Hello, sorry I haven't been updating! Second year is hard TT
(btw the Taeyeon in this story is NOT SNSD's Taeyeon TuT)

Monday, December 21st, 2014

It was in a daze that Junghwa walked up to the terrace Monday afternoon, to join the others for lunch. Her mind was still fuzzy with what happened the last night, the thought settling in her stomach with a tingly sensation that made her feel funny all over.

Her fingers traced her lips, realising how cold they seemed to feel against her skin. They too seemed to mourn with her.

The warmth from her and Yoongi’s unexpected exchange in the elevator had ebbed away almost as fast as it had come, leaving her shivering for more, and more she wanted from him, but the harsh realisation that he didn’t want the same kept coming back like a cold wave of the sea against her, and she seemed to drown further and further in it.

Junghwa exhaled. She was perplexed by his actions, by her own feelings. Since the first time this had happened, her whole world seemed to be thrown out of balance, her heart extremely confused. So bothered by Yoongi’s complexity was she that she had managed to forget Taehyung’s sudden confession last evening. She was so distracted by the mint haired boy living next door, almost as if she was in another world and couldn’t ever come back down to earth.

Pushing the door open, Junghwa walked out into the sunshine with a sigh leaving her lips.

"Merry Christmas!" A voice startled her as Taehyung, with a grin, jumped in front of her.

“Jesus Christ, Taehyung, don’t do that!” She wailed, holding a hand to her heart as she shook her head. "It's too early for Christmas-"
"But it's the last day of school! And it's close to Christmas! Four more days!" Taehyung grinned, his smile only just shy of a smirk. "Here."

He held out a small box towards her. Reluctantly, she took it and slowly opened it, her eyes widening with surprise before she let out a loud laugh.

"Oh, Taehyung, it's adorable!" Junghwa grinned at the small glass jar in her hand; a jar candle of the kind that she would often see in craft stores.
"I made it with Taeyeon." He chuckled. "She's really good at all this art and crafts kind of thing, so I asked her to help me out and made little candles for everyone. It’s therapeutic too, aromatic and all, you know? I got you lavender. I feel like it suits your aesthetic."
“I really do like lavender.”Junghwa noticed how the wax was conveniently a shade of lilac too.

"It's beautiful." She put it back in its box, and safely tucked it away in her bag. And then she took out another slightly bigger box out, looking at her. "Here's your present, I hope you like it."

Taehyung took the small box in his hand hesitantly, but hurriedly ripped away at the wrapping paper.

“Oh geez, isn’t this expensive?” He blinked at the small camera in his hand.
“It was on sale.” Junghwa grinned. “Jungkook has hinted that you were thinking of starting a vlogging channel soon? I figured this might be appropriate for a start.”

Taehyung looked down at the box with a stunned smile, before stammering out a small “Thank you…” to Junghwa.
“It’s nothing.” She grinned back, happy that he liked his present. Taehyung held his arms out and smiled again. Junghwa walked into them without an ounce of hesitation, wrapping her arms around his waist as she hugged him back.

"Merry Christmas." Junghwa whispered.
"Merry Christmas. And, hey, listen." He mumbled. "I'm really, really sorry about yesterday."
"Hey. It's okay. Don't be." She hugged him tighter than she possibly ever could. "I’m the one who should be sorry."
"Haha, well… I hope you find your true happiness someday." He sighed. “Someone who’ll make you just as happy as I would have liked you to make me.”
"I hope you do, too, Tae... Now how about letting me go? Namjoon and Hoseok are giving us looks."

Taehyung immediately let go of Junghwa, before smiling at his two friends awkwardly.

"Is this your way of making a move, Taehyung?" Hoseok snickered.
"Shut up. It's nothing like that." Taehyung snapped, his cheeks flushed with embarrassment. "I'm over it! I have Minji, don’t I?"
"Minji's going out with Junhong from our class." Junghwa giggled.
"Taehyung is forever unlucky when it comes to love." Hoseok chuckled as Taehyung dramatically fell to the floor, wailing loudly as Namjoon guffawed at him.

"Merry Christmas!" Junghwa grinned, holding out a wrapped packet at Hoseok. "Namjoon, catch!" She threw another present at Namjoon, who caught it just in time.

"Woah, this mask is wicked!" Hoseok gasped. "I really wanted this, how did you know?”
“Well, I got a hint from Hyerin unnie.” She winked, before punching his arm playfully. “I know it was a bit of a stretch, but think of it as a small thank you for everything.”
“Thanks, Junghwa.” Hoseok ruffled her hair, giving her a sad smile as he said, “I haven’t been doing so well this week, but this really helped. Thank you.”
“Everything okay?” Junghwa asked quietly, noticing how weary Hoseok looked, but he forced a smile, shrugging it off as he glanced around nervously, before sighing again.

“I’m fine. Just tired. Depressed. Nothing new. I have my pills so I’m fine.” He mumbled.
“Well, I’m here to talk if you need me.” Junghwa nodded curtly, just as Namjoon ran towards them.

"Hey, you got me Drake's new album! Sweet!" Namjoon grinned. "Thanks a bunch!"
"Anytime! Oh, look the others are here!” She grinned widely as Jimin, Seokjin and Jungkook too joined them, but her smile faltered when she saw Yoongi behind them. Their eyes met for a brief moment, before he looked away, turning pink.

"Merry Christmas!" Jimin laughed, lifting Junghwa off the ground. She shouted in protest, but wasn't able to stop laughing.

"Let her down!" Seokjin shouted. "We want to give our presents too."
"Merry Christmas, Chimchim! Here, your present!" She jumped to her bag as soon as Jimin put her back on the ground, and handed him his present – a branded snapback.

"You know exactly what we wear!" Jimin laughed as he pulled it on. Junghwa grinned, as she handed Seokjin a selfie stick. "Figured you might need a new one since the one you have is nearly broken."
"Thank you so much!" Seokjin grinned. "I was going to step out and buy one today, but looks like you've beaten me to it."

Junghwa grinned as the rest of the boys began to pile presents in her hand. She got a baggy sweatshirt from Jimin, a hip-hop album from Namjoon, a cap from Seokjin and a HBA hoodie from Hoseok ("That's from me and Hyerin!" He told her, later on.). As everyone else was exchanging presents, Junghwa bumped into someone, and she quickly apologised, turning around and her heart dropped.

Oh.

Yoongi blinked, his cheeks turning pink as they made eye contact, and he immediately looked down at his feet, his hands tightly gripping at a small box with ‘Hwa’ written on it in English. Her heart warmed up at the gesture, and she looked up at him with a small smile.

“Hi.” She whispered.
“Hey,” Yoongi murmured, unable to stop himself from smiling back. Junghwa felt that funny feeling again, but this was in a good way more than anything else.

You are so beautiful, Yoongi…

“Um, I got you this.”
"Ah-" Yoongi turned pink, avoiding her eyes. Junghwa immediately took out a small, neatly wrapped packet and handed it to him. Best get it over with, then.

Yoongi, too, took out a small box, and gave it to Junghwa. The pair exchanged presents without uttering a word. Unknown to them, their awkwardness did not go unnoticed.

"Hey." Hoseok muttered to Jungkook. "Don't those two seem awkward with each other?"

Jungkook glanced at Junghwa and Yoongi, who immediately walked away from each other after giving their presents.

"Yeah..." Jungkook murmured. "That is odd."

However, the concern over them was soon forgotten as the boys began to have lunch. While everyone exchanged details of what happened in class, Yoongi slowly opened his present, glancing around nervously. He unwrapped the packet, and was slightly surprised when he brought out a black beanie.

"Ain't Laurent..." He murmured, his lips curving up into a smile as he shook his head. "Thanks..."

Taking off his favourite orange beanie, he put the new beanie on his head. It was a perfect fit, and he couldn’t help but smile at the comfort of the soft material.

"Hey, that looks nice!" Taehyung exclaimed, grinning at him. Yoongi nodded, smiling a little before looking back down at his lunch.

And Junghwa couldn’t stop herself from smiling, seeing him wear it, and decided to open her present as well. And once she did, her eyes widened with a pleasant surprise.

A bracelet. It was silver, with a few charms on it, and it was so unlike Junghwa to wear these things so often, if not at all. Out of all the others, he was the only one to give her something so... delicate.

She smiled again as she slipped on the silver bracelet, which fit perfectly around her wrist.

"Pretty..." She smiled to herself. "Thanks, Yoongi..."

Tuesday, December 22nd, 2014

"Ahh, what do I do?!" Yoongi bent his head in embarrassment as he looked into the mirror. He had spent the last hour trying to come up with a perfect way to apologise to Junghwa about what had happened in the elevator, but somehow couldn't work up the guts to do so.

Why was it so hard? It wasn’t the first time they had kissed, and he definitely didn’t want it to be the last. But the first kiss they shared had mutual commitment. Kind of. Yoongi was impulsive of course, but it was not like Junghwa did not welcome it. At least that’s what it seemed like.

This one, though… It was rash, completely impulsive and almost as if he had forced himself on her lips which he just couldn’t seem to resist and get his mind off. And Yoongi couldn’t stop thinking about them, even if he tried his hardest not to.

“. Me. Why did I make this even more complicated?” Yoongi cursed, resting his forehead against the cold surface of the mirror, looking at himself worriedly. He didn’t exactly look that healthy but he looked quite alright- no, Yoongi, this isn’t the time! He yelled to himself mentally as he tried to focus on the problem at hand. How the was he going to apologise and make up for this?!

“Okay, Yoongi. Sangnamja, you got this.” He began, exhaling heavily as he tried again. “Junghwa, I know we’ve been awkward lately, and it is entirely my fault, I am so sorry- No, that sounds so rushed, and- , what do I do…”

He was snapped out of his thoughts by his phone beeping continuously. Letting out a frustrated growl, he pulled his phone out of his pocket, sighing when he saw that the message was from his sister, asking him to bring some things back when he went home in a few days.

“Well, best get this out the way before I forget-”

His thoughts were interrupted by his doorbell, followed by rapid knocking. With another sigh, Yoongi walked out of his bedroom, slowly leading himself to the front door.

Hoseok walked inside, a wide grin on his face as he greeted the younger male. Yoongi couldn't help but return the gesture, unable to resist the contagious charm of his friend's smile.

“How you been, Yoongi?”
“Okay.” Yoongi shrugged nonchalantly, as he walked into the kitchen. “Need anything?”
“Just water.” Hoseok smiled thankfully. “I was here to meet Junghwa.”
“Oh…” Yoongi nodded slowly, heart aching at the mention of the name. “I see. She alright?”
“Well, you'd know more about that than I would, am I right?” Hoseok winked, leaning against the counter as he stood next to Yoongi. The shorter man glanced at his friend, giving him a confused look.

“Well since you're neighbours, and you and the Jeons practically live at each other's anyway…” Hoseok trailed off, smiling sadly at the floor. “Maybe not so much now though, eh?”
“What do you mean…” Yoongi looked at Hoseok suspiciously, handing him a bottle of water.

“You and Junghwa. You seemed off.” Hoseok broached the subject carefully. “How do I word it…”
“I don’t know why it seems that way to you. Everything’s fine.” Yoongi shook his head, avoiding Hoseok’s piercing gaze. “Nothing’s wrong.”
“Right. The both of you are so awkward and everyone’s beginning to notice. It’s worrying, you know?” Hoseok mumbled. “Just looking out for you both.”
“I’m fine. She’s fine. There’s nothing wrong.” Yoongi grumbled, walking to his refrigerator. As he pulled out a can of diet coke from the inside, he could hear Hoseok sigh exasperatedly. “I don’t believe that.”
“Why, Hoseok? I’m telling you, it’s fine.” Yoongi was starting to get annoyed now, and even Hoseok could see it. But he was so sure that his friend was lying about the situation, whatever it was, that he had to wriggle the answer out of him somehow.

“No, it’s obviously not. I can clearly tell when something’s up, Yoongi, especially when you’re involved, and when she’s involved too.” Hoseok growled.

“Hoseok, please, just accept it as the truth and move on.” Yoongi glared at his friend, but Hoseok wasn’t going to back down without a fight.

“I can’t accept it because it isn’t the ing truth, Yoongi-”
“Shut the up, Hoseok.”

Hoseok blinked, seeing the cold fury in his friend’s eyes, and realised that this was a bad idea.

“Can’t you ing tell that me denying whatever might have happened is because I don’t want to ing talk about it?” Yoongi snapped. “Just drop the matter, stop wasting my time.”

Hoseok looked up at Yoongi, a sad smile slowly spreading across his face, and Yoongi instantly felt horrible. He didn’t know why, but Hoseok looked so vulnerable in that moment that it was heart-wrenching to see him like this.

“Yeah, a waste of time. Deep down, that’s all I really am.” He choked out, looking to the side. His eyes brimmed with tears, and Yoongi realised that the words had hit Hoseok harder than they should have, and he instantly began to regret losing his temper so easily.

“Hoseok, I-”
“No, no. It was expected.” Hoseok finally mustered the courage to look up at Yoongi, and how the latter hated it when their eyes met; Hoseok looked so broken, and Yoongi didn’t know if he could fix him.

“No, what-”
“A waste of time, a waste of space. That’s probably all I’ll ever be.” Hoseok scoffed. “I tried protecting myself, you know? This little bubble, pretending everything was okay, pretending that I’m alright, trying to be everyone’s hope… but I guess that’s gone to now.”

Hoseok. No. Stop.

“I knew someone would snap eventually. But I was hoping you wouldn’t be the one that did it, Yoongi.”

Hoseok turned around, rushing out of the kitchen. Recovering quickly from his dumbfounded state, Yoongi ran after him, grabbing his arm as he tried to make for the door.

“Don’t touch me!” Hoseok shouted, violently shaking him off. “Don’t ing touch me!”
“Hoseok, please, listen to me.”
“I said don’t touch me-” Hoseok wriggled in Yoongi’s grasp, but already his resolve was crumbling.

“Hoseok, please…”
“Yoongi, don’t touch me. Let me go.” Hoseok’s voice suddenly broke, his whole body shaking as he sunk to the floor. “You can’t see me like this, Yoongi, please-”
“Sh.” Yoongi knelt down next to him, gently placing a hand on his back as he rubbed comforting circles on his back. “It’s okay, Hoseok. You don’t have to pretend anymore.”
“It hurts. Everything hurts.” Hoseok choked out, his face falling forward as a quiet sob escaped his lips. “I've been holding it in for too long.”

Yoongi rubbed his friend's back reassuringly, nodding at him to continue.

“I thought I could handle it. Get myself together, but I clearly can't-” Hoseok held his arm against his mouth, muffling the sound of his cries. Yoongi sighed, wrapping an arm across his shoulder to pull him closer. It was heartbreaking to see Hoseok like this, and hurt even more to know that the cheerful demeanour had only been an illusion. You would never have guessed that there was so much going on with him, so much conflict on an emotional level.

And yet, here he was, shaking in Yoongi’s arms, desperately letting out the pent up emotion in the form of strained tears. Hoseok’s heavy gasps to maintain his composure going to naught as he spluttered out cries, the sleeve of his jumper becoming wet with his tears.

“Crap, Hoseok, what have you been doing…” Yoongi gently took Hoseok’s hand into his, noticing the red patches on his wrist. He pulled the sleeve back, hissing under his breath when he saw the deep cuts that Hoseok had obviously made.

Just how long have you been suffering, Hoseok?

“How long have you been feeling like this?”
“A few years…” He shrugged, looking at Yoongi sadly. “After my parents split up, things really went downhill. Ma was sick a lot, me and my sister had to do everything we physically could to support her and ourselves.”

“I’ve been… depressed, I guess, for a few years, Yoongi. Just didn’t want to tell anyone about it.”
“Hobie, why did you keep it from us?”
“I didn’t want you to worry. Anyone. Junghwa found my pills, that’s how she knows...” Hoseok sighed, his hand clutching around the wounded wrist. “I’m sorry I kept it from you.”
“I’ve kept a lot of things from you too, Hoseok, I can’t really say anything about it.” Yoongi sighed, before looking at Hoseok with a wry smile.

“Does it get really bad towards the end of the year?”
“Yeah. Less daylight, less serotonin, all that good .” Hoseok laughed dryly. “I usually always talk to Junghwa about this, but… lately, I hadn’t been able to. I’ve been closing off more.”

Yoongi slowly nodded, looking at the floor, before he exhaled. “You can come talk to me anytime you like. About how you’re feeling and stuff.”
“Yeah. I think I will.” Hoseok nodded, looking at him with a small smile. His eyes were still puffy but there was a brighter light to his face. “But, you wanna tell me what’s up with you now?”

Yoongi sighed, nodding slowly. “I may or may not have kissed Junghwa twice impulsively…”

-----

Junghwa had been in her bed the whole day. It was already eleven in the morning, although she had been awake since seven. She had heard Jungah get up with a small groan, as she had always done, even as a young child.

It had been Junghwa’s turn to sleep on the bed the night before, which meant that she could sleep with her back to the door, facing the window instead so she could pretend to be asleep. She had heard her sister walking around the room noisily, looking for her clothes with silent curses escaping her lips as she kept tripping over her futon.

She had heard her little sister Junghee run into their room with an excited laugh, animatedly talking to Jungah about going around Seoul with Jungkook that day. Junghwa would have tagged along, of course, but she had a lot on her mind now. And by a lot, she meant-

Yoongi.

Her eyes closed, the mere thought of the name bringing her unknown agony. How was it that the same person who had helped her so much these last few months be able to cause her so much emotional pain at the same time?

When he first came over before their final exam, she had been surprised to see him in her room, but at the same time, really happy that he was there. It was an unexplainable feeling, but whatever she had been feeling before had been forgotten, replaced by the overwhelming happiness of being with him, in his company, something she cherished more than anything else now.

However… now, the atmosphere was awkward. They weren’t as close, they didn’t always walk with one another and they even stopped messaging now, after what happened over the weekend.

It’s funny how a few kisses can ruin lives.

Junghwa sighed again, burying herself into her pillow. The negative feelings were growing again; the feelings of worthlessness coming back to her unpleasantly. She wanted this pain to go away. She knew this feeling, though. Withdrawals. That, and her probably relapsing back into her depression.

Junghwa had been thinking for so long that she hadn’t noticed the house become really quiet, nor did she hear the sound of her door opening.

“Hwa? You’re still asleep?”

Junghwa held her breath, hoping her older brother would go away and not talk to her right now, she did not want to face anyone; however, the door closed, and footsteps only seemed to get closer.

“Junghwa… I know you’re awake.” Junghwa remained silent; Jungho finally sighed, and she thought that he would finally leave, but he only seemed to be insistent, climbing into bed and putting an arm around her waist, pulling his sister closer.

“What’s wrong? You’ve been down for a while now, and I’ve been meaning to ask but something or the other came up…”
“I’m fine, just…” Junghwa shook her head. “I just am a bit worried about a friend of mine. Me and this friend, have been a bit awkward because of some stuff and it’s upsetting.”

Jungho frowned, before asking her to turn around.

“This friend wouldn’t happen to be Yoongi, would it?” He asked softly. Junghwa stared at him like a deer caught in headlights, her cheeks turning pink and she didn’t have to speak any further for Jungho to understand that it was quite serious.

“Is it bad enough to be affecting you emotionally?” He asked slowly, and Junghwa nodded, hiding her face in her brother’s chest as she tried to breath stably.

“I see… Jungkook told me you haven’t been… yourself, lately. And it’s worrying us.”
“Sorry-” Junghwa mumbled, trying to keep herself calm. Jungho rubbed her arm comfortingly, whispering words of encouragement for her to talk about her problems.

“I don’t know, oppa, I shouldn’t even be this upset, but-” Junghwa struggled to speak, looking up at him with glazed eyes. “It’s beginning to bring me down, and winter hasn’t always been a good time and I- I didn’t need this, oppa-”

Jungho nodded, patting her head slowly. “What makes us so upset is something we, or rather, our hearts decide. And it’s okay to be this upset. It just shows how much you care for Yoongi.”

Junghwa slowly nodded; though her brother didn’t know the entirety of the situation (and didn’t need to right now), his words were helping her feel better, and more hopeful for something better.

Even if she couldn’t have more, she just wanted her best friend back.

Wednesday, December 24th, 2014.

"So Sarah thinks she has a good shot with Jungkook oppa." Jungah laughed as she removed the curlers from her hair. She put some gloss on her lips, looking at Junghwa with a disbelieving smirk.

"Fat chance." Junghwa snorted, barely looking up from her book. "Jungkook's going out with a girl in his class."
"Oh no, Sarah’s not going to like that." Jungah shook her head. Junghwa shrugged as she went back to her reading, and Jungah looked at her sister, opening to speak but hesitating.

"Unnie..." Jungah finally gathered up the courage to call out to her sister in a quiet voice. Junghwa looked up slowly, noticing the slight worry in her eyes and immediately straightened up. "There's someone I like."

Junghwa raised a brow, as she teasingly asked, "Oh yeah? What's he got now, a Lamborghini?"
"He's got a really nice personality, for the record." Jungah hit her sister's head. Junghwa laughed, and patted her head.

"I'm kidding, Jung. Now tell me more about this guy."
"Well, he's Korean, um, pretty shy at first but really fun when you get to know him!" Jungah grinned. "He's pretty cute, too. But he's really down-to-earth and so sweet. I don’t know, he’s just… great."

Junghwa laughed, putting her book down and smiling slowly. Jungah laughed a little, before she looked down at her hands, her smile waning. Junghwa noticed, edging closer to her sister.

“What’s wrong?” Junghwa asked slowly. Jungah scoffed, before looking up at the ceiling.

“There’s a girl I’m worried about, honestly…” She began. “His, I guess they’re best friends. I feel like they might be more though.”
“Do I know these people?” Junghwa suddenly asked, and her sister turned a bright shade of red as she nodded.

“Ah, . Nothing gets by you, does it?”
“Well, I know a lot of your friends but now I’m pretty sure it’s someone I know very well.” Junghwa raised a brow. “Go on. Who are these people?”

Jungah looked at her sister, before nodding at her. “You’re the girl.”

Junghwa blinked, before pointing at herself. “Me?”
“Yeah. You. And the guy I like? It’s Yoongi oppa.”

Oh.

Oh.

oh e

Yo! So much has happened in this chapter, with Yoongi finding out about Hoseok, and Jungah telling Junghwa about her feelings for Yoongi, and they both like the same guy now, wow, I betyouneversawthatcomingliesyoutotallydidcauseimprettyingobvious-
Well, hopefully I will update before Christmas (or on Christmas?) idk but this was long overdue and I'm sorry to all my readers for such a long wait! :o

Look forward to the next chapter, stuff definitely happens and will hopefully written better than this one hahaha...

i'm sorry i'm a bit of a mess right now