She counted the days since that last encounter and it saddened her much to see that it had been months already. Her effort to stop the welling of tears in her eyes didn’t help either as those finally fell down her cheeks. She took a sniff before wiping it away.

 

They had been busy promoting their comeback track left and right with awards but it didn’t alleviate the sadness and agony of missing that certain guy. It pained her to see his co-members in a struggle to cover his part. No matter how they assert it, they remain incomplete without him. It’s not that he plays a very vital role in the group but he shares a fair role that only he can do.

 

If their group is incomplete, the feeling is twice for her.

 

She paved the hallway to get to the practice room so she can practice the new routine they will probably be having for their next album. The empty room greeted her which all the more made her find it hard to hold back the sob that escaped her lips as she closes the door to lean on it. She slid down, drawing her knees to her chest and cried her heart out. Her cries echoed inside the room, till she finds it hard already to breath.

 

She had never cried this hard ever since he left with that shocking news regarding the agency both of them works into. She never saw it in him during those stolen secret moments they have. He is still the very formal guy, who rarely smiles, but the day before that breaking news she saw that vague emotion in his eyes, but she dismissed it. It never occurred to her that it will be their last moment together.

 

No one knows about them and they intend to keep it like that till they are ready to face whatever consequence they will have to deal with when they made it public. Sometimes it’s tiring already; stealing time just to meet secretly, sending secret messages even in the briefest eye contact, and endless messages and calls locked on their phones. But then, they both chose to keep it like that and besides, the feeling of those secret moments is something they are not willing to exchange for anything.

 

When her co-members arrived, she had already calmed down. They noticed her eyes but she lied saying it’s about a movie she watched on her way in there. No one bothered to ask furthermore as they gets busy on their practice. Endless hours passed before they were dismissed. She laid herself flat on the floor, breathing hard to catch her breath.

“Something is up?” Hyoyeon handed her bottled water.

“Nothing’s up; I am just tired,” she replied, reaching for the bottle without pulling herself up.

“I know you too well. What’s wrong?” the short one insisted, sitting beside her as the room finally gets empty with just the two of them.

She let out a tired laugh, “Seriously Hyo, nothing’s wrong.”

“And your face states the otherwise,” Hyoyeon insisted.

She just shut , finding it hard already to lie once more because the tears are stinging her eyes again.

 

“I know you miss him,” Hyoyeon casually stated, taking a drink.

Her eyes widened as she spares the grinning Hyoyeon a look.

“You think I don’t know?”

She just blinked her eyes in response, getting speechless.

“Like I said, I know you too well and keeping your messages locked? You forgot that you once told me the password when I borrowed your phone. Even if you renamed him on your contacts, you sent him a message with his name,” Hyoyeon revealed, finding it amusing to look at the flabbergasted look of her friend.

“So tell me, nothing’s up?” she asked again.

 

She avoided that playful look Hyoyeon is giving her and just closed her eyes, a tear escaping her eyes.

“I was never the crybaby but here I am being a crybaby just because of a certain guy,” she replied allowing the silence to get into her senses, her chest tightening again.

“It’s never wrong to cry because you miss someone. It’s a confirmation that you really feel something real,” Hyoyeon replied, lying beside her on the floor.

“I am getting tired of shedding tears. I might run out of those in no time,” she sniffed.

“He will comeback, not just for them but for you as well,” Hyoyeon comforted her, closing her eyes.

“But when?” she asked.

Hyoyeon didn’t bother to reply because she doesn’t know the answer to it.

~~~~~~

The busy lobby and hallways made her tired all the more. They had just finished four music shows, a recording, a fan signing and a guesting on a show. The sun had gone down and the atmosphere inside their dressing room full of people and stuffs all the more made her dizzy. She retires on a seat and closed her eyes for a while, hoping that the ache will disappear.

 

“I heard he is back already.”

“Yeah, I heard it too.”

“You think the agency will welcome him again?”

“They have too. After all, he completes their group.”

“Yeah, you are right.”

 

That very brief conversation she heard kicked her senses making her fully alert, the dizzy feeling suddenly gone.

She spared the two ladies a look but they are already out the door. She wants to ask them but it would give way to suspicion that there must be something between them if she does.

Her heart started to get uneasy as the conversation gets replayed again in her mind. Sooner, she was called by their make-up artist so they can start dressing her up.

It was probably an hour later when they are heading out on their last music show. As she was picking her bag, Hyoyeon tapped her shoulder. She looked up at her, “Yes?”

Hyoyeon smiled, “I told you, he will come back,” she said, almost whispering.

Her heart gets in a high speed chase again as she tries her best to compose herself since she is getting more uneasy and excited and all.

“Come on,” Hyoyeon gestured on the door.

She followed suit as they all went to their waiting van.

 

~~~~~~

 

The ride back to their dorm was never peaceful. The girls are all talking about stuffs and the likes. She was suddenly tired no matter how they try to engage her in a conversation. When they finally gave her some peace, she plugged her earphone and let whatever song calm her. Her eyes suddenly felt heavy when she felt her phone vibrate from a message. She opened it and it almost made her jerk up on her seat. It’s from him, very brief and short but she felt like she wants to stop the van and run back to their agency.

 

From: Him

00-00-14

10:27 pm

 

I miss you

 

She gets excited as she punches her reply, asking him where he is.

After a short while, his reply arrived.

 

From: Him

00-00-14

10:32 pm

 

Meet me at the back of the building, the usual place.

 

Her heart rejoiced with glee. But then, here they are, already at the parking lot of their dorm as the girls start to file out. Before she can get out, she pulled Hyoyeon.

“Come with me. I’m going to meet him,” she hastily whispered.

Hyoyeon’s eyes widened, “But we can’t go out now. We are already home,” she whispered back.

“I’ll talk to the manager, wait for me in here,” she said and went out of the van to chase after their manager.

 

After a few minutes, she ran back to the van, grinning, “Let’s go,” she said and got inside.

“What excuse this time?” Hyoyeon asked.

“Get us back in the agency,” she said over the driver who gave a nod as he starts the car.

“I said I forgot my bag back in the building,” she turned to Hyoyeon.

“And he believed it?”

She grinned, “Yeah.”

~~~~~~

The ride back the agency was faster than the ride back home. Sooner, they are pulling on the basement parking lot. She was as excited as she pulls Hyoyeon inside, telling the driver to wait for them.

Some staff recognized them but she was too hyper to greet them back. They went downstairs, rushing on corners and packing up people before they get to the narrow hallway which leads to a door that opens on the way at the back of the building. As she was about to drag her furthermore, Hyoyeon stopped her.

“You go, let him know that no one knows about it,” Hyoyeon pushed her as she smiles back and rushed to the door.

~~~~~~

The gush of the cold wind blew over her when she opened the door and slowly closed it behind her. The place is dark, save for the moon above and some old bulbs on the sides. She tried to look for him on the dark space in front of her; the rustling of the leaves breaking the silence that etched the moment she stepped out of the door. She breathes, slowly calming herself as she tries to take a few brave steps forward. He should have been by the door, leaning and would surprise her, but the empty dark space seems to be telling her something. Her lips trembled as she felt the surge of tears again. She mentally cursed her vulnerability.

 

Her heart almost stopped when someone stepped out of the shadows. Tall, lean silhouette, moving forward making her stop on her tracks. She is not fond of encounters like this that it frightened her. But when the figure finally gets into the light, she literally lost her breath.

 

The emotions that build up within her are too much to handle, making it hard for her to breath. He always leaves her breathless that it made her wonder if he feels the same way. When the thought settled in that it is really him, her tears came out as she steps forward.

Instead of hugging him, she punched him, startling him as she repeats it.

“I hate you! Do you know how hard it is to keep myself from breaking down when you just miraculously left without notice? Do you know how hard it is to stop myself from sobbing every night? Do you know how hard it is to go on without any clue whether you would come back or not? Yah! Did you even think of me when you left? You’re so selfish! I hate you! I hate you….” Her voice died down in sobs as she fell in his open arms.

 

The feel of her trembling small frame in his arms is something new and it somehow hurts him that he is the reason behind it.

“Shhhh… I’m sorry. I’m really sorry,” he whispered kissing her head as he pulls her closer to shield her from the blowing wind.

“Why did you do that? Why?” she sobbed.

“I have to. It’s not just for me, it’s for the group. It’s for them to know that we do have rights too. Babe, I would never leave you. I might go away, but I will always come back for you,” he parted to cup her face. He wiped the tears with his thumb, kissing her forehead.

 

“Don’t scare me like that, please,” she replied hugging him closer.

“I’m really, really sorry. I promise I will never do that again. I promise,” he whispered back.

They stayed in each other’s arms, wishing that the time would just stop. He just want to hold her close, just like this, and he is not going to get tired of it even if it takes forever just like this. The feeling of not seeing her, not calling or messaging her, not able to hold her close like this almost drove him crazy in those past months. It took him every ounce of self-control within him to stop himself from reaching his phone and call her because he knows. He knows that he will lose it and might run back just to hold her.

~~~~~~

“Kris, I am sleepy,” she snuggled in his arms.

“You should go home now,” he said, parting from the hug to look at her face again.

“You will not leave again right?” she asked, pouting.

It hurts to hear her speak like that despite the lovely gesture she is portraying as of the moment.

“You will not leave me again right?” she asked again, her large brown eyes looked back at him expectantly.

“No,” he replied, memorizing the features of this girl who owns his heart under the moonlight, “I will never ever leave you,” he added, a faint smile on his lips.

He finally saw the smile he had wanted to see from her lips. Her eyes fluttered as it twinkles on the faint touch of the moon. They got lost for moments in each other’s eyes till he broke the silence.

“I had wanted to do this, but I am scared. But this time, I can’t help it,” he stopped on his words and let his lips meet hers instead.

 

It was a tender kiss, full of love. He parted, tracing her cheeks with his thumb as he let their foreheads touch. The feeling is so overwhelming, almost making him breathless. He draws a deep sigh before whispering, “I love you.”

 

It was music for her ears. She had been hearing that from him, countless times before, but tonight it’s different. The light of the moon is romantic and just the way he whispers it is so overflowing with emotions that it took her breath away. Somehow, she felt her cheeks get warm like this is the first night they met in this same place.

“Come on, it’s getting late,” he stood straight, intertwining his fingers on hers as they moved to get inside the door.

When he closed the door behind them, he stops; surprised when he saw another woman, leaning on the wall with a knowing smile.

“She didn’t tell me, I discovered it so there’s no need to question her. Don’t worry, I know how to keep my mouth shut and keep secrets as well,” then she looked at her friend, “I’ll wait at the van,” then finally left them.

He looked at her with that gummy smile, “I think you should go ahead and follow her. Someone might see us.”

She looked up at him with understanding eyes. She moved a bit closer to tiptoe and kiss him on the cheek before she left with a blush and a bashful smile on her face.

He let out a chuckle as he watches her disappear on a corner. He remembers what he said behind that door. He didn’t say that to calm her, he said it because he means it.