In the silence, deep in the night, Young Ji kept staring at the wall, in the darkness, unable to close her eyes. They hurt so much, the redness her tears left on her cheeks made her cringe. She tried wiggling around in her bed, but she couldn’t find a comfortable position. It wasn’t her body that needed comfort, but her heart.

And once again, her eyes turned watery, as she hung onto her pillow, and pulled the covers over her head. Her sobs filled the silence. She heard Nana sigh. She quickly pulled herself together. She didn’t want to bother anyone else, but it was so hard to keep it in. She’s emotional, that’s what they told her. And she knew it. Wiping her tears away with her thumb, she looked at the clock. 3 am. She slipped out of bed, carefully, pulling her covers over her. She knew she wouldn’t fall asleep anyway. Just then, she hit her toe on the bed, and tried to hold in a squek, as cursewords filled her mind. Carefully opening the door, she the lights in the living room, and sat on the couch, wrapping herself in the sheets.

It’s silly really, how easily things affected her, and how long she needed to let them go. Finally alone, she allowed herself to cry. It was the first time, seeing Jackson like that, five days ago.That’s what she told her mother, too. But what she couldn’t express in words is how much her heart hurt to see him like that, so all she could do is hang onto her mother’s shirt and sob back then. He was so strong, all this time, but she, she couldn’t hold in her feelings that easily. She laughed a bit, when she realized- yes she was still a child, naive and tender. But he couldn’t allow himself to be a child, no. He had to grow up fast, to take care of his mother. And then he had to let her go, to follow his dreams. That’s real strength, Young Ji thought. How can someone be so strong? She’s already falling apart. She’s so confused, and yet it’s so easy for her, everything. She knew what she wanted to be, she fought for it, and now she has it, living her dream. But what now? Is it selfish to want more?
 

"You’re so stupid!“ she whispered to herself, thinking about things like that.  She  couldn’t understand it, but she could feel it, and now she doesn’t know what to do. Is it selfish to want to lock out these feelings? Compassion, sadness. And she doesn’t know what to do, not with herself, nor to help him.
 

"I’ll go crazy!“ she said, as she placed her forehead on her knees.
"You’re already crazy.“ She jumped up, when she heard the sound of that husky voice. Stupid Young Ji. She was so deeply lost in her thought she didn’t hear the loud footsteps on the stairs. And there he was, smiling as always, his arm casually hanging from the staircase railing. He looked so cool, and so strong, so mature. And here she was, covered in her own saliva.

"Aah.“ She managed to whisper, wiping her tears with a fake smile.
"What? No comeback?“ Jackson rasied an eyebrow. Young Ji tried to think of something, but her mind was completely blank, so she decided to just shake her head with a smile.

"You really must be tired then.“ He walked next to her, whiped her eyes, pretending not to notice the leftovers of the tears, and put his arm around her shoulder.
"Young Ji! Let’s get you to bed.“ He yelled cheerfully. But she knew it was an act. She knew he wasn’t that strong, or cool or happy. She remembered that night on Christmas Eve, his screams and his weak body falling into her mother’s arms. And just like that, she quickly put her arms around him, with such force he almost fell back in surprise.
"Yaah!!“ he laughed at the sudden movement. Young Ji burried her head into his shoulder and let a quiet scream escape .
"You’re gonna make my new shirt all wet!“ He felt nervous. He didn’t know what to do, or say. He didn’t even know why she was crying. He doesn’t do well with crying. After a few seconds of trying to figure out what to say, he decided to just wrap his arms around her. Somehow, he felt that he was going to cry too.
"Hey“ he whispered. "Wanna sit down?“
She just nodded, the sobs getting quieter.
As they sat down, he pulled the sheets over her shoulder.
"Ehh, look at you, you’re a mess.“ But she didn’t react to his comment, she just kept staring at him.

"Young Ji... what’s wrong?“ He asked in a bit more serious tone.
"I’m fine“ she said in a cracky voice.
"You don’t seem fine. Whatever’s up it’s not worth it, okay?“
And silly Jackson, he didn’t know it was all for him. But Young Ji would never tell him. She wanted Jackson to think that she still sees him as a cool, strong guy he always pretends to be. She’d hurt him, and make everything awkward by telling the truth.
" Eyy, you’re such a baby. Come here.“ He hugged her.
" I’m not a baby.“ She whispered in his shoulder, and he chuckled.
"Sure you are.“

After just a few minutes of silently sitting there, Young Ji was finally able to fall asleep. Her eyelids getting heavier, her body felt comfortable and warm. Finally, she let herself get lost in dreamland, where only happy thought existed.
" Hmph. Getting my shirt wet again.“ He whispered with a smile. Jackson carefully lifted her up, and silently opened the door to her room.
"Mmn?“ Nana sat up, rubbing her eyes.
" Sorry.“ Jackson whispered feeling quilty. "She fell asleep out there.“
"Mhmm.“ Nana murmured, falling right back to the bed, seemingly asleep.
Jackson tucked Young Ji into bed, and left the room on his toes, catching one final glimpse at his best friend, glad he was able to calm her down.
And Young Ji smiled, because she saw Jackson smiling in her dream.
And she felt warm. A warmth in her heart, like she’s never felt before.