Ding dong.

Ding dong.

Jiyeon and I were both startled by the doorbell. It was really awkward since I was hugging her since morning without realizing how many minutes have passed. “Uh- I- I,”Jiyeon stuttered, confused with what should she say at that moment. I smiled and let go of her from the embrace and walked towards the door. I opened the door and was taken aback, looking at Sunggyu who was panting, trying to catch his breath, “Jiyeon’s missing. She didn’t come back home last night.”

I widened my eyes as Jiyeon walked towards us. “Oppa, I’m here. I was with Myungsoo last night. Sorry for making you worried.” She said and Sunggyu was in a state of shock. He then grabbed Jiyeon’s hands and pulled her towards him. “What are you doing here?” Sunggyu asked.

“I don’t know. I’m sorry. Let’s go back home now.” Jiyeon held Sunggyu’s hand, trying to leave me alone in the house. She looked different from last night. She looked so cold.

“Are you okay?” Sunggyu shook Jiyeon’s body and she just nodded anyway. “Let’s go home.” She said as she pulled Sunggyu’s wrist, leading him to the gate. Sunggyu waved at me but Jiyeon just looked away, avoiding my eye-contact. Maybe it was still awkward after things happened that night, but I’d just let it pass. I still can’t figure out why did she hate me? Why me?

Maybe because I was the only one she had, the one she loved, so she must have hated me. But that’s ridiculous, she still has Sunggyu and a family.

Family.

I doubt that.

I never seen her family before, not even once. Of course we’ve dated for quite some time but she never brought me to see her family except Sunggyu. But she did tell me that her parents were in America. Didn’t they have to come back home and see her, even for just once? They should’ve known how was she doing, how great she was a musician.

I missed her music. I missed my music. I literally missed every single thing. I remembered how we used to communicate through music, no words, let the music played so that it can be heard by us, can be understood by us. Even if the others would never understand how did we both communicate, it didn’t matter.

Jiyeon maybe didn’t know that a year and a half after she left me, I started to write a few songs. It’s just everything was ready to be played in my mind and I just had to write down the lyrics on somewhere, arranged the notes and then played it, just like that. But I never intended to let anyone to listen to my songs, I didn’t know why. Ever since she walked out of my life, I just spaced out in my room, didn’t even go out and see the world. I spent my time in the room doing nothing until I realized that my house – if it still looked like one to me – was really clean. I didn’t clean up the house and of course, it’d be such in a huge mess, but one day, my house happened to be all clean. I wondered why.

And then I saw her figure. I must be dreaming, weren’t I. So I just let the woman cleaned up my house and went straight away to my music room. And there, I started to realize how long have I wasted my life doing nothing, I was a jerk – a mere . But I didn’t care. I took my guitar from the case and started to play a few chords, and then everything changed. I started to compose a few songs – the lyrics were full of anger, depression, hatred and that betrayal feeling of being left by someone. I admitted that the songs were all for her, the woman named Park Jiyeon.

Memories are the only things we can keep, 
so we should hold onto them. 
A necessity in this unreliable world. 
So that they don’t disappear,
I’ll convert them all to paintings.

I just watched Jiyeon and Sunggyu left my house that morning and went back inside. I smiled at the thought that Jiyeon was with me last night, but after recalling the time when she told me why did she has to leave made me sad and unhappy. I was crying again. I didn’t even remember the last time I ever cried, but I’ve been crying these past few days. I was crying with a lot of emotions buried inside of me. Tears are how our hearts speaks when your lips cannot describe how much we’ve been hurt. She owned my heart, she always had. But she left me, saying that she hated me. It was weird that my heart was still holding on to something when its owner has obviously already let it go.

My mobile phone vibrated and I saw a message from her, ‘we still need to talk. I’ve got millions of things to talk about. Let’s meet up.’