Touch. Backhug. -slap. Hug. Caresses. It is normal for a Chanyeol to do so. To whoever he wants. But to me, Do Kyung Soo it is heart-fluttering skinships. I can’t stand it when his hands are in touch with my skin. I cannot help myself but to feel tingling, warm inside. Right then and now I know, the way I look,the way I think of Chanyeol is not the same as it was anymore.

I am an unfriendly, taciturn person. I am completely awkward with strangers. Whether they are older, younger or even peers. It is weird, really odd when I got to be close with Chanyeol really fast. When we first met, he welcomed me warmly. He shook my hand and hugged me. As for me shockingly, easily befriend with him. As you all know, we even get home together on the first day we met. He was and is (eventhough I don’t know if I still be his bestfriend when he knows my feeling) the best friend I ever had.

We get closer and closer and closer as the days goes by. We spent a lot of time together. We did cover a lot of songs together. Chanyeol plays the guitar and I will sing. There are no secrets between us. Chanyeol’s secrets is mine. And my secrets is Chanyeol’s. One day, I played around with Chanyeol, teasing him about how extraordinarily big his ears are. And he didn’t talk to me for about a month. That month is the most terrible month in my life.

 After all the hardships, trainings, bruises, tears that we had, we managed to debut. We both did achieve our dream. Of becoming the entertainer that can entertain people. The singer that make music to heal people. We were so happy. And there are rumors about ChanBaek all over. I was happy about it. My friend got a boyfiend. Hell yeah. His life will be complete! I kept teasing Chanyeol and Baekhyun everyday and everytime although Chanyeol will come to me and ask me to stop teasing him when they are not on camera. If there is an award for The Best ChanBaek shipper, it must be me who receive it. But, it all changed when one day, all Chanyeol’s touch, ChanSoo banner at our concert (which I don’t really understand why this ship even actually sailed) make me happy.

I hate my feeling. I shouldn’t feel like this. Me, Do Kyung Soo shouldn’t fall in love with someone who is in a ship which I am the captain that sail it. When Ryeowook hyung said he think Chanyeol is the member that I clicked the most, I am happy. (not in a friend way). I disgusted with myself when I am unhappy with ChanBaek rumors. Hey! I am ChanBaek shipper club president. I even scold Chanyeol when he said he is a fan of Kai. Like bloody hell, didn’t he understand Baekhyun’s feeling when he said that?

I hate the fact that my feeling can destroy our precious relationship. I did everything that I can to stop Chanyeol’s attempt to touch me. I hate (but deep inside my heart, i.. i... HEY! NO!) the arrangement of XOXO choreography because Chanyeol’s position is right behind me. I always terrified and nervous everytime we perform XOXO at The Lost Planet Concert as I know Chanyeol will touch me in order to tease me. (We all know he tease me because he wants to see my overreact reaction) eventough I like the warm feeling when he touch me, I still has my rationality. The more I show my anger, the more he tease me. He keeps slap-butting, backhuging, and touching me. There are times that I can’t help myself but to enjoy it. I smile and go along with his jokes.

I always thinks of being stern and firm about it. I did once told him not to touch or attempt any skinship ever again with me whether on stage or off stage. But knowing Chanyeol as the stubborn person ever, he will never obey it.

There are once when he lift me in bridal way, my heart beat so fast. It beat as if I just take place in marathon.It felt strange. Way too different from when he did lifted me in Happy Camp. And again, I feel humiliated with this gross feeling I had. I shouldn’t feel this way towards my own bestfriend. I know I can’t keep my secret from him for a long time. But I just hope I can get over this feeling soon. Before he finds out about it. Before I lost my bestfriend.

-Kyung Soo (12/7/2014)

‘Guess your secret is not a secret anymore, Do Kyung Soo.’ Chanyeol closed the ‘WARNING!’ covered book and get out of the bedroom and searched for Kyung Soo .

“Hey, Chen, where is Kyung Soo?” he asked Chen who is sitting on the sofa watching ‘Tom and Jerry’.

“He had his drama’s press con” answered Chen without looking at Chanyeol who stands behind him.

“Oh, When will he come back?”

“Erm, on 8.”

I shifted my sight towards the clock. 7.30. I sighed. I cannot wait to see his face and confess to him and scold him for keeping his secret from me (when I also concealed my feelings towards him) and lectures him about how oblivious he can be when I did almost everything to show my feelings towards him and announce to the other members about the new title for our relationship and to cuddle with him not as a friend but a boyfriend and tell him, assure him that he will never ever lost his bestfriend. Not now, not tomorrow and not forever. Argh! 30 minutes feel like forever now!