A/N: this extra dedicated to all the beautiful voters, subscribers, and comment-ers oh what I am without you, guys T^T

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Luhan

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This is not happening. Okay, so it’s a bit too late to say it when a pair of savory plump lips leaned to kiss him awkwardly, tasting him in such a polite manner like he was swallowing mini grenade and let it blew the inside of his stomach. Luhan couldn’t recall it clearly how they ended at the couch of bachelor pad –Kai’s apartment- with clothes scattered around the floor and their skin glued to skin. Oh right, he was the one who made mistake, dragging Kai to a night club to dance and drink with more drinking than dance without thinking the consequence like Kai was underage and Luhan himself can’t stand too much alcohol, which processing to making out on the dance floor, at the exit door, inside the taxi and here they were, back to the couch with bareness as blanket and chaste kisses to reduce the high from the booze and their wild love making.

So this is the first he ever had during 20 years of his life and there’s a pang in his chest to see how young and handsome the one who ‘de-flower’ him, only a first-year high schooler who thought he was self-lubricated and instead feeling awful because of the stretching pain, personally to get seduced by a teenager aroused Luhan and he can’t stop blaming himself as a creep for that.

Kai stopped kissing him and smiled contently. The darker orbs met his and made his still flustering skin get red and reddener. Oh, how a teenager could have so many layers of expression and complicated emotions just from his smile. Overall, he was happy. They’re sated and happy. But there are also excitement in Kai’s gaze from this forbidden bond they shared, the proud from becoming the one who plugged him and stained his passage, the worry from causing penetrating pain to him, the guilty from taking pleasure to his rear, the horror of their still unclear future and how the society reacted to it. All of it was seen from a smile and it reached the untouchable part of his heart. At first, Kai’s stubbornness to be close to him only created pity, but then pity grew into awe and everyone knew how awe turned into affection -or in his case, lust- and lust will always ended with bond, whether love included or not.

He didn’t love Kai. He wouldn’t.

It’s not because Kai told him how jerky the boy was, dating and then ditched Soo because of Luhan. If he wanted to be cruel, he can suggest Kai and him to date just to avenge his broken heart towards Soo. He could made love to Kai at home, when Soo was there and their parents didn’t, and be extra loud when he moaned and chanted Kai’s name. He will praise Kai in front of Soo, he will make sure to make Soo never smiled ever again.

But that will also cruel to Kai, who honestly love him and he didn’t want to hurt this boy. Kai never confessed to him, but at every touch Luhan can feel how dearest he was to Kai. It created disturbance in his heart and it made him afraid to even try loving Kai.

Only once he fell in love and a broken heart changed him into this bitter, mean person. He afraid if he loved Kai and then failed this dreamy relationship, he’ll jump into the Han River and drowned himself.

Why are you dating Soo? He asked softly, tried to cover the jealousy in his tone by telling himself this is also coming from curiosity. Truthfully, he didn’t want to accept that Soo was really a beloved person, like a Cinderella with her humbleness and Snow White with her pureness, while he’s just a common grumpy man who despised his life with slight prettier face than others. I mean, you’re very handsome and you looked straight.

Kai chuckled. I’m not straight. And I don’t want to talk about Soo. He’s hurting enough with my selfish decision. I’d like to keep my relationship with him as a good memory. My father used to say, good memories are the ones who reminded often as lesson to grow up but better stayed unspoken to keep them from getting ruined by lies. The husky voice lulled him to fascinate Kai more than he already was. This young boy, not only could hold him with the right amount of gentleness and in the same time, wilderness, but Kai also caught his guard by the wise speech and made his body trembling again in bliss.

This is unfair.

How many times he tried to reject love, but it kept coming back, kept striking the cracked wall of defense until the wall broke and love began filling his body. You’re not supposed to think that way. He told Kai, a bit accusingly, what do you want from me, anyway? He knew the question is rhetorical now. A friendship, or, a relationship? Cause if you think we can be like you and Soo, then I must tell you, I’m not interested to date. I don’t want to stroll while holding hands. I don’t want goodbye kisses on my front gate. I don’t want gentle love making. I don’t want sweet words and comforting hug when I cry. People in love is just that fluffy and sentimental, when reality cracked in, there’ll be betrayals, arguments, broken hearts… WHY YOU’RE LAUGHING?!

Here Luhan finally spilled everything he thought, all his irritations and fears, yet instead upsetting Kai, the boy chuckled and laughed airily like he was saying the best joke of the year.

Are you mocking me? Luhan gave Kai stern look.

I’m sorry. Kai coughed as the boy swallowed the last trail of laugh. I understand. Kai grinned and Luhan had to pinch the tanned cheeks gently to also stop such a sheepish act. I know how sensitive you are and how fearful the idea of loving to you. But that’s what I like from you, Lu, and it’s not only that. The boy caressed his face and easily melted the anger in him. Oh, this is what he hated about love. Because he had such feeling for Kai, he became less spiteful and more forgiving. For me, you was-

Please don’t tell me more. Luhan cut Kai word a bit desperately.

Why not? Kai looked surprised. Don’t you want to know why I love you?

Finally, the three –damned- words escaped Kai lips and rang the giant bell through Luhan now blank mind. He was loved. He was loved. He was loved. He shouted in panic. But then, so what if he was loved? He asked the repeated words in his brain. He shouldn’t be so happy right now since love only the sign for disaster for his future. Love grew the seeds of anxiety, jealousy, hatred, and many more of unhealthy emotions. And he was worried now since Kai confessed, he had to come up with the best answer.

Why? Stupid him preferred to explore more about Kai’s love for him instead rejecting.

There are reasons. Sensing there’s interest in him, Kai frowned face turned relaxed again. Thousands reasons which I’d like to share to you one by one as each of our days passing by.

Thousands? Luhan crinkled his eyebrows. So I had to meet you every day for my life time just to hear it? At the moment, he didn’t understand the meaning behind Kai words or how Kai gleamingly smiled over his continuous grumble, Can you make it simpler to me? Just put it in one sentence or one word.

Nope. Kai shook his head firmly, then snorted when the crease in between his eyebrows deepened. Loving you is my everything. As the boy said it, Kai s the hands around his back and embraced him tightly, you deserved to hear each reason, Luhan, cause my love for you means nothing than to give you happiness for the rest of your life.

Luhan didn’t know what to think or to feel anymore. He was numb as they drowned in a peaceful silent. It’s really unlike Kai to be so faithful and mature. But he’s also not himself to not deny any more whatever threw on him. He just simply let the nice words swirled in him and allowed himself to let Kai trying to bring back happiness in him.

Maybe it’ll work, this love.

Then, why do you love me today? He stared dazedly at the ceiling, waiting Kai to shift so their eyes could met again and burned each other with whatever left inside them.

Because you wanted me, as who I am. Luhan couldn’t stop himself from smiling when Kai whispered it on his lips, not everyone trusted me enough to give everything to me before.

So you wanna say, you never sleep with anyone before? Luhan couldn’t believe he was giggling now, and that’s because Kai promised him happiness and he did feel happy to think tonight was their very first love making. Not even with Soo?

Kai gave him concerned look. I’m sixteen and this is real life, sweety, and could you stop giggling? Not that I don’t like it, but you make me hard again.

But you’re a bad boy. Luhan pursed his lips to stop him from bursting into another stupid squeal. But he failed it and yeah, squealing giddily.

I might sometimes pull harmless pranks and get warnings or detentions. But I’m not a . Kai grunted, while getting up from him and straddled him again. Luhan whimpered at the stinging pain as Kai spread his sore legs. I do watch though. But I guess every teenagers do that. It’s amazing to watch Kai do him. The long and thin fingers mapped his inner thighs and in the same time, caressing his crotch to arouse him, then, the lean hips will jerk as Kai loaded the shaft into him which Kai said –relax, I’m not big so I won’t hurt you that much- but in fact it’s big for teen and Luhan shuddered every time he remembered Kai wasn’t reach adult stage yet.

It’s hurt. Luhan accidentally bit his tongue.

Kai tsk-ed and kissed him, offering him to bite the boy’s tongue instead to forget the pain. Luhan didn’t dare to do that, so he refused it by Kai’s tongue and hugged Kai as tight as the boy held him, when the pain soon replaced by pleasure. Oh, if only he met Kai sooner they could make love from a long time ago, he thought dreamily, but then he realized it was very silly. Kai will be too young for him and that’ll be a serious crime to have with the brunette, although he’s the bottom.

Can we change position? Luhan asked when the deep kiss broke in need for air. Let’s try doggy style.

Kai groaned. Please Luhan, can you be less dirty and be cuter?

I’m a college student, not a teen star in sailor uniform. I have dirty mouth.

But I’m going to come early and that’s just because your dirty mouth.

Then come. Luhan laughed at the harsh glare he got from Kai right now. We don’t have to reach the peak together, that’s cliché, and it’s easy to make you hard again. You’re teenager. You’re always . Luhan clenched his inner wall, making Kai grunted louder as the boy fastened the pace and kept hitting his sweet spot. It weakened his struggle around the stabbing length, but as he felt Kai stopped moving and drenched his inside with thick rope of hot , Luhan realized he was coming too just from the exploding sensation in his stomach.

In between harsh breathing and lazy groping, Luhan sighed in relief cause now he decided to completely stop arguing with himself. He would love Kai. In fact, he loved Kai already and silently promised the boy who hugged him and kissed him, at every happiness Kai gave him each day in their future, he’ll give it back it by giving Kai more of his love for the tomorrow and the day after, until his last breath.

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so, how was it???