Park Chanyeol was at loss with words.

He really wanted to say out those words to Baekhyun. Well, except the will-you-marry-me part. Come to think of it, in every proposal they had, Chanyeol was saying what he had in mind about Baekhyun. About how lovely he was. About how beautiful his voice was.

And for the first time since all of these started, he acknowledged his conflicting feelings about Jongin and Baekhyun.

Admittedly, he liked Jongin. A lot. What he said was true—he liked Jongin since he saw that awesome dance video of Maximum, this dance troupe of the tanned guy during high school. He instantly became a fan, liking the way Jongin danced, and the way Jongin moved. But now that he knew the other personally, he had to question what he really liked about Jongin—was it the person on the stage or the person off the stage?

But Baekhyun… he never admitted, at least to anyone in the radius of the both of them, that it was hard for him imagining a life away from his best friend. It has been seven long years—basically he knew when his friend would be randomly pissed off or when he would be really be pissed. Within that seven years he has grown to like, dislike, and re-like Byun Baekhyun. Being away from Baekhyun was like being away from his second skin.

With that in mind, he tried calling Baekhyun.

The smaller, meanwhile, ran to the park that was about a few hundred meters away. He just really wanted to forget. In order to do so, his plan was to stay away from Chanyeol. But as the circumstances dictated, it was never easy. Staying away from Chanyeol meant staying away from that one person who was like your other half, non-romantically speaking.

It was like what Aristophanes has said; and Baekhyun's other half was Chanyeol. was hard, but someone has got to do it. In this case, Baekhyun.

He thought of their friendship; how long it has been since he last went out without Chanyeol by his side. How long it has been since the two of them were still separable. It was hazy; a long, distant memory one opted to forget.

When he reached the park, he sat to catch his breath and ponder upon his choices, some of which were regrettable. This one was still questionable, made more by the fact that his phone rang and the name flashed was "Park Chanyeol". His thumb immediately hovered over the reject button then thought twice.

Chanyeol at least needed an explanation.

The thumb tapped the accept button and he heard Chanyeol’s voice on the speaker.

“Byun Baekhyun? Where are you?” The other asked; voice full of curiosity and worry that the smaller almost regretted his decision. But it was too late for that now. Sitting down on the bench in the park, he sighed and rested his forehead on his palm, then answered.

“Somewhere. No where. Just—don’t find me.” Baekhyun answered.

“What did I do, seriously, Baekhyun? I’ve been racking my brain non-stop and I can’t think of any ing thing that can piss you off like this. I’m ed up as it is, Baekhyun; I don’t need any of this anymore. So please, just—for ’s sake, please come back and talk t—“

“I’m ed up too, if you haven’t noticed.” Baekhyun said,the sting of tears so strong it was already escaping his eyes. He tried so hard to control his voice, managing just a little break at the end. “I’m ed up because of you, because of life, because—because.” He cannot bring himself to bring the words because I love you and it further hurt him in the chest. The smaller needed to breathe deeply for a few seconds before he could continue. “I’m so done with chasing something that can’t be mine. I can’t do this, and it further s me up when I rea—when I think about it. So please. Chanyeol—not even you can help me.” Because you are the problem.

“Just tell me where you are ing are, Byun.”Chanyeol’s voice was steel. He was angry, the smaller knew, but was just suppressing it. He was guessing the taller was on the streets, judging by the times he heard Chanyeol’s shoes grazing the sidewalk.

“I told you. Don’t ing look for me. , Park, respect what I say for once.” He could hear silence on the other end.

“You’re in the ing dorm. Wait for me there.” Chanyeol said, and Baekhyun was quick to react.

“No, I’m not—I’m not stupid to go there and wait after I ran away from you, huh.”

Whatever he might say, Chanyeol would end up thinking he was in their dorm.

Right, it wasn’t just Baekhyun’s dorm nor was it Chanyeol’s dorm: it was their dorm. Their clothes, their beds, their things; everything was theirs. It was never just one or the other’s.

Suddenly Baekhyun knew exactly what he would do.

“Then where the hell are you?” Chanyeol asked again, his cold voice going colder by the moment. Baekhyun, on the other hand, noticed that he wasn’t sounding like he was walking.

Don’t look for me in your dorm; God ing damn Chanyeol.” Baekhyun took a deep breath then let out his decision. It was now or never. “I’m—I’ll be leaving the keys tomorrow on your doorstep.”

“Baek—“

“I’ll also call the—Mrs. Lee to tell her—to tell her I’ll be canceling the contract. I’ve paid my share for rent for the next month—“

“Byun Baekhyun!” There was no mistaking Chanyeol’s threatening voice.

“—so you don’t have to worry. I’ll just get my things some other time. It’s better this way, Chanyeol.” Baekhyun could almost hear the pleading in his own voice.

“Baekhyun don’t do this to me.”

“Goodbye, Chanyeol.”

With that, Baekhyun was the one who ended the call. Immediately after, he tried walking away from the park in case the other was to find him. With no one in the vicinity to call to, he tried to think where he was going to stay the night. The last person he thought he wouldn’t call was the first person he did after looking at his cell phone.

“Kim Jongin, pick up pick up—“ Baekhyun mumbled and sighed in relief when the other did pick up.

“Baekhyun.” It sounded like he woke Jongin up from his sleep, and after profuse apologies he went straight to the point.

“Jongin, can I stay there for the night?” It was choking his chest to do this but he had no choice. If he was to sleep away for the night, might as well do it in Jongin’s dorm.

“Did something happen?” Jongin was alert now, and the smaller could hear sheets rustling. When no reply was made, the other spoke. “You guys fought.” It was a definite sentence.

“Yeah, we did fig—“

“Where are you exactly?” Jongin said, catching Baekhyun off guard.

“What?”

“Where are you?”

After Baekhyun told his location, the other said to end the call as he will be there in ten. Shocked as he was, Baekhyun did what was told of him, tapping his foot and taking deep breaths in order not to cry—again. Ten minutes passed and he saw something on his left side. Thinking that it was Chanyeol, he poised himself to run- until a hand tapped his shoulder lightly, making him turn to Jongin who was panting and looking at him hard.

“What the hell happened?” Jongin said, resting his hands on his knees.

“Cowardice happened. Can we grab a drink?” Baekhyun said, looking at the other in worry. “Or if you want, we can go back—“

“Let’s just buy some beer, then hole up in my dorm. Stay there for the night. ‘S okay.” The taller of the two nodded and slipped his hand on his sweatshirt.

They walked silently. Jongin knew the other needed silence for a while, and so silence he gave. Baekhyun, on the other hand, wanted someone to talk to—but not now, not outside. He might just embarrass them two when he would decide to cry there and then.

They sidetracked to a convenience store to buy some cans of beer, the clinking giving sound to their otherwise soundless steps. When at last they reached the dorm of Jongin, Baekhyun turned to the other.

“Thank you.”

It was probably one of the most sincerest things he ever said that night.

“No problem, Baekhyun—now we should come in before the beer turns warm.”

Jongin’s pad was nothing like Baekhyun and Chanyeol’s. If the latter’s pad had things on its proper places, Jongin’s was a typical single college guy’s—clothes everywhere, take-out boxes neatly but still stacked in the corner, gaming consoles on the couch and floor. Baekhyun took a peek on the bedroom and saw the sheets bedraggled, a sign that he rushed out to get Baekhyun, which made the latter say sorry again.

Stop, Baekhyun. And sorry if the pad isn’t as immaculate as yours.” Jongin said as he tried to pile up the strewn clothes and consoles, making barely enough room for the two of them to sit on the couch and floor. Baekhyun sat on the couch after putting the drinks in the freezer, as what Jongin told him to do.

“What? Ours—“ Baekhyun sighed, “—isn’t immaculate.”

Chanyeol’s description could well equate it into immaculate.” Jongin nonchalantly said, causing the smaller, whose head was bowed, to raise it slowly. Knowing that someone was listening, he continued. “He said your shoes are on one side, his on the other; he would make your beds and you would make your breakfast; and you clean every weekend. How does that sound not immaculate enough?”

Baekhyun could feel his cheeks redden, causing him to stand up and get two cans off the freezer, opening both and handing one to Jongin before taking a long, leisurely sip.

“That’s just him sugarcoating.” He said when he felt his cheeks go back to their original color.

Jongin merely nodded and took a sip from his can before leaning back, his body supported by his elbows. “So. Care to tell me what happened?”

Baekhyun sighed and nodded. Sitting on the floor, beside Jongin, he started the story.

Honesty.

That was the only word that was repeated in the mind of the smaller as he began his story, starting from this night then rewinding time until they reached seven years ago. He left nothing to hide, even the faux proposals that they had. He started talking about his feelings, about how now he remembered how he successfully hid them in his heart for this long—because before the proposals and all, he had a string of girlfriends. Although they weren’t for long, it was enough to numb the emotions of Baekhyun toward the other. That’s why he blurted out Taeyeon noona, an actress in their theater club when asked who his crush was.

“I ing tried, Jongin. I tried courting Taeyeon noona but. . .” He trailed off. Jongin finished his fourth can of beer by then, Baekhyun his fifth—or was it sixth? He did not know, he did not care to know.

“But what, Baekhyun?” Jongin asked, his words slowly slurring. Baekhyun could feel the alcohol kicking in as his head felt light and dizzy at the same time. His vision was blurry; was it because he was crying (which he only realized now) or was it a side effect of the alcohol, too? The question processed in his mind and it took time before he answered.

“But I just can’t. Not when I realized that my feelings-“ Baekhyun hiccupped for a bit before continuing his answer, “- were already this huge. And this self-consuming.” He drank the last in his can of beer and was standing up to get one when Jongin held on his wrists.

“There’s nothing left. We just bought ten, remember? Six for you, four for me.” Jongin talked like a little kid now, looking at Baekhyun with bloodshot eyes. “Sit down, please Baekkie?”

Baekhyun sat down and looked at the other blankly. Maybe it was because of the alcohol, or maybe it was just his imagination that he was seeing double now—on the left, Jongin, and on the right, Chanyeol. Of all the faces that he could conjure that night, Chanyeol’s was the only one he wasn’t okay with. He looked down for a second.

Looking back at Jongin, the smaller saw Chanyeol—and it was permanently embedded in his brain when he pulled the other roughly by the shirt and whispered, his breath warm and smelling of alcohol.

"Why?”

There was a muffled sound that came out of Jongin’s mouth as the other leaned in for a kiss. Baekhyun pulled and fisted the shirt tighter, kissing here, sometimes nipping there; they weren’t gentle, both fighting for dominance. Jongin kissed back, mind hazy from the alcohol he just drank. Their tongues played with each other, and Baekhyun pushed the other to the carpet, never breaking the contact.

kisses turned to softer, gentler ones after a while. Baekhyun started roaming his hands all over Jongin’s body; the other tried to find the hem of the smaller’s shirt, tugging it upward. Baekhyun left the tanned guy’s plump lips for a second, discarding both their shirts before kissing again. Both were waist up and when Baekhyun, while still under the influence of alcohol, felt hands on his chest, weakly pushing him off, he knew immediately that something was wrong.

Jongin and I shouldn’t be doing this.

he felt a salty taste on his lips, and he knew he was crying. Pulling away, Jongin tried muttering apologies but these were futile. They sat up and for a dazed moment, the two looked away from each other, processing what just transpired between them. Baekhyun buried his face on his palms and continued crying.

I just made out with Jongin.

He felt terrible all over for kissing Chanyeol’s crush. It was like cheating on Chanyeol, only Chanyeol cannot be cheated at because technically, the younger isn’t his to begin with. Another fresh batch of realizations were dumped to him like iced water, and Jongin could only do so much as to try and comfort him, saying sorry, until the other fell asleep in his arms.

Jongin woke up hours later sprawled on the carpet with no one beside him. Alarmed, he immediately sat up, causing his head to immensely throb in pain. He could hear rustling in the kitchen, and when he looked there was Baekhyun, cooking breakfast—or trying to, at least.

“Hey.” The other said, sensing a presence on his back.

“Hi.” Jongin could hardly comprehend what was happening. He squinted because his eyes were still blurry and saw Baekhyun frying bacon and eggs.

“I have a favor to ask you, Jongin.” Baekhyun said, turning the stove off and looking at each other with eyes full of pleading. “Can you please go to Chanyeol’s dorm and get some clothes for me? I can’t go wearing your clothes, so—please?” Jongin grunted a yes and rushed to the bathroom, heaving what he had for dinner last night.

After eating what passes to be breakfast, the duo went to Baekhyun’s former apartment. The smaller contemplated on knocking but he knew that he was going to be put into inquisition—and his mind just wasn’t ready for it; not at the ungodly hour of thirty past four in the morning. So he urged Jongin to do the dirty job. They both agreed never to say anything about what happened last night to anyone, especially not to Chanyeol.

“I’m knocking and then—?” Jongin asked, wary of Baekhyun’s plan.

“You’re knocking and when he asks where I am, don’t tell him I’m in your dorm. Okay? I’ll just text you what you can get.” Baekhyun said, pushing the other until he finally knocked. Baekhyun stood behind the door, watching.

“Is that Baekhyun?” Chanyeol’s loud, deep voice could be easily heard—and the smaller knew he was sleeping on the couch, probably waiting for Baekhyun. A pang of guilt and regret washed through him but he steeled himself.

“Um—no, this is Jongin, Chanyeol.” The tanned guy spoke, voice steady but eyes trained on Baekhyun who urged him to go on.

“Jongin?” Baekhyun could imagine Chanyeol frantically standing up, taking a deep breath as he held the door knob. The smaller gestured that he will go down and left Jongin to fend for Chanyeol who just opened the door.

“H-hey, Jongin. That’s a first.” Chanyeol said, leaning on the door frame, running a hand tiredly along his disheveled hair. “What brings you here—“

A ring from the phone of the person outside the door cuts the sentence and Jongin looks to find Baekhyun’s text on what to get inside the dorm.

“Well, Baekhyun texted a while ago and he wanted me to get some of his clothes.” Jongin said nonchalantly, looking at his phone as he replied.

“Where’s Baekhyun? Is he in your dorm? Jongin, please—do you know where Baekhyun is?” Chanyeol pleaded, holding the tanned guy’s arm rather tightly that Jongin looked at Chanyeol in alarm.

“No, no he’s not in my dorm, Chanyeol—let go of my arm, please.” The taller’s eyes were full of anger and worry that it was hard for Jongin to lie. But lie he must, and lie he is doing.

“I’m—I’m sorry, Jongin. I just—okay, come in. Oh—and sorry if it’s messy.” Chanyeol said, making room for Jongin to enter. The smaller did, looking at the pad. The couch has this huge stain in it, and the shape of Chanyeol’s body was embedded on the sheets. It looked miraculously okay, save for one thing: there was no sight, no mark of Baekhyun.

Chanyeol beckoned for Jongin to get inside the bedroom, pointing to the second drawer. When the smaller came in, he immediately went and grabbed a bag which he recognized to be Baekhyun’s.

“That’s his briefs drawer,” Chanyeol started, looking at the drawers as if Baekhyun would miraculously pop out of there, “and below is the shirts and shorts.” Jongin nodded and looked at the text message again, memorizing it.

“6 briefs, 3 shirts, 3 shorts. Toothbrush, hygiene kit and some chocolates I stashed in the refrigerator. And. . . don’t tell Chanyeol where I am and where I will be. Thanks.”

The tanned guy then took what he needed to take while Chanyeol barraged him with questions again.

“Really, Jongin—where’s Baekhyun? You know where he is, come on please tell me. I can’t risk severing our friendship, and you know that, right?” Chanyeol said. Jongin looked at him knowingly and smiled slightly, as if understanding what Chanyeol was feeling now. Silently, though, he continued getting what Baekhyun needed. When he had placed every item on the list in the bag, he slung it in his shoulder and patted Chanyeol in the arm.

“Hey, it’s okay. Baekhyun’s coming back, okay? He just needs time to be away. He needs time to think, and so do you. Okay? Don’t worry, I’ll be helping you.” Jongin said, still smiling knowingly before waving an awkward goodbye and going out of the door, leaving Chanyeol alone to process what the other just said. He looked at the clock and sighed. Five thirty. He better get ready for class.

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oh my god after three years, I come back to this. Jeez. I'm really really sorry for not giving this fic the love and attention I know it deserves from me, I just wasn't able to finish it due to studies and everything. I'm kinda free now to finish stuff, so I'll be finishing this in a couple of weeks, go over the few chapters I've posted to fix things, and I'll be officially finished writing this fic. I'm really serious; I'm sorry I haven't had the heart to update this in a while and then come out with new content.

Again, I'm forever indebted for everyone who has supported me through this, and I hope that you will continue to do so.

Comments are loved!