wakes up. The pain seared his already tattered and broken heart for the nth time; his air passage suddenly getting tight. He wants to scream but he only managed a muffled sob.

Yes, people think he has finally freed himself of the chain his former agency has on him. They think he is doing well with the rush of offers, photo shoots, movies, list of shows which wants him to be a guest to. He would lie if he says that he does not like it but that is just a small part of him; the part of him that dreams to be famous.

The larger part of him is actually trying to breathe and go on because the pain of leaving her still torments him; day, night, yesterday, today, every second he breathes.

‘Can’t someone just wake up without these thoughts?’ he bitterly thought, trying to stable his breathing.

For the whole day he stayed at his room lying on his bed, staring at his phone; staring at her picture, hoping a call or a message will arrive.

Then he tried sending her a message. Three words that sum up all that he feels as of now.

‘I miss you.’

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5 minutes

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10 minutes

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15 minutes

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1 New Message

Hope flickered on his eyes as his hand trembles upon seeing the name of the sender. He tapped the message but his own world crumbles down to pieces upon reading it.

‘Who is this?’

His arms fell limp on his side, still holding his phone. His mind just went blank, totally empty. He suddenly chuckles, tears falling off from his eyes again.

‘I guess that Kyungho guy had really helped her move on,’ he thought.

He pulled himself up and wiped off those tears away.

The outside world had darkened already, the sun nowhere in sight. He wears his jacket, puts on his face mask and his cap pulled down low. He plugged his earphones and grabbed his phone to let any music drive away those thoughts away from his head. He slipped on his shoes and left the room.

The night world this city has to offer is something worth the time of sightseeing. The lights and the people make up a very nice atmosphere to walk around. But that is not what is on his mind. 

He just let his legs bring him wherever far just to forget that single line she had sent to him. Getting too occupied with thoughts and the loud music from his phone, he did not hear the honk of a rushing car.

The impact is really strong. He felt himself in the air for a while before an excruciating pain hits his body as everything started to close off from his senses.

He felt himself moving, heard people talking and the creaky sound of the moving stretcher. He tried to open his eyes and is welcomed by flashing white lights and people in white near him. Everything in his sight is spinning; everything in his body is paralyzed by pain.

He woke up from the blinding light. He opened his eyes and found himself on his king sized bed, back on his hotel room.

‘It must have been a bad dream,’ he thought.

He tried to move but his body is completely paralyzed. The sound of the door opening made him avert his gaze on its direction.

There she goes, holding basket of neatly arranged flowers, a lovely smile plastered on her face.

”Kris, are you okay now? You should rest more,” she said, placing the basket on the side table.

She sat on his bedside afterwards, reaching for his hand and gave it a light squeeze.

‘Sooyoung…’ he thought, feeling warm tears fall from his eyes.

Her face expression changed into shock as she moves nearer.

“Does it hurt anywhere?’

His tears didn’t ceased as her expression turns into a sad one, tears finally cascading down her face too.

“Do you know that it kills me to see you like this? Do you know that I am dying of missing you every single day?”

She lifts his hand to her face, leaning on it as he felt warm tears on the back of his hand.

He badly wants to move and hug her, kiss her, hold her, just to have her in his arms.

He badly wants to move his lips and tell her how much he missed her too, if words could even suffice.

But his whole body is completely immobile and he has to silently curse for it.

His eyes suddenly feel droopy till it closes no matter how he tries to keep it open.

He woke up with a jolt, his eyes opening widely as he tries to catch his breath, beads of sweat falling from the sides of his head.

“Thank God! You are finally awake!” he heard his manager speak.

He is not anymore in his hotel room but on one of the private hospital rooms. His eyes caught the sight of a basket of neatly arranged flowers placed on the center table of the mini salas. It’s completely identical to what he saw her bring inside his hotel room.

His manager removed the oxygen to let him breath properly as a doctor and two nurses arrives to check on him. They even removed some of the apparatus attached on him.

When everything sinks in, he looked at his manager and asks him after they were left alone in his room.

“Who sent me here? Did anyone come to visit me?”

Something wet on the back of his hand made him lift it up to check on it. He spares his manager a look as if asking him. Instead of getting an answer, he was just rewarded with a knowing smile.