one
Saudade
Another two years has passed and I come back, again. I don’t expect anything actually, I just want to start a new beginning. Guess, today is the start of everything after all.
Life has been hard for me honestly. I have to wake up alone and I have to acknowledge the fact that I will through everything alone. When everything goes bad I have no one but myself to be blamed, when everything goes well I have no one but myself to be appreciated. But then being alone is not entirely troublesome, most of girls nowadays are too attached to people around them and they will have a hard time when they are alone, I am sure. But I will not, I am so get used to being alone, so to me being alone doesn’t mean I feel lonely. Anyway, have I told you my name? my name is Kim Hana. It is nice meeting you again.
I supposed some of you might be surprise of my sudden change character. Actually you shouldn’t, because this is me, the real Kim Hana. It is just I never show anyone my real character but howon. Oh yeah, I never met him again since god knows when and it bothers me sometimes when some things around me remind me of him. A lot of things remind me of him, but then I should’ve grateful for that because I’ve spent a lot of fun times with him.
Anyway is there any of you curious about the reason why I can be like this? I can show you the real Hana. So well, let me tell you guys my story.
Flashback 1 – 29.06.2012
Remember this day? This day was when I bumped into a boy who was really rude to me. That somehow only my assumption when I hadn’t know him a lot. I picked his note and I couldn’t stop reading the quote he took from novel. It was sweet, I guess. Because of him, I like to read novels a lot. And believe or not my sense of drawing has improve a lot because I read novels.
Behind the note there was his sign and his twitter account. I didn’t know why he wanted to write it there. It wasn’t like anyone would see it anyway but for my case it really was important. So as I got home, I logged in my twitter account and tried to talk to him. I wasn’t sure whether he like my sudden mention to him or not. I just wanted to give the note back to him. After all the note was his.
Not long after I mentioned him on twitter, he replied to me with actually a really short answer and left me with disappointment. oh hi rude girl, you can take my note beside I don’t need it anymore. Am I that rude to him honestly? But really I didn’t know why I feel so disappointed with his answer. Firstly why would a piece of paper be so important for him when I believed he could re-write the note if he lost it? So what did I expect from him? ok so to be very honest, I just wished he wanted his note back so that he would ask me to meet him to give him back his note. So yeah, I wanted to see him.
Was it wrong anyway if I wanted to see him? I didn’t even know what would I do if I can meet him again. Like be rude to him or show him that I am not rude at all. But nah, do I sound like an attention seeker girl? I don’t like that, attention-seeker-girl. Like seriously it pisses me off every time one of them is around me but then perhaps I am one of them too because girls always hope more attention for her than attention they should have. Oh anyway I replied to his reply. I said, does a girl who wanted to give your note back to you count as a rude girl? And yes, I did hope he could reply me more faster than before.
Flashback 2 – 25-07-2012
This day, I got an e-mail from Bora. Yoon Bora, I missed how her full name came out from my mouth. I was surprised because I thought she would just forget me after I left but actually she didn’t. Then, I came to think again the reason of why should I hate her in the first place. It wasn’t like she did any wrong to me. She was just become a part of my well-you-could-say-sad-love-story. She wasn’t the one who choose this. I just am so in love with Howon so every reason that were exist sounds impossible to me if Howon wasn’t mine. Stupid, right? I know.
So here is her e-mail :
Hi, my dearest friend Hana.
I don’t know where are you now. I just hope I do so I can jump to you and hug you to tell you how happy I am.
I heard that you blame yourself for the accident that happened to me. but really if that’s true, please don’t. Because I am all fine now, and I believe you aren’t the one who causes the accident. After all, we are friend I guess?
After I met you every things changed, I shouldn’t blame you because I got a lot of things to learned from that, and you do too, don’t you? I just didn’t know what would I become if I didn’t met you I probably would just end up with Hoya. I will just said I love Hoya, when I didn’t. It will make it worse than it was before because I will lie to him and to myself. Hana, he still loves you like he always have. But well you already made your decision so I hope you will feel happy with that. Anyway I have made my decision too. I love Junho, and I will tell him. Please wish me a lot of happiness. Like I always wish for you.
It would be nice if you were here with me, Kim Hana.
Isn’t she a cutiepie who is born to be sweet- I didn’t know why but I am touched by reading her e-mail. But then I decided not to reply to her. Because two reasons. First, I don’t want to hear anything about Howon again and second, I don’t think I want to talk to her like everything is fine. But of course, I do wish her a lot of happiness.
So on this day also I got a reply from that Boy who always call me rude girl. It has been a month and he just replied to me. ok inhales. exhales. I actually didn’t know how to control myself. He said, meet me next week at 10 a.m. and I reply to him, where? But he never replied to me.
Flashback 3 – 01-08-2012
A week has passed. And still I didn’t get any reply from him. Does he think I can read his mind or what. But anyway I still tried to read his mind of where he wanted to meet me. So at exact 9 a.m. I left home and went to the place I first met him. Yeah, I waited for him on the sidewalk. Alone. At least until I gave up on waiting for him. But not long after I am arrived at the sidewalk someone called me. well, not really called me since my name is Hana, but he called “rude girl” instead of my name. but then of course he meant me. I looked at him and he was in front of small café that looks so cozy. So I walked toward him and he flashed a smile, believe me he’s cute.
He led me to the café and sit with him. As soon as I sat on my seat, I gave him his note and said sorry. I didn’t know why I said sorry, though. But it feels right anyway. And then he said, “I’ve told you I don’t need it anymore so you can have it”. “then why would you want to meet me?”, I asked him and to this question he laughed. I looked at him weirdly. I was asking and he laughed as if his laugh could make me less confused. After a moment he finished his little time and answered me, “I thought you perhaps want to meet me”. Well yeah that’s true but being the woman who has pride I said, “oh please, do you think I have a lot of time to just randomly meet you?”. “you do, in fact you are here in front of me now.”, I looked at him clearly dozed of his answer. And he reached out his hand and said, “well my name is Im Jaebum, but you can call me JB”. I looked at his hand and hold the urge to not took his hand and said, “JB as in Justin Bieber?”. “JB as in Jaebum”, he answered and instead of being angry he smiled at me and asked what’s my name. “Kim Hana”, I answered him shortly.
“Nice name you got there”, he said.
“don’t flirt with me”, I said.
“I didn’t. I was just stating a fact.”
“thanks then.”
“are you always like this?” he asked.
“like what?”
“cold-faced girl. Because I don’t think you really are cold”
“many people said I am cold. Well I am so get used to it. so why wouldn’t you think the same with them?”
“because you really aren’t, am I right?”
“well, you need to find it out by yourself”, I said and left him.
Actually there was a small hope in me that probably he would be the one who makes me forget about Hoya. I shouldn’t hope too much. He wouldn’t try to looking for information about me. That was what I always said when I think about him. Because I am afraid I would feel disappointed so I better not try, right? But again, I was wrong.
After I left him at the café I walked straight to my gallery. My gallery wasn’t anywhere close to the café but then I feel like taking a walk that day. When I arrived at my gallery I saw JB stood while stared at my painting. I wondered what was he doing in my gallery. I meant my gallery is pretty popular, I wasn’t being cocky but that is a fact, alright? So yeah my gallery is popular but then there is no celebrity ever come to my gallery. Ok, I gotta admit I guess. I ever heard some of my employees and of course they are girls and also Korean like me, they were talking about JB and I didn’t know anything about JB so I thought they were talking about Justin Bieber. And on my way to my gallery I research about JB and that was how I know that JB is a singer also an actor. And if I might say, he’s good at many things dance, sing and acting and like I said before he’s quite cute. Oh and another fact, he’s younger than me by 3 years.
JB kept on walking around my gallery, seeing one after another of my paintings. Until eventually he stopped at my favorite painting. He stared at my favorite painting for quite a long time so I decided to come to him. “do you enjoy the painting, sir?”, I said, looking at the same painting he looked at. By the corner of my eyes I could see he was smiling and nodded. “what’s the story behind this painting?”, he asked and that was when I looked at him and he looked back at me. I wasn’t sure but I could see the generous curiosity in his eyes. So I smiled at him, the first smile I ever gave him and answered, “I want to tell them about my dreams on that painting”. “may I know what’s your dream then?”, he asked again. “I want to help others to reach their dreams. I don’t know It seems silly and impossible but I want to do that”. “it wasn’t silly at all, I think”, he said and again I smiled at him.
“so what are you doing here?”, I asked.
“you told me to ‘find it out’ by myself, and I did it”
“oh so what did you find out?”
“you like painting”
“that’s not explain am I cold or not”
“I know, but then it’s fun to get to know you more”
Here is the first chapter. i hope you guys like it and pls do subscribe and comment to make me more motivated.
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