Dear Taehyung,

I remember

I still remember that we was met on Facebook on 2011. I thought you were a girl because your profile DP was someone who posed side face with a long hair. You seems cute and kind and that's make me want to be friend with you. I was 13 years old and you were 16 years old , 3 years different yeah.

Long time ago , you keep asking me why I didn't put and reveal my real name to the others in social media and I answered " Because my friends keep dissing my name " . You just laughed by keep spamming with " HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA " and that's made me annoyed and made me want to slap you if we were met in real life.

I was alone and real life. I keep crying and stressed because of my parents, they were divorced when I was 7 and keep fighting to get me and that's made me need to go to another school one by one. I never have a best friend entire of my life. I always act innocent in front of my parents but inside, only god knows about it.

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I remember when I keep nagging you to meet you in real life but you keep denied it. I asked why and you answered

" Because I am too handsome to meet you. "

" Do you want to say that I am ugly to see you or what huh? "

" Noooooooooo~ I just want to say that you will fall in love with me if you see my handsome face ^__^ . "

" In your dream, man. I will never fall in love with you. Heh. "

I was wrong. I am fall in love with you.

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I still remember when you was cried because of your grandmother's death. You were lost of words and keep crying and decided to do suicide and die early because you were lost the person that you really love that take care of you long time ago. I knew that because your friend told me about that. I'm not laughing , crying or being sad. I just don't know how to respond that because I already had that feelings. I already lost my grandmother when I was 12 years old. She take care of me when I was 8 years old and I really love her so much.

I keep calling you using public phone because I don't have credit at that time yeah but you didn't even answered the phone and that's make me so worried about you. I don't want you to die. I need you by my side. I desperately need friend like you.

You were in Japan in that day and I never knew about that until you told me that you were online-ing in your cousin's house. You keep chatting with me and that's make your cousin left dumbfounded because he didn't even understand our language.

Because of that day, we are getting closer and closer. You even invited me for a video call and I was so excited about that. You keep making your ugly face and make fun of your cousin who didn't even know our language and more. That's make me keep laughing and laughing all the time. You're quite stupid and dumb around me all the time.

You still remember about that photo? It was you holding a can and then tagged me on Facebook and asked me , what drink was that. I answered the correctly , it was chocolate and you asked me how do I knew that. Just look at that photo. Of course it was chocolate , you dumb.

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I still remember when I keep call you 'jagiya' , 'honey' and more since we had a relationship. Well , that's just fake relationship on facebook but we were acted like a real couple by saying the sweetest word that I ever imagined. Actually , I forgot when we started doing that because I keep changing my account to hide from someone. Sorry , darling.

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I still remember when I was moved to Seoul around early January 2013 , I got a message from you wishing a happy new year and always advice me to go to school and study hard. You also ended it with 'love for Hyomin' and that's make me want to punch you hard if I meet you. On 2013, we started to talked about life and shared each other's problem. You were like a counseler. You heard and feel my problem through my message and knew I was cried because of this life. I also told him about my past, a girl with no life and don't even know where to go. I just keep having problems day by day and my cousin was backstabbed me silently in my old school. I was almost got anti by my classmate and the second class. I am stupid but teacher keep put me in the first and special class. Is it because of my mom or what? I keep crying and called myself crazy because I was stressed. I'm so done with family problems , school problems and more that makes me can't concentrate with school. I also have a bad result.

You didn't even insult me or even call me stupid. You said that I was just stressed. You always cheer me up no matter when is it. It makes me calm and trying to get up from the problems.

Oh ya. I still remember when you talked about marriage , our marriage. You keep talking about a nice place for honeymoon, place for the wedding and more and that maked me feel uncomfortable. I got a strange feelings about that. I feel so hot suddenly when you said that. You also talked about you favourite pet, Becky the snake. That snake sulked because you were busy with your final exam and school , makes you don't have time to play with him.

I just wonder and thought , how the you have snake to pet? That's make me thought that you were rich because we need license to pet a snake.

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You were dead when I was out from the hospital. I didn't even know about that until your best friend, Jin came to the ward to visit me. I don't even know how he know that I was here. He told me that you were accident and coma for 3 days and then you died. I don't know how to react and tears flew to my cheek slowly. I'm hurt. I laughed and cried at the same time like a crazy woman. I keep saying at Jin that was false, Taehyung my love is not dead yet. He is still alive and Jin keep denied it and wiped his tears. He was hurt when I keep saying that. He can easily accepted that you were dead but not me.

Jin keep accompany me and visited me until i'm out from the ward. Before i'm out from ward and moved to my dad's house , he have something to tell me and to give me.

" Hey. You want to know his secret? " His question makes me want to know it so bad eventhough you're dead already.

" Yeah sure what is it?"

" First, he is from a rich family. He have a big house, guitar, iphone collection and games! but he still didn't happy about that. "

" Wow that's good! but why he's not happy? He should be grateful about that. "

" Yeah i know right? He's not happy because of everything. His parents are so busy and didn't even spend time with him and that makes him so sad. He is a serious person in school and in front of people but not you, he acted stupid and dumb at you and I didn't even know why. I asked him about you and saying that he love you but his answer is not a joke. He really love you. " I'm speechless. I thought i'm the only want who love him so much.

" And you want to know what happen when i'm in Japan with him? He was fought with a drunked man because he wanted to protected a girl. He was hurted and bleeded a lot but he was still smiled. He smiled and said not to tell you about this. "

" Oh ya. Theres a mystery in his laptop. "

" OH? What is it? "

" Theres a documant with your name but theres nothing in it. His sister told me about that. Theres also a diary with a note said 'Please take care' . "

" Before he died , he asked me to said this for you. He want you to study hard and not to give up no matter what is it and smiled. Thats was his last breath. " He gave your diary to me and leave you alone. That was the last I saw him. I look at him and your diary and cried.

Until now , I still didn't know the answer. Maybe I should forget it and let god the one know about it because past is the past.

Eventhough it's still past , I still love you and waiting for you, until now.

author's note