It was a mistake. It was just my delusion. It was nothing…

…Right?

The memories from last night still played in the forefront of my mind, like a broken cassette that just couldn’t stop haunting me and left me in an endless cycle of frustrating uncertainties and dubiety.

I did not need this at eight in the morning, damn it.

Waiting in line with pretty much nothing but the smell of caffeine within the settlement fueling my body, my mind couldn’t help but fall back into the motions of the previous night. I knocked myself in the head with my purse, ignoring the weird looks that the morning crowd shot at me. Then I thought about it again and wished Baekhyun was here so I could whack him instead. Damn that kid and his weird. He screwed me up infinitely, and he probably didn’t even know it.

(Why I let it happen, I wasn’t sure).

The realization that the line had moved forward snapped me out of my daze. “One vanilla latte to go, please. Extra vanilla syrup, too, thanks.” The girl nodded, taking down the special order and hurrying off.

Yoga breaths, c’mon. Breathe in…and out. Happy thoughts, woman, happy thoughts.

I had finally landed a job at the magazine company I had eyed for the longest time. They bumped me up to the editorial board with one look at my credits and my last name. Though I would’ve have complained about my connections influencing the decision on a normal day, as soon as I heard the pay they were offering, I immediately sealed my lips. I wasn’t about to be an idiot to turn down that kind of money. Even with the money my parents gifted me each month, it was nice to have some I could truly call my own.

So there I was, a face within the morning crowd in the small coffeehouse, about to head off for my first day in the profession of my dreams. It was a nice morning; the sun didn’t shine too bright, the breeze was just right, the queue wasn’t too long. There was nothing that could turn this day around. Not even that bastard Byun Bae—

“—khyun’s best friend?”

I turned to the voice that called out to me. I mean, I was the only best friend that he’d been so public about, so that had to me, right? Only there were far too many people in the 94 square feet café for me to figure out who the exact individual was. Then I heard my name and this time it came with a tap on my shoulder. I ce again.

A girl, though I really shouldn’t be calling her that because she looked about my age, stood diagonally behind me with a coffee in hand and a bright smile hanging on her lips. Before I had time to criticize her for looking too damn cheerful at such an ungodly hour in the morning, she had begun speaking. She asked me again if my name was right and I nodded, albeit with a little hesitation. For all I know she could’ve been in on a secret government plot that somehow required my capture and wanted to confirm my identity.

(I cannot properly impute this whole stream of conscience to the whole The Manchurian Candidate-esque movie marathon I had two nights ago).

“I recognised you from the pictures in his apartment. And, of course, from the front pages of the newspaper.” Baekhyun did have a tendency to blabber off about pretty much anything. I voiced my thoughts exactly which caused her to laugh. “I can’t exactly dispute that fact. Baekhyun’s told me so much about you!” she continued. “But that’s one of the things I like about him.”

Hold on. Baekhyun talking about me? One of the things she likes about him?

“I’m sorry, and this is going to sound a little rude because I don’t know any other way to put this, but who are you?”

The barista called out my name and we walked over to collect the order. When I turned, she had her hand held out.

“It was rude of me not to introduce myself, actually. Let’s start again.” I watched her with amusement. She told me her name and I took her hand, shaking it as I said mine. “But you already knew that, I assume,” I teased.

“I’m Baekhyun’s girlfriend, by the way.”

The smile on my face dropped as if it were a ton of bricks. “Oh?” Even though that expression was the weakest one I could come up with to appropriately explain my reaction, I went with it.

My mind was suddenly thrown into an abyss, an utter cycle of blackness. It had been cast into the deepest of wells, and I didn’t have the rope to bring it back out. It was as if the ground beneath my feet has disappeared, and gravity had pulled me through the crevice and down to the treacherous depths of the earth’s core. I had nothing to hold on to and no one to help me.

Girlfriend? We had promised to tell each other everything, wasn’t that the primary basis of most friendships?

Why had such a thing been kept away from me?

Crack.

Why was I informed by a complete stranger, who I guess isn’t a stranger anymore by relation, and not my own best friend?

Crack.

Baekhyun had so many chances to tell me this. It could’ve been a casual interjection in our everyday conversations and it still would be better than this. A simple “Hey, want to go for lunch today? And oh, I have a girlfriend. So, does the salad bar sound good to you?” would’ve been nice.

Why didn’t Baekhyun just tell me?

Crack.

Most of all, why did Baekhyun lean in last night? Why did he lead me on, and why did he try to kiss me, when he already had a girlfriend?

Crack. The mirror of trust now bore an ugly scar on its clear surface. I traced my finger on the break, but all it did was cut into my skin and draw blood. Hurt. It hurt.

“Baekhyun…never told me.”

Her eyes widened slightly.