---

“We bought everything on the gift list, right honey?” Hana asked casually as she slipped the turkey into the oven. Jong-in scanned through the gift list and frowned contemptuously. “Why did you cross out mother in law?” Jong in counted all the gift bags on the graphite kitchen bench and noticed that there was one missing.

 “My Mother’s not coming.” “And why not?” He crossed his arms. “Jong-in,” she sighed. “I thought we already went over this. I already told you, my mother and I, we aren’t exactly compatible with each other.” Hana was starting to get irked. Her mother was not exactly a great topic to bring up, especially on a Christmas morning. Ever since their marriage, Hana had cut off ties with her mother but that wasn’t how Jong-in seemed to see it.

  “Yoon Hana. I to-“ “Please, why can’t you respect my decision? How bad do you think it was, that I would decide to cut off ties with my own mother? Have you ever thought about that? The past years of my life were a living hell and I don’t want her interfering in my life anymore.” Hana diverted eyes with Jong-in who was penetrating her head with his glance. She slipped out a chopping board and began to slice the vegetables. Her grip was shaky as she tried to hold in the tears that could drown the vegetables before her.

“It doesn’t matter anyway.”

 

 “What?”

 

“I called your mother in law, she’s coming tonight.” Jong-in said with a tone of disappointment. “,” Hana gasped as she grasped her index finger. She ran it under cold water and watched as the blood slurred with the tap water.

 

  Without words, Jong-in rushed over to her and examined her finger with a thick slit. Usually Hana felt protected by his warmth, but she felt more threatened this time. “It’s okay.” Hana sprouted her finger away and continued to slice the vegetables.

 “Yoon Hana.”

 

Hana ignored.

 

“Yoon Hana.”

 

“What?” she said in a nettled tone. “I’ll finish off the cooking, you go and buy a gift for your mother.” Jong-in said absent mindly.

 

 “God dammit Jong-in!” She bawled. She dropped her knife in the sink and breathed heavily. Tears streamed down her cheek, smudging her mascara. Her eyes were a black mess but that was the least of her worries.

 Jong-in stood before her, appalled. He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.

 “Why can’t you ever be on my side for once?” her voice shrilled. was so dry that hardly anything came out.

 “Hana, I love you more than anything in this world and I’m doing this for your benefit-“

“Who are you to decide what’s best for me? I married you because I thought you understood my pain and I honestly thought that you could protect me.”

 “Hana. I do understand you. I understand you better than anyone else in this world and I can’t bare seeing you so scarred by someone who you should be loving, that’s why I wanted to heal that scar, heal it completely like it never existed before.”

 

 “ALL I needed,” she gritted her teeth. “Was a few words of comfort. That was all. I never asked you to solve my life problems for me.”

 

 “Yoon Hana, you’re talking as if we’re strangers.” Jong-in grew more indignant.  “I’m your husband, and as your husband it’s my role to protect you from-“

 

 

“Then why aren’t you doing so? Right now, at this moment, you’re nothing more than a stranger to me.”

 Those words were enough to shatter his heart into a million pieces. Jong-in unhooked his fur coat from the coat rack and stuffed his car keys inside the inner pockets. Jong in stood in the kitchen, hesitant. A million thoughts were running through his mind, but there was not one that could mend their relationship. He knew that they were growing distant because of this issue but he tried to not take notice of it.

 “You.. Finish off the cooking then.” Jong-in murmured. “I’ll buy the gift for mother in law.”

Before Hana could rebut, Jong-in had already stepped out the door. Hana watched through the kitchen window as he drove off in his black Lamborghini. She sighed and took a seat at the dining table. Tears were falling like a waterfall and there was no way to stop it.

 

 Every time they fought, Hana knew that she was hurting him with her way of words, but she couldn’t control it. Because that’s how her mother was.

 

    “Ma, I’m sorry..” Hana looked down at the concrete floor. Her mother dropped the wine glass and let the red wine flow along the wooden floor. She could never forget the look of disdain that was carved on her mother’s face. Jong-in pushed Hana aside and reasoned with his mother in law.

  “The miscarriage of the baby was out of Hana’s hands mother in law.. If anything, it is my entire fault. I should have looked after her better.” Jong-in’s reasoning echoed in the background as Hana fell to the floor, grasping her stomach lightly.

 Jong-in supported Hana up and seated her on the mahogany chair. He tucked her brunette hair behind her hair and caressed her cheek. She could feel the agony through his eyes and she felt so bad, because she knew that the miscarriage was all her fault. She knew how much Jong-in wanted this baby; yet she blew everything.

 ‘What did I tell you? I told you to resign from that stupid company! You weren’t even making that much anyway!” her mother bellowed as Jong-in blocked her trying to hit Hana.

 “You are a shame to this family. Me having you should have been a miscarriage.” Her mother roared as she excused herself to her bedroom, slamming the door behind her.

 

 

 

 

 

  She looked up and stared at the evergreen Christmas tree that she had decorated with Jong-in. she stared at the baby angel that Jong-in had painted and hung at the rear top. It was twinkling bright in the midst of all the other decorations.

 

This is our daughter.

 

 She sniffled. 

She glanced at the clock and noticed that a whole hour had already passed, but Jong-in was still not home. All the food was prepared and ready to go, but only her husband was nowhere to be seen.

 Just then, her mobile phone began to buzz inside her pocket. Without any thoughts, she answered it.

 Before the person over the line could finish talking, she dropped her mobile phone. Her hands were trembling, and so was her soul.  A single tear rolled down her cheek and fell on the cut on her finger.

 

 She stood up and stuffed her phone inside her pocket. She wiped the tears off her eyes and got inside her car. She was speeding down the highway until she reached the parkway of Mrs. Lee’s perfume galore. There was a delirious crowd snapping pictures of something, which seemed to be a bunch of police cars and an ambulance truck.

 Hana parked randomly and pushed through the crowd. She felt a despondent bang through her heart watching what was before her. Beside the ambulance truck was a body covered with a white cloth, lying silently on the transportable bed. Her entire body was trembling as she walked towards the bed, roughly throwing the white sheet off the body.

 “Wake up..” Hana croaked as she watched her husband lay soullessly with his eyes closed. He had bloodstains all over his face and was sleeping peacefully. “Jong-in ah.. Wake up… please..” she said hoarsely as she cried out loud. She shook him several times before the ambulance truck took off with her inside. The crew placed an oxygen mask on him and allowed Hana to hold onto his hand.

 “Wake up Jong-in.. WAKE UP!” She screeched in his face, but he seemed to fall into a deeper abyss that was sleep.

 

 The next few moments happened like a blur, and before Hana knew she was waiting for the doctor to step out of the surgery room and tell her that Jong-in would be waking up very soon.  A minute seemed like a year and made her feel sicker inside. Shadows walked past the door but not a single one walked out.

 

 A doctor with bloodstains all over his mask stepped out of the surgery room ominously. Hana bounced on her feet and rubbed her hands together, pleading for her husband’s life.

 “Miss Yoon Hana?” the doctor said feebly. She nodded as she grabbed onto his hand for some positivity. He sighed and looked down at the floor, unable to continue. He hesitated but finally opened his mouth.

 

 “It’s not too late to prepare..” His voice echoed through the corridor. “D..doctor.. Please.. Please.. please save my husband..  we need to go back and prepare the Christmas dinner.. and we need to…”

 

 The doctor led her to where Jong-in lay with his weak eyes slowly blinking. An oxygen mask and bruises near his eyes shadowed his face.  Tears streamed down Hana’s face as she got down on her knees and held Jong-in’s hands tightly. He was in so much pain, yet he was still smiling for her.

“Hana..” he muffled through his mask.

 

“Jong-in..” her voice shrilled. She buried her face in his embrace as she cried relentlessly. “I’m so sorry.. This is all my fault..” she sniffled. She felt Jong-in tuck her hair behind his ears like he always did, and it could have never felt so good. She missed everything about him. His scent, his voice, his skinny figure that made her feel so warm, because she really thought she was going to lose him.

 

 

 “What..?” Hana gasped.

“His lung tissues have been severely damaged. Even with an oxygen mask, the chances of survival are pretty critical.”

“How long does he have left..?” Hana asked in a deflated voice.

“At his best, no longer than six month.” He whispered. “There have been many cases where patients have survived, but the chances with Mr. Kim Jong-in are very slim..”

“Is there really no other way..?” Hana asked with her energy drained out. She was so tired of begging, but that was the only thing she could do.

 “He could go under another operation but even then..” the doctor sighed as he examined Jong-in’s x-ray photos. “chances are thin.”

 

“It’s thin, there’s still a chance.”

The doctor was silent.

 

 

Hana returned to Jong-in’s hospital patient room. She dimmed the lights and opened the blinds to see the stars twinkling brightly.

 “Stop crying.. you’ll damage your beautiful face.” Jong-in caressed Hana’s swollen face. She held his hands tightly and did not let go a single moment. He looked so fragile and she was thankful that he still made it this far.

 “Jong-in..”

 

“Yes?”

 

“You don’t hate me..? Because of me.. Look at what happened to you..” her voice grew teary again. He pulled her deeper into his embrace and sighed happily.

“I’d rather have my ribs broken rather than my girl hurting a single finger.” He kissed her on the forehead and hugged her once more.

 

 “I’m sorry.” Jong-in whispered. “I’m so stupid.. I made my precious girl cry.. Those tears that should be saved for happiness, leaked for sadness..”

 

 “Stop saying that.. what are you sorry for..”

 

The two stared at the stars silently. “What about YoungJi?” “What?” Hana questioned, her eyes fixed on the one star twinkling brightly in the sky.

 “When we have another daughter, I want to name her YoungJi.” His soft breath chuckled.

“YoungJi..?”

“Remember I told you that my mother had a miscarriage too? She was going to name her YoungJi.. I think at that decisive moment I was so angered at my mother because I wanted to see YoungJi so bad.” He laughed softly under his breath.

“YoungJi..” Hana breathed. “It’s a beautiful name.”

 

 

 The next few weeks passed like a dream, but with the downside of Jong-in’s family scorning Hana for her lack of protection for her husband. Jong-in had undergone surgery and he seemed to be in perfect condition, and could last a few minutes without the oxygen mask.

  Although at night he had his constant coughs and his take of medications, everything seemed to be on a perfect roll. Hana had a strong belief that Jong-in was going to live and get out of his hospital.

 

 The evening was slowly dawning. The two were sitting outside in the rose gardens that the hospital had created for patients. Hana locked her fingers with Jong-in’s and slowly strolled through the garden, glancing at the beautiful roses. But every time she took a small glance at Jong-in, he seemed very discontent and anxious through his oxygen mask.

 “Honey, are you cold? Should we go back in?” Jong-in was startled and nodded, not knowing what she had said.

The two returned to the patient room and returned to their daily position, Jong-in lying in bed and Hana beside him either peeling fruit or feeding him porridge.

 

 That evening, Hana fell asleep on the couch and Jong-in would stare at her with those lovable eyes, but today he could only glance at her with worry. He sighed and lay in bed. A tear was streaming down his eyes as he watched his wife sleep so soundly with a smile on his face. He knew he had to do this, but he didn’t want to leave her behind.

 

“I’m sorry..” he whispered. “And I love you..” he croaked. He lay down, took the oxygen mask off, and closed his eyes for the very last time.

 

 

 The next morning, Hana woke up and stared at her husband from afar. Her eyes were blurry because she wasn’t wearing her contact lenses. She smiled seeing her blurred husband lay in bed and stretched.

 

 She put her lenses on and walked toward Jong-in, flabbergasted. The heart Monitor was showing nothing but a straight green line. She looked down at her husband and saw that the mask was no longer on his face, but inside his cold hand.

“No.. no..” she trembled as she placed the oxygen mask back on his face. She pressed it down against his face and sobbed inaudibly, praying that the heart monitor would start beating like normal.

 His body was so cold and their hug could never feel any colder than it was. “Wake up.. You can’t do this to me Jong-in.. We were going to try for YoungJi.. Remember? Wake up.. WAKE UP!” She screeched, her wail turning into a pool of cries.

 She pressed the emergency button repeatedly until a bunch of doctors came rushing into the room and escorted Jong-in out into the operation room. Hana couldn’t follow. She had no energy in her legs.

 She fell to the floor and stared into space. She ran her fingers through his bed and felt a letter buried inside the sheets. Hana slipped it out and stared at it. On the cover read, To my dearest Hana.

 

 With a fearful heart, she opened the letter and stared at his handwriting. She didn’t want to read, she didn’t want to find out the truth but she needed to hear his last words.

 

 “Dear my dearest Hana,”

 

Dear my dearest Hana,

By the time you read this letter, I am probably no longer by your side. I want you to understand that.. There was a reason for everything.

 I was already aware of the fact that I had no longer than a few months left. And I assumed that you realized that too, and that was why you treasured every single moment with me here inside the hospital.

 I didn’t want to wait until the end, not knowing when exactly I would die, and the possibility of me dying right before your eyes was too hard for me to endure.

I’ve always wanted to show you beautiful things and only beautiful things. But because of my ignorance, all I ever did was pain you and bring you to your tears. I made myself feel like a stranger to you. I was such a bad husband and would have been, but I don’t regret getting married to you, because that was the best decision I ever made in my life. I’m sorry I couldn’t give you YoungJi and that I have to leave you all alone, but you must trust me, because I will be watching over you every single day.

I know it won’t be easy, and even if it takes months, or years, I want you to move on and meet a man much better than me, someone who will never make you cry a single tear and I want you to live happily ever after.

 

 But there is one thing I do wish.. if you ever have a daughter, please name her YoungJi. She will be the daughter I bore with my heart and I will protect her until the day she joins me.

 I want you to know that I’ve always loved you and I will never stop loving you. I told you, stop crying. You’ll damage your beautiful face.

 

I hope that.. in our next lives, we will meet again…

I love you, forever.. and ever..

 

 ----

 

Just like that, a whole year had passed. But Hana never got married, nor meet someone who was better than Jong-in. nobody could measure up to be better than Jong-in and she didn’t want to see anyone measure up to be better than him.

 But she was perfectly fine with the way she was.

 

She walked into the bedroom and carried a small baby girl in her arm. She walked toward the Christmas tree and unhooked the baby angel, placing it gently in her daughter’s pale palm.

 “YoungJi.. This was your father’s last present..” she caressed her daughter’s cheeks lightly and kissed her on the forehead, just like Jong-in always kissed her. She missed him so much and everyday was unbearable, but because of YoungJi she could survive.

 

Because, YoungJi was Jong-in’s daughter.

 

 

Flashback

Hana dropped the letter along with the pregnancy stick. She stared into space, grasping her stomach lightly. Tears blinded her sight but she didn’t care, because there was nothing more to see anymore.

 

 She rose from her seat and stared out of the window. The morning seemed so peaceful, yet so virulent.  She knew that Jong-in was up there, looking down at her with his beautiful soul.

 There he would be reunited with his sister and the baby she sent away in a miscarriage. She nodded lightly and looked up at the white sky as snow fell one by one.

 

And behind her, laid a very special stick with two pink lines.