[>] Thinking Out Loud - Ed Sheeran       It's strange, really. Taehyung often wonders if he isn't the only one. Do other people really know who they are? To doctors, nurses and his parents, he's just a mad boy with wet eyes and an obsession of folding paper planes. To Hoseok, he's a giggling friend whom Hoseok can confide in. To Seokjin, well, Taehyung doesn't know what he is to him. To himself, is the most complicated of all. He doesn't know. Who is he really? Is he smart? Quiet? Talkative? Weak? His bipolarity scares him at certain points in time.    But for one thing that he knows it's certain, he really is a ing idiot.    "I'm such a ing idiot, oh my Goodness," he breathes out as he sits at the backseat of Hoseok's car as they drive to the wedding. He really can't believe he's doing this. It's insane. "I'm going to get arrested today."    "Don't be silly, Taehyung-ssi," Yoongi chides lightly, yes, it is Hoseok's car, but Yoongi drives like a race driver, says Hoseok, so he should drive.    Hoseok glances back from the passenger seat to Taehyung. "He's so gonna get arrested."    Yoongi glares at Hoseok and slaps him on the arm," don't jinx things!" Which resulted in the both of them playfully arguing about what really 'jinxes'. Taehyung looks at them with a rue smile on his lips. Rueful, and as well as envy. He never experienced any of those things with Seokjin. Hell, he couldn't even imagine them being so....comfortable with each other.    "You guys are cute," he compliments and smiles but got startled at Yoongi's sudden glare.    "We're not cute, damn it! We are....what's that word, Hoseok?" Yoongi clicks his fingers in concentration and impatience.    "What wor- you mean," Hoseok cringed a little,"..swag?"    "Yes! Swag! We have swag," Yoongi beams smugly and Taehyung purses his lips in amusement.    "Yeah, swag, whatever," Hoseok says dismissively,"but this traffic jam is kinda serious," he looks at the line of cars worriedly,"do you think we'll be able to make it in time?"   Panic effectively cuts the breath off Taehyung. His heart pounds against his rib cage. He may not make it in time.    "What?" He whispers.    If he's too late then Seokjin...Seokjin would never....                        Seokjin stands at the front of the aisle, staring at the two big front doors that his fiancé would come out any time now. But all he's thinking is why an orange-haired boy isn't here yet.                      Taehyung fidgets uncomfortably, playing with his fingers. The cars hasn't moved a bit and he's starting to get anxious. His breathing begins to get faster and harder. . He hasn't had a panic attack in ages and now wasn't the time, dammit.    "Taehyung? Taehyung!" Hoseok turned around to find a paled-face Taehyung gripping onto the car seat like his life depended on it.    "I...I can't...Seokjin.." Taehyung's voice turns a pitch higher as he stutters. The world seems so far and dizzy. Pain is stabbing his head. A migraine is coming. "Not..in time.."    ". Breathe, Taehyung!" Hoseok's voice seems so far away. Taehyung's eyelids flutter as he struggles to stay conscious.                              There are many people. He sees his father, mother, his soon-to-be in laws. He looks at his mother. Seokjin sees her giving him a reassuring smile. One that didn't reach her eyes. Like she didn't want him to get married, or not to this daughter of a businessman. Suddenly it hits him. Maybe she saw him and Taehyung together. She is the head nurse there, after all. Maybe that's why no one really 'caught' him sneaking into Taehyung's room.    Taehyung. Seokjin's chest aches. But he pushes it away. He's doing this for his father and he knows it's important. Taehyung is a distraction that needs to be eliminated.    So when he sees his fiancé walking into the room, through the aisle, he forced himself to think she looks really pretty in that wedding dress. He forced himself to think he wanted this. He forced himself to think he didn't love Taehyung anymore.                          "This traffic jam doesn't look like it's going to clear," Yoongi spoke urgently to Hoseok," you have to bring him out of the car and help him get to the wedding."    Hoseok gaped at him.    "Hoseok. He's already in such a mess. He's going to faint if you don't do something. You can do it, yeah?" Yoongi smiles and pecks him on the cheek. Hoseok nods nervously but more determined and got out of the car and went to the backseat.    "Taehyung? We're going to this damn wedding. Can you do this?" Hoseok shouts desperately at the shivering boy. Taehyung looks up, startled. He can't. This is the scariest thing he's going to do.    He tries to even his breath. Adrenaline isn't helping him. But what did Hoseok always tell him? Have hope, faith and will. He can do this, can't he? He ing can. He's lived for this day. Taehyung nods warily and Hoseok carries him and his wheelchair out of the car.    "Good luck, Taehyung-ssi!" Yoongi cheered and Taehyung responded with a small, shy smile.    "Thank you so much, Yoongi...hyung."    "It's my pleasure," Yoongi grins,"now, you have a wedding to stop."    "Yes."                            "At this time, I’ll ask you, Ailee, and you, Seokjin, to face each other and take each other’s hands."                                  "Thank you for everything, Hoseok. I want to say that you're a really good friend," Taehyung says quietly as Hoseok places him on his wheelchair," but I'm going to have to do this myself."    Hoseok stares at him with an expression that Taehyung never expected. Proud.    "I've only known you for three years but I can see you've grown so much from there, you know, Kim Taehyung? I hope you can really be happy."    Taehyung nods and as he wheels towards the wedding, he doesn't look back. His hands ache, but he doesn't care. People make way for him seeing he's handicapped, and maybe that's one thing useful right now. He wheels through the car park which was packed with cars. It's here. He sees the building. It's in the middle of a park and with his heart thudding in his chest, he wheels closer and closer.                              "Ailee, will you take Seokjin to be your husband, your partner in life and your one true love? Will you cherish his friendship and love him today, tomorrow and forever? Will you trust and honor him, laugh with him and cry with him? Will you be faithful through good times and bad, in sickness and in health as long as you both shall live?"    "I..do."                              Taehyung has to bite his lip to stop himself from breaking down. He doesn't go in. He watches from outside, from a window, like what he's been doing his whole life. Watching out of windows. He suddenly can't go in. He's scared, so, so scared. Everything real hits him as hard as a truck. He starts crying as he sees Seokjin holding hands with some pretty girl. He couldn't just think of himself or what he wants. Maybe Seokjin did want to marry that girl. He'd just look stupid if he barged in like that. They look so happy, Taehyung tells himself. The mischievous glint in Seokjin's eyes is gone but Taehyung forced himself to think they looked happy.    He can't do this. He's selfish if he stops the wedding. Seokjin doesn't love him anymore, he scolds himself, this was all a stupid ing mistake. He turns around, away from the window, away from the building, away from Seokjin. Taehyung starts wheeling away from the park. He knows where he should go. He lets out a strangled cry of anger and desperation. He should've stuck to Option 1. He cries so loudly passers-by stare in sympathy. He cries so much he loses his voice. It isn't normal to feel pain all the time, is it? It's only normal for those who aren't normal. He's lost Seokjin forever, and maybe it's time he lost himself.    Taehyung knows where to go.                                  "Seokjin, will you take Ailee to be your wife, your partner in life and your one true love? Will you cherish her friendship and love her today, tomorrow and forever? Will you trust and honor her, laugh with her and cry with her? Will you be faithful through good times and bad, in sickness and in health as long as you both shall live?"    "........" Seokjin bites his lip, looking down and not saying anything.    "Kim Seokjin? I repeat, will you..."                              Building sandcastles in the air instead of real ones of sand. The blue dream of the sky illuminates warmth, reassurance and hope. But all Taehyung felt was the hollow gnawing of restraint in him.    He's stupid. Incredibly stupid and selfish. All he thinks of is himself. He watches the turquoise blanket unfold in front of him, crashing on his feet