“…And they just kept touching, and Changmin was sitting on his lap, and — and — ” Yunho swallowed, his eyes growing wide. “Oh god, I’ve lost any chance I had with him, haven’t I?”

The surrounding Super Junior members let out noises of protest.

“Don’t say that!” Donghae exclaimed, shaking his head.

“But it’s true!” Yunho moaned. “I was too much of a coward to ask him out, and now I’ve lost him!” His lip trembled. “God, I thought I was getting these signs, you know…I thought Changmin might like me back.” He let out a bitter laugh. “I guess not.”

“Oh shut up, you pathetic lump of pathetic-ness!” Heechul snarled. “This is not the friend that I spent years of my time moulding you to be! You want Changmin? Then you are going to storm into that room, and take back what is yours!”

Yunho frowned. “Heechul, they’re already together. I couldn’t do that — ”

“Who cares!” Heechul stood up, a look of determination in his eyes. “If they are kissing, you grab Kyuhyun by the shoulders, and wrench him of your property! If they are ing, well, then you do the same thing — or join in, and if that’s the case, then make sure you take a camera with you — ”

“Heechul!” Leeteuk snapped.

“…Sorry, you’re right, I’m being stupid,” Heechul muttered. “I mean, of course you’re going to take a camera anyway, even if you don’t join in…”

Leeteuk sighed, turning away from the second-oldest member, and directing his attention at Yunho. “Just wait until Changmin is alone and then have a talk with him,” he told his fellow leader. “We’ve all noticed that he has feelings for you — there has to be more to all of this.”

“You need to tell him how you feel!” Eunhyuk piped up, enthusiastically.

“Yes!” Ryeowook agreed, his head bobbing up and down. “There’s no way he could resist you then! Changmin’s always been into that emotional stuff - he pretends that he’s the serious one, but we all see through that, don’t we?”

Yunho frowned. “Hold on a second,” he said, taking in the determined expression’s of everyone in the room. “Kyuhyun’s your member — your maknae. Why are you taking my side?”

Leeteuk looked confused. “What are you talking about?” he questioned.

“I know we’re very close,” Yunho replied, “but I would have thought you’d be supporting your own member.”

There was a moment of silence; then…

“Jesus Yunho!” Kangin roared. “I thought you were smart! Do you honestly think that we WANT those two together?!”

Ryeowook shuddered. “Oh, the thought…”

“I think I feel a panic attack coming on,” Sungmin whimpered, looking like he was moments away from tears.

“Where did I put my rosary?!” Siwon demanded, his head whipping from side to side, staring wide-eyed at the occupants of the room. “Guys, where is my rosary?!”

“Yunho,” Leeteuk said, maintaining a calm facade, as the room descended into chaos. “Can you imagine the horror that those two could inflict if they remained together? The two evil maknaes, in a romantic relationship…do you not see the problem here?!”

“It’s bad enough as it is!” Heechul growled. “They’ll destroy this whole company — ”

“Forget the company!” Yesung interjected. “World domination is the next and final step for them.”

Kangin snorted. “Final? Please — they won’t stop until the whole universe is theres. And then, well, I don’t know what’s next — but I don’t think anyone will ever be ‘stopping’.”

“God Yunho,” Donghae choked, as Yunho looked on with wide, disbelieving eyes. “Why do you think we all supported KyuMin so much? I mean, Sungmin is an absolute angel - he would have mellowed Kyuhyun out, if anything.” He swallowed. “If he were with Changmin though…”

Everyone in the room simultaneously shuddered.

“That’s why you need to get together with Changmin, Yunho,” Leeteuk told him, and reached forward to clutch his shoulders, his eyes wide and serious. “The fate of this world depends on it!”

“Uh…” Yunho swallowed, taking a step back. “Um…I guess…”

…

After he’d walked past Changmin’s room later that day, and heard Changmin eagerly discussing his plans for “a night of fun” with Kyuhyun on the phone, Yunho decided to have a chat with Jaejoong. After all, JYJ member was usually fairly adept with this relationship stuff, and, as Changmin’s self-proclaimed “umma”, surely he’d have some sort of idea of the maknae’s romantic interests.

His response, however, was not what Yunho had been expecting.

“…Yunho, you ing idiot.”

Yunho blinked, staring at the phone for a long moment. “I’m sorry?” he finally choked, after he’d come to the conclusion that, yes, Jaejoong had just insulted him in his moment of weakness.

“You can’t let the two evil maknaes get together!” Jaejoong yelled. “Are you trying to kill all of us?!”

“What about the two evil maknaes?” Yunho could hear Yoochun inquiring. Yunho wasn’t sure what Jaejoong had said in response, but whatever it was, it led to Yoochun letting out a long, horrified scream.

“Yunho!” Yoochun cried, grabbing the phone of Jaejoong, “you have to do something about this. They will destroy everything in their path!”

“God, we left that company, and I still have no doubt that the horror will spread to us,” Jaejoong whimpered.

“Perhaps if we leave the country?” Junsu could be heard on the other end.

Yunho sat still, gaping.

“No, no,” Jaejoong responded, sounding frustrated, “that still wouldn’t be far enough…”

“Would you guys be serious for one moment?!” Yunho snapped.

“You don’t think we’re being serious?!” Yoochun demanded, his tone incredulous. “Yunho, we are dead serious!”

Yunho shook his head, forcing himself to resist making any further comments on the current insanity of his former members. Instead he sighed, saying, “I don’t know, okay? I love Changmin so much, but I don’t think he’s interested in me.”

“But hyung, the signs!” Junsu protested.

“Yeah, Yunho, the signs!” Yoochun agreed. “You can’t ignore them!”

“…You guys noticed them too?” Yunho inquired, his expression shifting into one of hope.

“Yes!” all three replied, simultaneously.

“Yunho, our fearless leader,” Jaejoong said firmly, “you need to stop being so nice! Let that determined, animalistic side I used to lust over come to a head.”

“Punch him in the face!” Heechul cried, bursting into the room.

Yunho yelped, almost dropping the phone. He whirled around, his eyes wide. “Heechul?!” he spluttered, staring at his friend. “What the are you doing here?!”

“Heechul’s there?” Jaejoong inquired, sounding relieved. “Oh thank god — finally someone to knock some sense into you — ”

Yunho wondered what was more insane — the fact that everyone seemed convinced that Changmin was a step away from world domination, or that Jaejoong thought that Heechul was the voice of reason.

“I couldn’t forget about what you told us,” Heechul told Yunho, sitting beside him on the bed. “Yunho, I want you to go over there and take back what if yours. You hear me? Make headlines Yunho! Beat the out of that little Kyuhyun — but not too bad, because he is my maknae, and I do love him…”

Yunho could hear Jaejoong, Yoochun and Junsu cheering from the other end of the phone. There enthusiastic yells were interrupted by Changmin, his loud voice and his words — “oh Kyuhyun, how the hell did I not realise that you were the one?” — echoing through Yunho’s ears as he walked past the room.

“…You have to do something Yunho,” Heechul told him, staring at him with serious eyes. “Now.”

Yunho’s eyes narrowed and he stood up, a look of determination etched onto his face. “You’re right,” he said. “I’m going to win him over! I’m going to make HoMin real, and simultaneously all over Changkyu! Do you hear me?!”

“Yes!” Jaejoong, Yoochun, Junsu and Heechul all cried.