Sometimes, I wonder what I did wrong in my previous life to deserve such a punishment.

No human being deserved to be awake at god forsaken seven in the morning on a Sunday, huddled up in my living room, discussing something that’s probably really important, but just…not right now.

“Hey, hey, stay with me here,” Baekhyun snaps his fingers in front of my face, and I groggily swat him away. Turns out rubbing the sleep out from my eyes did little to help, so I resigned myself to leaning on Chanyeol, resting my weak body on his side and dropping my head on his shoulder. He just laughs and pats my hair down, taming the mountain of a bird’s nest atop my crown.

Baekhyun had let himself into my apartment at the crack of dawn, like the inconsiderate that he is, and decided to stand at the edge of the bed and stare at us sleep until one of us woke up, which of course had to be Chanyeol, being the light sleeper that he was. Then he had to start clapping his hands and rushing us out like one of those football coaches, and I vaguely remember flinging a pillow to shut him up.

Clearly I wasn’t much of a morning person, and honestly, it was his fault for being a bad alarm.

Baekhyun paces the carpet, lips moving and his arms flinging about, making grand hand motions, and that’s when I knew I had to pay attention. Byun Baekhyun was only ever serious when he did big gestures with his hands.

“Okay you’re going to have to repeat everything you just said slowly, because one, you’re doing that thing where you’re really excited and talking like my old French housekeepers on crack, and two, I totally got nothing from that because it’s too early and my brain can only process so much at this time.” He throws me a dirty look that I shrug off and sighs, deciding to sit down on the couch adjacent to us.

“I’m proposing today and I need the both of you to distract her until I’m done getting everything prepared.”

Chanyeol does a little cheery whoop which Baekhyun visibly appreciates, and I just roll my eyes, “And you decide to tell us this now. Great job.”

He runs us through the whole plan, and even through my sleepy haze I can’t help the smile that lines across my lips because it’s just so Baek to bring his girlfriend on a whole wild goose chase before finally getting down on one knee and making an honest man of himself. Of course Chanyeol agrees with a wide smile, because he’s Chanyeol, the sweetest person alive, and also because he was excited at the whole adventurous side of it all. Baekhyun cautiously throws a glance towards me, silently waiting for my approval, and I feel his eyes bore into my side. I had to say yes. That was the right thing to do, wasn’t it? Here I was, cuddling against my boyfriend’s side, while my best friend stared at me, waiting for me to just say something. It felt like he was asking me for permission, and it made me sick to the stomach to think that Baekhyun had to even do that – to make sure I was okay with him finding his own happiness. And I had to hold myself back from hurling onto the carpet because how sick is that.

My feelings didn’t matter. It shouldn’t. I had just what I needed. (What I wanted, on the other hand, I pushed to the dark crevices of my mind). In a way, I was grateful for Baekhyun, for I had learnt that you couldn’t always listen to that beating pound of muscle, because life had a course to run, and sometimes even your heart’s longing whispers couldn’t change that.

I flash him a smile, a genuine one, and wonder if that’s the affirmation he sought. It’s almost nine when Baekhyun closes the apartment door behind him and leaves us to grab a quick meal before heading off. I throw on a simple ensemble, a loose white shirt tucked into black skinny jeans and a long grey knit sweater, and I only have time to brush a light layer of powder over my cheeks before Chanyeol’s tugging me out the door. Normally, I would have picked out an outfit from the ‘worth more than my liver’ section of my wardrobe to witness such a significant event in Baekhyun’s life, but since his whole plan revolved around subtlety, we promised to play it down.

I hopped into the passenger’s side of Chanyeol’s car and as he pressed on the accelerator, we found ourselves getting closer and closer to Haewon’s apartment on the other side of the city. The grey blocks of concrete pass my window, the shapes cut with a cold dexterity that juxtaposed the soft bloom of flowers and life around you. The hum of the radio resonating within the four corners of the car plays something vaguely familiar, and you know it because you subconsciously begin humming its tune and you can hear Chanyeol muttering the words. I come to realise that it’s Foreigner, and wonder if someone was just laughing at me from somewhere at the whole irony of it all. Chanyeol lets his voice fly through the air, and even though it wasn’t my first time hearing him sing it still made your chest feel warm and your stomach feel as if a hurricane was tearing through it, as it to say screw butterflies, here. You grab his free hand resting on the armrest, clutching it dramatically as you joined in the chorus.

“I wanna know what love is,” and I play an air-piano to the instrumentals before the next line, “I want you to show meeeee!”

I roll the window down on my side just when we stop at a traffic light, singing to the car beside me. The driver probably couldn’t hear me, but the people crossing the street could and while some just continued on walking, not paying the crazy singing lady any mind, others either turned to shoot a weird stare or laughed at my antics. I hear him slap at the steering wheel, amused at the whole situation, and I end my street side serenade with a laugh before turning back to him, only to have the air caught in my throat.

For a silver of a moment, instead of seeing my boyfriend’s row of pearly whites peeking through his wide smile and his doe eyes lit with mirth, I saw a cheeky foxlike grin, droopy hooded eyes and the fog of an old memory.

I blink and it’s Chanyeol filling my vision again, and I bring my hand up to calm the heart that threatened to beat right out my chest. My fingers crawl further up to the ring that hung from the middle of the necklace around my neck, fiddling with the cold metal that slowly put my heart at ease. Stop, I told myself, pleading, please. I didn’t know which cruel part of me I was begging to; whether it was my mind that liked to play memories in front of my eyes like a veil of illusion, or my heart that still jumped at the slightest thought of Baekhyun, or my ghost that lingered beneath my skin and tortured me with dreams of a different life.

The car pulls up in front of the bricked building and Chanyeol puts the car into park, pulling the handbrake and turning the ignition. But the two of us stare at each other, neither reaching for the handle because of all the things Baekhyun told us about today’s plan and Haewon’s address…he forgot to tell us about which floor she was on. The idiot.

“Should we call Baekhyun or just try all the doors till we find her?” Chanyeol leans back against the leather of his seat, offering me a mischievous grin.

I deadpan before slapping his arm, “Being an idiot wasn’t enough, now he’s a forgetful idiot.” I say as I pull my phone out from my pocket, fingers hitting the speed dial and getting the said idiot on the phone.

“Which floor?” I shout into the speaker as soon as the call goes through, and he whines an ow before he gives the information. As soon as he mutters the last “fifth door down the hallway” I cut him off and hang up.

Chanyeol chuckles at the slew of colourful words escaping my lips and steps out, coming around to open my side as well. We walk into the building, Chanyeol hugging me from behind the entire time, so we kind of do a double penguin waddle to the lift. His chin rests on the crown of my head, and it doesn’t help that he has the bone structure of a Greek god, sharp angles and titanium bones, so every time the lift jerks on its way up his chin digs into my skull. But it’s a regular occurrence, what with Chanyeol being a giant and me being not so much of one and the fact that he seemed to live off physical touch, and I’d like to think after the months of being together I had developed a skull with diamond-like resistance.

I rap on the dark door, and Chanyeol still keeps his arms around me, just this time he’s adjusted to stand by my side while looping an arm around my waist. The soft padding of feet becomes clearer until I hear the lock turn and then the door is being pulled back, revealing the same girl I met at the café that particular day. She’s already dressed up, a cute floral dress donned that reach her knees and a brush of rose on her cheeks and ruby on her lips. According to the plan, Baek would’ve called her under the guise that he was picking her up for a date. And instead of Baekhyun, we’d show up and bring her to where they were supposed to meet. From there, he said it was pretty self-explanatory from then on, and to, in his words, “be her chauffer for the day”. Which most definitely earned him a punch in stomach from my beloved leftie.

Haewon tilts her head slightly, probably confused as to why two of her boyfriend’s friends are at her doorstep, and I just flash her a wide smile, Chanyeol following suit. “H-hi?” The greeting comes off as a question, and I return the formality. I decide to keep silent and keep my smile on, and I was pretty sure I looked a little creepy, to say the least. “Did Baekhyun ask you guys to come…or—“ I wave my hand off, interrupting her midsentence.

Chanyeol swoops in just then. “We’re here on Baekhyun’s orders to drive you to him.” Well that was one way to put it without giving too much away. She nods, a little unsurely, before shaking her head slightly and giving an apologetic look. “I’m so sorry, that was rude of me. Let’s restart.” She perks up as if we were actually turning back time to redo the last five minutes. “Go