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Yongguk, I am unsecure… What should I do if Youngjae won’t love me?

-Jung Daehyun

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Just tell him.

-Bang Yongguk

Yongguk was right. I had to tell Youngjae my feelings. But I haven’t the faintest idea how. The problem was that Youngjae is everyday far away from me because of his university. We see each other just on weekends because we live together in a little apartment. I pay our rent because of my rich parents and because he haven’t enough money for paying. I love to help him, no matter how. Since the first time I met him, I fell for him. He was just adorable, looked handsome and loved music. I enjoyed the moments when he was sitting on our couch and played with his guitar or started singing during taking a shower. Then I was sitting against the door to the bathroom and was listening to his voice and his voice was really beautiful. And sometime Youngjae wasn’t here anymore to sing. It feels horrible to know that I am alone at home. The more I love when he’ll return every weekend.

Today I was waiting for him for hours. I tried to call him but his phone battery was empty like always. I chatted a bit with an old friend Yongguk and asked him what to do because of my infatuation. But he just told me what I already know. So I went offline and put away my phone. Then I stared against the wall. Only Youngjae was in my mind.

When will he arrive? Where is he right now? Should I am worry about him?

And so on…

I didn’t think that I can sleep before he will be here. So I put in my earphones and listened to music. It didn’t take so long until I fell asleep. I just awaked early in the morning in my bed. I wasn’t sure whether I went there by my own or…

I jumped up and ran outside. The fresh breeze of coffee entered my nose and I went to the kitchen. There he stood just in underwear and did his coffee. I smiled brightly and went to him. Because he stood with the back to me I hugged him from behind. Youngjae flinched because he didn’t notice me before. He turned around and looked at me.

“Ah, Daehyun-dongsaeng.” He said friendly. “I am glad that you’re awake. I found you sleeping on the couch. Why didn’t you go to bed? I am sure it was late.”

“Yea, just a bit. But I couldn’t sleep very well because you weren’t at home and I was worried about you. When did you come home?”

“It was too late to tell it to you.” He laughed loudly. To late to tell me about it?

"Then I am sure you don't want to tell me why you stayed out that late?" I asked him with knowing the answer.

"I am sorry." Immediately the worst thing came into my mind. He has a girlfriend. But I didn't want to ask him. I just looked into his eyes and he showed me an apologizing expression. Somehow I stared to feeling bad. I loved Youngjae but it was obvious that he didn't feel the same for me. That was a horrible feeling and every second I thought I had to die.

"Daehyun, are you alright? You look like you are hurt..." He was going to understand what was wrong. "I came back at 5 a.m and stayed out with Kim Himchan. He is at the same university as me and waited for a friend who didn't come. So I stayed by him and entertained him a bit until his friend arrived sometime near 4 a.m." I didn’t expect that he would explain it to me. I stood there with an open mounth and couldn't leave any reaction. "I am sorry but my phone was crashed so I didn't had a chance to call you and to inform you what's up." I shook with my head.

"No, you haven't to explain anything because it's okay. I was just worried, not anything more. But I am happy that you are here." I said slowly without showing him that I was really hurt.

"Yes, I am happy about that as well. Let's make breakfast, okay? I want to hear how your week was." He smiled and took two cups and the coffee. I just drink coffee when he was sitting at the same table. So that means just weekends. I didn't like the smell of coffee when nobody was there who was addicted to this stuff like Youngjae was. I guess without coffee he just would die.

I took the rest for the breakfast and put it onto the table. Youngjae sat down and tried to find something he wanted to eat. While sitting there I told Youngjae what happened this week and he listened to me. He smiled when I told him story's from my class and teachers and he laughed lovely. He always said to me that he miss the highschool. He mean that studying at university is harder that highschool. But I didn't belive him.

Every weekend it was the same. At first we do breakfast then we talk about our week and later we went outside. But I never talk about my feelings. I know sometime I have to tell him the truth but I always said to myself: Don't worry, it's not that important. You can tell him later. But it was always like that. I hate me for this behavior but I was afraid to lose him after telling him that I fall for him. Yongguk told me I should but it costs a lot of courage and I didn't have any courage.

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I cannot do this... I am afraid. I don't want to see his reaction if he don't want this. Can you understand how I feel? It's horrible...

-Jung Daehyun

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Sure, I know this feeling... But... Don't run away...

-Bang Yongguk