Well...

I won't even be trying to defend myself anymore.

I'm just sorry, extremely sorry.

I really am.

I feel like crawling into a giant hole and stay there forever.

Im probably the most unreliable author on the planet. 

This chapter is long, to compansate you for the waiting, even if a single bit.

Thanks for support and, once again, I'm sorry.

***

Christmas songs playing on the radio, Choco’s toddling on the kitchen floor, a smell of food being prepared and Hyukjae’s whistles, it all could be heard and felt when the blond was immersing himself in the cooking and preparing everything for the Christmas Eve dinner. A smile never left his face, his eyes were sparkling, excitement providing the adrenaline rush along with a warm, pleasant feeling enveloping every cell in his body.

He looked shortly at the electronic watch on the microwave.

Two hours.

He was all giddy inside since he had gotten up, the night itself wasn’t any calmer as, when he finally fell asleep he dreamt of Donghae, the brunet’s face showing up and his voice playing like a beautiful melody thorough the whole night. Hyukjae couldn’t help but got up earlier than he intended to, not able to lie in bed nor fall asleep anymore.

Having eaten a quick breakfast, he immediately immersed himself in making his house all ready for the Christmas celebrations. His flat was even cleaner than usually, no, it was nearly shining, beautifully decorated with a particular care he put into dressing up his Christmas tree. He knew Donghae would not even be able to see it all but then again, he would for sure feel it. The atmosphere, the smell of a fresh Christmas tree, of a chicken, the quiet, calming sound of the Christmas songs and carols which were constantly playing on Hyukjae’s radio. But most of all, Hyukjae wanted Donghae to feel that he cared, that he cared about him and wanted to make him feel treasured.

Only the day before Hyukjae was scared of how strong his feelings got, of how he experienced all of those things that would annoy him before, like the butterflies in his stomach or the inability to stop smiling like a fool wherever he would see Donghae beam or hear him laugh, but now he was sure. He fell in love. And he was determined to show it, to let the brunet know how he made him feel, to make him fall as well. He was tired of being alone, of spending Christmas on his own, of having only Choco to take care of. He needed a change. And that change, he believed, came with the person of Donghae.

He found that one person. He found his missing puzzle.

Finally.

A sudden ringing of his phone on the counter startled him and tore him away from his thoughts of a certain brunet abruptly. He put down the knife and quickly wiped his hands with a small towel before reaching for his mobile. When he saw the caller’s ID he widened his eyes, the realization of forgetting of his best friend because of the last days’ events hitting him with force.

“Oh damn, damn, damn, he’ll kill me” he muttered under his breath, bracing himself mentally for picking up. He didn’t even bring the phone close to his ear already knowing how Sungmin would greet him when he finally managed to pick up.

He exhaled twice before swiping the screen, he didn’t even get the chance to say anything as his friend’s voice boomed in the speaker.

“Hyukjae, you’re ing dead!!!”

Hyukjae flinched both at the loud screaming and at the realization of making his friend so angry and worried.

“M-Minnie I’m so sor – “

“Don’t you ‘Minnie’ me now, you little… you little… Are you even aware of the fact that you were supposed to call me like… two days ago?!” Sungmin had calmed down a bit yet in his voice still lingered the anger and disappointment and Hyukjae felt like a jerk. He sighed.

“I’m sorry, Minnie. It’s just…”

“It’s just what?” Sungmin asked impatiently, otherwise sensing that Hyukjae was up to tell him something very important. He didn’t know if the other had a good or a bad news for him, though “Did you find Choco? Is she safe?”

“Yes” Hyukjae said, needing that worry to disappear from Sungmin’s voice “She’s okay. She just happened to be really lively that day” he said and smiled unconsciously as he was reminded of his meeting with Donghae, how, if not for Choco, they would probably never get to know each other, or, if even, a whole while later “And…”

Sungmin immediately felt the sudden change in Hyukjae’s mood, his voice changing to a calm, warm and a fond one, he was sure he’s never heard it like this.

“And…?”

“Minnie” Hyukjae sighed like a complete lovesick man and Sungmin frowned.

“Tell me, Hyuk, you’re worrying me” he said slowly, surprised with that behavior coming from Hyukjae’s side, nonetheless he could feel the excitement growing inside of him.

Hyukjae only chuckled.

“Minnie” he repeated “I think I found him” he said finally, a smile never leaving his lips. The silence on the other line only assured him of the expected reaction.

“Found who?” Sungmin asked eventually, a bit carefully yet Hyukjae could sense his best friend had already read him like an open book, by his voice only, the excitement in Sungmin’s own words was evident.

“Remember what you had told me before you left?” Hyukjae responded with a question on his own and Sungmin hummed but, having realized the words he’s heard, he gasped.

“You mean you… you… you fell in love?!” he shrieked so loudly Hyukjae had to pull the phone away from his ear yet again as he flinched yet giggled at the same time.

Did I fall in love?

“Well… uhm…” he scratched his nape in thought. Was he really so sure?

Definitely.

“I guess I did” he said finally with a smaller, shy voice and then jumped in place, phone nearly slipping out of his hand, when he’d heard a squeal on the other line “, Minnie, couldn’t you tone it down a bit? I think I’m going to get deaf if you keep this up” he panted when he had recovered, his hand on his chest.

“Sorry, it’s just… Damn, are you serious?!” Sungmin exclaimed excitedly and Hyukjae chuckled already imagining Sungmin jumping on his feet with a huge, sweet grin on his lips.

“I am, I really am. Not knowing if he is yet, though. But I’m working on it. He’s coming tonight, for the Christmas dinner” Hyukjae said a bit flustered, a fond smile stretching his lips, his eyes showing off his feeling for the man he was talking of, shining even more than usually.

Sungmin gasped audibly.

“Oh my God” he whispered in exhilaration “Oh my God!” he yelled “My Hyukjae will finally have company on Christmas Eve!”

Hyukjae giggled at his best friend’s overexcitement.

“Well… I think so” he said.

“You have to tell me everything! From the moment you’ve met, up to now, everything about him, you hear me?!” Sungmin demanded like a real best friend he was and Hyukjae grinned at how his previous anger had disappeared in one moment “Is he handsome?”

“Gorgeous” Hyukjae replied, the word ‘handsome’ didn’t give Donghae any justice after all.

Sungmin laughed on the other line.

“I bet he is” he said “When I’m back I expect you to tell me the whole story and, of course, introduce him to me. That, my dear Hyukjae, is a must”

“You can be sure I will. You’ll get to know everything” Hyukjae affirmed, beaming at his friend’s antics.

“Good”

“Anyway, how’s your trip with Sa Eun?” the blonde asked, resuming his activities in the kitchen, abruptly interrupted by Sungmin’s call.

“Wonderful” the other admitted “It’s really warm here in Florida. I could lie on the beach all day…” he sighed making Hyukjae chuckle and mutter a ‘lazy ’ under his breath “And of course, Sa Eun is more than a perfect company”

“Damn, you sound so cheesy” Hyukjae teased.

“Oh you don’t want me to tell you how cheesy you sounded when talking about your soon-to-be boyfriend. Speaking of which, what’s his name?” Sungmin asked curiously.

“Donghae” Hyukjae replied “Lee Donghae”

“Donghae” Sungmin repeated, a frown evident in his voice “Hmmm, that’s interesting… The name somehow rings a bell. But I can’t remember when I’ve heard it before” he wondered.

“Anyway, maybe when I see him I’ll know” the strawberry blonde shrugged it off “Gotta go now, Hyuk, my wife wants to go swimming”

Hyukjae snorted.

“So whipped” he sing-sang “And stop taunting me with the beach activities, please. You’re a lucky ”

Sungmin laughed.

“I am, I really am. But I can sense you will soon be as well, Hyuk. A lucky, happy, whipped, cheesy fool” he answered, voice fond and full of love towards his best friend. Hyukjae smiled.

“Thanks, Minnie. Have a good time there. And Merry Christmas” he said opening the oven with one hand to put the raw chicken inside.

“Merry Christmas to you too, Hyuk. With Donghae” he heard before the line went off.

Having put the phone down on the counter, Hyukjae adjusted the temperature of the oven, all the while singing along with the melody playing on his radio and whistling which managed to drag Choco’s attention. The little dog entered the kitchen, her paws clicking on the tiles slightly as she looked curiously at her owner. Hyukjae only smiled at her and crouched down, sparing her some attention, petting, rubbing her fur and kissing her tiny head.

“We need to get ready, my princess” he said looking seriously at Choco’s eyes and she stared back, titling her head “Donghae’s coming soon”

As if understanding his words, Choco barked happily making Hyukjae giggle as he got up and took off his apron.

“We have an hour left” he said, having taken a quick glance at the clock and stormed to his room, leaving a confused Choco on the kitchen floor. He was going to get himself ready.

*

Exactly forty-five minutes, one shower and three change of clothes later he deemed himself ready, his reflection in the mirror satisfying him. He chose a plain white shirt with dark jeans, his blond hair styled up with a help of some gel in a way he liked and felt comfortable with, his single-lidded almond eyes highlighted with a bit of eyeliner and his best cologne smelling all around the bathroom. He smiled taking one last look in the mirror and then exhaled heavily before composing and bracing himself for what was going to happen soon.

He quickly fixed his bed, putting a special attention to adjusting the sheets like a neat freak he was (not that he was planning on his date moving to the bed (although he wouldn’t mind it a single bit) but well, maybe Donghae would like him to show him his house or… anyway, he just liked having his room tidy, okay?)) not before collecting all of his discarded earlier clothes from the surface and putting them back in his closet.

Few minutes later he stood by the doors of his cozy bedroom and casted one last glance all around before smiling, satisfied with its tidiness. It was okay.

He then proceeded to the kitchen, checking briefly on the chicken that was roasting slowly inside of the oven and arranged everything yet again, paying his attention to every little detail that was yet to be fixed. The same happened with the living room, all the while with Choco trotting behind him, following his every step until he deemed everything perfect and was ready to pick Donghae up.

Before seating himself in his car though he took Choco for a quick walk (the dogs had their needs as well after all) and then left, the path to the brunet’s house already memorized.

He finally let the nervousness had the better of him as his hands seemed to sweat more suddenly, fingers clenching on the steering wheel all the while. He was taking quick, deep breaths to calm himself down, telling him there was nothing to be nervous about, he was only going to meet Donghae and only take him to his house for the Christmas dinner.

Not a big deal at all.

Who he was trying to fool, really? It was a big deal.

Needing something to calm him down a bit he pressed the button of the car radio and immediately the Christmas songs started playing. It was soft and soothing and he smiled a bit but then he saw Donghae’s street coming into view and he took the turn  to the right only to drive few more meters before stopping just next to the small, cozy-looking maisonette Donghae and his friend lived in.

He parked at the small space designated especially for such a purpose and then exhaled heavily yet again before unfastening his seatbelt and exiting his car. He took a quick look at the house, the lights were turned off but it only meant that Donghae was alone. The brunette didn’t need the lights after all so Hyukjae wasn’t surprised by the