“You’re going to help me.”

Kyuhyun glanced up from the screen of his laptop, blinking owlishly. “Uh, Changmin,” he said, staring at his best friend, “I don’t know if you’re aware of this, but I don’t ‘help’ anyone.” With a moment of thought he added, “well, not without a price anyway.”

“There is a price,” Changmin replied, smiling pleasantly. “My friendship. Don’t you want to show me what an amazing friend you are?”

“…You’re joking right?”

Changmin sat down on the floor next to Kyuhyun. He glanced at his friend, shooting him another smile. “I also won’t tell anyone that the great GamerKyu lost to me last week.”

Kyuhyun froze. “You told me that no one would ever know about that!” he hissed, his eyes flickering rapidly around the room, searching for any possible eavesdroppers.

Changmin nodded. “Yes I did…and they won’t. It’ll remain a piece of lovely, beautiful blackmail material that will never leave this room — unless of course you don’t submit to my every whim.” Changmin beamed. “Then I will tell everyone — everyone.”

“You son of a ,” Kyuhyun hissed.

Changmin’s eyebrows raised. “I’ll tell Heechul first.”

Kyuhyun’s eyes widened, and he gasped dramatically. “Changmin, how could you!” he half-wailed.

“You just called me a son of a ,” Changmin snorted. “Trust me Kyu, I am this close to slipping up and accidentally telling — oh, I don’t know, Leeteuk maybe — about the lovely week I just had, what with me beating you — ”

 “What do you want?!” Kyuhyun’s eyes were wide. “I’ll do anything!”

Changmin smirked, and leant forward, a purposeful spark in his eyes. “I want you to pretend that we’re dating.”

“…I’m sorry?”

“Pretend that we’re dating,” Changmin repeated. “Touch me and stuff —”

Kyuhyun choked.

“ — when Yunho is around. That’s all.”

“Oh that’s all huh?” Kyuhyun snorted. His eyes were wide, and there was a hint of panic in them. “Changmin, I’m sure you think very highly of yourself, but I am saving these lips for…oh, I don’t know! But someone hot, definitely. Like Yoona maybe…or Seohyun. Anyone but you.”

Changmin rolled his eyes. “Yoona would never date you,” he told his friend bluntly. “And Seohyun, well…she would never date anyone.”

“Yeah, well, I sure as hell am not wasting my perfect lips on you,” Kyuhyun snapped, glaring.

“Oh calm down, moron,” Changmin snorted. He looked amused at Kyuhyun’s obvious discomfort. “I don’t want you to kiss me or anything. Just act all touchy-feely to make Yunho jealous.” His eyebrows raised, and his lips quirked teasingly. “Unless of course you want me to accidentally tell — ”

“Fine!” Kyuhyun flung his arms in the air, almost whacking them on the open screen of his laptop. “Whatever! I’ll give you one night of touching and — oh god, that sounds so damn wrong…”

“Do you think I want this?” Changmin retorted. “Trust me, this is as repulsive to me as it is to you.”

“Oh please — anyone would kill to have me as a boyfriend,” Kyuhyun shot back, his eyes narrowing challengingly.

Changmin snorted. “Sure, whatever makes you feel better when you’re off losing your games.” Ignoring Kyuhyun’s furious stare, he added, “come to my dorm tonight, alright? And don’t get too eager, or I might have to slap you.”

Kyuhyun shook his head, a scowl still present on his face. “I can’t believe you’re blackmailing me to be your boyfriend,” he muttered. “What, you couldn’t find anyone actually interested in you?”

“I didn’t want to break some poor er’s heart,” Changmin shot back.

There was a brief pause, and he frowned slightly, his brow furrowing. “Uh…aren’t you going to ask me why I want to make Yunho jealous?”

Kyuhyun snorted. “Oh please — you’ve been mooning after him from the second you laid eyes on him. It’s pathetic really.”

“You didn’t even know me that long,” Changmin retorted.

Kyuhyun shrugged, turning his attention back to the screen of his laptop. “Yeah, well, I’ve heard stories,” he said, as his fingers glided across the keyboard. “The thought of you blushing and stuttering — ”

“I was fourteen you !” Changmin snapped, glaring. “Look, just come, alright? I have plans…lovely, lovely plans, that don’t involve more than a few hours of you.”

…

“Er…” Yunho coughed, evidently uncomfortable. Changmin wiggled, trying to find a comfortable position, as Kyuhyun stiffly tightened his grip around his shoulders. He shot Yunho an exaggerated smile.

“So Kyuhyun,” Yunho said, hesitantly. “Are you, uh, planning on leaving anytime soon?”

“Hmm?” Kyuhyun blinked (he’d been lost in visions of Changmin falling through the floorboards…oh what a beautiful, beautiful thought…). “Oh yeah, in about five minutes actually — ow!” He shot Changmin a frustrated glance, as his friend rammed his foot against his knee. “In about an hour, maybe,” Kyuhyun amended, trying to hold back a scowl.

“Oh okay,” Yunho replied, his brow furrowed. “It’s just, you seem…distracted.”

“Oh?” Kyuhyun questioned, and then winced when Changmin shot him a dark stare. Suppressing a sigh, he lay his hand on Changmin’s knee, and barely bit back a yelp as Changmin latched onto it and dragged it closer to his crotch.

Yunho stared.

“…Is there something you want to tell me?” the leader questioned, uncomfortably.

“No,” Changmin replied, smiling, and lay his head on Kyuhyun’s shoulder.

“Because, uh, it seems as if — ” His voice cut off abruptly as Changmin shifted his position so that he was half sitting on Kyuhyun’s lap.

“!” Kyuhyun hissed, unable to stop himself. “How much do you weigh?!”

“, this is all muscle,” Changmin hissed back.

Kyuhyun snorted. “Yeah, well, you’re muscle is crushing my — ”

“Can I have a glass of water?” Changmin asked loudly, staring at Yunho with wide, expectant eyes.

Yunho raised his eyebrows, looking vaguely amused despite his remaining discomfort. “You can get yourself a glass of water, Changmin,” he told the maknae bluntly.

“Yes, but you’re my amazing hyung, and you love me so much, and I have something that I really want to say to Kyuhyun.” Changmin finished his ramble with a loving stare directed at Kyuhyun. Both Yunho and Kyuhyun looked equally disturbed; the leader got up, and, with an awkward nod in the maknaes’ direction, he headed off for the kitchen.

When he had left the room, Changmin turned to Kyuhyun, his eyes wide (and more than a little desperate — if Kyuhyun wasn’t holding back a series of painful whimpers, he would have for it).

“Dammit,” Changmin cursed, “why won’t he say anything?”

“He looks put off!” Kyuhyun replied, shooting Changmin a placating smile. “That’s good enough, right?” The smile faded, and he shot his friend a frustrated stare. “Now can you get off me, this is seriously uncomfortable.”

“Trust me Kyuhyun,” Changmin snorted, “this isn’t exactly pleasant for me either.”

Kyuhyun glared. “Well at least you aren’t the one getting your legs crushed!”

“Well if you weren’t such a twig — ”

“What are you guys talking about?” Yunho inquired, walking into the room, a glass of water clasped in his hand.

“Oh, just about how great Kyuhyun is in the bedroom,” Changmin replied, his voice akin to what someone would use when describing the weather (Kyuhyun, meanwhile, let out a horrified, choked sound). “Yeah, that’s right,” Changmin added, seeing Yunho’s stunned expression. “Kyuhyun and I are spending time in the bedroom. Do you want to know why hyung?”

“Uh…” Yunho struggled with his words. “Changmin, I uh…I really don’t…”

“Yeah Changmin,” Kyuhyun said, desperation oozing from his words, “he really doesn’t — ”

“We’re going out,” Changmin said, ignoring the torment he was inflicting on both his companions. “We’re seeing each other. Dating. That’s right — we’re boyfriends. Life partners. Soul mates — ”

“You’re laying this on a bit thick aren’t you?” Kyuhyun muttered.

Yunho blinked. “That’s…good? I guess?” He swallowed, shifting nervously. “I mean, I’m happy for you two.” With an awkward laugh, he added, “but could you not make out in front of me?”

Kyuhyun’s eyes widened. “No, no,” he said quickly, “there is no making out — ”

Changmin slammed a hand over his mouth, and then shot Yunho the largest smile he could muster. “There is plenty of making out,” he told him. “Hot, steamy, making out.”

Kyuhyun shook his head. “It really isn’t that steamy at all — ”

“All day long —”

“Ha! I don’t even have time to play a game nowadays with these schedules, do you think I — ?”

“You have time to lose.”

Kyuhyun’s mouth clamped shut.

“…So yes.” Changmin turned his attention back to Yunho, who was staring at the ‘couple’ with stark bemusement. “We have a lovely, healthy relationship.”

He smiled, with more than a hint of hope shining in his eyes.

Yunho let out an awkward laugh, rubbing the back of his neck in stiff, embarrassed movements. “Congratulations,” he told Changmin, and gave Kyuhyun a small nod. “But, uh, try wait until I’m out of the dorm, okay? I’d rather not hear.” He moved towards the door, saying, “I’ll just leave you two alone now!”

“No!” (While it was Kyuhyun who screamed, Changmin mirrored this exclamation internally). As Yunho left the room, Changmin stared after him, heartbreak shining in his eyes. Kyuhyun almost felt sorry for him (almost).

…

Changmin slumped against the sofa, a mournful expression etched onto his face. He’d barely moved since Yunho had left the room. “I thought for sure…” he moaned.

“Did you?” Kyuhyun muttered.

“I mean — yeah when I was younger, I never stood a chance, especially with Jaejoong around…but now…I mean, I thought I was getting these signs…”

“Signs?” Kyuhyun’s eyebrows raised. “Yeah, I get signs all the time. They’re usually telling me to find a new best friend.”

Changmin ignored Kyuhyun, lost amidst his own misery. “I…I thought I’d actually be able to make him jealous! I thought, at the very least, he’d break your nose or something — ”

“Wait what?!” Kyuhyun gaped at him. “Yeah, you know what? I definitely need a new best friend…”

Changmin closed his eyes, letting out a frustrated sigh. “Maybe I should just give up,” he mumbled.

Kyuhyun nodded, eager to avoid anymore gigs as Changmin’s ‘boyfriend’. “Yes, that would be wise,” he told him, trying to hide his eagerness.

“And live a lonely life of solitude,” Changmin sighed, his shoulder’s slumping.

“Right you are!” Kyuhyun replied, slapping Changmin on the shoulder. “Although I suppose that wouldn’t really work since you live with the guy.”

Changmin stared at him.

“Look, don’t look so disheartened, alright?” Kyuhyun gave Changmin a comforting smile. “I mean, Yunho might not be the right guy — ”

“You’re right!”

Kyuhyun blinked. “…Yunho isn’t the right guy?”

“No! That I’m going to see him everyday!” Newfound determination shone in the younger male’s eyes. “Why give up? I have to spend the rest of my career with him, I might as well use this time to my advantage! I mean, maybe the signs were there after all — ”

“No, no, I’m sure they weren’t…”

“ — and maybe I still have a chance! I just need to push a little harder…”

“But Changmin!” Kyuhyun protested. “You pushed, and you pushed, and he didn’t budge — who needs him, huh? Why don’t you just — ”

“I won’t give up!” Changmin cried, leaping dramatically to his feet. A wide grin was stretched across his face. “We just need to up our game a bit!”

“…No, you really don’t,” Kyuhyun whimpered, his shoulder’s slumping.