Seven | Treasure of Heart

Pastel Heart: The Seventh Chapter

 

For a moment, they just stared at each other while trying to break into each other’s minds. It was such a calm yet cold mental argument, and Jongdae decided to break the eye-contact first due to the mixture of emotions he suddenly felt.

From Jongdae’s point of view, it was obvious that he really had no hope left. Since he had always been fed with false hopes by the people around him, he had learned and mastered the art of distinguishing the things that could be real, and the things that were meant to brighten his mood only. Being in the music industry for several years already, Jongdae couldn’t help but to admit that he had always received the false flattering. It was starting to get old for him, but he understood why people seemed to do it. He did suspect that Kyungsoo was behind all of those fake compliments and praises, but he didn’t wanna place any bet since he knew very well that they were apparently the things that had kept him moving forward. It was such a sad and pathetic reality.

“Kim Jongdae,” Suin broke Jongdae’s trance. “I’m really offended that you weren’t listening to me.”

“What do you mean?” Jongdae stared at Suin’s nonchalant expression which seemed to make a change when Jongdae asked the question. Her eyebrows were lifted in an amused manner, and the side of her lips curved into a somewhat confusing smile. “What do you mean by that? Who am I to you?”

Suin snorted and her smile was starting to show its true nature: it’s a mocking smile. She tilted her to the left and right before she leaned her head against the wall again. “The correct question is what you are to me,” she smiled while facing her head at Jongdae. “I told you,” she said, “that you’re a beautiful disaster.”

Jongdae’s heart was wrecked at Suin’s answer and he ducked his head to hide his devastation; he wasn’t expecting that answer from the girl at all. “You’re probably right,” he muttered, “that I’m a disaster,” he clenched his fists. “But I’m not beautiful.”

“People like you annoy me,” Suin retorted. “People who can’t accept compliment as well as they received criticisms are irritating.”

“Maybe I should agree,” Jongdae spoke softly and he mirrored Suin’s posture by leaning his back against the wall as well. His arms were hugging his body as he had forgotten to take his sweater with him. He escaped from his room hastily since he couldn’t bear to hear anything from Kyungsoo anymore. All those business matters and moral supports meant nothing to him. They were all lies to deceive him from seeing the true image.

Jongdae glanced at Suin, and he admitted that the girl might sound really rude with her words, but she was at least saying the truth. He agreed that he was a disaster. He knew that he was a walking disaster who was disowned by his own parents and rejected by the public. The number of failures he had gone through was enough to prove that he was indeed a worthless being. There was a flicker of curiosity in his heart when Suin had told him that he finally meant something to someone.

“You should,” Suin replied, this time, her voice sounded genuine. “It’s a pity that somebody as beautiful as you is dying too early. It’s a pity since you haven’t achieved anything,” she said. “But I still like you.”

Jongdae didn’t answer to that statement since he was afraid that the girl was probably just fooling with his heart since the girl obviously knew that he was in an unstable state.

“We’re probably the same,” Suin continued speaking, and the last statement made Jongdae flinch. “We both might be beautiful disasters, and people are just not aware of that. It takes one to know one.”

“You’re not a disaster,” Jongdae blurted out, and although he was questioning himself for saying those words, he was very aware that it was the truth. Park Suin was the nation’s pride, and she was deemed to be one of the closest person to perfection. Even in the patient robe, Suin still managed to look presentable and Jongdae began to wonder if that gen was passed to Sehun as well.

“Why?”

Jongdae felt himself smiling a little, “Because you’re Park Suin.”

Suin shook her head, and there was a bit vulnerability in her eyes that Jongdae was wondering if this was really the girl he was speaking to just a few minutes ago. “That’s the problem,” she said, and she hugged her body tightly, “people tend to put label on a person’s name. We’re like a painting, except we paint the image using our names instead of colours. We mark our territory by not using brushes or pencils,” she ducked her head while looking at her feet, “but our attitude.”

“So are you saying that I failed at painting my own image?” Jongdae inquired.

“Yes,” Suin replied. “You just wasted your life by doing things and not achieving anything.”

“It’s painful,” Jongdae said. “Your words,” he stared at Suin, and the girl just happened to have her eyes on Jongdae’s face, “they hurt me.”

Suin turned her face away from Jongdae, and they remained in silence for a while. It was strangely calm and warm for the both of them to be with each other without muttering a single word. Suin bit her lips, as if she was compressing something from bursting. “I have reasons,” her hands which were in the pockets of her sweater were clenched. “If it makes you feel better,” she continued speaking, and her voice got louder, “you can paint the desired image in your own mind as well.”

Jongdae smiled cynically, “And that means that I’m just gonna deceive myself by manipulating the image in my mind.”

“Don’t deny that you’re not thinking about it,” Suin said. “Just to clarify things, it’s not actually really to deceive; it’s more like emphasizing the thing or object that you treasure the most in your life. It’s the method of focusing at the things that you have instead of seeing the things that you don’t own. By the time you’re dead, you’ll still at least feel happy that you had a few things that you liked back then when you’re alive.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

Suin shrugged, “I told you,” she stared at Jongdae, “it’s because I took an interest on you. Maybe a bit too much, I guess.”

“Show me then,” Jongdae said, his voice serious and he was staring into Suin’s cat-like eyes while saying those words. “Show me how to prevent my life from being an utter failure.”

Suin was clearly taken aback since her face showed a sign of contemplating and it was a definite guess that she was calculating the weight of Jongdae’s words. She gotta admit that when she told Jongdae about the image-painting activity, she wasn’t full-heartedly wishing that Jongdae would be serious. After all, she wasn’t really into any charity case when she, herself, was facing a problem as well.

Suin squirmed, “I don’t wanna help you at all,” she said, and Jongdae’s eyes averted from Suin’s eyes. “But I guess this will benefit me as well, so yes? Still,” Suin lifted an eyebrow, “you’re not allowed to breathe a word about my wrist. Those filthy reporters shouldn’t know anything about it.”

“Your wrist?”

Suin folded her arms, “It’s actually just a cover-up.”

“Why did you tell me about your wrist, then? Aren’t you afraid that I’ll tell anyone about it?”

Suin scoffed, “I was about to suggest that you should paint your brain, but I guess that you’re really hopeless. I’m gonna show you how to paint later, so you’re gonna know soon too so why bother covering it up?”

“Why are you here then?”

Suin straightened her body, “Nobody agreed about answering questions.”

She started walking to the elevator and when she was about a few metres from Jongdae, she turned her body and formed a thin smile. It was a smile that Jongdae couldn’t decipher whether it was a genuine one, or the other way around. The way Suin’s lips curled into a smile was almost enchanting, as if she had mastered the way of enchanting the people around her with just a simple movement. Probably that’s why Jongdae was drawn at her too, although she was too rude for Jongdae’s liking. Probably that’s why Jongdae felt like Suin wasn’t actually throwing a pointless rude remark, but one with so many reasons behind it. He would like to call Suin transparent, but Jongdae always detected while Suin’s words seemed to carry a direct meaning, Suin’s movements and actions were showing otherwise. Jongdae would also love to say that Suin sounded like a wise person, but his instinct was saying that ‘wise’ was not the correct word. 

“Come to Sehun’s room tomorrow morning,” Suin said softly, but it was loud enough for Jongdae to hear every syllable. Furthermore, the distance between them wasn’t big. Though, Jongdae felt a bit worried if anyone might have heard Suin’s words – or maybe order, he would like to contemplate – and he was a bit bothered that he was probably not going to pass away in worries.

Unknowingly, Jongdae smiled to himself. That short conversation with Suin surprisingly had lifted his mood. He knew that it was a bizarre thing, since he was supposed to feel really down now that Suin had spat those harsh words towards him. Jongdae – after all – was not really an expert on keeping himself motivated, but he managed to keep his composure this time. Heck, he even managed to be a bit upbeat. 

It was like a breath of fresh air for Jongdae.

Resting in his own room wasn’t really an easy thing to be done, since he was served with Kyungsoo’s gloomy face as his dinner. Kyungsoo was really stubborn and he refused to go home – although Jongdae had complained about how smelly Kyungsoo’s sweater was – and insisted on checking Jongdae up for that night. Jongdae’s lovely manager did ask about Jongdae’s sudden change in mood, but when Jongdae shrugged it off, Kyungsoo decided to not interfere. Still, Kyungsoo was really persistent on keeping his blank eyes plastered on Jongdae’s face.

“Stop looking at me,” Jongdae said before he took one of his pillows and covered his face with it.

Kyungsoo didn’t answer, and for a while, Jongdae thought that Kyungsoo had probably obeyed so he took the pillow away from his face. He glanced at Kyungsoo only to see the glassy eyes of his manager. Kyungsoo’s nose was red, and it hit Jongdae to think that Kyungsoo had probably been holding back. Kyungsoo had always been the stronger of the two.    

“You’re gonna be alive,” Kyungsoo said, but the tone of his voice betrayed the meaning of those words. “We’re gonna do better in the future, and your promotion is gonna be better than before,” he continued while controlling his sobs. “I’m not gonna send fake fan letters and roses anymore and I promise you that I’ll stop giving you a free motivation session.”

Jongdae smiled a little, “Shut up, Kyungsoo. I’ll be okay,” he lied.

Kyungsoo ducked his face, and he was feeling so vulnerable. There was never a time in his life before that he had felt this down. Before, he was the one who had always mustered his own courage to brave the ridiculous number of reporters – although they were not actually targeting Jongdae – and sacrificed his own time to make sure that Jongdae was doing fine. It was always him who had been patronizing Jongdae, but he guessed now that Jongdae’s condition was beyond his control, he had no other choice but to mourn and fall in grief.

“Just don’t lie to me anymore,” Jongdae said. “No matter how hard it is, I want you to be speaking the truth only. No matter how painful it is.”

Jongdae closed his eyes, and his mind began to wonder if the needle was gonna pierce his heart soon. Doctor Choi said that it was estimated to pierce through his heart in a month or less, but that wasn’t really a crucial point for Jongdae. They – the people around him – always seemed to alter everything with something better, yet they didn’t know that they were actually giving false hopes. Jongdae was lucky that he had managed to break through the imaginary wall surrounding him before he was fooled to believe that he had a chance to survive. Others – including Kyungsoo – might call him a pessimist, but the truth was, Jongdae was just too tired.

Jongdae was probably really too tired that he wasn’t even awakened by the angry sunlight. It was only after Kyungsoo frantically shook his body that he yawned and stretched his arms. It had come to Kyungsoo’s horror that the singer had probably passed away during the night, so he was actually relieved to see Jongdae’s movement.

“You scare me there,” Kyungsoo said while using his right hand to rub his chest.

Jongdae rubbed his eyes which were still half-closed as he lingered his eyes around the room. He looked a bit lost and clueless as his mind was slowly processing the plain colour of the wall and distinguishing the designs between the curtain in his room and the hospital. He yawned again and covered his mouth with his right hand when he remembered the reason why he was there in the first place.

“What time is it?”

Kyungsoo raised an eyebrow, “Your schedule has been cancelled so –“

“That’s not it,” Jongdae’s voice volume was raised a bit, and that’s when he hastily picked his phone up from the nightstand. He shrieked when he saw the time, “Holy ! It’s freaking nine in the morning!”

Kyungsoo narrowed his eyes, “It is. Why do you care so much anyway?”

Jongdae didn’t answer and he rushed into the bathroom instead. Fifteen minutes later, he came out wet and he grabbed the clean patient robe which was hung on the wall. Without even waiting for Kyungsoo’s words, he strode out from the room and headed towards the elevator. He was about to text Suin when he remembered that he didn’t even have the girl’s number. Then he remembered Sehun, but he found himself annoyed when he remembered that he didn’t have Sehun’s number as well.

He tried to walk as fast as he could and when he arrived right in front of Sehun’s door, he was reluctant on knocking it. Somehow, the thought of a displeased Suin worried him.

He was about to knock when the door’s knob was suddenly turned and before Jongdae managed to retreat, Sehun’s sulky face greeted him.

“Chen!” Sehun’s expression changed, and there was a wide smile on his face. Jongdae noticed that Sehun’s face was still bloated – an effect from just waking up – and he was actually wondering where the young boy was planning on going with that horrendous morning face. Sehun turned his face to the back, “He’s here.”

“May I come in?” Jongdae asked reluctantly.

Sehun chuckled, “Suin has been waiting for you-“he opened the door wider, and Jongdae was now able to see Suin who was painting something on her canvas, “- and she has asked me to you. She’s not really the type of person who likes to betray her own promise. You can say that she’s kinda.... a perfectionist.”  

“I’m not a perfectionist,” Suin said from where she was sitting, and she continued talking as she narrowed her eyes to see at the colourful canvas in front of her. “I just like doing things properly. And you, Kim Jongdae, are really not one who knows how to be punctual.”  

“I apologize,” Jongdae said spontaneously.  

“I don’t wanna waste more of my times with you so grab that chair over there and sit next to me,” Suin instructed.

Jongdae followed the instruction and did exactly what Suin had said. As soon as he landed his on the chair, Suin’s hand was already shoving a brush and the colourful painting on the canvas before was ripped off as if it had no value. It was probably a worthless painting for Suin, but many people thought otherwise, including Jongdae; any painting by the Park Suin was gold.

Suin taught Jongdae how to move his hand freely first so that the painting would come out smooth and clean. She even managed to show a bit of her expert side by demonstrating a few things to Jongdae, and truth be told, Jongdae was enchanted by how gracious was the movement of Suin’s hand. Watching how it swayed from side to side was like watching a magnificent ballet performance, with every muscle was set to move in precision.

“Stop zooming out and pay attention,” Suin said when she noticed that Jongdae was looking really dreamy. Sehun, who was lying on his bed while constantly looking at Jongdae, grinned before he kept his laughter to himself.

The lesson was continued after that, and Jongdae found them having a break right when it’s nearing the noon.

Sehun was standing in front of the canvas which was smeared by various colours – a product of Jongdae’s image of treasure in his mind. “Is that a karaoke set... in the colour of orange?”

“I got that from somebody as my debut present.”

“You’re a terrible painter,” Suin commented. “With that image you’ve painted, a kid was gonna have a nightmare.”

She was obviously referring to the colourful mess on the canvas. Jongdae had argued before, saying that it was a piece of masterpiece which focused on being abstract, but Suin had stated that there was nothing abstract about the painting except for Jongdae’s mentality. Suin claimed that if Jongdae was gonna keep his painting ability at that rate, it was probably better for Jongdae to keep his fingers away from touching any single painting equipment anymore.   

“The kid was probably gonna think it was a box which contains a creepy doll,” Sehun added.

“I don’t really know if this method’s gonna work,” Jongdae voiced out his hesitation.

Suin bit her lips, “I’m offended that you actually have the gut to question my suggestion when your painting is at the level of an elementary student.”  

Jongdae shrugged, “You’re always saying the truth, so I believe in you. Maybe it’s because I really haven’t found the real thing that I treasure the most.”

 

 

Author’s Note

Hey Hey Hey! Omg I can’t believe that I’ve reached the seventh chapter //throws confetti. By the way, I’ve done some maths and I managed to estimate the number of chapters that this story will have. Including prologue and the epilogue, this story is going to have 16 chapters. Please look forward to the upcoming chapters!

Words count: 3.087 K

Written on 14^th November 2014