Day Three Hundred and Sixty-Three

I sit on the couch numbly. It's been so long since I've heard from Sunggyu. I don't know what it was that I did wrong. All I can think about are his trembling lips, his pale face, the tears that were burned into my memory forever. I promised him that I would never make him cry again, but somehow I had done just that. I don't even know what I had done wrong. He was feeling under the weather. I brought him soup to make him fell better, what could I have possibly messed up?

I tried messaging Dongwoo as well, but the dino hasn't replied. Then I messaged Hoya, but he hasn't seen Dongwoo for a few days. Apparently, Dongwoo had some important matters. I tried contacting the Myungyeol couple, but they were just as out of the loop as I was. Sungjong, the king of gossip, didn't even know what was going on. I'm going crazy trying to hunt down both Dongwoo and Sunggyu.

All of my texts to Sunggyu had been ignored. All of them say that they've been read, but not one of them had been answered.

To: My Angel

I know you're reading my texts. Please let me know you're alright.

I love you~

I lay down on my soft blue couch. There's nothing I can do but wait. I checked Sunggyu's apartment yesterday, and he was either gone or ignoring my knocking. Even his next door neighbor peaked his head out of his apartment, looking like the walking dead, and asked me not so politely to keep it down. I had dragged my feet all the way home, unable to fathom just were Sunggyu could have gone. 

He had a cold. He couldn't be away on business again, could he? Woohyun shook his head, knowing that the best thing for Sunggyu was to be in bed and sleeping. I lay on the couch, just staring at the Television. There's some drama on, but I'm not paying attention to it, not when there's more important things to think about. I hear my phone go off during one of the commercials and lazily pick it up off of the floor, but I instantly shoot up when I realize who the message is from.

Sunggyu.

From: My Angel

I'm sorry, but we can't be together anymore. I'll always love you. It just isn't going to work.

I felt my world shattering. The big question that ran across my mind was:

why? 

***

Day Three Hundred and Sixty-Four

I didn't realize that I had fallen asleep on the couch until I hear pounding on my door. I had stayed up late trying to get Sunggyu to text me something, anything back. I check my phone, but find that there are no messages. I stand and stretch out my aching joints before opening the front door. I'm not sure who I should expect, but I'm shocked to see that it's Dongwoo. However, the Dinosaur looked terrible. He looked as if he had been crying for days, conbined with a look of sleeplessness hanging darkly under his eyelids.

"Dongwoo, Hoya's been worried about you." Dongwoo doesn't say anything, which worries me the most. He hands me an envelope with my name scrawled neatly on the front, I know Sunggyu's handwriting anywhere, before biting on one of his sleeves to choke the sobs that threated to spill. I usher him inside and sit him on the couch, offering him a glass of water to try and calm him down. Meanwhile the letter is glaring at me. 

I'm not ready to open it yet. 

That's why I take my time trying to calm the hysterical boy down. I call Hoya and explain the situation, hoping that he'll come over and know what to do. When I return from my phonecall I find that I've run out of excuses to avoid the letter. There's nothing more that I can do except open the dainty letter and pray for the best. My trembling hands do nothing to keep the piece of paper still and I have to force myself to read the crisp writing.

Namu,

I know I'm a coward for not giving this to you in person, but hear me out. If you're getting this message, it's because I can't give it to you myself. I was very sick, Woohyun, but now I'm in a better place. I won't hurt anymore.  I don't care that you're hurting right now.

I hate you, Woohyun.

I hate how sweet you are. Those roses made me so mad. It was so romantic and clever, but I knew I couldn't return the favor. Why would you put me in that position Woohyun? 

I hate you for making me smile all the time. I laughed more than I had in a very long time. In return, I went home and cried every night. Every night that you made me feel special was another guilty evening for me. I knew I was dragging you along. I was so selfish.

I hate that you believed my every lie. I never went on business trips. Every business trip was really a trip to the hospital. When you asked me to meet your parents and I couldn't, it wasn't because I wasn't ready to commit. It was because I didn't want to get your hopes up any more than I already had.

I hated that you wouldn't let me go. I tried to make you hate me. I tried so hard. Why wouldn't you hate me? Even if it was my fault, you always apologized for it.

Don't ever apologize, Woohyun