Thank you to UnknownNight for editing <3 <3

2. Coming to terms,,, or maybe not

To Zitao’s credit, he didn’t scream or swear or stormed out of the room without an explanation, which were actually all the things he wanted to do, but he was a grown man and he couldn’t exactly make a scene (but he really, really, wanted to). Besides, after seeing Yixing’s face so concerned and sweet he couldn’t do that. So he it up, and from Yixing’s point of view, it was like assisting a silent imploding, and simply said: I need a moment. Then he calmly exited the room and went to the restroom. Yixing nodded, giving the younger the space and time he needed.

He asked himself again if he did the right thing, but it was Zitao’s future and for his sake some things had to be faced.

It was time. It had passed 8 years. 8 long years in which Zitao basically acted like Yifan didn’t even happen, no matter how much the latter  really craved to patch their friendship. It was time.

But it wasn’t going to be easy, he knew.

“I patched up things with everyone, heck even with Junmyeon that wanted to kick my all the way to Canada, even he came around. But why not him?”

“Yifan, sometimes you can be really dense, you know, and silly.”

“I know it’s my fault. I should have known better. I should have told him somehow, but my mind was a mess at that time and I couldn’t stand to see delusions in his eyes when confessing to him of my choice.”

“You were his rock, his mountain to climb, Yifan. Of course he would have reacted badly in whatever way, he discovered the fact. But you really chose the worst way to make him know, if I can say.” Yixing was Yifan’s best friend and shoulder since their trainee days but he left, no matter if the reasons were right, he left, leaving Yixing to clean after his mess and to take care of his beloved ones: Zitao. So in his new role Yixing wasn’t going to sugar coated words to Yifan. He was still a dear friend but Zitao was now a dear friend too”

“I thought that he loved me enough to be able to forgive me at some point. He was like family to me. And yes, he was ridiculous pretentious whiny and high maintenance but I loved him no matter what. And he loved me too.” He sighed. Yixing didn’t know which kind of love Yifan was referring to anymore. As idols they went through an uncommon path, they had to endure together a lot and that strengthened their bond of friendship. They became the world of one another.

Love.

The love every member would declare to the other, but for some, the boundaries of brotherly love seemed blurred and uncertain. But does love has boundaries?

Is it normal to be affected like that? The more you love the more you hate, they say.

“Yifan, things went like that is already an year and it’s still too early. I think deep in his heart you’ll be always be his special one, however I can’t guarantee if he will ever come around.”

“Why is it that dreams always cost me so much?”

Yixing shook his head. He had these conversations long ago and have similar ones year after year even though as time passed Yifan seemed to have settled down at the truth that his precious little brother would probably never again allow him in his heart and stopped trying. It was sad, considering how they were in the beginning. Yixing always hoped that somehow- someday- their path would cross again and rediscover what they thought was lost.

“Ok! It’s not like I’ll have to deal with him every day isn’t it?” Yixing was so lost in his reminiscence that he didn’t even notice Zitao coming back. “ So let’s talk about it” he said, as he went back to sit on the armchair, trying to act cool. Yixing noticed how the bangs were slight wet. Probably he went to the bathroom to cool down and splashed some water on his face. Even though Zitao was 27, Yixing managed to find it cute, even now trying to stand up by himself and acting like the adult Yixing was proud he converted into.

“Well, you are kind of right.” Yixing thought that it was better to proceed carefully. “ However there's a reason this is by far the best offer for you. Not only they want you to continue to be a singer under they label, heck everybody knows you are immensely talented as a rapper and lyricist and you basically wrote all the Chinese rap lyrics in SM so far, but well, other than this, they also would like for you to pursue your acting career.”

Zitao seemed positively stunned and with that Yixing felt a bit hopeful that maybe this was going to end, if not well, at least not in a disaster.

“Wow. That's huge.” Strike while the iron's hot.

“Their agency is collaborating into producing a movie. It's not a small production but a global level production, Zitao, and the reason they are so interest in you is because the second lead role has to know martial arts.”

“OH......” this time Zitao didn't know what to actual reply. Since he was a kid, he always wanted somehow to combine together his two parts of himself, the martial artist and the entertainer. Everybody knew he would have died to finally follow the path of Jackie Chan.

This is a dream. It's too good to be true.

Because the second lead role...

Wait. A. Moment.

“Hold on. You said, ‘second lead role.’ Who is the other lead actor? Ha!Ha!Ha! Don't tell me it's him because it would be too ing hilarious!”

There was a thing that didn't change during the years and it was the ability of Yixing to remain frozen in his spot without even blinking. That JPG pose meant only one thing.

“Oh my god,it's him! For ing sake!” Zitao this time really was going to storm out of the room. This is ridiculous.

“Zitao,” Yixing held him by the wrist, gently, but enough for making him stop.

“This is not about him, but about you. Only you. Please do me a favour, think about it. Okay? And...” he seemed to hesitated for a moment but then he stood up and went towards his desk to grab something. It was a script.

“Give it a read, okay?”

“They already gave you the script?”

“I have my channels.”

Yes, him.

“Okay, ge. I won't promise you anything. It's a bit too much to handle at the moment.” He replied but grabbed the script nonetheless. He wanted to threw it away into the nearest bin but he knew he couldn't, only an insane person would have thrown away a chance like that without even giving a look. And after all that Yixing did for him, Zitao at least owned him that.

So he stood up and with his mind even more confused than at the beginning of their conversation, exited the room.

Yixing kept staring and the closed door for awhile even after he left.

He sighed. He missed the times were in was enough to forcefully be dragged by Junmyeon hyung to a family reunion, for all to be solved.

Growing up .

Yifan was plastered on his couch, in one of those rare moments when he actually didn't have anything to do. He now lived in a big flat in the center of Beijing. It was spacious and and the sight was beautiful, however despite all the wow factors, sometimes he couldn't help but feel a bit lonely. He was now 30, had a successful career and more money that he actually was able to spend. He was also able to make new friends and even though his relationships never worked out, he still was lucky to have good girlfriends. He had was it could be considered a happy life. However. When he was standing alone in his apartment the light of the sunset coming from the windows, he felt like he was missing something.

“Ge, let's take a selca with the sunset behind! The sunset is too pretty,” would have been said by childish but vivid voice. Yifan scoffed. Sometimes there were random memories like that, coming out of the blue and completely uncalled for. They made him smile and regret a bit at the same time.

Don't you dare call me ever again.

“Hello sunshine, are you dead?” the front door was opened abruptly. Maybe giving Lu Han the key of his apartment wasn't the smartest of his ideas, but at that time seemed reasonable, that and the fact that his mother had forced him to give the key to some of his friends since he didn't have a fiancè: knowing him when he didn't have a schedule. He would have remained buried in that cavern he called apartment like forever.

“Lu Han, geez,” he groaned.

“Oh, there you are,” and with a bubbly smile he run towards the couch to just sit on top of  his feet, forcing him to do room for him.

“Seriously, why again did I even gave you the key?”

“Because your mother made you and because you love me.”

“Sure.”

“Oh stop it, Yifan. Without me, you would’ve be lost.” he said mockingly. Yifan grunted, because sadly it was pretty true ( not like Lu Han had to necessarly know that). Lu han had this likeability on him that allowed him to make friends easily. Years ago if it weren't for Lu Han, he wouldn't have a proper and healthy social life. Back then, when in Exo, they were in good terms but the deer was evidently more of Yixing's type, so they never actually clicked. Later on, when Yifan's started to show signs of his unhappiness, even though Lu Han sincerely sympathised with him, he didn't actually commented either. So when he came to know that the older followed his same path, Yifan was taken aback. He wouldn’t have ever imagined Luhan to go and find him months later.

“I thought you were the only person on this world that could really understand me. But more than anything I know I am the only person of this world that could understand you too. I did back then and I do know. I really do. You are not alone in this Yifan, I'm with you.”

Of course Yifan cried like a mama boy when Lu Han said those words, and the latter patted his back with all the affection of a brother, crying too.

“Whatever. Anyway what are you doing here? I thought you were shooting a CF.”

“Done! And don't act so clueless, you know why I'm here.” retorted Lu han.

“Actually, I don’t.”

“Have you called Yixing?”

“No.”

“I knew it”

“Look, this isn't exactly my business. I didn't give the offer to him, I'm not the CEO of Huayi Brothers, you know. “

“No, you’re not, but c'mon, like you didn't praised him to no end when they asked you what you think.”

“He has talent, he doesn't need me to promote him”

“Meh, but you know what I mean. You are the top star of this agency, your saying does matter.”

“You would have done the same.”

“True, but I'm not the one having issues with him.”

“If I remember well, you are having issues with someone else.”

Lu Han glared at him but didn't add anything “Enough, let's call Yixing.”

“Aish, actually I don't know why I agreed with the producer to try and cast him. He hates me; it will never work.”

“Because he's perfect for the role and he is immensely talented, like you just said. And well because you miss him like a little duckling misses his mom duck!”

“Lu Han.”

“Okay, okay. Don't be so grumpy or you'll scare Yixing.”

“Yixing saw worse.”

“Haha, right, after all, he was your roomate. How he managed to cope with your beauty time, only he knows!”

Yifan rolled his eyes. But before he could retort something, smart Luhan was already video calling Yixing.

“Xing Xing, annyeong!” because  Lu Han still called Yixing like that even after all that time, just to piss him off.

“Lu han, aren't you getting a bit too old to call people with nicknames?”

“I still can't believe you get annoyed, I had to ask Jongdae one day what his secret was and why he seems to be the only one able to call you like that and be alive.”

“That is a secret between me and Jongdae.”

“Oh c'mon!”

“Anyway, I bet you are not alone.”

“You are right, Mr. Grumpy is here with me. Yifan, say hi!

“Yixing,” Yifan said with his usual neutral tone.

“Yifan, I thought you would called me earlier.”

“Why do people here think I'm the one desperate and impatient.”

“Your words, not ours,” mocked him Lu Han, arching mischievously his eyebrow.

“You!”

“You two, don’t bicker! I'm still at Sm building and I bet they could hear you even in the under basement.”

“I doubt it! Didn't they add another under level last year”

“Lu Hannnn!” whined Yixing.

“Hey, just saying, you are the one informed man!

“Anyway, you two, I don't have news if this is why you are calling. But I talked to him two days ago and he said he will think about it, and well that's it.

“And you said this is not news?” asked Luhan with faking indignation.

“It's not like he said yes, and I don't want him to rush things. Zitao has to choose what is best for him not only in terms of career.” Yixing stated. During those years Yifan knew Yixing and Zitao's bond grew deeper. Maybe not with the complicity of two “soul mates” like it could be for Luhan and Sehun, and Zitao and him a decade before, but with the affection built over difficulties shared together. In few words, Yixing was overprotective when it came to Zitao and he always shields him from all the bad things those long years. Yifan accepted it but it frustrated him a bit. Was he so easy to be replaced?

“Yixing, we too care for Zitao. And I know what it means to take hard decisions that could change your life. We’re only concerned and want to know your impressions.” Lu Han tried to reason.

“Yes, I know. It's only that I'm a bit frustrated because again I can't do anything to help.”

“Yixing-ah, believe me, you did more than enough. Not only for him but for us too,” this time it was Yifan who talked.

After he left, Yifan had lost all contact with the members for a long time. But Yixing was the the first one with whom he got in contact again. Maybe Yixing couldn't understand him not for real, because what Yixing meant happiness was a living nightmare for Yifan, however despite their differences, Yixing never even once forget to help him when he needs it.

“Oh, Wu Yifan, I'm too old to blush like a teenage girl! Aish! Anyway, since when you are so mushy?”

“Xing xing, Yifan was always mushy, and ridiculous.”

“Yes, but not with me.”

“He's getting older.”

“LU HAN, you are older than me!”

“Pftt! But I look younger.”

“Anyway....” Yixing started again trying to not let fall the conversation in pure nonsense. “Yifan,  you remember what I said that time about giving space, etc.'”

“Yes..” Yifan remembered that conversation by memory. It was engraved in his heart.

“Well forget it.”

“After all these years, can you believe it? Wu Yi fan still manages to mess up my life!”

“Oh, you are finally able to say his name? I'm impressed, well Krisbastard was getting kind of old, I guess, and ridiculous but well.” Said an amused Sehun, eyesmiling. Years seemed to not have affected Sehun’s appearance. If anything added him charm, the experience so evident in his gaze, even though he still looked like a twenty-year-old man despite being over 26 now.

The er, Zitao would comment. At least he doesn't bleach his hair anymore, he would be ridiculous. They were at a pub, drinking some beer and Zitao was halfway to getting wasted but still enough to be sober to keep talking his usual nonsense. Actually when Zitao was drunk he talked about philosophy and the art of zen gardens.

“Exactly, Krisbastard!” he exclaimed as he shot down the remained beer. Sehun smirked. The truth was Zitao stopped thinking of Yifan with animosity a whole while ago. But at that point it had passed so much time and the distance was so wide, that he didn't know how to recuperate something he spent so many time trying to erase, even when there's was no more sense to continue doing so. Sehun knew Zitao deep down he was still the same kid infatuated of his older brother. And that, that, he could understand because a long time ago, he was an infatuated kid too. So it was endearing to hear Zitao giving names to Yifan. What do people say nowadays? The more you hate, the more you love?

“Well, it's not like he is the CEO of Huayi Brothers, isn't he?

“No, but like I'm being fooled  all over again. Why the heck he didn't say anything against it. Against me?”

“If I recall well, Yifan-hyung always wanted to patch things with you. You were the first one actually with whom he wanted to recuperate things. And now that all the members mended things with him, It's weird that you can't.”

“Sehun-ah, you are not helping me at all.” Zitao growled.

“If you wanted someone who would pat at your head, you could have gone to Jongdae hyung.”

“You’re the worst best friend ever.”

“I'm only saying the truth. That's why you love me so much.”

“I hate you.” Sehun giggled. Maybe his friendship with Jongin had affected him more than he actually realized those years, he always was straight forward but never like in the present time. But experience taught him how painful was for thoughts and feelings to be kept hidden, and so he promised himself to always speak his mind even when it was uncomfortable. He didn't intend to be mean or cruel, but just honest. He loved Zitao and he didn't want for him to punish himself again or fall in the vicious path of selfpity. Not again. He loved Zitao as his own brother and he wanted to gave him the strength to face the truth. It was time Zitao resolved this issue even though he actually would have ended not signing with Huayi.

“Zitao, it's a good chance, a really good one. Better that what my company is offering you. Meet their representatives. Ask for more info. Try to mediate with SM to know if they want to offer something more, but don't cut chances because of the past.”

“Why everyone seem so eager to send me back to China?”

“We don't. But I, like the others, want you to shine. You deserve it.”

“Meh, you want me in China so, with the excuse of visiting me, you can meet with Lu-ge.”

“I don't need that excuse”

“It's strange, like everyone want me to fix my issue with Krisbastard, but with you and Lu-ge no one seems to…”

“I'm okay with Lu Han-ge.” Sehun replied tightening his jaw. At least we talk to each other.

“Pfft! Don't...”in that moment his phone rang. Zitao usually didn't pick up calls from unknown numbers but he was a bit drunk and he didn't realized he was answering before he actually did.

“Yoboseyo? If it's not important, it can wait tomorrow, so bye!” he said in his slurred state.

“Zitao?”

He nearly spurted all the beer in his mouth all over the counter. “Yifan...ge?”

Author's note: here I am again! and now begins the angst! XD I can't wait to write about the others too ( i ahve s much planned)! I nearly teared up imagining Yifan and Luhan meeting. Anyway thank you for your comments <3

Here's my twitter and facebook if you want to chat or have spoilers before hand ;)